VELVETEEN vs. The United States Government #3
“I’m Vel’s ex. Me showing up uninvited is rude but sort of expected on occasion, especially when I just got a paper telling me her new boyfriend is back from the dead.
Having the two of you here makes it a Super Patriots, Inc.
matter. There’s no reason all three people who hold the office of the CEO should be showing up unless we want to cause a problem. ”
“Or perhaps solve one,” said a sharp, British-accented voice.
Victory Anna’s specific regional accent was one that hadn’t belonged to this Earth in hundreds of years, if it had ever existed; it was difficult to say for sure, but it was entirely possible that the unique slide of her vowels or curve of her sibilants might have been unique to her original timeline.
Skin going tight with horror, Action Dude turned back to the door.
The petite gadgeteer was standing in the doorway in full costume, from her carefully buttoned black and white granny boots to her gear-festooned corset.
There was even a dainty hat pinned atop her head, kingfisher flowers jutting out at a jaunty angle.
And none of that mattered half as much as the gun she was holding, a monstrous confection of tubes and pistons that looked like the hybrid child of a flamethrower and a sportscar’s engine.
It was almost as large as she was. There was no physical way she should have been able to hold it, much less aim it with such confidence at the three superhumans outside her door.
“I had been wondering how I was going to find something to test my newest creation against, and look, the universe has presented you to me like a gift of the gods themselves. These armor-piercing rounds would rip any of my standard targets cleanly in two, and not tell me everything I need to know about soft tissue damage. You, on the other hand, should be able to make a full report.”
“I’m extremely breakable!” said the American Dream, throwing their hands up like that would do a damn thing to stop a bullet. “Guns are one of my greatest weaknesses.”
“I can’t decide whether that’s ironic, given, you know, American gun control issues, or just plain sad,” said a new voice.
The trio turned to find Velveteen leaning against the corner of the house with folded arms. “This is where you tell me what you’re doing here, so I don’t let Torrey shoot you.
She’s been grumbling about needing something to shoot all week long. ”
“Vel,” said Action Dude, with palpable relief. “I need to talk to you.”
“So you show up with the whole brute squad? That doesn’t look like a conversation to me. It looks like a fight.”
For a dizzy moment, Action Dude considered pointing out that they’d come to her home—an address that was a matter of public record, at least at the right security clearance—in broad daylight, and they were still outnumbered if Polychrome and Tag decided to come outside.
That was less of a confrontation and more of a curbstomp waiting to happen.
Fortunately for him, the blood that had drained out of his head when he saw Victory Anna’s gun was starting to make its way back up to his brain, and he was able to tamp down his first response.
“I didn’t show up with the brute squad,” he said instead. “They followed me here.”
“Only because you took off too fast to tell us what you were doing,” said the American Dream. “If you’d learn to use your big-boy words, we wouldn’t be standing here right now!”
Velveteen looked to Victory Anna, who nodded begrudgingly. “He’s telling the truth,” she said. “He showed up about half a second before they did, and he wasn’t looking over his shoulder like he expected anyone to be joining him. Can I shoot them anyway?”
“Not just yet,” said Velveteen. “Aaron, what the hell?”
“We got the paperwork updating Tag’s status,” said Action Dude, spreading his hands. “And it listed Portland as his base of operations. Vel, I hope you’re not living together.”
“Because what, you still have dibs?”
“Because after the whole situation with Supermodel, the federal government is still deeply uneasy about animus class heroes moving among the general population, and having both of them living at the same address may be viewed as an invitation for the people currently trying to regulate superhumans to move,” said Action Dude.
“I don’t think I have dibs. Any dibs I may have had expired a long time ago. ”
“He’s smarter than I thought he was,” said Victory Anna, reluctantly raising the muzzle of her gun so that it pointed at the sky rather than at their guests.
“He always was,” said Velveteen. She sighed, heavily. “You may as well come inside where we can talk about this without inviting the whole neighborhood to join in. Just…no sudden movements, okay? We’re all still a little jumpy.”
