CHAPTER FIVE #3
I walked past a mailbox, and I recognized it instantly.
I was getting closer to home, to safety.
I’d been so focused on the conversation with Laurie that I’d forgotten my terror.
But even now, I couldn’t stop thinking about Lyari, or reliving the moment when the light had reflected off her yellow eyes.
“She keeps running from me, even before tonight,” I murmured. “Maybe I should respect that. Maybe I’m just a painful reminder of who she used to be. How do you know when to keep holding on, and when it’s time to let go?”
Laurie laughed, and I almost laughed too as I realized who I was talking to. All he said was, “Do you love her?”
“Yes. Of course I do.”
“Then you should try again.”
A small, faint smile touched my lips. It was such a Laurie response, and for some reason, the thought hurt. I blinked quickly, and I was afraid he would hear something in my voice if we kept talking. “I should go,” I said.
“Actually, your timing is strange. A couple hours ago, I just got another address for you and Collith to check out. It’s not a crime scene,” Laurie added, probably knowing that was my next question.
My heart slowed at those words. “Did you find that mark again?”
“No. This is something else.” Laurie paused again.
“My team has been investigating sightings of a creature … a human-sized creature with wings, as it’s been described.
There are police reports, posts on social media, footage online.
You won’t see much on the news, of course, because the sightings are being dismissed as a hoax.
Any source that legitimizes the claims seems to mysteriously disappear, so you can imagine how difficult it’s been to obtain information. ”
Dracula had struck again. If he had any idea where Oliver was, that information might have been helpful. Maybe the vampire knew more than he’d let on at the meeting of the Order.
But I’d have to think about that later. Right now, there was another lead on Oliver. “Text me the address,” I said to Laurie. “I’ll let Collith know.”
He fell silent for a moment. It was the sort of silence that felt like something unsaid. And then Laurie asked, “Why did you call me, Fortuna?”
I frowned. “I told you, a demon—”
“If all you wanted was a cleaning crew, Collith could’ve asked me. You’ve used him as a go-between before,” Laurie pointed out. “Or you could’ve used magic to wake a member of your Court. Every single one of them would rush to your side without hesitation.”
I opened my mouth to argue, but the words wouldn’t come.
Deep down, I knew it was just an excuse.
I could see the barn off in the distance now, but the sight of that familiar sloped roof didn’t bring me relief.
The other end of the line was quiet as Laurie waited for the truth, and I couldn’t see a way out of giving it to him.
Despite Mab’s warning, part of me didn’t want to.
I was so tired of lying and being lied to.
Just like Oliver, I longed for something that counted.
As I spoke, I pictured myself stepping off the edge of a cliff.
“Because when something happens, you’re always one of my first thoughts afterward.
The good things. The bad things. When I’m scared, or when I’m on top of the world.
The truth is that I’ve been wanting to call you all summer, because I missed you, and just the sound of your voice makes me feel better.
Is that good enough for you? Is that what you wanted to hear?
That I think of you as much as you think about me?
” I demanded. My insides quivered while I waited for Laurie’s response.
“I did warn you,” he said. I began to frown in confusion, but my expression cleared when I realized what he was talking about. The conversation came back to me, every word as familiar as the notes of an old song. It was one I’d replayed more times than I cared to admit.
Please. Don’t do this.
Do what?
Make me fall in love with you.
To be clear, I fully intend to do exactly that.
“I also told you I wouldn’t survive it,” I reminded Laurie, swallowing as a rush of fear hit me. I held the phone tighter.
This prompted another pensive sound. “Perhaps that’s why we need him,” the Seelie King remarked.
My eyebrows drew together. “Who?”
“Collith.” Laurie’s voice was soft now. I tried to picture him again, and I imagined him standing next to his bedroom window, a slant of moonlight falling across his face.
I didn’t know how to respond to his answer.
But then Laurie spared me by saying, “Good luck with your hunt. I hope the intel is good.”
He didn’t offer to come, and I didn’t ask.
“See you around?” I didn’t mean to say it like a question, and once the words were out, I found myself holding my breath.
“See you around.” Laurie didn’t hesitate, but his tone was impossible to interpret. I pictured him raising his eyebrows as he added, “Oh, and Fortuna?”
