VELVETEEN vs. The United States Government #4
Victory Anna sat back, a sulky expression on her face.
Velveteen sighed, exhaustion washing visibly over her. “I don’t know what to do.”
“I do,” said the American Dream. “But I’m going to need you to trust me.”
The front door slammed open as Tag rushed inside, not batting an eye at the strange assortment of figures already assembled there.
Instead, his attention snapped straight to Velveteen, eyes raking over her like he was afraid she might disappear.
“Vel, there’s like half a dozen black helicopters circling the house,” he gasped. “I think we need to get outta here.”
“I’m gonna need you to trust me now,” said the American Dream. They took Dotty Gale’s hand in their left, extending their right toward Velveteen. “Everyone who’s coming, link up. We don’t have a lot of time to sit here arguing about best practices.”
“I suppose we’re not traveling by tornado this time,” said Dotty Gale, sounding resigned.
“C’mon, Dot,” said Action Dude.
She sighed before leaning over and taking Action Dude’s hand in her free one. One by one, the others joined up, until they made a rough, uneasy circle. “Close your eyes now,” she instructed, before clicking her heels together, three times.
When the men in black broke down the front door five minutes later, it was to find the living room entirely deserted, steaming cups of tea sitting on seemingly every flat surface. The doors were still locked, the vehicles still secure in their places. The occupants were just…gone.
* * *
Traveling by silver slipper had some things in common with traveling by magic mirror, but not everything.
It was a lot bumpier, for one, and when they were dumped out of the magical vortex on the other end, they were all wearing their own clothing, not suddenly transformed into children’s book versions of their usual selves.
Velveteen was the first to stagger to her feet, rounding on Action Dude with an absolutely furious expression on her face. To her surprise—and his—the American Dream stepped between them, hands already raised defensively.
“It’s not his fault,” they said. “He didn’t summon the government. It was just bad timing—or good timing, I guess. It all depends on how you look at it, and how much you wanted to be disappeared into a classified detainment site.”
“You really want to tell me you three ‘just happened’ to show up right before the United States government decided to drop in for a visit?”
“Not really, because I know you’re not going to believe me, but if I’m being honest with you, that’s what I need to tell you,” said the American Dream.
“They must have gotten Tag’s paperwork at the same time as we did.
We just reacted a tiny bit faster. I’m sorry you didn’t get more of a chance to process.
This all sucks. But it really wasn’t Aaron’s fault, and it’s going to be a lot harder to justify helping you if you go and assault my co-CEO. ”
Velveteen stared at them for a moment, then turned away, putting a hand over her eyes. Tag moved to settle a hand on her shoulder, while Polychrome and Victory Anna just glared at the three CEOs of The Super Patriots, Inc.
“I have a little bit of sway over government functionality, on account of how I represent the idealized dream of this nation’s future,” said the American Dream, carefully.
“Let me make a few calls. I’ll need the Princess and her corporate sponsorship to make this go away, but I can at least make it settle down a little.
You’ll need to stay with us until I can get things sorted. ”
Velveteen laughed, sounding faintly hysterical. “Oh, just what I always wanted. Being locked back up in corporate housing. No way out until you can convince the entire US government to leave me alone. Should I just have my mail forwarded?”
“It’s not going to be that bad, Vel,” said Action Dude. “I just want to keep you safe. Can you trust me long enough to let Dreamy do whatever it is they’re going to do?”
“If you can’t trust me, trust Night Shift,” said American Dream. “She’s been dating me for over a year. You know she’d never stick around if I was some kind of double-crossing asshole. So let her good opinion fortify your own.”
Victory Anna looked at them with interest. “Fortify?” she asked. “Are you an actual denizen of this society with a reasonable grasp of the language you looted from Epona’s holy empire?”
“No gods no kings,” said American Dream, almost apologetically.
Velveteen lowered her hand, turning back to Action Dude. “You promise this is just until you can call the government off?” she asked.
He nodded, more earnest than eager. “Cross my heart,” he said.
“All right,” said Velveteen. “Let’s kick the government’s ass.”
Polychrome groaned. “Let’s maybe not put it that way, okay?” she suggested.
“Let’s go commit some light treason?”
“Not better!”
Uncertainty stepped in from the hall with a tray of assorted beverages. “I’ve prepared your rooms,” he said, and somehow that was the least surprising thing that had happened all day.