7. Astor
SEVEN
ASTOR
Rurik doesn’t keep his presence limited to crew. He shows up at different points of my day with such ease, it’s like he’s memorized my schedule.
I keep telling myself it means Legacy is interested, but as the days crawl forward, there isn’t a word from them.
Not a hint of another trial and since their recruitment process is top secret and only the members who are admitted know, there isn’t anyone to ask.
The first event was easy enough because plenty of students over the years have made it there but got no further.
I can’t find any information about anything after.
So I’m left to stew with Rurik as my shadow.
But he’s not a shadow. I think I could bear it if he didn’t interject himself into everything. And he’s always so happy. It’s off-putting. No one naturally feels that way. I can only imagine there is something wrong with his brain.
He’s only getting more annoying with every passing day, trying to talk to me more, keep me here longer while touching me as often as possible.
It’s always little things like picking lint off my windbreaker, but he does it so much, I know it’s on purpose, and probably most infuriating of all, he is pretty good at rowing now.
After a couple of weeks, picking it up far faster than most.
I’d be lying if I said I didn’t look for him when I got to the boathouse. He isn’t in sight as I unlock the door. He never is. I have no idea where he appears from. Or even where he gets his scull since he’s not taking it from the boathouse, that I can see.
I laugh as an image of him with it on the roof of his car fills my mind.
I get my scull into the water and glance around.
He’s usually here by now. It’s been nearly two weeks of this morning ritual.
I scan the surrounding area for him. He wouldn’t just stop, would he?
I can’t believe it. Not after weeks of following me around.
Whatever. We were never friends. I don’t know why I expected anything. Why did I even enjoy the flicker of happiness in my day? There must be something wrong with me. Maybe I’m developing Stockholm’s. I hate the disappointment seeping into my chest. What is wrong with me? I didn’t want him here.
I don’t do friends. How fucking could I? Not like I’ve had a normal life. Once people find out who I am, they want or need something. All I am to everyone is what I can do for them. My family included. I’ve accepted my lot in life.
I get into my strokes, blocking out every single goddamn feeling in my stupid brain. There is no use for feelings. They are a waste of time, and I won’t allow them to affect my day. It’s better if he’s over the weird obsession he had with me, anyway.
I get through my course and bend to pull my scull from the water when something crashes into me from behind, nearly knocking me into the river.
“What in God’s name?”
Massive arms wrap around me from behind, hauling me up in the air. “I’m sorry—”
I cut him off. “What are you doing…put me down.”
He squeezes me tighter, combating my struggle. “I had a thing that went long. I would have been here. Don’t be mad, baby.”
“I’m not mad. I enjoyed the peace.” I’d never admit I looked for him this morning. Embarrassing. I am clearly showing signs of mental decline. I need therapy not to give in to him.
“You don’t have to admit it to me. I can just tell.” He presses his face into the back of my neck, making a shiver run up my spine.
What the fuck is wrong with me?
That did not feel good.
I recoil disgusted with myself.
“I don’t have to admit it because it’s not true.”
He wasn’t here this morning. He can’t know I looked for him. “I bet you looked for me, and I really feel bad about not being here.”
“I did nothing of the sort.”
“Whatever you say.” He finally sets me down.
I fix my clothing, glancing around to make sure no one saw any of this. Other members of the crew team show up around this time. “Don’t humor yourself. I would never.”
He’s still smirking. “You wouldn’t be so angry if it weren’t true.”
He’s right and he knows it. I hate myself.
“Go fuck yourself.”
He groans, gripping his dick like the crass animal he is. “Don’t flirt with me if you don’t want me to drag you into the woods and have my way with you, baby.”
I step back and throw my hands up, about to tell him to get away from me, but I misjudge where he set me down, and half step off the dock, falling backward.
He grabs my jacket with lightning-fast reflexes, hauling my body to his, while wrapping an arm around my lower back to press us together. “Look at that, you’d be soaking wet if I weren’t here to save you. You’re welcome.”
I’m warm all over from the scare, and the contact. I can feel every hard muscle under his thin layers. It’s quite evident with us pressed together like this how much bigger he is. He could do anything he wants to me and I’ve just been allowing it.
A shiver runs up my spine. “You caused this.”
“It might have happened without me here.” His cock presses into my hip, and there is no way he’s not hard.
Everything in me fights it. I hate that I even recognized what it is. I sink into the anger. It’s easier. “Are you mental? You did it. It wouldn’t have happened without you here. Release me.”
