CHAPTER 12 KAYLEE
“What exactly do we need to talk about?” I can’t ignore the feelings that plow into me as my ex stands in the doorway of my classroom.
I never even dreamed he’d show up in Vegas, let alone track me down at my place of work.
“I just realized some things over the last couple months and felt like it was a conversation we should have in person.”
I blow out a breath. We didn’t end on bad terms, but it still hurt when we ended things. I had imagined a future with him for a long time, and now he’s standing here in front of me. I wish I could say I don’t feel anything, but that’s just not true.
But I’m not exactly sure what I’m feeling.
I have in front of me the man who I thought was going to give me the future I wanted. Meanwhile I woke up in the bed of a man who has made zero indication that he’s willing to have the sort of future I want. So I’m basically wasting my time with him while I figure out my life.
But I’m starting to figure it out at this point.
I quit my job. I know I don’t want to teach anymore, and that’s okay.
It’s okay to rely on the money my dad left for me to start building the future I want.
The realizations of both those things were major game changers for me.
And I’m liking this Instagram idea more and more. I don’t have to give anything up when it comes to my privacy just because I have a wider following. I choose what they see of me.
With people like Ellie and Kate on my side to offer guidance and suggestions in particular when it comes to life in the public eye and building a platform to monetize, I can have any sort of future I want.
Ben was right when he suggested I lean into the advantages I have where my brothers are concerned rather than running so hard away from the types of doors that could be opened for me simply because of the family I was born into.
Even though I wanted to shy away from football, I still have a passion for athletics.
This idea with Ben’s gym and the charity gives me a new purpose.
Raising money for charity feels good and right.
And now, instead of feeling like I’m at a dead end, stuck in a career I don’t even like, I feel excited. I feel a renewed energy. I feel like the sky is the limit.
I’ve gotten used to and excited for this idea of the future…but now my past is walking back in.
“Okay,” I finally say. “Go ahead and say what you need to say.”
He glances around my classroom. “Here?”
I lift a shoulder. “You came all this way.”
He tilts his head as he studies me, and I realize he’s never seen this side of me. But he didn’t have to, and maybe I’ve never seen this side of me, either. I’ve never been the strong, outspoken one because I let everyone else dictate my life for me.
But I’ve grown up a lot over the last year, and I’m figuring out who I am as I find my place in the world. And I’ve done all that without Dane by my side.
“You want to go grab some coffee?” Dane asks.
I move to grab my purse to take him up on that when I realize I can’t just go out for coffee with him. People are watching now, and I have an image to portray.
And it’s not just that.
I don’t even really drink coffee that often. He knows this. If I need a quick burst of energy, I typically reach for Diet Dr Pepper. I had a cup of coffee this morning at Ben’s, and that was my limit one on the day.
“Let’s just talk here,” I say. I pick up my stack of papers and arrange them into a neater pile as he nods.
He closes my classroom door and walks fully into the room. He walks toward my desk, stopping to perch on top of the student desk closest to mine.
He lets out a soft chuckle. “You always said your desk would be in the back of the room.”
I press my lips together. “Then they never know where I’m looking.”
“Always one step ahead,” he murmurs, my mantra when I was studying to become a teacher.
“That hasn’t changed.” I clear my throat. “I’ve got a lot going on. I’m meeting my sister-in-law after school and I need to get going. So tell me what you’re doing here.”
“Oh come on, Kay,” he teases playfully, but this conversation doesn’t feel playful and his teasing feels misplaced. “Your former boyfriend doesn’t get a warmer reception than that?”
“You walk in here unannounced after I haven’t seen you in almost a year and you expect me to just drop everything for you?”
He glances away from me and out my windows. “You’re right. That was out of line. Is there a better time we can talk?”
I shake my head. “You didn’t come all this way to make an appointment.”
“Are you angry?” he asks.
“No.” I shake my head. “I’m busy.”
“Are you seeing somebody?”
That’s quite a loaded question. For all intents and purposes, yes, I am. But this is Dane…someone who once knew me better than anybody else. He’s someone I would trust with my truth, and yet I find myself unwilling to give it to him.
I focus my eyes straight on him so he doesn’t think I’m lying. “Yes, I am.”
“So I’m too late,” he says flatly.
“Too late for what?”
“This isn’t how I pictured this conversation going. I don’t know how serious you are with whoever it is you’re seeing, but I want you back.”
My jaw slackens as I stare at him. “You what?”
He lifts a shoulder. “You heard me. I’ve done a lot of thinking over the last year as I’ve gotten a start on my career.
When we graduated, I’ll admit I got scared.
It was a lot of changes all at once and it seemed easier to put my career first. But the harder I work and the more hours I log, the more I wonder why I’m doing this.
What’s it all for? And the answer to that question is you. It’s always been you.”
He pauses and waits for my response, but I don’t even know what to say.
“I didn’t realize it until I went to a buddy from work’s house.
He’s married and has a couple little kids.
I wondered why we couldn’t just meet at a bar for happy hour like normal coworkers, and I watched as he walked into his house.
His kids ran up to him the second he walked through the door.
They yelled ‘Daddy!’ as they leapt into his arms. And it took seeing that to realize it’s everything I want. ” He turns toward me. “With you.”
“Why with me?” I ask.
“Because there’s nobody like you. There’s nobody who cares like you.
Who loves like you. Who smiles like you.
Who puts others first and makes sacrifices.
Who would be the kind of mother to our children they deserve.
When I think about those kids running into my arms when I get home from work, the woman standing there smiling as she watches the scene unfold is you. ”
I blow out a breath. “You know this is coming about eleven months too late, right?”
His face falls a little, and for just a beat I feel bad that the words came out of my mouth.
Because for as much as he knew me better than anyone else, I knew him, too. That’s what happens when you spend nearly every waking moment with another person. We were in college, in this dreamland just before reality plowed into us. Everything was perfect until it wasn’t.
“The guy I’m seeing…it’s really serious,” I say. Suddenly protecting my lie with Ben feels like the most important thing, even though Dane is standing in front of me now offering me everything I wanted.
“Ben Olson?” he asks softly.
I nod.
“So it wasn’t just a media ploy,” he says flatly.
I huff out a mirthless chuckle. “No. Not a media ploy,” I say. But it’s also not an actual serious relationship. It isn’t exactly what I’m portraying it to be, not that it matters. The truth is that my feelings are serious.
“How long have you been seeing him?” he asks.
We haven’t come up with that particular detail just yet, so I make it up on the spot.
“My family has a weekly dinner now that we all live so close to each other. Jack invited him to the first one back in October and he’s been coming every week since.
We started talking and getting to know one another, and we made it official a couple months ago. ”
“A couple months, huh?” he asks, and the side of his mouth tips up in a sly smile—the same smile that always brought me to my knees.
And as my heart picks up speed, I realize that smile still has the potential to do that.
“Then it’s not like you’re married, and it’s not like I’m going to just back down without a fight. ”
I close my eyes and glance down at my desk.
I should’ve known the second he walked through the door that this wasn’t going to be easy.
He never made it easy to say no to him. He’s stubborn, and it’s because of that stubborn streak that we started dating in the first place.
He asked me out relentlessly for months after we built a friendship, but I didn’t want to ruin what we had.
Eventually I agreed to a date, and he kissed me at the end, and the rest was history. But if he hadn’t asked me out so relentlessly, I never would’ve given him nearly a year of my heart and we wouldn’t be sitting here right now.
And a little part of me can’t help but wonder if he presses as relentlessly as he did the first time whether he’ll come out the victor at the end of this.
So the real question is, which man belongs in my future: Dane or Ben?