31. Astor #2
“What does it do to you?” He coils around me tighter, like he’s going to squeeze me to death, but it’s strangely comforting. I have no other choice than to breathe with him.
I swallow back a sob. “Everything.”
I’m not sure if he knows the full meaning of everything but he nods. “My baby. I’m so sorry.”
I cling to him.
He growls, pressing his face into my hair, like my meaning is sinking in further.
We both just exist in each other’s arms for a long time. My breathing returns to normal but I don’t want to sleep. There’s always a risk I’ll go back into an episode if I do.
After a long time Rurik speaks. “Can I change, baby?”
“Yes.” I pry my stiff fingers off of him. “I’m sorry.”
“No being sorry.” He picks up his head to look into my eyes. “Are you going to be okay if I let go of you?”
I put on a fake smile he probably can’t even see in the low light. “Yes, fine.”
Reluctantly he climbs off me and behinds to strip. “Did that help? Can I do anything different to make it better?”
“I don’t know.” I don’t have an answer. “You’re the first person I’ve told and it’s better to have you here than to deal with it alone.”
He stops mid-shoving his pants off and dives at me. His massive body hits mine with a thunk, knocking the wind out of me. Before I have time to recover, he’s covering me in kisses.
All I can do is laugh and it’s cathartic. I kiss him back while helping him shove off his pants and shirt.
“Why are you so giddy?” I tug his hair, not actually minding.
His joy is infectious, and I need it tonight.
It seeps into my cracks even when I resist it, soothing deep aching parts of me.
The more time I spend with him, the worse it gets.
There’s no keeping his happiness out. It’s nearly impossible to just slog through existence when he’s over here like a fucking murdering golden retriever.
And I find I like it.
Rurik is the light I didn’t know I needed.
“Because.” He kisses my neck. “I.” He bites the spot. “Help.” He finds my lips and looks into my eyes. “All I want to do is make you happy.”
I smile, this time genuine. “You do.”
The grin he wears melts my soul. How does this beautiful god want me?
It’s baffling, but where annoyance used to lie is appreciation he forced his way into my life.
I don’t know where I’d be without him. He’s given me happiness.
Even if it’s such a small amount and for a limited time. I wouldn’t forget it.
“So how do I kill a sleep paralysis demon?” He settles in next to me, collecting me in his arms.
“I don’t think you can.” I nudge my nose into his forehead while he scoots lower to flick his tongue over my nipple. “But you here is more than I ever hoped to have.”
“I’ll figure it out.” If anyone can, Rurik will. He bites my pec then glances up at me. “How come you’ve never told anyone else?”
“It’s not just something I can drop over breakfast.”
“Not even to your brother? You two sound close from what you’ve said.” Has he really picked up on that from the little bits I’ve told him?
“We are, but he has enough going on. I don’t want him worrying about me. It’s my job to worry about him.”
He cocks his head like he’s working something out. “Is that why you want to get into Legacy because you feel like you have to protect him?”
It’s impossible to hide from him. He makes me so bare.
“Is this part of my interview for admission?” I tease, pulling his hair, trying to turn the conversation lighter.
“There’s no interview. Locke will pull an extensive background check, but since Viv is your cousin, I’m sure it won’t show much. You aristocrats are good at keeping your images and names clean.” He rolls us to our sides tangling our limbs together. “Why do you feel like you have to protect him?”
“What makes you ask?” I don’t deny it because I don’t want to lie to him. And it’s not that I don’t want to tell him, but I haven’t told anyone about why I need to get into Legacy. Not even Viv. Although, I’m sure she’ll corner me about it at some point, but she’s left me alone thus far.
“I get it with Viv. She’s one of the best chemists I’ve ever seen. She creates new drugs like it’s nobody’s business, and since she can’t inherent the title, what the fuck else would she do? Marry a titled man and have kids? The math is not mathing there.” He makes a face disgusted.
I laugh softly. “I can’t imagine her settling down with any man like that.”
