27
The mattress sinks, and my sleep is broken.Cormac peels back the sheet and climbs into the bed next to me. I didn’t hear him come in, nor did I listen to him strip his clothes off to a pair of briefs. I’ve seen this man wearing very little at the pool before, but this is different.
“What time is it?” I ask in a voice croaky with sleep.
“After eleven. I’ve got an early start with training,” he groans, disappointed. I gotta get up at five.”
“So, you’re leaving me early in the morning anyway,” I say, closing my eyes as he nestles into the bed. A long, smooth arm wraps around my torso, pulling me close, and my chest tightens. It’s been over two years since I’ve let myself get this close to a man, and my body’s natural reaction is adverse and fear-based. Immediately, I shut down no matter how much I want it. And I do want it. I truly do.
His face nestles into my neck, kissing and nibbling as his hand runs up and down my thigh. It feels nice, and I’m turned on by it as my panties are quickly drenched, but my brain hasn’t caught up with the rest of me, and flashes of The Four storm into the scene.
Their putrid smell, rough touch, brutality, sneering laughter, jeering each other on as if I was a caged rabbit, caught for the specific purpose of torture for their pleasure. I hate them.
I hate them.
Sensing my body freeze at his touch, Cormac pulls away and rolls over to his side of the bed. “Not ready yet, huh?”
I sigh through the guilt for rejecting his touch, but at least he understands. “I’m sorry. I want to, but…”
“Maybe when you’re ready, you can tell me what happened so I can better understand you,” his deep voice vibrates against my skin even though we’re not touching.
“I can’t. Not yet.” It’s still raw and far too fresh in my mind, but mostly, I can’t tell him because he’ll ask more questions and want to know who did it, and then I’d have to lie. I think the foundations of this newborn relationship have already been tainted with lies, their lies, to be precise.
“I promised to go at your pace, so this is me going at your pace,” he says. But as soon as you change your mind, let me know.”
“Okay,” I whisper and lean over and kiss his cheek. “Thank you.”
“Sleep well, beautiful,” he yawns. “Like I said, I’ll be up early at five, so hopefully, I won’t wake you.”
I find solace in his gentle breath, which deepens into a slow, melodic rhythm. I drift off to sleep and sink into the comforts of the mattress, but I don’t wake again until he climbs out of bed.
“Where are you going?” I ask him.
“Training,” he whispers. “Go back to sleep, Rae.”
The rustling of clothes is followed by the unzipping of a bag. Soft lips press against my forehead, and moments later, he’s gone. I roll over, trying to get back to sleep, but the more I try, the more awake I feel.
It’s still dark, so I climb out of bed to get a glass of water from the kitchen to quench my dry throat. The living room smells of stale beer and pizza, and crumb-covered plates are stacked on the kitchen bench, waiting for someone to wash them.
“Well, that’s a sight for sore eyes,” Blake’s husky voice croons, and I startle in fright.
“It’s early. I thought you’d be asleep,” I say, peering behind the table to find Blake stretched out on the couch with a single blanket draped over his lower half, arms resting behind his head, chest bare with a slight strip of dark hair from his belly button disappearing under the blanket.
“Yeah, well, lil’ big bro woke me up,” he grunts, “by flicking the light on. Did you sleep alright?”
“Yes,” I answer, becoming aware of my lack of clothing as all I’m wearing is a T-shirt that stops at my lower abdomen and a pair of white panties. I step behind the table to block his view of my bare legs and try not to perv at his body, but it’s hard having a conversation with someone without looking at them. “Did you sleep okay on the couch?”
“Nah, I prefer my bed, but I thought it might be too crowded in there,” he states, which makes me smile.
“We didn’t do anything if you’re worried about your sheets being marred or something,” I don’t know why I felt the need to say that.
“I figured that,” he replies, watching me closely with those dark eyes. “The walls are thin.”
“He’ll likely lose interest in me before I come around to doing it,” I confess.
Blake snorts. “Somehow, I doubt that. That boy is like a limp dog over you.”
