Chapter 22
“He wasn’t supposed to hit me.”
Those words shook me and I didn’t want to admit it to Juliana. Edwin being violent isn’t a shocker after what I’ve just witnessed and neither is how she’s fearing him now.
I didn’t understand a moment ago but I understand now. Not about what happened to my wife but about her fear. The way she paused when he was sitting there.
That was another thing that I wish hadn’t happened. Her being in an abusive relationship before everything went down, doesn’t help my case. It makes it worse.
I don’t like abusive bastards. My dad may not have been physically abusive but when that man would berate, it was borderline triggering and there are times I know I’ve turned into him.
I guess the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.
Sometimes I wonder if my son was better off being adopted by a nicer family. Someone who wouldn’t fear that they would turn into their father.
A father that gives him his all without making it a big deal, without trying to shame him for wanting attention when that’s his son.
My mind races as so many thoughts pop up and it doesn’t even click on what I’m doing as my phone rings in my ear.
When did I pull it out and who am I calling? Before I can check, the voicemail comes on.
“Hey, this is Carm Crowne, I’m not near my phone right now but leave me a little message and I’ll get back to you. If it’s my husband, baby you know better and I love you.”
The beep sound comes on and I hang up. Then I dial it again, I haven’t done this in years and now, it feels odd to be doing. Maybe I just need to let her go. Let Carmen rest because whatever I’ve been doing isn’t working anymore.
Today has proved that I don’t fucking know anything and that’s something that needs to be rectified. I don’t like surprises, never have and now, a big bomb of a surprise has landed on my lap.
My mind tries to reason with my body and fingers as I text Cassius.
Cas
Me: he abused her.
Cas: only a weaker man would put his hands on a woman. She’s not even big enough to want to fight.
Cas: How did you find out?
Me: He showed up here.
Cas: the media?
Me: most likely because why the hell else would that loser be here?
Something about that whole interaction with him makes me chuckle.
Me: Can you believe he had the nerve to sit with me and think that I owed him some sort of conversation? It's laughable.
Cas: sounds like he ended up learning the hard way.
Cas: what are you going to do with Juliana now? Let her go?
Me: what would you do in my position?
Cas: I wouldn't do half of the things you’ve done but then again, I would’ve set her entire world on fire far beyond what you’re doing if it were my wife… but it isn’t.
Me: I know you miss your sister, Cas.
Me: You don’t have to pretend you don’t.
Cas: I miss her but along the way, I've moved on and realized that keeping her alive in my memories is better than wanting to bury Juli for my sister.
Juli?
Me: Juli?
Me: You don’t blame her anymore?
Cas: I stopped blaming her when I found out about her situation, that you didn’t want to be informed about her personal life past what you needed to help you feel better.
Instead of texting, I call Cassius.
He answers the phone with a chuckle. “You can’t handle the fucking mess that’s being thrown your way without calling me, huh?”
“Shut up.” I tell him. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Would it have changed anything?” Cassius asks.
“Maybe. I don’t fucking know but now, something is changing.”
“Are you letting her get her freedom from you?”
“Is that what you want?” I checked with him. “She was your sister, too.”
Cassius sighs. “There’s a fucked part of me that doesn’t want that for her but I know that she served her time for fucking speeding through that red light but when I think about the possibility that maybe she was running from something, it makes me want to just not see her being further put in situations that remind her of why she hit someone in the first place. I’ve just been thinking a lot lately.”
There is silence from both of us for a quiet moment.
“What are you thinking about?”
“Thinking about how much I pushed her away before she passed. I did it my entire life that I knew her. She deserved a better brother than what she got. That’s the fucked up part about it all.”
“She knew you loved her. Man, as much as you could show her. She didn’t have anyone else outside of you and her dad.”
I know how much he always told her that she wasn’t his actual sister, that his mother married her father to get out of the shithole relationship she was in when Cassius and Carmen were teens.
But Cassius couldn’t fool Carmen, not even a bit.
Hell, when I first met her, it was him dragging me along to protect her from some idiot who left her stranded on their date.
My eyes had landed on hers and that was it. She was the pure thing that I needed in my life more than anything else or rather, I wanted her to be in it. I didn’t know what was so enchanting about being around her but I didn’t fight it.
Now, I don't have that anymore. The darkness that I was engulfed in after her and our children’s passing took a hold of me in a way that nothing else could rescue me out of … until I held Ricky. My son.
He saved my life and I loved him from his first little grip of my pinky and it won’t change until I’m six feet under. Hell, even then, it won’t change because I love the hell out of my son and no matter where he came from or rather who, I wouldn’t change how much I love him.
Something clicks in my head about the month he was born in and there’s a slight pang in my chest because my heart tells my chest something my brain hasn’t caught up with.
“Cas, I know you know this so I need you to be one hundred and twelve with me,” a saying that we’ve had since we were kids.
“One-twelve.” he replies.
“What did her report say when Carmen, my child and her got to the hospital?”
“About the accident?”
“Was she pregnant?” I face the diner and I see Juliana, smiling at her next customers as she mouths something off to them.
“Yes and yes.”
“Meaning?”
Cassius sighs. “ I need you to know I didn’t tell you this because I didn’t think you could handle it at the time.”
“What are you talking about?” I ask, confused by his words.
“Carmen and Juliana were both a few weeks pregnant that night. We knew when it came to Carmen because Juliana didn’t know she was pregnant.
” My heart drops to my feet. Why didn’t Cassius tell me?
“Juliana’s injuries weren’t simply from the car accident.
He beat her badly and according to the x-rays, some bones were broken before that night. ”
“Stop.” I tell Cassius. I don’t want to hear any more. That’s enough.
“There was a rape kit involved as well. I checked the hospital records.”
“Shut the fuck up, Cas.” My words come out softly and too calm for my own good.
“I’m telling you this because you need to fucking know now. This isn’t simply me protecting you anymore, somewhere inside, you wouldn't want to know then but now, you need to know.”
“Know what?”
“That you saved her when you put her behind bars for five years.”
My laughter is bitter. “What? Saved?”
“The accident wasn’t going to be the reason she lost Ricky, Ric. The kit made that evident. He forced himself on her and unleashed a series of events. We punished the wrong person.”
“And you knew this?”
“She isn’t innocent but I also thought she was safer there so I had my mouth shut. I was also mad she took my fucking sister but now… fuck, Ric, you’re raising her son.”
“I’m raising my son, Cas and I won’t remind you of that shit again.”
“Fine, Ric, fine.” He hangs up but it doesn’t take my anger away.
My eyes stay on Juliana as she moves about.
Cassius says I kept her safe in jail… but did I? Even if that wasn’t my intention?
And that bastard raped her? His woman? The woman he wanted to be with? What kind of sick, twisted motherfucker does that?
Juliana may not be someone I care about but I don’t like fucking rapists even more. Edwin is going to reap what he sowed, he deserves it.