Chapter Three Ren #4
“The Anax might not like that.” He’d been pretty clear that I should stay out here.
Xavier shrugged. “He might not, but he understands fear. He understands having a past. If he does get upset, I’ll take the flak. Let me help you, Ren. It’s what friends do.”
“Sure. Thanks.” Friends. That was what we’d agreed on.
That wasn’t all I wanted. Xavier was my mate, and I wanted him. Part of me did, anyway. Part of me just didn’t want to be the only one in this house, and if I could persuade Xavier to stay, both of those parts might be satisfied.
Tossing the phone onto the small stand beside the door, I moved closer to him, backing him against the door.
I wanted to yank him into a kiss, but I wasn’t sure I could pull him down to me.
He was strong. So much stronger than I was.
So I put my hands on his hips and pressed my face against his chest.
He gasped. “Ren, what are you doing?”
He wanted me. I could feel it. Mentally, maybe through our bond.
The sense of heat and need rising between us.
And that wasn’t all that was rising between us.
I felt his cock growing against my belly.
Without giving myself a chance to second-guess, I slipped one hand up under his shirt to touch his bare skin.
“Ren.” My name was a moan. His skin was hot to the touch, and I was pretty sure that had nothing to do with the temperature outside. “Oh.”
My other hand moved as if on its own toward the large bulge in the front of his shorts. I forced myself to stop. I wanted to touch his cock. Touch every bit of his body. But not without permission. I knew how being touched without permission felt. I wouldn’t do that to Xavier.
He cupped the back of my head with one large hand and draped his other arm over my shoulder, pulling me closer to him. His breathing was ragged now, and he murmured something I couldn’t quite make out. Consent? Denial? I didn’t know.
“I want you,” I murmured. His shirt muffled my voice, but he heard me. I felt that too, in the way a moan rumbled through his body, in the way he tightened his arm around me. “Xavier. Stay with me.”
“Ren.” This time, regret tinged his voice. His lips touched the top of my head, and even that tiny kiss was flame and hunger. “Oh, gods, I want to. I do. But…”
“But?” I pulled back so I could look up at those gorgeous brown eyes. So deep I could have fallen into them, like I’d read about in romance stories.
He lowered his head and scooped me up at the same time, lifting me so our lips could meet.
His were soft and tasted like the lemonade we’d had with supper.
He slid one arm under my ass and wrapped the other around my back, holding me securely as our lips moved, as his tongue probed mine, as fire roared into life between us.
Between my legs, an ache needed to be filled, and I hoped Xavier felt it.
The kiss continued, and he turned us so I was the one against the door.
He moved his arm off my back to caress my side, up to my chest.
To the goddamn part of my chest that I couldn’t hide.
That I simultaneously wanted him to touch and wished I didn’t even have.
His fingers on my nipples sent another current between my legs, and that yearning ache grew so intense I could hardly stand it.
He broke the kiss and pulled back to look into my eyes. “I can’t. Ren, gods, I want you. I can’t.”
“Because…” Fuck. He was saying no because of my chest. Because I was trans.
“No,” he said. “Not because you’re trans. Not because of anything about your body.”
He chuckled lightly. “I want to see and touch every single millimeter of you, Ren. But then I would claim you. You would be mine forever, and you aren’t ready for that.”
He licked his lips like he was tasting our kiss and slowly lowered me back to the floor.
“I’m not either. You are my mate. You’re also brand new to all of this, and I… Fuck.”
He stepped back and ran his hand through his hair. “Say something. Please.”
“I want you.” I was repeating myself, but it was all I could think of to say. “Xavier, I want you.”
But he was right. I wasn’t ready for him to claim me. Even though I didn’t totally grasp what that meant, some instinct in the back of my mind told me that it would be far more than I could handle right now.
“I’m sorry.” I bowed my head. “I shouldn’t have—”
“A kiss like that? You damn well should have.”
With a thumb and forefinger, he lifted my chin and looked me in the eye again.
Our gazes clicked, somehow, like chain links being forged in place.
“You are mine,” he murmured. “My mate. But we can’t yet, Ren. Not claiming. Not declaring. It’s too soon, and there’s too much happening.”
“Yeah.” My mouth was dry now, and I felt like a fool. Sure, try to seduce Xavier to stay with me out here. Brilliant fucking idea. I turned away and put my hand on the doorknob. “That was a great kiss.”
He laughed. “It was a frigging amazing kiss, Ren, and I’d love to do it again. Over time. While we get to know each other, while we get through this gathering. Listen, though, I want to make one thing clear. I touched your breast.” He hesitated. “Is that what you call it? Tell me the right words.”
“My chest.” I tried to grasp what he meant. “My boobs, I guess? That’s what I call them if I have to call them anything.”
“I’m not a fan of that word.” Letting go of my chin, he clasped and unclasped his hands. “If it works for you, that’s what matters. I touched your chest, and you think I stopped because I suddenly realized you’re trans?”
“You wouldn’t be the first.” I emphatically did not want to have this conversation. “It doesn’t matter.”
“It does, because that wasn’t the issue, and I want you to understand.”
He frowned. “I touched you through your shirt, and it felt like your shirt wasn’t even there. I could feel myself touching you everywhere, and that would have led to kissing you everywhere, and then I would have claimed you. I wanted that so much it scared the fuck out of me. Your body is yours.
You are my mate. I don’t want to say it doesn’t matter what…what parts you have, but…Shit. I don’t know how to say what I mean. You are who I want, Ren, no matter what your body looks like. I need to learn how to touch you. What words to use. Not because you’re trans, but so I don’t hurt you.