Chapter Five Ren #2
We all just waited. There was nothing else we could do. Xavier kept holding my hand, and that felt good. It kept me calm.
Finally, Kyle let out a loud breath. “He’s alive. Tobias is alive. Ren was right. There wasn’t a fight. I…Tobias is going to need me. He said he’ll be up soon.”
The Anax arrived a few minutes later, looking haggard and exhausted. Kyle immediately got off the bed and embraced him. Suzannah tilted her head toward the door, and Xavier and I followed her out to the hall.
Xavier closed the door. “I’ll wait here, at least until the Anax or Seth tells me different.”
“I’m going to go find Kirk.” Suzannah smiled at me. “Ren, you’re welcome to stick with us until supper. I suspect things are going to be a little all over the place for a while. Until Tobias comes back downstairs or one of the arkhons steps in.”
“Steps in?” My chest tightened. None of the arkhons could take over, could they?
“Tobias might have asked one of them to manage things on his behalf while he recovers from the fights,” she explained. “Just for a little while until he’s had some time to rest.”
“Oh.” I shook my head. “Okay. That’s good.”
“You can stay with me,” Xavier said. “It should be quiet up here for a while.”
“Okay.” My mood lightened immediately. Spending time with Xavier alone, even if he was on duty, would be better than being surrounded by strangers. “Thank you, Suzannah, but I’ll stick with Xavier.”
Suzannah smiled. “You’re welcome. Come find me if you want to.” She walked away.
I stayed with Xavier through most of the afternoon. Even when the Anax and Kyle went back downstairs, which meant Xavier had to follow them, I kept close to him. So many people were on edge. It was overwhelming, but beside Xavier, I could be okay. For a while, at least.
Once Xavier was off duty, he brought me up to my room. “How are you handling this?”
“There’s nothing for me to handle.” Wrinkling my nose, I sat on the bed and leaned on the headboard. “I’m not really part of all of this.”
He sat on the edge of the bed. Not as close to me as I wanted, but close enough that I definitely felt his presence. Calm and steady, but there was something else beneath it this time. A sense, a need, that called out to something within me.
I figured I was better off ignoring that call. We were here alone in my room, and my wolf knew what that could lead to. I could lean over. Kiss him again. Touch him. Bare skin. We could lie down together, and almost anything could happen.
“You saw the Connecticut Alpha this morning,” he said gently.
Yeah, that reminder shut up my wolf. “The Anax dealt with him. Talked to him. Told him I don’t want anything to do with him, right?”
“Right. I think the Alpha wanted to apologize to you, but the Anax told him to leave you alone.”
“Good.” I chewed on my lower lip. “I really don’t want to think about him or his pack.”
“Sorry.” Xavier moved a little closer. “We don’t have to talk about them. Or anything.”
“I know.” He was right there.
His body was right there. The arms that had carried me into the house the day I showed up. I wanted to be in those arms. Maybe naked. Kissing. Touching. Finding out what he liked when it came to sex. Letting him claim me.
Okay, apparently my wolf had only taken a tiny break, because here he was again, taking over my thoughts. What the fuck was going on in my head?
“Hey.” He was studying me, face creased in concern.
“Oh, shit. You know what I was thinking?” He couldn’t have known. Okay, sure, mate bond and all that, but he couldn’t know that I’d been thinking about sex with him, because that would mean…I didn’t know what it would mean. I pressed against the headboard. “I’m sorry.”
“There’s no reason to be.” He turned slightly so he was facing me instead of just having his head turned. “Ren, I have to admit, those thoughts…Well.” His face reddened. “They were pretty incredible. But we can’t. It isn’t the right time.”
“I…Yeah. I guess.” I wished he would leave.
I wished he would stay. I wished my goddamn wolf hadn’t been taking a trip down horniness lane and that Xavier hadn’t picked up on the line of thought.
Only knowing Xavier for a couple of days wasn’t the problem.
I’d fucked guys I’d literally only known a couple of minutes, especially if they were paying me.
But if he fucked me, it would mean something.
That was the part that terrified me. It would mean I was his.
And that he was mine, which was worse. I couldn’t be responsible for someone else.
Wasn’t that what partners were? Responsible for each other?
I could barely take care of myself. No way should I try to take care of anyone else.
He didn’t say a word while all of that ran through my mind. I didn’t know whether he was hearing my thoughts again, and I wasn’t sure I wanted to find out.
“Tomorrow’s full moon,” I said finally, my voice rasping from the dryness of my tongue and lips. I wished I’d brought some water up here with me.
