35
My body is stiff and the sun warms my face as I blink awake, still in the front seat of the Cuda.
The seat is pushed back and Cress is curled in my lap against my chest, fast asleep.
We crawled inside after she finally calmed down, car still parked on the side road.
Not a care in the world. A lot has happened over the last few weeks but she really hadn’t exploded like that.
I keep playing it back in my head how little she had pieced together, and then how quickly the rush of information hit her.
I remember everything down to which way her curls were wrapping around her ears that day, the smell of her skin, the exhausted look in her eyes. Her laugh. Her lips. It’s the memories that keep me moving while still keeping me in place.
But that world I worked so fucking hard to keep balanced is crashing down on us, and I can’t seem to figure out what I did to deserve it.
I don’t want to wake her up. If I could keep her here, in this moment, the sun highlighting every perfect imperfection on her sweet face, the way her curls have gone messy and limp from cuddling, how easily she fits in my arms… Unfortunately we have a race to win.
“Cress,” I whisper, kissing the top of her head. “We need to go.”
Her chest stalls for a moment, then she exhales a long breath and her eyes squint in the sunlight as they open. “I don’t even remember falling asleep.”
Her voice is cute and sleepy, it makes me regret waking her up because now the illusion of our perfect bubble is gone. What happens tonight if we lose? Who’s coming for us? What’s going to rain down if we don’t get that money?
“Your heart is racing,” Cress notes, sitting up gently. “We’re going to be okay,” she whispers, reading my mind like she always does.
“How do you know?” I ask, not trying to hide my thoughts anymore.
“‘Cause we’re together.” She smiles, too optimistic. I think she’s just riding the high of what happened last night and she’s using it as a distraction but… I kiss her instead of fighting because that feels easier.
“Alright, move your ass and drive us home,” I say, pulling back, trying to ignore the dread clawing at the back of my skull.
Cress sighs, clearly having the same stubborn feelings about getting back to reality as I do, and slides over the center into the driver’s seat.
This time, when the car starts, I don’t feel so uneasy about the rumble of the engine.
It doesn’t whisper nasty things to me, or remind me how I’m not good enough for her.
It’s just an engine, the ghost of Koa feels dead for the first time in two years.
She doesn’t take it easy either. A new energy floods her, turning her cheeks pink as she swerves in and out of traffic on the highway back to the house.
I can tell her mind is spinning. She’s trying to process everything she’s pieced together, but she’s trying, and this is how she does it.
High speeds, dangerous curves. It’s how we were raised to regulate ourselves.
She burns out the back wheels sliding into the gravel driveway, and I clear my throat of the moment of panic I experience in her doing so.
“What?” she giggles and I want to steal the sound from her lungs.
“Nothing,” I sigh gently, happily, and shake my head.
“You have cell phones!” Murphy is the first to panic as Cress pulls the Cuda into the garage. “Literally both of you and neither of you brought one?” He throws both of his arms in the air, lifting the t-shirt he’s wearing, exposing his stomach.
“Disappearing was a weird tactic on a day like today,” Rafe sighs, rolling out his heavily tattooed neck. “Where did you go?”
“Just for a drive. Couldn’t sleep,” I say as I climb from the car. Cress follows but dips into the house without a word. Birdie’s eyes narrow at me before she pushes from the hood she’s under and also leaves.
“I wish I could fuck out my anxiety, but now I have anxiety about fucking…” Rafe groans under his breath and continues to work on the car. Every plug, spark, wire, connection. They all need to be checked for tonight's race.
“Was it smart to take that out?” Murphy points to the bright red Cuda.
“If they wanted that, they would have come to get it already,” I point out and Murphy shrugs. “How does it look?”
“Uh,” he huffs, lifting from his chair and adjusting his glasses with his laptop balanced on his other forearm. “We got all the new stuff in. It all seems to be running smoothly. New tires, new harness. Birdie and Jesse installed the new glass…”
I tap the back window. “Bulletproof?”
“It was heavy as shit,” Rafe adds. I can tell that they’re both incredibly nervous about tonight by the way neither of them make eye contact.
“Hey,” I say, grabbing my zip-up and pulling it over my arm. “Tonight’s going to go exactly how we want it to. We’ve got a car, we’ve got protection and—” I pause, thinking about what Cress said, and shake my head in disbelief that I’m even going to say this out loud, but— “We have each other."
