Chapter Seven Ren #3
“Since we’re going with technical terms, yes, I like having a penis in my vagina. It’s weird sometimes, because I feel like that isn’t the right body part for me to have, but it’s wired to feel good when someone touches me there. Or inserts something. I also like having a penis in my ass.”
My face got hot as his went even redder, and I really wished we hadn’t started this discussion.
Especially since my wolf was joining in.
Apparently the wolf assumed talking about fucking meant it was going to happen.
Which it wasn’t. It couldn’t. Especially with this awkward-as-hell conversation going on.
“Good to know,” he mumbled finally. “Okay. So you…You have a uterus?”
“Yeah. I don’t think anyone has a big enough dick to fuck it.”
For a few seconds, he just stared at me with a face so red it could have been a goddamn fire engine.
Then he cracked up. The bed shook with his laughter, and I couldn’t help joining in.
I’d said it because being a wiseass was protection, but with Xavier, maybe it made talking easier. At least a little.
“That isn’t what I meant,” he said when he calmed down a little. His grin faded to concern. “A female—I mean, a werewolf with a uterus can get pregnant. I could get you pregnant.”
“Yeah, that would suck.” I’d met a few trans guys who chose to get pregnant and give birth, but I was damn sure not going to be one of them.
“That isn’t the sucky part.” Looking flustered, he drank more of his water. “Female—I mean—”
“Someone with a uterus,” I filled in. “Look, I’ve had people intentionally insult me and treat me like a freak because I’m trans. I know that isn’t you. You just met me. It’s okay that you aren’t sure how to talk about this. Just…learn, okay? Like, listen when I tell you how to talk to me?”
“Of course.” He seemed surprised that I’d even said it.
“Good. So go on.” I took another bite of my sandwich. “What happens when a werewolf gets pregnant, because I’m guessing that’s the issue?”
He nodded. “The pregnancy usually doesn’t survive. The embryo doesn’t make it past the first full moon night after conception. If it does, there’s usually a miscarriage the following month. The embryo, fetus, whatever can’t survive the mother shifting. Werewolves don’t give birth.
Werewolves are made, never born.”
“Oh, shit.” One of a number of good reasons not to get knocked up. I caught my lower lip between my teeth. “So anal it is, then? I mean, when we have sex. And if you’re into that.”
He laughed again, but this time it didn’t sound like he actually found anything humorous.
“Anal is fine with me, if and when we get to that point. Which won’t be tonight, Ren.”
His voice dropped. “I know our wolves want it. No lie, my human side does too. But our first time together will be about claiming, and I don’t want to do that to you. Not yet.”
“Yeah.” I wasn’t sure how I felt about that.
There were too many thoughts and emotions swirling around for me to label any of them.
So I didn’t say anything else, because what else was there to say?
I wanted him to fuck me. Claim me. Except for the part of me that was terrified of being claimed, of belonging to someone that intensely.
And what I wanted didn’t matter if Xavier wasn’t okay with it.
Sex was a two-yes, one-no deal. At least when people who gave a shit about respect were involved.
“I understand if you don’t want me to stay with you,” he said quietly. “I don’t know if you were expecting—”
“I was expecting you to stay with me like you promised.”
My voice cracked. He thought I only wanted him there to fuck?
How could he believe that? “We’ve said the whole time that you would just be in here with me, and whatever happened or didn’t happen was fine. Why are you changing that?”
A tear rolled down my cheek, and impatiently, I brushed it away.
There wasn’t anything to cry about. I was being fucking ridiculous.
Emotions were weird after shifting, clearly. I could blame it on that.
“I’m not.” He reached out his hand. “Ren, I’m not changing anything. I just meant you have a choice. I don’t want to leave. I would love to spend a few hours just lying next to you. Holding you, if that’s okay.”
“Why the hell did you think I was expecting you to claim me tonight?” My voice rose to a wail, and I yanked the blanket up to cover my face because I couldn’t stand having him look at me right now. “Shit! Why am I acting like this?”
“Because you just shifted twice in a few hours, and that plus the full moon really screws with thoughts and emotions.”
He paused. “I’m sorry, Ren. I didn’t think you were necessarily expecting anything. I completely fucked up that whole conversation. I’m sorry for saying stupid shit and upsetting you.”
I pushed the blanket down enough to peer at him over the top of it. “I fucking hate full moon nights. I used to love looking at the moon.”
“Same.” He tilted his head. “Are we good?”
I didn’t know. Good might not have even been an option anymore. But I wanted things to be good with Xavier. I wanted him to be with me. Declaration or not, claiming or not, he was mine. And that meant things could be good if I let them.
“Yeah,” I said. “We’re good.”