Chapter 20
Lisette
Where was I?
I thought I’d completely faded, only to find myself in a place too concrete to be described as nothingness. I slowly took in my fuzzy surroundings that blurred the shapes of the room where I stood, a place that even midst its foreignness felt familiar. What had once been a place of form and color was now nothing more than hues of various shades of grey, without any discernible outline that would allow me to decipher the objects and give them meaning.
I seemed to float above an unseen threshold between two destinations like one would straddle a doorway, keeping me in a state of in-between—one side was the place that even its faded state I was certain was the visible world I was drifting farther from, and an indecipherable void lay on my other. Though I couldn’t peer into it, I somehow sensed invisible forms lying just beyond my perception, their indiscernible whispers beckoning me closer.
I tried to turn away from where I’d just left so I could finally step into the unseen realm and see what awaited me there, but no matter how much I tried to venture there something held me back, a lingering attachment I couldn’t seem to let go of. I wanted to further fade into this unseen world lying just beyond my reach, but I was afraid that even merely dipping my toe into the pool of nothingness would be enough for it to consume me, preventing me from ever reemerging in the visible world.
But wasn’t that what I wanted—to venture into the unknown and explore its possibilities? To break my painful, wearying bond with a world where I felt out of place, other than with the man whose relationship I still remained uncertain had been nothing more than a carefully crafted lie?
Though I claimed such reasoning guided my desire for the unseen world, deep in my heart I knew that Lucien wasn’t the only one hiding behind a mask of deceit—I’d also crafted a web of lies, living a life of pretend rather than facing the truth that I wanted to run away in order escape my pain and the strain brought by my expectations, just as I’d always done.
Amid my uncertainty I sensed Lucien—though I couldn’t see or hear him I knew he was nearby, as if residing in the next room. His proximity tugged on my heart, urging me to go to him, but I resisted and floated further away on tiptoe, allowing the new thread I’d just discovered to guide me.
Yet no matter how far away I tried to drift from all ties holding me to the visible world that had brought me nothing but pain, I couldn’t completely melt into invisibility’s comforting embrace, as if another purpose outside of Lucien kept me tethered to the visible world—a force far stronger than than the beautiful romance I’d spent my entire life imagining that had previously bound me.
I wasn’t sure how much time had passed when this lingering connection tugging at my consciousness pulled me reluctantly back to the visible world I’d just abandoned. I paused to search within myself for this strange feeling of belonging, of being needed that seemed at odds with everything I’d experienced in my returned memories.
Despite the nothingness making my body feel light, a weight settled in my stomach that it took me a moment to diagnose as responsibility that vanishing wouldn’t only cause me to leave behind the man who’d lied to me, but an entire nation in a desperate plight.
I felt an immediate regret that my own suffering had caused me to momentarily forget the fate of so many others, but coupled with this came a surge of frustration. I had spent countless hours already seeking a solution to the curse, agonizing at my failures, and encouraging Lucien in his own efforts. Clearly it had all been in vain, and it was high time for me to distance myself from the futile efforts that brought only grief.
I pushed through my twinge of guilt and mentally strained against its constraints in hopes of finally breaking away from this prison of being caught between two realms. After much exhausting exertion, I gave in to the force beckoning me back to the visible world to part the unseen curtain that divided the two lands.
The world gradually grew clearer, as if the droplets of the rainy windowpane obscuring my view slowly washed away, allowing me to discover what lay just on the other side: it wasn’t Lucien whose presence had coaxed me from the threshold I’d been straddling, but instead the last man I expected to see.
My breath caught: it was my older brother, Castiel.
My mind whirled. Shortly before my departure for my wedding, he’d been summoned to the neighboring kingdom, Eldenwood, for state affairs. Though I hadn’t been privy to the details, my understanding was that his royal duties would encompass several weeks at least…making his sudden arrival in Brimoire all the more perplexing.
Had he cut his responsibilities short…for my sake?
The idea was ridiculous. While his role in my life hadn’t been as traumatic as Father’s in that he never treated me cruelly, he was still a foreboding presence—a silent onlooker who usually maintained his distance, as if the heir to the throne had no business with an illegitimate princess, which created a heartache different than Father’s verbal abuse.
At first I wondered whether he was merely here as a formality in responding to the disappearance of a Thorndale princess…before remembering that duty had already been fulfilled by the visiting dignitaries from Thorndale, giving me hope that Castiel’s visit was more personal than political.