She brushed past them to head for the door, where Victory Anna stepped to the side to let her through.
Action Dude and the others followed, Victory Anna standing sentry until they were all inside.
Then, with a smile that looked more like a snarl, she stepped in after them, closing and locking the door.
Quiet fell over the yard, broken by birdsong and the distant thump of helicopter blades.
* * *
Threats of large munitions aside, Victory Anna was a natural hostess, and quickly had their three guests seated with cups of tea (for everyone but the American Dream, who was sticking to water) and plates of tiny, strikingly purple cookies.
She moved to take a seat on the loveseat with Polychrome, whose cheeks were flashing between green, literal white, and a surprisingly nauseating shade of puce.
It was like sitting with a neon sign that had been designed to make everyone in the area vomit.
“Sweetheart, you should relax,” said Dotty Gale. “We’re not here to attempt to recruit any of you back to The Super Patriots. We understand your road leads in a different direction, and if you’re ever meant to rejoin us, the winds of fate will set your feet on the right path.”
“Forgive me if this is terribly gauche of me, but why is the child lecturing my girlfriend in her own home about how she should control her powers?” asked Victory Anna.
“As the only person here who did not serve on one of your dreadful ‘junior teams,’ I can’t help but feel as if I’ve missed something rather important about the situation. ”
“I never served on a junior team,” said Dotty.
“Because if you had, you would still be doing so,” said Victory Anna.
Velveteen exchanged a glance with Action Dude, almost resenting how natural it was to check with him, how easily she fell back into the pattern of treating him as her natural leader.
Shame followed the resentment, hot and sticky.
He hadn’t done anything wrong. And she wasn’t doing anything wrong by sitting and talking to him, even if Tag was going to be unhappy when he got home from his art mentoring and found out her ex had been visiting unexpectedly.
“Dotty looks like she’s about twelve, but she’s been active for decades,” she said. “She’s a magical hero, like the Princess or Hailey, and the rules are different for her.”
“One day I’ll find my Ozma, and then I’ll go back to the land beyond the rainbow, which is legally distinct from any published work of children’s fiction,” said Dotty serenely.
“Until that day, I’ll neither age nor die.
And all of that is beside the point. I’d wager I’m the oldest person in this room by quite a bit, if age is that important to you. ”
Victory Anna blinked before passing judgment: “This is very odd.”
“Most things involving superhumans are, darling,” said Polychrome.
“I don’t like it.”
“You don’t have to,” said Velveteen, taking control of the conversation. She focused her attention on Action Dude. “All right, Aaron: the Princess spoke to the congressional committee that was trying to regulate animus heroes. Why is it an issue if Tad and I live together?”
“She spoke to them. That slowed them down, but it didn’t stop them.
” He shook his head. “It’s never that easy where the federal government is concerned.
Some very powerful people, with a lot of money, have a strong interest in getting the first superhuman controls in place.
If they can lock you down while you’re a demographic of two, how long before they start coming for the rest of us? ”
“Fucked up times five million,” groaned Velveteen. “We’re still talking about this bullshit? How do we make it go away?”
“We kinda don’t,” said Polychrome. “I remember when I was more involved with the legal side of things. Once someone has decided they want to push a law, they don’t tend to drop it without really good reasons.
It’s why we keep seeing bills crop up for things that we’ve long since decided would be a terrible idea. ”
“We could find the person who’s pushing such an aberrant misuse of the parliamentary system, and kill them,” suggested Victory Anna.
For one dizzy moment, Velveteen thought she was referring to The Parliamentarian, and had to swallow a cascade of laughter at the idea of owls taking over the government.
“Murder isn’t usually how we resolve legal challenges,” she said.
“How about I talk to the Princess, and see if we can’t get the corporation she works with to throw their weight behind protecting superhuman rights, instead? ”
“Much less efficient,” said Victory Anna. “Slower, too. I think my idea has some merit behind it, and should be considered.”
“And when she gets caught and they use it to prove that all animus heroes are a danger to the public?” asked the American Dream.