He leans forward, loosening his grip a bit so I feel what will happen if he lets me go. “You sure you’d rather have an ice bath?”
“Maybe I would.” I’m too stubborn to stop but he wouldn’t really let me fall, would he?
He presses his tongue into his cheek. “Do you know you’re lying to yourself?”
“I’m not.” I’m painfully aware of every inhale and small movement, and my skin heats. The last thing I need to do is blush in his presence. I just know he’ll take it personally.
“Your heart is racing, Ash.” His nose is almost touching mine.
“Because you’re holding me over a fucking icy river like a psychopath.” I keep my mask, not allowing him to get under my skin more than he has.
“I’m not a psychopath. My mom had me tested.” Is he joking? I can’t tell by the way he grins open-mouthed, tongue flicking over his teeth, revealing a tongue piercing I didn’t know he had.
I swallow hard, at a loss for words.
“Done fighting me?” His voice comes soft and right next to my ear, and against my will, my body responds to him, the sear of his breath crawling down my throat, and all I see is that damned tongue piercing.
“No,” I finally manage, but it’s weak, and we both know it.
“If you want to fight…we can always go back to yours, and you can fight me some more.” His tone is playful, and he nips at my ear.
I shudder, not sure if I like it or not. I’m losing it.
But the horror of one of my cousins spotting him in my room hits me colder than the river. “Get off me.” It’s still weak.
“I know you don’t really want that.” He curls his tongue around my lobe, letting me feel the piercing.
My cock responds, betraying me. “I don’t want anything to do with you.” Flailing for control, I fist a hand in his shirt, pulling my face away from his fucking lips. “You’re making me late.”
But more than even that, anyone could see us. And they will. Someone is bound to show up at any moment, and what will they think? That I’m having a tryst with a man? My stomach turns, but even that doesn’t discourage my cock. I can’t be enjoying this. I’d never.
“You’re in charge. You know you can blow off your whole schedule for the day.” He has no idea the irony of his statement.
I’m not in control if I blow it off. I’m more at his mercy.
But I’m torn between letting my agency slip, the need to get into Legacy, which he might be able to help with, and the part I refuse to acknowledge, whatever my body is doing. I can’t allow myself to go there. Not again.
My mouth makes a decision before my brain has time to weigh the consequences. “You blew me off this morning. If you wanted to see me, you could have.” It’s a lie, but an easy one.
I shove at his chest, not giving a damn if I end up in the river.
He purses his lips. “I know you’re lying.”
“I’m not.” We both know I am but I have to save some face.
He moves his hips just enough to show me he can feel my hard-on. “You want me, baby. At least your cock does.”
“A biological response. I want nothing to do with you.” I put my hand around his throat. “Put me down.”
“Baby. Harder.” His dick throbs against me.
I squeeze, digging my nails into his skin, making myself horrifyingly harder too. “I’m serious.” At least there’s conviction in my voice this time.
“Is that how you like it? Want to choke me while you beg me to stop sinking inside you?” He hovers his mouth over mine. “Not my normal kink, but with you, I’ll do anything for a taste.” He barely skims his tongue over my lips.
I want to recoil, but instead I suck in a harsh breath, aroused beyond belief. More than I ever have been in response to anyone touching me, which in itself is a quagmire I don’t want to examine. I hate myself for it. Hate that I can feel any of this.
“No.” Again weakly.
“So you’re telling me I should drag you off and have my way with you?” He nips at my lower lip.
Voices break through the morning silence.
“Let me go,” I growl.
“Why?”
“Other crew members are here. Don’t you hear them?”
“So?” Confusion washes over his face.
“They’ll see us. Let me go.” I need him to believe me this time, and it turns out I’m pathetic and not above begging. “Please, Rurik.”
“Mmmm. I love the way you say my name.”
“I’m serious, Rurik,” I’m pleading now, and I hate myself more.
His gaze drops to my lips, like he can’t believe what I’m saying. I can’t believe it either, but at last he steps back, allowing me back on stable footing. “If that’s what you really want. But I know you’re a liar.”
The words sting.
But he doesn’t stick around long enough to witness the aftermath.
He doesn’t come at all the next morning.
Part of me is hurt, but I understand. I also hate myself for surely ruining any chance I had of getting into Legacy. Surely that was the nail in the coffin.
At least he’s one less headache to deal with.