“Yes, it is.” He folded his hands in his lap. “Is that what’s going on right now?”
“Can we not talk about it?” Teeth clenched, I pulled my knees up to my chest. “I don’t know, Xavier. I don’t know anything right now.” My voice rose. “I like hanging out with you. Something’s weird tonight.”
“A lot of things are weird tonight.” He stood.
“Tomorrow’s full moon, like you said. Some people start feeling it a day or even two days beforehand, and you might be one of those people. Maybe you just need space. I ought to go get some sleep anyway. Tomorrow’s going to be hectic. You can let me know if you need anything.”
“How am I going to do that?” I snapped, and immediately regretted it. I sounded like an asshole. “Sorry. I don’t have a phone, remember? I gave yours back.”
“Yeah. We’ll talk to the Anax tomorrow about getting you a phone.” He hesitated. “Mate bond, Ren. I can hear you. Just think to me if you need me.”
That sounded like some weird sci fi shit…except that he was right. He could hear my thoughts when I didn’t mean him to. Why not make it intentional?
I didn’t want him to leave, but I couldn’t ask him to stay.
I was all over the place mentally right now, and it was probably better if he walked away before I said or did something I would regret.
Before another kiss. Before that kiss led to more than either of us was ready for.
My wolf wasn’t happy about that, and a dull ache sprouted within me.
He’d said being away from your mate hurt.
Maybe that was what this was. But he needed to go, so I just nodded, and he left.
I didn’t reach out to Xavier that night, because wonder of wonders, I slept through until dawn. In the morning, once I was dressed in the same T-shirt and shorts I’d been wearing, I opened the bedroom door.
Xavier was standing right there. He held out a pile of clothes. “I thought you might want to change. These are spares too. I think they’ll fit you all right.”
“Oh. Thanks.” Still startled, I took the clothes from him. “I hope the shirt’s a little big.”
“Why?” He paused, studying me. My face got hot, and his turned slightly red as he caught on.
“Oh. Sorry. Um, it probably will be a little big on you. You might want to try to catch the Anax this morning and ask him about getting some clothes that are actually yours, along with a phone. We have plenty of spare outfits, but it would be good to have something that belongs to you, wouldn’t it?”
“Yeah.” Not that I wanted to ask the Anax for anything, but there was no other way I could get what I needed. At least, no other way I was willing to engage in now that I’d met Xavier.
That was a thought I chose to put on the back burner to pick apart later. For now, I just said, “Thanks. I, um, should get dressed.”
“I’ll see you downstairs.” He flashed a smile and walked off down the hall.
I changed quickly and went down to the dining room. Xavier was standing by the far wall talking to Seth. He glanced toward me and nodded, then went back to what looked like a pretty intense discussion, so I decided to leave him alone.
The Anax was sitting at the head of the table, greeting people who walked near him and drinking from a large mug when he wasn’t speaking. I walked over and touched the chair closest to him. Might as well get this over with. “Anax, do you have a minute?”
“Of course. Have a seat.” He took another sip of what I assumed was coffee. “Do you want to speak privately? This isn’t really the place for it.”
I looked around at everyone walking past. Privately would have been better, but I couldn’t bring myself to say so. I shook my head. “I don’t want to interrupt your meal, Anax. Here is fine. I mean, I know everyone can hear, but if they listen, they get what they get.”
“Fair enough.” He picked up his mug again. “Ren, didn’t we agree that you would be staying in the farther guest house during this gathering? I’m not angry, and you face no consequences, but I would like to know why my instructions were disregarded.”
“I’m sorry, Anax.” A chill ran through me. I’d known I might get in trouble for coming back into the house. Xavier had said he would handle any issues that came up because of it, but he wasn’t here. And I didn’t want to throw him under the bus.
I bowed my head. “I did go out there the other night after the first guests arrived. It was…I can’t explain it. Too much silence, so I kept hearing things. I was terrified that the guys who assaulted me had tracked me down and would, I don’t know, kill me or something worse.”
I really hoped he wouldn’t ask what would be worse than being killed.
“So you came back to the main house so you would be safe?”
His gaze was heavy on me. I kept staring at my hands so I wouldn’t have to look at him.
“Ren, this isn’t a formal meeting. Call me Tobias, and help me understand. If you couldn’t stand being in that house alone, how did you manage to come back here alone?”
“I didn’t.” I spoke even more quietly. There was no way to answer him without him knowing Xavier was involved, and I kind of hated myself for answering. “Xavier…I don’t want anyone in trouble.”