Chapter Three Ren #5
So I don’t say something that upsets you. Am I making any goddamn sense at all?”
He ran his hand through his hair again and clenched his teeth, and I tried to think of something to say that would ease his agitation. “Thank you.”
Blinking, he tilted his head. “For?”
“Not making me feel like a freak, I guess.” Nervously, I giggled, and immediately hated the sound. “Sorry. For respecting me. No one has cared how I feel about words and touches. About my body. They used it if they wanted to, and I guess I didn’t feel like I could say anything about it.”
“I promise it’s never going to be like that with me.”
He said it like a vow, like before with the weight of his promise so heavy it couldn’t be broken, and I let it settle on me. I wasn’t hiding from him. He saw me. Actual me, not the body, not the weird trans guy. And as much as I liked being seen that way, it scared me, too.
“We have a lot to learn about each other,” I finally managed to say.
“We do, and we have a lot of time.” He smiled slightly. “Werewolves live decades longer than humans. We’ll get the hang of it. Right now…” He glanced out the window beside the door. “Are we good? Because that kiss was. I’m not sorry it happened. I hope you aren’t.”
“Definitely not.” Not now that I knew why he’d stopped.
“Okay. Then I need to get back to the main house.” He shook his head. “I don’t want to leave you out here, Ren, but I have to follow instructions. You’ll text if you can’t stay out here, and someone will come get you.”
“Yeah.” I picked up the phone. “Thanks.”
He reached out and brushed my cheek with his fingertips, and sparks that were completely not literal flew. “I’ll see you later. Or in the morning.”
“Yeah.”
He looked like he wanted to say something else, but after a second he opened the door and walked out. I locked the door behind him.
I only made it through a couple of hours before the silence grew too loud.
Alone, every sound I heard was a threat.
The Connecticut wolves coming back for me.
Someone coming to steal from me or assault me, as had happened too many times on the streets and in shelters.
I lay awake in the bed I’d chosen, in the smallest bedroom in the place, cringing every time even the tiniest noise reached my ears, until I finally gave up.
Scrolling through the phone, I found Laurits’s name.
I hated making phone calls, especially to someone I didn’t know, so I texted instead. Hi, Laurits, it’s Ren. Xavier said to text if I needed to go back to the main house.
The answer showed up fast. He told me. Someone will be right there. Wait by the front door if you can.
Thanks.
He didn’t respond. Heading downstairs was almost worse than lying in bed, but I made my way to the front door and peered through the frosted glass window beside it. After a couple of minutes, a large figure approached.
“Ren, it’s me,” Xavier called when he got to the bottom of the steps. “Come on out.”
Definitely his voice. Definitely him. I opened the door and went outside. “Thank you.”
“Yeah, of course.” He held out his hand, which I ignored as I went down the steps to stand beside him.
Not that I didn’t want to touch him. The problem was that I wanted it too much.
He let his hand fall back to his side. “The room you were using in the main house is still vacant. The Anax intended it for a guard or staff member. So you can stay there.”
“You’re sure he won’t be angry that I’m disobeying?” I looked toward the main house. A few lights shone in its windows. “I don’t want to piss him off.”
“Like I told you, if there are repercussions, I’ll take them.” He motioned toward the main house. “Come with me.”
I did, back to the house and upstairs to the tiny room. Voices and noises were all around us, with so many of the invited guests on site now, but somehow it felt more peaceful than the silence of the other building.
“Don’t worry about the guests,” Xavier said. “Consider yourself my guest, I suppose. I’ll clear everything for you. It won’t be a problem.”
I nodded. I believed him. The Anax might be upset, but I trusted Xavier to make everything okay.
Trust. That was something else I would have to get used to.
“I’m just down the hall.” Xavier waved in the direction he meant. “Come find me if you need anything. Breakfast starts in the morning around six. It’s self-serve, and there should be food available most of the morning, so help yourself whenever.”
“Okay.” I would have to try to get food when the Anax wasn’t present. Staying under his radar for the next few days would probably be best.
“I’ll be on duty every day, six to six, give or take.” He hesitated. “In the evenings, we can hang out. Talk more, if you want. Get to know each other.”
I was too overwhelmed to make that decision right then. “Yeah. Maybe.”
He nodded. “All right. Try to get some sleep. I’ll be working in the morning, but I’ll probably see you around.”
I didn’t have anything else to say, so I just nodded and went into the room. Where, fortunately, I did sleep. I was near my mate. I wouldn’t have admitted it for the world, but that was where I needed to be.