CHAPTER 16 KAYLEE
Me: Are you free for dinner?
I text Dane while I’m on my lunch break. I don’t know where he is or what he’s doing, but I do know that I have a small window to figure out whether the spark is still there between us before he heads back to Chicago.
Dane: I was hoping you’d ask me that. Yes I am.
I’d invite him over, but I don’t really want to. Jack is such a presence and while Dane and Jack have met before, I don’t really want this dinner to be about anything other than whatever it is Dane wants to talk about.
Me: Great. Choose a restaurant at your hotel and I’ll meet you there at seven.
He sends back a thumbs up emoji.
A freaking thumbs up.
It’s such a freaking passive aggressive response to anything.
Use your words, Dane. Especially with a language arts teacher.
Was he always like that? I’m having a hard time remembering, but maybe it’s because the guy I’ve most recently been bedding uses dirty emojis instead. A thumbs up from Ben would probably be next to a peach to indicate that he’s planning to stick his thumb in my ass.
Why does that thought make me squirm a little?
I shake it off.
I stay a little later than usual at work as I start packing up my classroom. We only have seven school days remaining, and that means only seven school days left for me to clean out my room since I won’t be returning.
When I pull into the driveway, I spot Ben’s Scout. My heart races. He’s here! He came to see me!
And then I head inside, where reality plows into me as I realize they’re out back in Jack’s workout man cave shed.
It’s time to get ready for my dinner, so I change out of my work clothes and into a dress that’s more on the casual side than the sexy side, and I slip out the front door before anybody sees me.
Regret pulses in my chest for the entire drive as I make my way toward Dane’s hotel. I should’ve at least gone out to say hello. Instead, I snuck out for a date with another man.
It all feels so wrong.
I realize on the drive over that meeting at the hotel was a bad idea.
I may be sending the wrong message as Dane will certainly think I’m just making it easy for him to invite me up to his room, but that will definitely not be happening.
I have an image to portray, after all, even after the weirdness of yesterday’s dinner.
Even after the fact that I haven’t heard from Ben all day.
I valet my car then head inside to the restaurant Dane sent in a follow up text after the thumbs up. I spot him standing outside the restaurant. He’s clean-shaven in his khaki pants and a polo shirt, clearly fresh from today’s conference, and he’s handsome as he stands there.
He’s not the bad boy Ben is. He doesn’t crush beer cans on his forehead, and the only time he visits strip clubs is with his girlfriend’s permission when he and his buddies are attending a bachelor party.
He’s smart and loyal, dedicated to learning and working.
He cared about good grades through high school and college and worked hard to achieve them.
He’s warm and friendly, the kind of guy who can strike up a conversation with anybody and yet he’s stubborn enough to fight for what he really wants.
Even his hair is gelled back neatly.
He’s perfect on paper.
But perfect on paper doesn’t really translate the same as perfect for me.
Ben’s certainly not perfect for me, either, yet I can’t seem to stop thinking about him.
His eyes as they follow my movements. The way his mouth tastes.
His clean, fresh scent. The way he makes me laugh.
The way he makes me feel like the only person in the room even though everyone is there to see him.
But he doesn’t want me the way I want him.
I’m so confused. I have no idea where my feelings stand for Dane. I suppose that’s why I showed up here tonight.
His eyes follow me in. If Ben were standing there, he’d have his leg kicked up against the wall while he leaned back on it, and he’d be staring down at his phone.
He’d glance up at me and heat would pass between us once our eyes connected.
He’d shoot me that panty melting grin, and he’d have his hand up my skirt under the table before we even placed our drink order.
On the other hand, Dane stands patiently waiting for me, a smile tipping the corners of his lips as he eyes me until I stop in front of him. He leans in and gently kisses my cheek—probably the most risqué form of PDA I’ll see tonight out of him.
I’m not sure which I prefer. One’s racy and exciting and thrilling, and the other is comforting and kind and sweet.
Racy and exciting doesn’t work in the long term, though. Kind and sweet have a better shot.
“Let’s go on in,” he says, and he takes charge as he tells the hostess we need a table for two.
We’re led to a quiet, romantic booth along the wall, and it’s sort of nice being out with someone the media at large gives zero fucks about.
I don’t think I’m a recognizable enough face yet to be splashed all over the gossip sites tomorrow, but I guess time will tell.
I study the menu mostly because I don’t really know what to say. I looked at it earlier and already decided on a shrimp dish.
Dane sets his menu down first, and I glance up at him.
“Thank you for agreeing to dinner,” he says softly.
I offer a short smile and nod as I return my gaze to the menu.
“You already know what you’re getting,” he guesses, and my lips tip up into a more genuine smile. “If I still know you the way I think I do, you studied the menu earlier today and already made your decision.”
I lift a shoulder as I give a little laugh. “Maybe.”
“So why are you hiding?”
I set the menu down. “This is all just…” I flail for the words for a beat, and then they come to me.
“It’s so out of the blue, Dane. I moved on.
I had to. I was sad when I knew it wouldn’t work out in the long term for the two of us, and it took me some time to get over losing you.
You were the only man I ever dated who didn’t care who my brothers were, and that’s still true. ”
Except for Ben.
“You don’t date football players,” he points out. “Something strange is going on.”
I sigh. I forgot how well he knows me. “Nothing strange is going on. That became my mantra because I was tired of being used by boys who were trying to get to Jack and Luke through me. But Ben doesn’t need to use people to get to the top. He got there all by himself.”
“But Olson?” he says, narrowing his eyes as he twists his lips. “He’s a party guy, Kay. You deserve more than that.”
I press my lips together as a certain rage seems to pass through my chest. The feeling is so strong that it momentarily knocks the wind out of me.
I clear my throat. “I will not sit here and allow you to talk about someone you know nothing about. He is a wonderful, kind, amazing man.” A wonderful, kind, amazing man who fucks like a beast. “And he puts me first. He cares about my wants and my needs.” In bed.
“He’s funny and he constantly surprises me. ” When he fingers me under the table.
But it’s not just the sexual stuff. Yes, that’s the forefront of our relationship because that’s our deal. But in becoming intimately close with him, I’ve also gotten to know who he is as a person. And while the sex caught my attention, the man himself is the reason I’ve stuck around.
“So you’re in love with him.” He says the words flatly even though I think there’s a question in them.
“Yes.” I am. Yes, of course that’s what it is. I knew I was falling, and I knew I was in dangerous waters, but this is the first time I’ve admitted it even to myself.
I’m no longer falling. I’m there. I fell, and I can’t get up.
I am in love with Ben Olson…a man who doesn’t do real relationships.
I am so fucked.