41. Astor
FORTY-ONE
ASTOR
Igive my uncle as brief and sanitized a summary of what my father has been doing as I can. I sanitize it as much as possible, detaching myself from the details so I can get it out without losing it. I’m exhausted from the telling.
“If I’m understanding this correctly, Gustav thinks I’m so incompetent he believes I don’t have precautions in place so my worthless cousins can’t usurp the throne?” Uncle Frederik says when I finish. He appears equally mad and astounded.
“Yes. That’s the gist of it.”
“That bastard. He always has thought better of himself than anyone else, but to sell you for Rainier…” Uncle Frederik flexes his jaw, exhaling sharply. “I’m disgusted. I should have seen it was a plot by your father. I’m so sorry.”
“You have nothing to be sorry for.”
“I do. I wasn’t paying enough attention, like I promised your mother I would. I thought your father would have your best interest in mind. Clearly I was wrong, and for that I am deeply sorry.” Frederik’s knuckles are white clenched around his glass. “I knew it was wrong to send you to America.”
“It’s more than that, but it’s been invaluable.” I don’t like him thinking that way.
“Invaluable how?”
“The contacts Viv and I have made, let alone the skills we will both have—”
Uncle Frederik cuts me off, frustration showing in his voice. “I can hire men to protect Rainier. What I can’t do is protect you from your father when you’re on another continent.”
“I would have never realized what was happening if it weren’t for Rurik.” I have to make him see that my going there saved me.
“And I’m grateful but—”
I cut him off, which is highly against protocol and could actually be punished by me having my tongue cut out, but I’m not really in the right mind to mind my words. “No, listen to me.” I hesitate when I realize what I’ve done.
He gestures for me to continue. “Speak your piece. Your mother always did.”
“Had I not gone to Exitier and met Rurik, you might have died before any of us realized what was going on. And I’d have been fucking locked up somewhere with Mikel, with no hope of escaping.
Yes, my father put me in a worse position and sold me to Mikel, but he was doing that no matter where I went, and at least at Exitier, I found Rurik before it got much, much worse. ”
Uncle Frederik nods after a tense moment. “I understand your point of view, and while I can’t say whether we would or wouldn’t have figured it out, we are here, and I’m very thankful your friend uncovered it all.”
“He’s not my friend.” I don’t dare look at Rurik as I say it. Or my uncle, for that matter.
“No? I apologize. If you aren’t friends…I guess I don’t understand at all.” He looks at me so genuinely, I panic.
I didn’t think through the consequences, and now he’s expecting an answer, and I have to tell him I’m gay. Oh God, what have I done?
Rurik comes over and sits on the edge of my chair, sliding a hand down my back. “I’m his boyfriend.”
I nod, unable to speak because my words catch in my throat, but I slip my hand into Rurik’s. He squeezes it and smiles.
Uncle Frederik looks like he’s short circuiting. “Your…boyfriend…you said you weren’t friends…”
If the universe makes me explain being gay to my uncle, the fucking king, I’m going to throw myself off the highest tower. I can’t do it.
“Oh! You mean you’re in a relationship with this young man?!” Uncle Frederik lights up and gets to his feet. “Forgive me. It’s been a long night with lots of processing. I’m delighted to hear this!”
“You are?” I ask carefully.
“Yes! Your mother would have been so excited to have a gay son. She used to take me to drag shows, for Heaven’s sake. Made me wear a disguise so I wouldn’t be recognized. It was a whole thing.” He smiles at the memory.
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. “She did?”
“She would have loved a royal gay wedding!”
“I had no idea.” I don’t remember a ton about her. Just little things, and it’s all kind of fuzzy now. Faded with time. Sometimes, I struggle to know if my memories are from videos I’ve seen of her, or if they are things I’m really recalling. I hate that I don’t remember her better.
“I love you. I’m so happy you are comfortable enough to tell me you have a boyfriend, and I’m thankful he noticed what the rest of us missed.” Frederik turns to Rurik. “Thank you. I’m indebted to you.”
“You owe me nothing. I won’t let anyone hurt him.” Rurik tightens his arm around me, and I lean into him.
“Then we will be friends.”
“Speaking of…I’m ready to put down this bastard excuse for a father. If you want us to use some of that farm equipment you have, we can dig a hole somewhere on the property and handle disposal as well.” Rurik rolls up his sleeves.
“Don’t be silly. There is no need to tear up the lawn, I have pigs.
And I’ll get my head of security, Levi, to help with the disposal.
He’s wonderful and has become such a dear friend of mine and I’m sure it won’t be the first body he’s gotten rid of.
” This is a side of Uncle Frederik I’ve never seen before.
