7. Astor #2
“Why are you in such a bad mood?” Finn opens my door without knocking.
Father’s family owns the building. It had been established as a place for the younger generations to get a world-class education outside the view of European politics and tabloids.
Because of how secluded Exitier is, it’s easier to escape notice here since our titles mean nothing on American shores.
It was the most normal our lives would be until we returned to take over our duties.
Finn would inherit a sizable dukedom on thousands of acres of working farmland along with some of the most sought-after stables of pedigree racehorses.
But despite his wealth and rakish behavior, I enjoy his company.
We’ve always been close and I’d missed him the last year while he’d been here and I’d still been at home.
“You can’t tell my mood by walking in the door.”
“Yes, I can.” He slips into the love seat across from where I sit. “I saw how you went after poor Harrison this morning. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him break a sweat with anyone before. I think he’s really feeling his age with how often you put that man to work.” He means our swords master.
I give him an exasperated roll of my eyes. “It’s not my fault he’s grown complacent with the lot of you lazy degenerates skipping your training.”
“The last thing I want to do is leave a pretty girl in my bed and sweat first thing in the morning.” He kicks his feet onto the coffee table and lays his head back. “Speaking of which, Viv insists on seeing your face tonight. She said she’s barely seen you once since you got here.”
Viv is Finn’s oldest sister and the smartest of us.
I knew she’d see through my abrupt change of course for university and have questions.
Ones I’m not ready to answer. What can I even say?
I spent years saying I was bucking Conrad family tradition to follow in my mother’s footsteps and go to Saint Andrews when I finished at Eton.
My father spent years badgering me, and I flat out refused until a few weeks before the start of term. I know they have questions.
None of which I can answer because I’ve probably already failed my objective a few weeks in. And I still couldn’t talk about it. It would only bring more questions. They weren’t my secrets to tell, even if I thought I could bring up the Legacy of Power without risking my membership.
“She’s been busy too.” The woman never stops. She puts me to shame sometimes with her packed schedule. “I’ve been settling in. She knows I miss her.”
“Tell me yourself.” Viv leans against the door frame. She’s tall, at least five ten, with long black hair. She usually keeps it tied up, but now it’s down in loose waves. She fixes me with the family green eyes, pursing her bright red lips, giving me a look like she’d snap my neck from there.
But she can’t fool me. I know how wonderful she is under all her hard layers.
“I’m sorry I haven’t made time to see you. It’s been an adjustment to say the least. I’m trying to get used to it all.”
“I guess I know how you do with change.” She shoves off the door frame, coming to sit on the arm of the love seat her brother occupies. “But you’ve had enough time. We want to see you, and you’re not going to be antisocial under my watch.”
“Mine either,” Finn adds, holding out his fist.
Viv bumps her knuckles against his. As much conflict as there is between them, they still love to team up against anyone who’s not one of their siblings, which can be scary. There’s enough of them for a small occupying force.
I sigh and close the book I’m reading. “What is it going to take to get you off my back?”
“Tonight will do…for now.” She drags her gaze over the threadbare sweater I wear. One of the perks of being out of the public eye is being able to wear the things I’d worn soft, things that would get me scolded at home. “Finn, what do you have to put him in? He can’t go out like that.”
“I’m on it, sister mine. Where are we going so I have an idea how dire this situation is?”
“Alpha Chi has their annual party tonight, and we are pre-gaming at the pub.” She taps her finger against her lips. “Go subtler than you do. We want him to fit in, not stand out like the peacock you are.”
Alpha Chi Xi is the frat all the rich Americans join. I’m not surprised to hear my cousin has an in with them.
Finn holds up his middle finger. “American women love the way I dress. Between it and my accent, it’s basically a guarantee I get laid.”
“Ew.” Viv makes a face, expressing my sentiment. “I love you, but you’re disgusting.”
“They are all willing.” He holds up his hands like it’s some defense.
“Only because they don’t know better.” Viv wrinkles her nose in complete disgust, and I cover my mouth to disguise my laugh as a cough.
“University is the time for free love!” Finn lifts his brows, trying to have a moment with me, but it goes completely over my head. I’ve never had time to date, and frankly never had much inclination for more than one reason. “Speaking of which, we need to get you laid to loosen you up, Astor.”
“Ash,” I correct him harshly.
“Right, I forgot. Do you really think that will work?”
I shrug. “It wasn’t my idea.”
“Your uncle is weird.”
“He likes his privacy and insisted I use the Conrad name if I came here.”
“You’re not helping your case.” Finn shoves to his feet. “Let’s get you dressed.”
Unceremoniously, I’m divested of my threadbare clothes and made to change into some of Finn’s. I protest enough that I escape looking like a peacock, but only just barely.
I’m left feeling like I stick out among the Americans, and I hate being the center of attention.
I can’t handle it. This is so far outside my comfort and control.
I remember why I’ve avoided Viv as long as I have.
She pushes me. It’s not her fault. It’s mine, but it doesn’t make it any easier to feel my control on the situation slip.
I keep lifting my fingers to the few undone buttons at my throat.
Three to be exact. I’m practically showing off my nipples with the deep gap in the shirt.
It isn’t done. Even one button is reserved for the loosest of drunk nights.
Three is ghastly whorish behavior, which I guess suits how my cousin wants me to behave tonight. He wants me to join him as a rake.
I wish I could. I wish it were that easy for me to just let fucking loose. But the stranglehold I have on myself is in everyone’s best interest. It’s the only way I keep going.
I’ll slip out as soon as Finn loses interest in getting me laid. It shouldn’t take long for him to get distracted. Viv is another story, but she has her own role to play. One mask wearer knows another, and we’ve spent a long time playing our roles in the family with a fake smile on our faces.
I admire her, actually. She does it much better than I do. I’m not sure I’d keep it together as well as she has all these years being denied an inheritance just because she’s a woman. At least she doesn’t blame Finn. He can’t control it.
I work my way towards the edge of the room, casually, each step closer to my escape.
I act natural, but who am I kidding? I’ve never felt natural a day in my life.
I feel trapped in my own body, and like an imposter among humankind.
The outsider interloping in this strange university ritual.
I long for an end to this misery. But I’m patient, and it pays off.
I’m one foot out the door when familiar eyes catch mine.
I stare too long, and his head turns in my direction.
Rurik spots me. A smile stretches across his face. He’s like a fucking murderous golden retriever. All of him a contradiction. He bounces, like he’s excited to see me, and I’m sure he’s about to come over when a guy throws an arm across his chest.
Why is his brother stopping him? But before I can ponder the question too hard, my cousin grabs my arm, making me recoil before I realize it’s him.
“Ash,” Thankfully, Finn doesn’t seem to notice why I’m staring at him. “Come over here. These girls want to meet you.”
I go with my cousin, suddenly wanting to prove something. Whether that’s to Rurik or myself, I’m not sure, but I’m grasping for a way to piss him off. He’s gotten under my skin, and I want to get under his. Maybe he won’t care, but even the idea of it tastes appealing.
His attention tracks me as Finn leads me to the women.
One is all over me instantly, and I swear I hear Rurik growl.
I smile, wanting him to see it, finally feeling like I have the upper hand in our interactions.
He’s barely paying attention to the group he’s in, scowling at me, more often than not.
I wiped that smirk right off his damn face.
He doesn’t come over, but that doesn’t stop him from looking.
We orbit each other, and the tension is palpable.
I want him to come over, but I don’t at the same time.