Apprehension fluttered in my belly. I approached the barn and tipped my head back to gaze up at the window. Yellow light spilled from the glass panes and guided my way to the doors. “Yeah?”
“You’re still a terrible liar.”
“What do you …” I spotted movement in the corner of my eye, and panic exploded in my chest. I turned just as the call disconnected.
Laurie had hung up on me. I scanned the yard and let out a startled breath when I saw him.
He was walking away, but I’d recognize that stride anywhere.
Arrogant. Graceful. The stride of a king.
With a faint smile, I started toward the barn again. From the corner of my eye, I saw that far off pale figure pause at the tree line and linger. Watching over me, just as he probably had the entire time I’d been walking home.
He was still there when I went inside and closed the door.
Twenty-four hours later, a full moon glowed outside the car window.
Collith and I were in another rental, on our way to investigate the lead on Oliver.
Thanks to Zara, I was fully healed from my encounter with the demon.
Adam had towed my totaled van away, once again leaving me without a vehicle, but I wouldn’t need one until my next shift at Bea’s.
Tonight, Collith and I were somewhere in Georgia.
The smooth, black road ahead of us gleamed dully from the moisture in the air.
One side of the highway was bracketed by dark forest, and the other was open fields.
I sat in the passenger seat again, since Miss Daisy didn’t like the way I drove.
My temple rested against the glass as I studied the shapes on the moon’s surface.
Even now, months later, it was still strange to look up and see stars instead of the red skies of Hell.
Collith had been to the underworld, I remembered.
It wasn’t exactly something I could ever forget, and the fact always hovered at the back of my mind.
But Collith wouldn’t know about the red skies, would he?
Had he ever left the cells beneath the tower?
Despite our conversation in the motel room, there was so much we still didn’t talk about.
So many secrets and pain and half-truths.
Collith never asked, and I didn’t, either.
Maybe it just hurt too much, or we were afraid of driving the other person away.
We’d already done this routine once before, after I’d made my crossroads deal and brought Collith back from Hell.
It hadn’t done us a lot of good then, and it wasn’t helping now.
If I wanted things to change, I had to keep trusting him.
I needed to keep breaking our long habit of silence.
“You’ve never asked me how,” I said suddenly. “How I could fall in love with the devil himself, after everything he’s done.”
If Collith was thrown by the suddenness of this, he didn’t show it.
He waited, just as he’d been waiting all summer.
Right on cue, the shame hit. It urged me to stop.
It shrieked at me to bury every feeling, every memory, rather than expose them to the light.
I fought the instinct and continued, “Believe me, no one is more disgusted than I am.”
Now Collith spoke. He gave me a swift, hard glance, and his voice was low. “I don’t judge you.”
“I don’t see how. But the sick truth is, he reminded me of you.” I smiled faintly. “Maybe that’s part of the reason I fell for him. I knew he had secrets. I knew he had a dark side to him. I knew he’d probably hurt me, too. Apparently I have a type.”
I fell silent, thinking for the thousandth time how badly I wished I could go back. Redo all the reckless, idiotic choices I’d made. My rush of self-loathing slowed when Collith asked, “You said that was only part of the reason. What else made you fall for Lucifer?”
My lips pressed together, and I felt my eyebrows furrow—thinking of him hurt. But I forced myself to, because I wanted to explain it to Collith. I wanted him to understand why I’d made such colossal mistakes, even if maybe I didn’t fully understand myself.
I forced myself to relive those days in the tower.
My time with Lucifer was vivid and hazy at the same time, as if it had been a previous life.
I remembered the visceral pull toward him.
I remembered how being with him made me lose all sense of time and anything else that existed. Anything else that mattered.
My voice was soft with regret as I said, “Everyone knows his power is desire, but they don’t truly understand. It’s not just the sexual kind, although he certainly uses that to his advantage, too. Lucifer reflects what you want most in how you feel, which is even more intoxicating.
“When he seduced Eve, she was trapped in the Garden and knew nothing of the world outside its walls. Maybe she was even afraid of it. But after, once he’d gotten his claws into her, she became brave and reckless. She broke the rules and left everything familiar and safe behind.