“You see what I’m saying!” He brushes his fingers across my cheek.
“But with you, I guess I don’t understand.
You like your life very regimented. She said you were going to go to St. Andrews, which makes sense, but you came here instead?
You’re great with your weapons, but I don’t think you did that in preparation to get into Legacy.
I’m betting it’s just a family thing, since Viv is similarly as competent, I have to assume Finn is too. ” He's put all the pieces together.
I don’t think I can get away with lying to him. And I find I don’t want to.
“I’m doing it to protect my brother.”
“What do you mean? Doesn’t he have bodyguards and shit like you do?”
“It’s more complicated than that.” I exhale, not sure where even to start but Rurik waits for me to continue.
“My brother is the rightful heir of a title on my mother’s side.
” I consider my words carefully. Still not sure I should reveal my identity.
“It’s a large and very powerful estate. My uncle has no children and can theoretically name any heir he wants, though rightful succession would be my brother.
But that means if my uncle wanted to, he could name his cousin, or really anyone else in the family, shafting my brother.
My uncle wants my brother and has remained firm in that conviction which has caused a lot of strife and contention, while other relatives lobby my uncle.
Their side has tried just about everything to usurp the title.
It’s been a lifetime of this battle.” It’s so much more complicated than even that, but it’s the start of an explanation.
“So? If your uncle is telling them to pound sand. What can they do?”
“A lot. There are legal avenues for them to take. My father and godfather have long known the title will all be challenged in court when my uncle dies. It could get very complicated.”
His fingers brush over my lips. “But what can you do about that? Murder them all? I mean…I guess that’s an option we can explore. I guess it would be good to have me on your side if you needed people to kill but you didn’t know I’d become obsessed with you when you came here…”
“No…” I laugh. "There was an attempt on my brother’s life.
He nearly died last summer.” The image my father painted of his nearly lifeless body bleeding out nearly killed me.
I’ll never be able to get it out of my head.
I can barely speak of it still. I take a moment to fight back the emotion creeping into my voice.
I won’t let the memory out. I’ve kept myself together this long.
“The investigation came back with nothing. But I don’t believe there was no motivation.
My brother is a kind soul. Better than any man I know. ”
“I see now. Legacy could give you the skills and contacts to better protect him.”
“More or less. My godfather told me of Legacy and The Velleity. He and my father have wanted me to come to school here for a long time. I thought it was just because it’s where his whole family has gone for more than a century.
But they were able to convince me the resources I could gain through Legacy were invaluable.
” I’ve been carrying the weight of this for so long.
Being able to speak it aloud grants me more relief than I could have realized.
And something has changed. I’m not worried he’ll use it against me. I’m not the isolated monolith I thought I was. I trust him and I think I have for a long time.
Rurik and my cousins feel like the only people on my side for no gain.
Well, other than the pleasure of getting to suck my dick, which is a bit mental but I won’t be the one pointing that out to him. I don’t need a lecture on why he wants to drink my cum.
He shakes his head, not in disbelief but trying to process the information. “You’re a stronger man than I, because I don’t know if I’d be able to leave my brother if that happened.”
“I don’t have a choice. I barely survive the fear.
Every day I wait for a call from my father to tell me he’s been killed.
” I swallow searching for my composure. “But I can’t just not go to university.
It would be a scandal. And precautions have been put into place.
My uncle has increased my brother’s security as well.
” I would never like being away from Rainier, but I know my purpose here is more important.
“They are doing all they can. And I have to do the same.”
He kisses me, slowly. Like he’s trying to memorize every moment. “It’s too much for you to hold by yourself.”
“I know.”
“I’ll help anyway I can.”
I believe him.
I kiss him again and we lose ourselves to it. Inch by inch, he works off my sleep pants. And we explore each other’s mouths like that for a long time, cocks frotting together.
He half rolls on top of me, retrieving the lube from the nightstand. His slick fingers find my hole, teasing in and out until I’m begging for his cock. A thing I never could have imagined myself doing. But it feels like I’ll die without it.