“I feel like I’m disappointing him,” I add, swallowing over a lump in my throat.
“Rae, he’s not dumb. It’s obvious that you’re hurting deep down inside and need a patient hand,” Blake explains, “not a feckless fool.”
I nod and sip my water. “Does he know what you do in the depth of the night and who you work for?”
“Yeah,” his voice is husky and so damn sexy, “he knows.”
“Wow, I didn’t you expect to say that considering who Cormac’s father is,” I argue.
“Mr. Bernardi works for the Sex Crimes Unit, so he’s not gonna care about a petty thief like me,” he argues.
I snort in laughter at his faux innocence. “Yeah, but you work for-”
“The same man you work for,” he interrupts. “You know right now, Rae, with the light dim like it is, you look like one of those movie stars straight out of the nineteen-fifties. All natural beauty and class.”
“Is that come on?” I challenge the charmer.
“No, it’s an observation,” he answers swiftly, roughing his raven hair with his hand. “What are you afraid of?”
His question chills me, and I hesitate before answering, “Men sometimes scare me.”
“Like those two men who jumped you last night?” he enquires, and I suspect this line of question comes from a place of distrust, not of me, but the lies I have told.
“Yeah, just how men are so much physically stronger, and sometimes there seems to be a thin line between the protector and the aggressor.” I lick my lower lip and sip from my glass again while he waits silently for me to add to my confession. “So much damage can be done in a single moment. And they walk away scot-free while their victim suffers for years.”
“Are you speaking generally, or is that a confession?” he asks carefully.
“I’m speaking generally,” I lie. But my experience is not so different from other women. This conversation stirs restlessness within me, and a sense of being suffocated weighs heavily on my chest. “Anyway, I better go,” I utter quickly so he doesn’t have a chance to change my mind.
“Stay a little longer, Rae, so that I can cook you a good breakfast,” he sweeps the blanket off his body, revealing tight black boxers with a prominent bulge that I quickly turn my back on. “Bacon and eggs?”
“No,” I place the glass of water on the kitchen counter and walk briskly back into his bedroom, shutting the door behind me. Once inside, safe and sound, I take a deep breath to squash the rising desire, making my body ultra-sensitive to touch. Stripping off my T-shirt and panties, I hunt around in my bag for my bra, a fresh pair of panties, deodorant, and the shorts and T-shirt I wore yesterday.
I can’t hear footsteps, so he’s not coming after me. Since there is no lock on the door, I’m relying on his respect for me to keep that boundary between him and me up. I don’t bother tying up my hair and leave his bedroom, stepping out into the living room to find that he’s fully dressed in black jeans and a T-shirt.
“You don’t have to leave so quickly,” he says, “but I won’t stop you if you need to go.”
His words cut deep, and I’m unsure why. I freeze at the door that leads outside. “Why?” drops from my lips. “Why won’t you stop me?”
He graces me with a frowny smile. “Cormac is right. You sure are hard to read sometimes.”
“Forget I said anything,” I hiss, annoyed, not of what he said but my fear of everything man-related. “Thank you for the pizz-”
“Rae,” he exhales, combing that messy raven hair with his fingers. “Rae, I want nothing more than to stop you from going, take you in my arms and fuck you into next week. That’s what I want. But that is not what you seem to want. Although I think you want that, you’re too stubborn or afraid to admit it. So, I’m letting you go. Okay, I’m letting you go. But for the record, I don’t want to.”
My mouth gapes at his words, and my body is so damn hungry to be touched by him right now that it takes enormous strength to turn away and walk out the door.
As I run down the wooden steps to the ground under the rising sun, painting the sky pink and orange, an inner voice screams ‘coward,’ and my feet stop dead.
Gazing up at where I was only moments ago, I thought of the charming thief with his disheveled hair and dimpled smile, and a question came to my lips: “What if...”
***
“What do you want?”he asks softly, unsurprised that I returned to his door only moments later. Leaning against the doorframe to block my way into his apartment. “Tell me what you want, Rae.”
