34 #2
“I don’t understand?” I whisper, still dazed from the kiss, still foolishly craving more of it. It’s like my body has always belonged to him and I just didn’t know it until that moment. The earth spins off its axis with the thought.
“It doesn’t matter, Cress.” His eyes are brilliantly, painfully blue as he holds back tears. “We should get back,” he whispers, moving around me to open the passenger door.
PRESENT DAY
“You told him,” I whisper, my heart pounding in my chest.
“What?” Riggs cracks open his eyes, blue as the sky and as painful to stare at as the sun.
“You told Koa that you—” I hiss, slamming on the brakes. Riggs shouts and braces himself on the dash as I turn the Cuda down a side road and throw it in park. I can’t breathe. I climb out leaving the door open and the engine running as I pace in the gravel with nothing but the moon above me.
Riggs is slower to follow but he climbs from the car, the wind pushing through his curls and sticking them to his handsome face.
“You told Koa that you loved me, didn’t you?” I snap, turning on Riggs. “That day you said it didn’t matter! But it did!” I can feel the tears streaming. “It mattered to you!”
Riggs looks down at his bare feet with a huff, his tongue pushing around inside his cheek.
I follow his long legs up to where the black pajama pants hang dangerously low on his hips, the spattering of hair leading beneath, the hard lines of his pelvis, the rapid breaths that fill his stomach and chest.
“Who did you think you were protecting?!” I holler at him. “That’s what you meant when you said it beats a picket fence and a loveless marriage!”
“I didn’t mean that. I was angry that day, sad,” he corrects himself.
“Why did you just—” I can’t even form the thought, my head is spinning so fast. You walked away from me that day like you didn’t care. Like it was a mistake.
“Because I couldn’t give you what he could.
It’s why I waited so long to do what I did, Cress.
Because every time I thought about it, I thought about all the fucking ways I’d let you down!
” he barks back, finally angry enough to explain how he felt.
“I was going to leave,” he confesses. “After you told me, I was going to get in my car and go. Anywhere. Just like we had always talked about.”
“Why didn’t you?” I grind out.
“Koa promised he’d take care of you as long as I—”
“Stayed.”
“He needed me just as much as I needed you,” Riggs confesses.
“I was leverage wasn’t I?” I snarl. “I’ve always been leverage to him, to keep you here?”
“Yeah.” Riggs nods.
“That makes a girl feel great,” I sob out, looking down at the necklace around my neck. “Where did he get this?” Everything on me suddenly feels like a lie. The way the necklaces feels around my neck, how clothing fits, the way my own heart beats in my chest.
“He stole it the night we stole the Cuda,” Riggs says with a deep inhale.
I tug the necklace between my fingers, wrapping it around my fist, and pull hard with an echoing hiss before I drop it into the gravel. All this time. Every single thing. Was any of it true?
“Why didn’t you tell me?” I whisper, trying to get my crying in control, but nothing seems to calm the way my lungs burn.
“Would you have picked differently?” He raises his head to look at me. “If you knew that he chased after you because I wanted you? Would you have made a choice?”
Like I didn’t today.
“Yes.”
But I would have back then.
Riggs stares at me as the stars fall out of the sky around us.
“If you had told me that day that you loved me, that you had always loved me. It would have—” I sob.
“No.” Riggs shakes his head, I can’t tell if it’s disbelief or denial. But he repeats it over and over like it’ll change what I said.
“It’s true,” I whisper, and it’s laced with years of loneliness.
“You know it’s true or you wouldn’t still be here.
You wouldn’t have lied to protect me when Koa died.
You wouldn’t have stayed to take care of Birdie and the boys.
You didn’t owe anyone anything and the shackles broke the moment he died, Riggs. But you stayed because you knew.”
“Stop.” Riggs puts his hand out as I come closer.
“I kept every heart, every single one even after he died, and I wanted to hate you. I kept them all. They’re in the top drawer of my dresser. Every time I found one after, I cried like you died and not him,” I confess. It’s so pathetic but it’s raw and honest.
“Just stop. Please stop,” he begs.
“I would have chosen you, Riggs,” I say. “I’m choosing you.” I let his hand press to my chest, his elbow giving way without effort as I cup his face in my hands. “Let me choose you.”
“I love you,” he chokes out, pressing his forehead against mine. I shiver from his touch and his eyes flicker over me. “I’ve loved you.”
“It’s weird,” I breathe out, my thumb brushing his bottom lip.
“I’ve imagined you saying that a hundred times.
” My laughter is half joyful, half tea-filled as he presses his lips to mine, his hand wrapping around the back of my neck to instantly deepen it.
I swear I can taste every single kiss we’ve missed out on in the last ten years inside of it.
“That’s because I have, Baby.” He chuckles but it’s weak, strangled. “You should really unfold those hearts.”