He stood in the doorway peering into what undoubtedly appeared to be nothing more than an empty room. His gaze passed over me several times, confirming that I was still hidden beneath invisibility’s protective shroud. Though his expression remained impassive, tension stiffened his posture. I watched him curiously, wondering if it were possible he felt concern for me or if the crease between his brows was caused by something else.
He tilted his head, as if listening for something. Slowly his gaze shifted to the shadowy corner where I stood and I froze in shock. He didn’t appear to be able to see me, yet he stared through narrowed eyes, as if trying to peel back whatever layer blocked me from view.
After a prolonged pause he ventured a hesitant step in my direction. “Lisette?” For all his halting movements his tone bore confidence as he softly called my name into the darkness, making me certain he somehow sensed me hovering just beyond his sight.
I didn’t immediately answer, trapped by my uncertainty on whether I wanted him to know I was here. Though he’d never given me any reason to fear him, his loyalty to the throne would force him to send word to the king whose notice I yearned above all else to escape, informing him that I hadn’t fully disappeared. Whatever the land of the vanished contained, at least I could be certain I was finally out of reach of the man who’d made my life a living misery.
My brother stepped farther into the room, his eyes fixed on the spot masking my presence. Could he actually see, or somehow sense me? Cautiously I slid sideways away from his gaze, but his eyes tracked my movements. I stared at him in wonder. I’d known Castiel my entire life but had almost no connection to him; how could he see me when even Lucien was no longer able to find me? I hesitated, half inclined to fade through the wall and away from his uncanny gaze, but curiosity, mingled with a faint tinge of hope, pushed me toward him instead.
I felt myself tug partially free from some of the curse’s tendrils. “Castiel?” I wasn’t sure whether my voice would fade, but it managed to stretch across the distance separating us to reach him.
He turned more fully in my direction, squinting to make out my faint form in the dim light. I was tempted to withdraw and allow the shadows to swallow me up, but though I’d had little opportunity to develop much of a relationship with my brother—let alone one of trust—the fact he’d traveled such a vast distance through a cursed land for my sake made it impossible for me to feel invisible, creating a new connection to the world I’d left behind after the one binding me to Lucien had severed.
Almost against my will, my body tingled as it gradually rematerialized. Upon seeing me his shoulders sagged with relief. “Lisette.” In two strides he was at my side, reaching for me as if he meant to embrace me—brotherly affection that was entirely out of character for him—before his arms fell limply to his sides.
I gaped up at him, half-expecting the curse to dispel what I was certain was merely an illusion by erasing his presence, but no matter how long I stared he remained. He scrutinized me just as intensely, his eyes glassy with a look I’d never seen reflected there before.
I pushed through the surprise clogging my throat enough to retrieve my voice. “What are you doing here?”
He shifted on his feet as if nervous, an emotion I’d never witnessed midst his usual confidence. “I…heard what happened while I was away. I wanted to come…to see…” His explanation faltered and he lowered his gaze.
It took me a moment to decipher the foreign emotion tugging his usual stoic expression. Was he…worried? Such a contrast to the neglect I was accustomed to. “The King of Thorndale already sent a dignitary on my behalf.”
Fierceness tightened his countenance as his head snapped up. “Such a formality would do nothing to save you; I had to come myself.”
As considerate as his gesture was, it seemed excessive. It was one thing for a throwaway princess to venture into such dangerous territory under the influence of a raging curse, and quite another for the heir to the throne to embark on such a precarious journey. And for what purpose? The inconceivable idea that I could even be saved was one matter, the fact that anyone would want to was another concept entirely, one impossible for me to wrap my head around.
“You…want to help me?” My muffled voice sounded even smaller in my vulnerability.
“Of course. You’re my sister, Lisette.”
I lowered my eyes. “Your half sister.”
He was silent a beat. “Does that matter? It doesn’t to me.”
I shyly peered up at him, desperately searching for the sincerity I didn’t expect to find midst his usual stoicism. To my surprise his expression had softened, looking at me in a way no one in my family ever had…as if I mattered.
“I…don’t understand. I thought your loyalty was to the king first, the kingdom second.” My well-being didn’t factor into either of those equations.
He was silent a long moment, his jaw taut. “I don’t deny that as the crown prince I’ve spent my entire life living by those dictates…but that was before duty collided with your welfare.”
My heart swelled, yearning to accept the caring he offered…yet I hesitated. I knew the act of trusting him was relatively small compared to the gravity of my circumstances, but the task felt insurmountable when the tentative trust I’d offered Lucien had so recently shattered.