“I can’t believe your father is worried about Rainier’s security.
Like I’d allow harm to come to either of you at my cousin’s hands. ”
“Pigs. Smart.” Rurik taps his temple, then leans in to kiss me. “Stay with your uncle? I’ll have Levi show us the way.”
“Stay?”
“You don’t want to watch, do you?” Rurik seems genuinely surprised.
“I don’t know…” I’m not sure which is better or worse.
“We’ll go secure the situation and get things set up and you can sit with it. That sound okay?” Rurik leans down to kiss me.
“Okay,” I say into his lips.
They go with Levi, leaving just Rainier and I with our uncle.
“Now tell me how your father got in your head about your brother’s safety? I have the best security in the world,” Frederik asks pointedly.
“Did he not speak to you about this? He told me he did. After the attempt on Rainier’s life, father convinced me there were compromised arms of your security that were loyal to your cousins and would turn on us when you died.
” As I finish speaking, I know I’ve been lied to.
My head hurts and I feel like I don’t know what the truth is anymore.
“What attempt on my life?” Rainier looks genuinely confused.
“You don’t know?” I glance between him and my uncle.
“I’m not aware of what you’re talking about, either.”
“Last year, while I was away at college, Dad said there was an attempt on your life.” It feels like I’ve taken a knife to the chest. “He and Mikel showed up in the middle of the night to make sure I was safe. They acted like we were locked down for hours.”
Both of them are clueless to what I’m talking about. They don’t even need to say anything to tell me so.
“He made me believe you were stabbed and nearly bled out.” Every word I speak feels like admitting more of my folly. Why had I believed any of it?
But I had no reason not to. He was my father. I trusted him.
“No such event happened.”
I squeeze my eyes shut. “Was everything a lie?”
“Why didn’t you ask me?” Rain comes over to sit next to me and wraps his arms around me.
“Dad said you were traumatized and couldn’t speak of it. I kept seeing you in a pool of your own blood and I believed him.” I lean into my brother.
“They were grooming you, my dear boy. I’m so sorry for not recognizing it. Your mother would never forgive me.” He puts his hand on my arm.
I fight tears. “I’m so fucking stupid.”
“You’re not. You should be able to trust your own father.” Uncle Frederik gives me a squeeze. “Tell me about your boyfriend.”
“Yes, I want to hear, too,” Rain chimes in. “I didn’t think you’d date anyone ever.”
I didn’t think so either. I didn’t think I’d ever be able to let another person touch me like that. But they don’t need to be burdened with that information.
“Oh, God,” I laugh a bit wiping my eyes. “He’s…interesting.”
I could lie to them but I’m tired of the lies so I just let go and tell them most of the story, leaving out the stalking and the huge resistance on my part and making it more into a kind of secret society meet cute. I’m sure Rurik would be proud of me. The mood lightens significantly.
“And you said his mother is a hit man…woman?”
“Yes. Quite a good one, as I understand it.”
“Well, if this works out, that’s someone who would be quite nice to have on speed dial to deal with your cousins.” Uncle winks.
Rainier nearly falls out of his chair, laughing.
My phone buzzes and I pick it up. “Hello?”
“What’s the word, beautiful?” Rurik asks.
I lock eyes with Rainier and the images I’ve created of him bleeding out fill my head. All the nightmares I’ve had about losing him hit me in the chest and for that I want to be there.
“I want to go. I think Rainier should come too.” I think we need to confront him even if I don’t want to see him die.
“I think you both should too.”
Frederik joins us shockingly.
We drive over to the cottage in silence. It’s surreal and I’m sure it’s going to take me months to process the last few weeks. It’s eerily quiet when we get out of the car. I’m not really sure what I was expecting to hear, screaming maybe, but not the soft sounds of the waves hitting the cliffside.
Inside we’re greeted with a scene out of Dexter. Clear plastic tarps covering all the surfaces and Rurik in shoe covers and a thick apron. Almost giving him a mad scientist appearance.
I laugh awkwardly. “Very sexy.”
“What?” Rurik looks down at himself. “Are you not turned on by my murder clothes, baby? Murder is a lot unsexier than they make it out to be in the movies.”
“I’m realizing that.” I feel weird joking with him. Is it wrong to be laughing right before my father is murdered?
Dad sits, still in his night clothes, bound to the radiator with a ligature around his thick neck.
“Thank God. Boys, I prayed you’d hear me. These lunatics accosted me and tied me up…” he trails off, probably taking in our lack of alarm or hurry. “What is the meaning of this?” His voice and tone are completely different. Cold and calm like he peeled a mask off to reveal his true self.