CHAPTER 13 KAYLEE
“This is all just a lot,” I finally say. Part of me just wants him to go while the other part of me—the part of me that fell in love and thought this man was going to be in my life forever—wants him to stay.
And I’m not sure which part to listen to.
What Ben and I are doing is fun, but he was loud and clear last night.
He wants to keep things casual. He went so far as to tell me I could sleep in the guest room if I wanted to.
He’s full of constant reminders that he doesn’t want anything more than sex with me, and seeing Dane as he stands in front of me is a reminder that as much fun as I have with Ben, at some point I deserve more than just casual sex…
no matter how fun or how good—great—it is.
I thought I could do this, that I could manage the casual thing with him…but now that I have an offer for more on the table, I’m confused.
I guess I just wish it was Ben who changed his mind and wanted those things even though the decade separating us and his place in my brother’s life complicates things between us.
I stare out the window as memories of my history with Dane plow into me.
Our first date was our junior year. We met through a mutual friend at a party, and we hung out and cemented a friendship before he asked me out the first time…
and the second, third, and fourth times.
I issued rejection after rejection, citing our friendship as the reason, but the truth was that I was scared he was just another guy out to use me for my brothers.
He wasn’t.
He liked football, but he was really a baseball guy…which made him perfect for me.
I finally agreed to that first date, and we ended up exclusive for a few months.
I ended it just before I went home to Michigan for the summer.
The night we both finished final exams, we drank a lot of vodka and laughed as we dreamed about the future.
But during our drunken escapades, he admitted he didn’t want kids.
I couldn’t see myself wasting time on a man who didn’t want the same sort of future I wanted, and so summer felt like the right time to break it off.
But then a few months later, my dad died.
I leaned on Dane. Even though I knew we wanted different futures, I found myself back together with him.
He was comfort at the time I needed it most. But even though we spent the majority of our senior year together, when graduation was upon us, I knew in my heart I couldn’t head off into the real world still attached to someone who didn’t share the values that were so important to me.
I didn’t want to do the long-distance thing, and neither did he, and so the day I accepted the job in Vegas—the place I knew I should be since my entire family was there—I ended things with Dane.
“I’ll give you some time to think.”
“Where are you staying?” I ask.
“Silverton.”
I nod. It makes sense he’d stay off-Strip but close. He’s frugal in his spending and isn’t the likeliest candidate to throw down at a blackjack table, but he’s still interested enough to be close to the action.
“I didn’t pick it,” he clarifies. When my brows knit together in confusion, he adds, “I’m here for a work thing.”
Ahh. Well that makes so much more sense then.
Dane was never the guy who’d just show up out of the blue to win me back. He happened to be in town, and he happened to look me up and now he’s sitting in my classroom. It’s not like he flew clear across the country to see me, and the thought that he didn’t…well, it kind of changes things.
“So…you didn’t come here to see me?” I ask.
“Of course I did. The second I saw the conference come up at work, I volunteered for it. I begged for it. I think in my heart I needed a reason to come out here, like it’d help me save face, but on the flight over, I realized I didn’t care about saving face.
I only care about you. And even though I have a hotel room, I was hoping we’d reconnect and… ” he trails off.
“And I’d invite you to stay with me?”
He shrugs, which just tells me I hit the nail on the head.
“Dane, I hardly know you anymore, and I’m practically living at my boyfriend’s place.”
He flattens his lips into a thin line. “I understand. I was just hoping we could go to dinner.”
“I need to talk it over with Ben,” I admit. I finger the edge of my pile of papers.
He raises a brow but doesn’t respond, and it’s then I realize I probably sound like some insecure girl who needs to check with my boyfriend if it’s okay to go out with another guy, but the truth is that given our media situation, I can’t just go out to dinner with my ex…
and certainly not without checking in with Ben and probably Ellie first.
“It’s pretty serious already, huh?” he muses, his eyes down on his hands where they’re folded in his lap.
I nod. “We’ve known each other for a long time.” I pick up the pile of papers again.
“I remember,” he says. “I just got the impression you weren’t into him.”
“I wasn’t,” I admit. I straighten the papers out by tapping the bottom of the pile against the desk. I set them down and look up at my ex. “But feelings change.” My tone is pointed, and he nods then stands.
“Some don’t.”
I clear my throat but don’t know what to say to that. He’s made his intentions clear.
“Well, you’ve got my number. At least I assume you still do.
I’ll be in town until Sunday.” His words contradict the previous ones when he said he won’t give up without a fight, but I don’t really trust that he’s going to just sit back and wait for me to call.
He’s got a plan. I know this because I know him.
He’s nothing if not a planner, and he didn’t come to my classroom today with the intent to walk away the loser.
In short, the way Dane sees it, at least, I’m not wearing a wedding ring. That means he still has a chance.
And I need some time to think through whether he’s right.