CHAPTER 20 BEN
“So we both want the same thing?” I finally ask as I straighten to a full stand.
Her brows that were arched in anger smooth over as she straightens, too. “Um…yeah? I think maybe we do. For the next five months, anyway.”
“To be clear since this is not my forte, I want to be with you, and you want to be with me. I am falling for you and you are falling for me. Our dating for the media deal is still on even though we’re sort of moving this to actually dating, we’re still keeping our secret boning a secret, and I want to fuck you on your desk and you’re giving me the green light to do so. ”
She looks up as she considers all that. “Yes.” She nods. “Yes, yes, definitely yes, and a big fat hell yes.”
I chuckle, and then I move around the desk to close the gap between us as my hand comes up to cup her neck.
My thumb rests beside her throat, and I feel her pulse pick up speed as her eyes move up to mine.
She doesn’t just smell like sunshine. She looks like it, too.
She’s this calm in the storm my life has become.
She’s the lion tamer and the beast muzzler, the only one who I’ve ever let inside close enough to see my faults and who still wants me.
God damn, am I falling for her.
Something about the way she’s looking up at me with all the vulnerability in the world as we both just made some pretty deep confessions makes me want to give her anything she wants.
I know I can’t.
There are certain things I’m just not capable of, and we both know this.
But damn, as I look down into her eyes and see the need and hope in them…she certainly makes me want to try in a way nobody else ever has. Not even Tatum.
I crush my mouth to hers, and she links her arms around my neck as she opens her mouth to mine. Our tongues fight a war both sides are winning, and the primal urge to seal our words with action washes over me. It’s a physical action that puts a stamp on the words we’ve spoken.
Neither of us said the L word, but we both talked around it. We’re both on our way there. And now I’m going to show her how I feel in the language I know best.
I push her against her desk then lift her so her ass is perched on it, and then fuck taking it slow because I need to bury myself inside her.
She’s wearing another glorious skirt, thank fuck, and I unzip my jeans and pull myself out. I stroke the monster a few times, and he’s more than ready for her.
She catches her bottom lip between her teeth as she looks up at me, and she looks so innocent and pure perched there. I let out a low growl as I shove her panties to the side, line myself up, and shove my way in.
“Oh shit,” I mutter as her pussy clings onto my cock for dear life.
And then I realize what’s different.
I was so caught up in the moment that I didn’t even think about a condom. “Oh shit,” I say again, and my wide eyes come into focus on hers.
She shakes her head as lust wins. “It’s fine. I’m on the pill.”
“Thank God,” I murmur, and then I shove into her a little harder.
She pushes her tits out as she leans back on her palms. She can’t really move because of the position I have her in, but I drive into her over and over again. I move slowly, and it strikes me that this isn’t just a quick fuck on her desk. It’s something more.
Her eyes roll back in pleasure, and I thumb her clit from this angle while I shove my body into hers.
She lets out one of her gorgeous little moans, and a hot fire detonates down my spine as my balls tighten up.
Her pussy clenches a little tighter onto me, pushing me into an explosive climax as hot jets of come burst out of me and into her.
I never come inside a chick. Ever. Too many risks. Too many complications. Too much intimacy.
But holy hot damn does it feel good.
It’s a million times better than regular sex, which is pretty damn awesome in the first place, and I don’t think it’s just because I went in bareback. I think it’s because feelings are involved.
And that is real fucking scary.
But together…we can do this.
Before I pull out, I lean into her and cover her mouth with mine. We share a sensual, hot kiss as our tongues tangle lazily together as we each come down from those intense orgasms. I cup her neck in my palm, and her pulse beats wildly against my thumb. Holy fuck is it sexy.
I pull out of her and adjust her panties back into place. I tuck myself back into my pants before I move in a little closer and pull her into my arms. She’s still sitting on the edge of her desk, and her cheek meets my torso as she clings to me and I to her.
“Well, I’ll never look at this desk the same way again,” she murmurs.
I chuckle as I tighten my arms around her and kiss the top of her head. “We should’ve done that weeks ago. Would’ve made work more bearable.”
She presses a kiss to my stomach, and eventually I back away even though I don’t want to. I’m sure she’s ready to get out of here. It’s been a taxing few minutes.
