36
“Ican do it. I know what sitting passenger means.”
I want to say no. Instantly. The word rolls around in my mouth like a fucking marble.
“Absolutely not,” I finally spit out.
“You aren’t leaving me here. I’m not watching another man climb into a car to not know if he’s coming back to me.
I won’t do it,” Cress snaps. She’s terrified.
Her hands shake, her bottom lip, although pressed into a tight line, trembles.
Her big eyes scream at me: please. It doesn’t matter what I say to her, she’s made up her mind.
Birdie growls, knowing that the fight is lost before I even open my mouth. She tosses her head back, hollering a string of profanities before she stomps over to her car in her heavy boots. Rifling around in her backseat she holds something at each of her sides.
“Put this on.” She pushes a vest against Cress’s chest.
“Why do—” she starts to ask but stops, stripping from the leather jacket to do as Birdie asks.
I help her get it over her head, rubbing the velcro around her ribs so it’s snug before helping her slide back into the jacket.
She tugs her unruly curls up into a ponytail to keep the strands from catching and it does something to my chest that I’m not expecting.
She looks cold. Too hard. Not like Cress at all.
“And this.” Birdie holds out the handle of a smaller gun. I snarl at her and she whips her head to me. “It’s not like half these assholes aren’t carrying. A fucking Polly Pocket pistol isn’t going to raise any alarms,” she snaps. “Take it.”
“No.”
“Cress.”
“I don’t want it.”
“You want in that car, you’re taking it,” Birdie fights.
“I won’t lose anyone else.” Her voice cracks and Cress’s eyes roam over Birdie’s face carefully, considering the words like they’re giving her papercuts.
A tiny wince, a watery set of eyes and three full breaths later, Cress reaches out and takes the gun.
The crowd parts and Jesse slips through with Jake in tow as Rafe and Murphy convene from the other side.
“Riggs is driving,” Birdie tells them with an attitude laced in her voice.
“What?” Rafe looks between us with surprise on his face. “We have a plan.”
“You guys are so fucking obsessed with the plan,” I groan under my breath.
“Yeah, because the last time we didn’t have one, we lost Koa,” Murphy clips quietly at my side and guilt rushes through me. I shut my eyes with a small nod.
“The plan’s completely the same, except I’m driving.
Birdie will run point with you. Rafe, meet us on the other side, on the line?
” I ask him, confirming, knowing he’ll be there.
He nods, shifting in his jeans and stupid bright colored shirt.
“Cress is coming with me,” I explain. Cress presses her hand flat into mine, all three of them clocking the motion without a word. “One last race.”
“You ready?” Jake asks, only interjecting once we all go quiet again.
“Yeah.” I breathe out, leading Cress to the car. I get her situated inside, checking the harness mindless as my brain runs through every possible scenario.
“Hey,” she whispers, pressing her hand to mine. “I love you.”
I catch her gaze and clear my throat, pushing away all the thoughts to replace them with that look on her face.
It burns with trust, loyalty, and with so much love.
I wrap both hands around her face and kiss her finally, drinking in that confidence she has in me to pull this off and replace the doubt that free-flows through my veins.
“Good luck,” she whispers as I pull away, a smile on her face.
My eyes flicker up, missing hers but hitting the driver’s side window and my blood turns to ice. Koa stands there with his hands in his pockets, eyes on me—as vicious as ever with a dark smile on his face.
“Don’t lose,” he mouths.
2009
I storm into the house, climbing the stairs to his room and push open the door to find him lying in bed, face down on the pillow fast asleep. My chest heaves with a kind of agony I didn’t think I could feel and it’s all because of him.
“Koa!” I snap but he just digs himself further into his sheets.
“Koa you fucking asshole, wake up!” I’m tempted to sucker punch him in his sleep, because then he’d know what it feels like to be blindsided by a fucking truck.
“Koa!” I reach out, palming one of the empty bottles of beer from his dresser and chucking it violently at the wall.
“Holy shit, Riggs…” he groans awake, shielding his face as the glass rains down over his bed.
“Can you be quiet? No one knows I’m home yet.
” He rolls over, rubbing his face with his hands before throwing his arms over his knees.
When he finally focuses on my face, his sleepy expression hardens. “Mm.”
“Yeah,” I snap, stepping forward, unsure what I even want to do about the anger that’s coursing through me. “You’re a piece of shit.”
“Don’t go all lover-boy on me, Riggs. We both know you were never going to do anything about those sappy little feelings you have.” He shrugs, knowing exactly why I’m so pissed off and I think that only makes it worse. Him being so aware of it and still not caring.
“Why did you do it?” I snarl.
“Because she needs a man, she needs direction,” he hums, “I can give her protection, a life, love… maybe kids.” The more he talks the more the rage numbs my senses.