For all Castiel’s honorable intentions, they didn’t solve the most pressing riddle nagging my thoughts. “I don’t understand. Based on our knowledge, the disappearing curse consumes all in its path. Yet despite my current existence going against those facts, you must have somehow known I hadn’t completely vanished, else you wouldn’t have traveled all this way.”
He didn’t immediately answer and I sensed a secret hidden in his hesitation. Foreboding pounded my heart as I leaned closer, searching his face.
“Do you possess information about the curse?”
He was silent a moment more before releasing a heavy sigh. “I know quite a bit about the curse, but didn’t share the knowledge with you before, not because I don’t trust you, but because I didn’t want to stain your hands with the corruption so rampant in the Thorndale court—especially when you possess conflicting interests due to your role as Brimoire’s future queen. But now that you’ve become intimately involved in the most dire way, it’s only right to inform you.”
He motioned to a nearby settee in invitation to sit for what promised to be a long conversation. As I settled to float several inches above the velvety cushions, he used his candle to light a nearby candelabra, bathing us in a pool of soft golden light. I watched him anxiously, my mind cycling through possibilities of what he might reveal, but unable to understand why he might know this information.
He sat beside me and angled his body towards mine, an openness that served as an unspoken promise that there would be no more secrets between us—a confidence I’d never expected to share with my elusive brother, but one I welcomed all the same.
He evenly met my gaze. “Your assumption is correct: I traveled to Brimoire because contrary to their belief, I was certain you hadn’t entirely vanished. I sought to find you in hopes of helping you return.”
I leaned forward. “How do you possess knowledge that extends beyond Brimoire’s own understanding of the curse?”
“You’re correct in assuming that the afflicted kingdom should possess the greater knowledge…but this situation is unique, considering the curse isn’t an unknown entity that originated via unknown means: Thorndale is responsible.”
Stunned silence followed his startling revelation, choking the air from the room. Disbelief seized any form of a response yet for all our distance, I knew my brother’s temperament well enough to know that he would never joke about such a grave matter.
Horror knotted my stomach. “Our kingdom is responsible for the curse?” I didn’t want to believe it, even as I had no reason to doubt that our king was the exact sort of man who would be behind such a devastating force.
But even as I understood the who, I was at a loss as to the how or the why. The why could likely be easily discerned as one of my father’s plots to expand his power, but even in my limited education I knew our kingdom didn’t possess the magical means to accomplish such a feat, leaving the how a mystery.
I seemed to have lost my voice, but my brother was able to read my myriad of unspoken questions midst my shock. Even with his grave nod of confirmation I still couldn’t fully understand.
I’d seen the devastation afflicting the kingdom through Lucien’s eyes, witnessed how much of himself and his time he’d tirelessly sacrificed on behalf of his people—so much so that he wasn’t even sure of who he was outside of his role. Though so much uncertainty still riddled our relationship, no force even as powerful as the curse could erase the concern I felt on his behalf, nor my love for him independent of his feelings towards me.
My shock shifted to anger. Since I couldn’t direct it towards my Father—nor would I have dared even if granted the opportunity—my brother made for a convenient scapegoat. I narrowed my eyes as my voice turned harsh. “How could our kingdom be responsible for something so horrible? For what purpose—”
He simply shrugged. “Power, what else?” He tone had grown detached, as if he was reading a report rather than detailing the sinister motives behind a magical invasion.
“Power?” For the first time I was glad I wasn’t involved in the intricacies of the Thorndale court; my own burdens were already too heavy to bear to have to also endure these crimes weighing upon my conscience.
The corner of his mouth lifted, but the hint of a smile didn’t reach his dark eyes. “Amazing how something with such a profound influence can be reduced to a single word.”
“Especially a word that can’t fully convey the devastation brought to the lives the curse claims. Why would Father—”
He lifted his hand, silencing the rest of my words. “It is not fair to lay the blame solely at his feet. Make no mistake: my role as the crown prince makes me an active participant in Father’s schemes. My title bears the responsibility of our kingdom’s welfare and only that of our kingdom; there’s no room for me to concern myself with anyone else.”
I blinked as I considered his callous admission, but quickly shook my head. “Despite that claim, Thorndale has dealings with other nations—as evidenced by my marriage agreement with Brimoire and your own recent trip in Eldenwood concerning foreign affairs.”