“You need any help packing this place up?” I ask as I glance around.
She nods. “I’ll take any help I can get.”
I head over to the wall where a bunch of posters and artwork hang almost all the way up to the ceiling. “Want me to take these down for you?”
“That would be a huge help.” She hops off the desk and smooths her skirt before she sits in her chair and watches me. “I had to stand on a desk to get those up there.”
I raise a brow. “Sounds dangerous.”
“Oh, I’m sure if my department chair walked in, I would’ve been fired on the spot. Or at least cited for health and safety measures.”
I reach up and pull down a poster, careful not to rip the corners. “You need me to have a talk with this department chair? She sounds like the devil.”
She walks over and takes the poster from me. She pulls the staples out of the corners and sets them on a desk, and I go to work on the next one. “She basically is. Imagine if she walked in when you were just screwing me on my desk.”
I laugh. “I bet she would’ve enjoyed the show. Sounds like she just needs a good fuck to loosen up a little.”
She rolls her eyes. “She’s a Seahawks fan.”
I wrinkle my nose, which elicits a giggle. “Now I really want to meet her.”
We’re quiet as we work together as a team. I reach up to grab the high stuff then hand her the posters or student projects. If the staples came with them, she takes them out and makes piles of posters and work.
We’re almost done with the first wall when she asks, “So just to reiterate…we’re still keeping all this from my family, correct?”
I shrug. “It’s your call, babe.” I want her to make whatever decision makes her feel most comfortable.
On the one hand, I don’t want to hide what we have going.
But on the other hand…I want to keep everything the way it is so we can navigate this new thing together and not worry about the additional pressures of her family’s expectations of me or her or us together.
I just spent a whole lot of mental energy facing my feelings. If she wants to face her family next…I don’t think I’m ready for that. I need some time. But I’d do it for her.
“I think we need to take it slow,” she says, and her eyes dart a little nervously to mine. “We should know what we’re doing before we bring other people into it. You know?”
I nod and move in to press a soft kiss to her lips as relief courses through my veins. “I agree. I just want to enjoy what we have. This way it’s you and me against the world, and the only expectations pressuring us are the ones we place on this thing ourselves.”
The nervousness seems to disappear from her eyes at my words. “Yes! That’s exactly it. As much as I want to admit the truth to everyone, I’m not ready for their opinions. And they’ll definitely have them. They always do.”
I press my lips together as I grab the last poster and hand it to her.
“Thank you,” she murmurs. She sets the staple in the pile with the rest then sweeps them into her palm. She heads toward the trash can with her pile. “Have you told anyone?”
I clear my throat. “Sort of. I mentioned a little bit of inner turmoil to my Gramma.”
She turns around and walks slowly back toward me. “Your inner turmoil?”
I shrug. “I didn’t want to stand in your way if you wanted to be with him.
” When she gets close enough, I pull her into my arms. “We have different visions of the future, and I know you want a husband and kids, something your ex is telling you he wants to give you when that’s just never been what I wanted. ”
“He didn’t want that, either, but he changed his mind…” she says, suggesting with the way she leaves the end of her sentence hanging that maybe I’ll change my mind, too.
I think back to listening to my mom fight with my dad—the always stoic, unemotional Jeb who sat back and took her shit—before they got divorced.
I was the kid pulled into the middle of it.
My mom wanted me to live with her, and I wanted to live with my dad, and it was a constant struggle. Why would you do that to a kid?
I thought I was there with Tatum. But when shit hit the fan, the lesson reiterated was that women will always disappoint me with their lies.
First my mom, then my ex. I learned that two people just aren’t meant to be tied together for a lifetime, and I can’t even imagine bringing a kid into that fold. It wouldn’t be fair.
Maybe it works for other people, and that’s fine. It’s how the world keeps spinning, I guess. But I’ve been burned enough times to know it won’t work for me.
“I won’t,” I say with finality.
She doesn’t hide her disappointment, and even though we spent a few minutes in bliss, it already feels like there’s an expiration date stamped on this relationship.
She wants kids and the dog and maybe a minivan and the white picket fence. I can provide a lot of the picture she once shared with me, but there’s a big, gaping hole in the stuff I can’t give her.
And as much as I wish I could be enough for her…I’m not sure I can.