Murphy’s head tilts up from his laptop and Rafe looks at me like I have a fever, but he looks. Both of them are so tense and panicked I can feel the heat rolling off them.
“We got this.” I swallow tightly and Rafe nods gently, as Murphy inhales a fresh breath of air. “I’ll shower and then we’ll run diagnostics?” I ask him.
“Yeah, we should probably get it out of the garage before tonight, just to be sure,” he forces a wobbly smile to his face as I slap the side of the car in confirmation.
The parking lot is filled with an endless stream of music, laughter and the sound of car engines and speakers rattling.
It’s dark, lit up by headlights and the strategically placed flood light to mark the exits.
I climb from the car, peeling out of my leather jacket and handing it to Cress as she shivers next to me in the tiny tank top that Birdie gave her.
She slips into it without a word, her jaw tight and those brown eyes watching everything that moves. Jesse approaching from the left is enough to make her jump, and I put my hand on her back, giving her a look.
“Breathe,” I say.
“Yeah.” She inhales through her nose. I don’t see her exhale but I feel her body relax as it leans closer. I want to kiss her, to drag all the worry out of her, but my phone vibrates in my pocket and with everything going on I don’t have a choice but to check it.
Unknown
Second time’s the charm?
Relentless. This is a warning. They want me to drive tonight.
“Unc sent what he could. It’s a good base of guys, they all know the plan,” Jesse says and I look up from my phone to meet his gaze.
Race, win, protect. If there’s any sign of trouble, Jesse can pull any of them in for help and they all know who to stand in front of when it starts. Protect my family, I told Liloa on the phone. That’s all that matters.
“Look at that pretty face,” Jesse coos as Birdie climbs from her car in a mess of mesh and scraps of fabric that barely look like clothing anymore.
The t-shirt, that used to be in one piece, has the Monroe Motors logo chopped to pieces and slapped across her chest. The bruise around her eye has become nothing but a light stain, and she’s grinning ear to ear.
“Where’s Jake?” she asks, leaning into his hug.
“With Jet. I think he’s trying to convince them to hold races at the bar,” Jesse snorts. “He’s going to be returned to me with his finger tips, isn’t he?” He gets nervous when Birdie raises a concerned eyebrow.
“Jet is more of a gential mutilation kind of person,” Birdie teases and Jesse’s usual copper skin turns white as a ghost. “You should go save him.” She pats him on the face and he disappears into the crowd of people.
Unknown
Everything's on the line, Monroe.
“Where are the boys?” I ask, and Birdie looks over her shoulder, but Cress finds them first and nods towards the R35 where Rafe is making pretty eyes at some brunette in a mini skirt.
Her friend is working her ass off for Murphy’s attention but he’s hyper focused on the dash of the car that he doesn’t even notice her leaning over him.
“Don’t take your eyes off them,” I tell Birdie.
I trust Liloa and his men about as much as I would a live bomb. Birdie narrows her eyes on me, and I know what comes next is the fight of my life.
“You’re driving,” Birdie says and Cress’s gaze snaps to me, her mouth falling open.
“I have to.” I look down at her and can feel the anxiety rolling off her. She’s trying not to lose her shit, and while I expected an argument, I didn’t think it would involve Cress.
“You can’t.” Cress shakes her head.
“That’s what they want.”
“That’s why you shouldn’t.” Birdie takes her side.
“It’s exactly why I don’t have any other option.
I’m not putting any of you in that car when the only variable we know for sure is that something bad is waiting on the finish line,” I hiss at her.
She might have been able to win previous arguments with logic and sheer will alone,, but I wasn’t budging on this.
“You and your variables are bullshit,” she snaps.
I don’t care. Not after what happened to her and Rafe. I wouldn’t be able to stomach not knowing what was going on at every second.
“This wasn’t the plan!” Birdie reminds me. And she’s right, it wasn’t. She was supposed to drive today, but I can’t let her.
“Plan’s changing,” I bark.
“You’re not leaving me here,” she argues.
“I need someone to protect Murphy,” I remind her. “I don’t trust anyone else here. Rafe’s ribs are still bugging him, he won’t admit it but they are. You’re healthier, you need to have their backs.” I explain and she looks over her shoulder at them. “I need you here.”
“Who protects you?” Birdie asks, her eyes wild.
“Me.” Cress’s voice cuts through us.