I lick my bottom lip as my heart hammers against my chest, and an instinctive flight reaction to this moment is urging me to run. “I’m done with running.”
He steps aside so I can enter his lair once more and shuts the door behind him. “You tell me when you want to stop, okay?” he says seriously, convincing me he stands by his word.
I nod in reply as he takes my bag from my shoulder and places it on the table. His shirt is pulled off again to reveal that beautiful smooth chest, and as he comes to me, I force my feet to stay.
“I don’t like to when men hold me down,” I confess to him.
“Okay, I promise I won’t hold you down,” he says slowly, standing over me, so close but not touching.
“I don’t like to when men lie on top of me,” I tell him. “It feels wrong, too smothering, like I’m being choked.”
His black eyebrows shoot up this time, and he falters a little. “Then I won’t lie on top of you,” he promises.
“That doesn’t leave many options, does it,” I say, sounding inexperienced.
He smiles as those chocolate eyes dance. “That leaves plenty of options.”
His hands seize my T-shirt and pull it up over my head, revealing my black sports bra, and those eyes run all over my breasts. He cups my cheek and presses his lips against mine as his other hand moves down to the small of my back. The urge to touch him as he seduces me overrides my usual self-control, and I run my hands down his satiny chest and stomach, stopping at the dome of his jeans.
“Do what feels right, Rae,” he whispers into my mouth.
Under his dancing gaze, I unbutton his jeans and slide the zip down, glancing up at Blake first before I fit my hand into the front of his jeans. He lets out a grunt as I take his hard penis in my hand and rub along the distended rod.
The more I rub, the wetter I get, and a moan escapes my lips, which prompts his pupils to dilate in desire and rapture. “I want you inside me,” I sigh, anguished at what this means. It might hurt. It might hurt really bad, but he promised to stop when I say.
He bows his head a little, “Are you sure?”
I nod. “Yes.”
“I’m getting a rubber,” he tells me, quickly disappearing down the hallway.
“Should I do this?” I whisper to myself as my nerves continue to pelt me repeatedly. I cannot let fear win.
Yes. You need to do this.
He returns with an analytical look, expecting me to change my mind, and holds the packaged rubber between two fingers. “You’re still keen?”
“Yes,” I sigh.
He takes my hand, leads me to the couch, and sits down, urging me to ride him. Ripping the condom from the packet, he slides it over his organ as my impending orgasm plays havoc in my body. With his help and an overwhelming amorousness flooding through me, we peel my shorts and panties off, and he places his warm hands on my hips to guide me over his erect penis.
Letting out a soulful moan, I kneel astride, and while he holds his penis, I tense up as I slowly go down over him. I cry out in relief as his length moves inside of me, deeper and deeper. It’s not pain I feel but fullness and stimulation of something dormant for some time.
“You feel so good, Rae,” he grunts, pulling my bra straps down to expose my breasts, then claims my left breast with his mouth. His tongue licks my nipple for a few seconds before he sucks hard, and I tip my head back as my orgasm thunders up and down my thighs and start rolling my hips over his erect sex.
I place my hands on his shoulders as he leans back a little and pushes himself inside me, hitting the spot, and I cry out again. I can tell he’s holding back his urge to take control and throw me on the couch to rail me hard, but he made a promise to go at my pace.
Using my knees and his hands as guides, I move my body in small circles over his penis, eager to find the G-spot once again. His eyes run all over my body, watching my breast jiggle while catching my nibble in his mouth.
“When was the last time you came, Rae?” he rumbles, pushing himself inside of me again, and I gasp because I’m brimming so close.
“Too long,” I wail as we fall into a rhythm, and his fingers brush over my clit. In response, I dig my fingers into his shoulders as the orgasm claims me, rippling through my thighs and peeking at my core. My mouth drops open, eyes close, and as I continue to ride the thief until I’m done, he holds me tight, burying his face into my shoulder, gently biting my skin.
He groans as he releases into the condom, and every ounce of orgasm is gone, and we”re left holding each other in the dim morning light.