Chapter Forty-Six
IF LAUREN HAD thought things between her and Grey had been uncomfortable her first few days aboard the Veritas, those days had nothing on her final morning.
Waking up in each other’s arms only served to highlight the fact that it was the last time they would be doing so for the foreseeable future.
They showered together, letting the water washing over them clear away their tears as they took advantage of their final time alone, fingers reverently tracing every curve and valley in an attempt to stave off the inevitable.
Breakfast had been an utter failure. Lauren had made waffles because they were Grey’s favorite, but neither of them felt much like eating.
The desperate kiss they had shared in the doorway of Lauren’s cabin after the breakfast dishes were cleared was wet with their tears, and it took Grey more than a minute after they broke apart to get enough control of herself to make her way up to the helm.
Lauren spent the sail back to Charlotte Amalie packing.
She wanted to spend the time with Grey, but she had put the task off for far too long already, and if she did not do it then, she would most likely miss her flight.
Retrieving all of her things that had migrated across the small hall to Grey’s cabin had been pure torture, and she was so blinded by tears when she returned to her own cabin that she just blindly shoved the toiletries and random articles of clothing into her bag to get them out of her sight.
She had managed to put on a brave face that fooled nobody as they said goodbye to their guests, and had turned back to the salon the moment they were gone to try and hide her tears.
The feeling of strong arms wrapping around her waist from behind shattered what was left of her control, and she let out an anguished sob as she turned in Grey’s arms to bury her face in the sweet curve of the brunette’s neck.
She knew that she needed to do this, that if what they had was truly meant to be that they would find a way back to each other, but at the moment it just felt like her heart was being ripped from her body. “I gotta…”
“I know.” Grey squeezed Lauren tightly and then relaxed her hold, letting the redhead slip from her grasp. This is not goodbye. It’s just a see you later, she reminded herself as she watched Lauren trudge slowly down the stairs to her cabin to retrieve her bag.
Lauren looked around the cabin she had only stayed in for a few short days before she began spending her nights in Grey’s arms, and shook her head as she picked up her duffel.
It was disproportionally heavy in her hand, as if the bag was protesting what was about to happen, and Lauren felt her heart lurch painfully in her chest when she returned to the salon where Grey was waiting for her.
The sight of Grey standing there, back straight, her beautiful face twisted in a mask of resigned agony, made Lauren’s grip on her bag slip for the briefest of moments as the weight of what she was about to do made her knees buckle.
The voice of reason inside her head was resolute in reminding her that it was absolutely ridiculous to throw away her career for what essentially amounted to a summer fling.
That no matter how much affection she felt for Grey, she would regret not returning to her life in New York.
That two weeks of happiness did not constitute enough of a reason to throw away everything she had worked so hard for.
She did not want to leave, but she was going to.
They would talk, get to know each other more, and in a few months they would see each other again.
Somehow she knew that these next few months would do little to change how she felt about Grey, but she was determined to do the rational thing—no matter how badly she wished to be utterly irrational.
Grey tensed as she heard Lauren’s duffel hit the floor with a quiet thud, and she drew a deep breath as she turned to look at her.
Lauren was as beautiful ever, even with her lower lip trembling and tears pooling in her eyes, and Grey opened her arms, beckoning her closer with a look because her throat was too tight to allow her to speak.
Words were unnecessary as they held each other, their faces buried in the sweet curves where neck and shoulder met.
Grey’s heart clenched at the feeling of Lauren’s tears soaking the collar of her shirt, and she swallowed thickly as she tried, and failed, to stem the tide of her own tears as she held her close.
It was patently unfair that, after years of simply existing, she should learn to live again in the arms of a woman destined to leave her, but she had long ago learned that life was anything but fair.
The only bright spot in their situation was that it did not have to be permanent. It was not that final line demarking life and death that could not be crossed; it was just a few latitudinal lines on a map that would separate them. And those lines, while imposing, could be crossed.
But to cross that line, it had to be drawn, and Grey pressed her lips to the sensitive hollow beneath Lauren’s ear, lingering in the touch for a moment before she pulled away to look her in the eye. “Call me when you get to New York?”
Lauren did not bother to wipe at the tears running down her face as she nodded.
“Of course.” She knew that she needed to go if she was to catch her plane.
Knew that she had already stayed much longer than was prudent simply because she could not stomach the idea of actually leaving, but she could not move.
Grey smiled sadly and kissed away Lauren’s tears. “It’s okay, baby. You need to go if you’re going to get to the airport on time.”
“I know,” Lauren whispered. Her feet remained rooted to the spot as she kissed Grey softly, the gentle caress a promise that it would not be the last. “I’ll talk to you soon, okay?” she asked as she took that first small step away from Grey.
“Okay.” Grey wrapped her arms around her waist to keep from reaching for Lauren again.
“I…” Lauren’s voice trailed off as she bent down to pick up her bag. “Grey…”
The anguish in Lauren’s voice made Grey’s heart break, and she blinked hard as she tipped her head at the door. “It’s okay.”
Lauren knew that everything was as far from okay as it was possible to be, but she still gathered her bag in her hand and, with one last deep breath to steel her resolve, walked out the door.
It was, she deluded herself into believing, the right thing to do.
Two weeks was not nearly enough time to make any kind of life-altering decision.
It was impossible to fall in love with somebody in such a short amount of time.
It was all lies, but Lauren held onto them like they were the most impeccable of truths, needing the strength they gave her as she made her way down the stairs and hopped onto the dock.
Her strength faltered at the sound of Grey’s agonized sob coming from inside the salon, the sound more akin to one a wounded animal might make than a woman, but she did not dare look back.
She knew that if she did, she would never leave.
She stumbled into motion, her footsteps slow and heavy, her body leaning forward in resistance to the force that tried to pull her back into Grey’s arms. She made her way down the dock, resolutely moving one foot in front of the other, determined to do the mature, rational thing—no matter how much it hurt.