He nodded. “You are correct. I don’t claim my thinking isn’t flawed, only that it’s the course I’ve chosen up until this point.”
My brow furrowed. “Up until this point?”
“Indeed.” His emotionless countenance became fierce. “What began as a faraway curse for our kingdom’s benefit changed when my sister fell victim to it. The original plan was for you to marry after the curse had destroyed much of Brimoire’s land, but for whatever reason your arrangement took place earlier, putting you in danger. While you’re a casualty that I unfortunately doubt Father has any concern over, I cannot say the same for myself.”
I couldn’t make sense of his words—they tangled in knots with all the assumptions I’d borne throughout my life concerning my relationships with my family…or rather lack thereof. Had Castiel perhaps cared for me this entire time, even when I hadn’t realized it?
I sorted through every memory of my brother for any hint; new insight gradually illuminated moments that had once been obscured by stormy grey. Though he’d rarely spoken to me over the years—a fact I was now coming to realize was due to his quiet nature and focus on his royal duty rather than a personal affront—no matter how busy he was he’d always been nearby, watching over me and often redirecting Father’s attention before it could land on me with anger. A silent, stalwart support throughout my life, each moment acting as its own shaft of light to finally penetrate the clouds previously tainting my perception.
“Do you care for me, Castiel?”
Crimson tinged his cheeks and he hastily averted his gaze. Silence stretched between us before he finally managed a response, a mumble he directed towards the floor. “You’re my sister.”
While not exactly the direct confirmation I’d been seeking, his answer accompanied by his rare display of fluster was enough for me to sense the words he couldn’t express, causing me to warm. Perhaps our distance had less to do with his indifference and more with our each being absorbed in our own roles that had drawn us into ourselves rather than supporting one another as we ought…a similar mistake to what had transpired in our first courtship.
“You and Lucien are rather similar.” My heart fluttered just speaking his name.
His jaw tightened and his gaze snapped up. “I’m nothing like that scoundrel.”
It appeared that similar to Aira, my brother didn’t trust the man who, even with his deceit exposed, my heart couldn’t seem to let go of. I was tempted to ask him to expound on his reasons, even as I was terrified of obtaining additional damning evidence against the man I still desperately wanted to believe in.
“You’re both closed off, but the barriers you erect seem to protect a tender heart.”
He snorted dismissively, though the deepening color in his cheeks was quite telling of the feelings he still refused to express. “Enough of this sentimental nonsense—now that I’ve found you, we have matters of far greater importance to discuss.”
I forced myself to lock away the curiosity that made me yearn to explore these sentiments. Though I’d allowed myself to be seduced by the curse’s promise to alleviate my pain, deep down I knew that allowing myself to disappear wasn’t the answer…especially when there was still the unknown matter binding me to the visible world, a purpose I was only now beginning to understand.
“You must tell me everything you know so that I can help Brimoire.”
He frowned. “You’re concerned for a kingdom not your own—a people that have done nothing for you—rather than for your own sake?”
The clarity I’d been seeking took enough shape for me to seize hold of it and examine it. I dusted off the lingering fog to convey my epiphany in words. “My arrangement with Lucien is more than a marriage—it grants me the title of crown princess. I might have been a forgotten princess in the Thorndale Court, but I refuse to be a queen who remains in the shadows while her kingdom is suffering.”
Surely it wasn’t mere coincidence that the future queen of Brimoire with a connection to the kingdom who’d cast the curse found herself in the unique position of straddling between two realms, giving me hope that there was something only I could do to finally rid the land of the devastating blight.
Castiel stared at me a long moment before the hint of a smile penetrated his stoic expression. “I admire your strength; it’s always been a part of you, even before you recognized it. You are meant to save the kingdom of Brimoire from the selfish greed of myself and the king. Though I confess to caring little about the land outside of our own borders, I do care about your wishes and will do all in my power to help you.”
Though his expression remained stoic, earnestness filled his eyes, belying the indifference I’d feared he harbored towards me. Perhaps I hadn’t seen it all of this time not because it had never been there, but because I’d never believed in its existence enough to look for it.
No matter my current circumstances, he seemed to have my best interests in mind, which meant that whatever difficult conversation lay ahead I could trust him.
I took a wavering breath before determinedly lifting my chin. I was ready to finally face my painful past in order to uncover the secrets that I hoped I would be able to use to forge a new future—that for the kingdom I’d grown to love, and for whatever kept me here despite the lingering uncertainty I still felt towards its crown prince.