“Is this a game to you?” I ask, confused why he’d do this. To me.
“I know all about your ideas, Riggs.” Koa slides from bed, grabbing a pair of jeans and sliding them on slowly like we’re having some healthy conversation and I don’t want to strangle the life from him.
“She was going to apply to school in Boston. If she got in—which knowing Cress, she would even if it killed her—you were going to leave us?” His accusation is a serrated blade, meant to inflict as much damage as he could.
“Get in your little shitty civic, push the engine across the country, forget all about your problems.”
“Where are we going?” I can hear Cress asking. “Anywhere we want.”
“That’s not—”
“You could never keep a secret,” he says, cutting me off. “Abandoning your family is a new low though.”
“I wasn’t abandoning anyone,” I say and Koa surges forward, pressing my back against the wall in a moment of unbridled rage.
“I convinced her to apply to school here.” His voice is calm but his jaw is tight and his eyes are on fire. “While you were running around trying to figure out a way to disappear, I was making sure you didn’t tear our family apart.”
“All you did was push me further out the door,” I hiss at him, and he starts to laugh like the psychopath he is.
“The most distance you’ll ever put between yourself and her is the highway that separates these two houses,” he whispers because he knows it’s true and I hate the way he reads me like a book.
“So you’re going to stay,” he says. “You’re going to watch her fall in love with me.
You’re going to watch me accomplish all the dreams we’ve ever had.
You’re going to help me turn this garage into something that fucking matters, and you’re going to do it with a smile on your face because I own you now. ”
“You think that some puppy dog crush is going to keep me under your thumb?” I harden my gaze on him, trying to shove away every other response I have. Because he’s right, the thought of getting in that car and leaving her tears at me like a wild animal.
“I know it is.” Koa whispers. “You lost the only race that ever mattered, Riggs. This is your punishment.”
PRESENT DAY
“Are you okay?” Cress’s hand presses to my chest. I blinked and Koa’s ghost disappeared but the dryness in my mouth and the thudding in my chest screams at me like it was real.
He was here. That can’t be right. “You look like you saw a ghost.” Her voice is so soft it forces my gaze back to her, connecting with her eyes to ground myself while my heart returns to a normal pace.
“No ghosts.” I shake my head and kiss her again before straightening out and moving around to the driver's side.
“What the fuck was that?” Murphy asks as soon as I’m out of her earshot.
“Nothing,” I whisper, still looking around. “Can you do a facial scan?”
“Of what?” Murphy’s brows pinch together.
“The city,” I say.
“The entire city? What are you looking for?” he asks.
“Who,” I confess, hand on the door I lower my voice as I pop it open. “For Koa.”
Murphy tenses, his eyes snapping around the area like he might see the same ghost. “That’s an insane ask when you’re supposed to have your head in the game and your eyes on the road.” He swallows tightly.
“I know, just—” I stare at him, willing him not to ask anymore questions, just for now. “For my sanity?” I ask, trying to get him to focus.
“Alright.” He squares his shoulders, stepping back from the car as I climb in.
The other two cars in the race pull up on either side of me as I check everything on the dash one more time.
Jake is the only thing standing between us and the race that determines our future.
The dread of leaving my entire family standing on the pavement behind me makes me nauseous, but not nearly as much as the fact that both these cars are completely blacked out.
“Do you know them?” she asks, watching the fear flicker across my face.
“Jake could never get names, only the makes and models of the cars…” I clench my jaw and recenter myself in the car.
I fill my lungs, time my heartbeat, and hit the gas the second Jake drops his arm. We move smoothly around him, taking off down the road. Our speeds climb as we hit the soft curve that brings us through a secluded row of houses and onto the off ramp leading to the hills.
The scenery whips by as we pick up speed; three sets of tires all ripping over concrete as we angle into the first real turn.
The second car, only a few feet behind me, struggles with it.
His back end fishtails slightly and it gives me a chance to make space between him and me.
The driver ahead of me is skilled, he’s quicker than I expected him to be and good on the turns.
The second turn isn’t as tight, but it’s unexpected on the GPS and leads us up a gravel road. Cress focuses on the road beside me, that stupid gun in her lap and her breathing timed to keep herself calm as her body rattles around in the harness.
“Hold on,” I grunt as the next turn throws us in a horseshoe up further. The lights up here grow fewer and farther between as we climb and the lack of illumination is rattling as the darkness spreads across the pavement for longer periods of time.
“Something isn’t right.” Cress’s voice is strained as her eyes lock on to the GPS.
It flickers once, like static, and then again, before blinking out completely.
Each time the programmed route looks the same, the road is highlighted clearly, but she’s right.
The second car follows at a routine distance, never trying to pass, and for the most part the car ahead is holding a steady pace that causes a knot to form in my stomach.
“It’s a trap,” I swear under my breath.