Chapter Ten Xavier #2
Kyle and I stayed at the table while the others got up and walked out of the room. Everyone left their dishes on the table. Chloe disapproved of us cleaning up after ourselves, for some reason, though sometimes we did it anyway. She was only one person, and we could make a hell of a mess.
“Xavier, why don’t you move closer so we can have a semblance of privacy.” The Anax indicated the chair to his left, where Seth had been sitting.
I moved there, bracing myself. “Is there a problem, Anax?”
“Let’s dispense with the title for now.” He glanced at the ceiling. “I need to tell Ren that he only has to use the title at official times. I don’t have a problem, Xavier, but I am worried about Ren. Kyle said Ren barely left his room all day.”
“He refused to leave his room,” Kyle said.
“I offered to show him around the house, and he said no, he just wanted to be in that room. I can understand him feeling comfortable in there. Even in absentia, so to speak, Quinn has a way of putting people at ease. But just now, Ren was acting terrified. He wasn’t like that at the hunt house.”
“He was scared there, but it was different.” I pressed my lips together. “I don’t know. When you brought him inside, I told him to come find me after he was situated. I didn’t see him until now.”
“Told him?” Kyle looked confused for a second. “Ah. Bond.”
“Yeah. No declaration, no claiming, but our bond is there.” I put my hand over my heart. “Never realized that none of the other stuff is necessary. The bond is there when you find your mate.”
“Some say it’s there even before you find them,” the Anax said.
“Not as strongly, of course, but some say the bond is there to lead you to your mate. Xavier, support him as much as you can, and if he tells you anything he needs to make this transition easier, please pass it along. With his consent, of course.”
“I’m not sure if he even knows what he needs,” I said.
“He might not. This has to be a massive shock to him, going from being homeless to living here.” The Anax chuckled bitterly. “Not to mention adjusting to having to go wolf once a month. He did all right on hunt night?”
“Shifting hurt him, but he seemed okay.” I hesitated. “With respect, I understand you’re worried about him, and you’re talking to me because he’s my mate, but I don’t feel right having a conversation like this behind his back.”
“You’re absolutely right. We shouldn’t be.” He pushed his chair back from the table. “I would like to talk with him in the morning. After breakfast, before the day gets hectic. Having a specific role here might help him.”
“It might.”
“I’ll be working on the infrastructure for the support groups,” Kyle said.
“I want to get those up and running ASAP, especially Virtual Haven. If Ren has any computer knowledge, I’d love some help with that. Yes, Tobias, I know you’re going to help, but you’re the Grand Poobah Wolfy-Dude, and you don’t exactly have spare time.”
“That’s for damn sure.” Quirking his lips, the Anax stood. “Thank you, Xavier. You’re off duty until morning.”
“Thank you, Tobias.” As usual, I stumbled a little over his name. He was the Anax, and one of the first things I’d learned as a guard was to address him as such at all times. Which was in complete opposition to his wish to be treated like just another person.
He and Kyle wandered off, and I headed upstairs and paused in front of Ren’s door, torn between checking on him and giving him space. As I stood there debating myself, the door opened.
“What do you want, Xavier?” Ren leaned against the doorframe. His hair was messy, like he’d been running his hands through it. He glared up at me. “I fucked up. I get it.”
“No, you didn’t.” Heart heavy, I reached out to him. He stepped back, and I lowered my hand. “No one’s upset with you or anything. The Anax was concerned about you, though.”
“Great. I need to stay under the fucking radar, and he’s concerned.” He sighed. “What do you want?”
“To make sure you’re all right.” Obviously he wasn’t, and I felt foolish for saying it. “Can I come in?”
“No.” He scoffed. “This isn’t the hunt house. This isn’t…Fuck, I don’t even know. It feels different. It is different.”
“It doesn’t have to be.” Frowning, I studied him. He trembled, his agitation so heightened it was painful to see. “It’s a different building. Fewer people, which isn’t a bad thing. Between you and me, though, it doesn’t have to be different.”
“It is.” He shook his head. “Look, I can’t explain it. Just, no, you can’t come in. Not tonight. I don’t know if you can at all. I don’t know if I can stay here.”
“All right.” My stomach dropped. Something was very wrong. This wasn’t the Ren I’d gotten to know over the past few days. Since his reaction to seeing Boston, he’d changed. “I’m right down the hall. Second door on the left. If you need anything. Or you could use our bond.”
“I’ll be fine. Thanks for checking on me.” He leaned forward and peered down the hallway. “The Anax wants to see me in the morning?”
I nodded. “He only wants to talk about what you’re going to do here. Like, help in the kitchen, or work with Kyle on Virtual Haven and the rest of the support group stuff.”
“Yeah. Good. Having something to do would be good.” He stepped back. “I want to sleep. I guess I’ll see you at breakfast.”
“Yeah. Breakfast is between six and seven.”
“Cool. Good night.” With a deep breath, he closed the door in my face.
For a second, all I could do was stare at the door. The man who’d asked, practically pleaded, for me to hold him as we slept the past few nights now wouldn’t even let me into his room.
Something was broken. In the hour or so it had taken to drive here from the hunt house, something had fractured between Ren and me. Our bond was there, but it felt like…Like a kinked garden hose. Existing but not fully functioning. Not letting everything through.
If I stood there long enough, maybe Ren would feel my confusion. My sadness. Maybe he would open the door again and talk to me. Explain. Let me touch him, hold him.
If I stood there long enough, he might feel cornered. Trapped.
I didn’t stand there.
For the next few days, I only saw Ren at meals.
The house wasn’t as large as the hunt house, but it had ample space for him to avoid me if he chose, and clearly that was what he’d chosen.
Staying in his room or in the den with Kyle, where the two of them were working to create the digital platform for the support groups the Anax had proposed.
Walking away if I went toward him. Even sitting on the other side of the dining table.
I tried to act like it didn’t bother me.
Went about my usual business, following orders, monitoring the house, protecting the Anax.
Fortunately, no threats arose. Even the Wednesday meeting with the three alphas went smoothly, though since the Anax himself had instated the Berkshires Pack Alpha, and Enzo Pereira was still trying to make up for what his pack had put Ren through,
it wasn’t surprising that they were on their best behavior.
I didn’t know the Hudson Pack Alpha, but he barely spoke and was so bland he practically blended with the wallpaper.
I couldn’t really see him causing any issues.
I did my job, because that was what I was there for.
Talked with the other guards. Reported to the Anax.
Joked around a little with Kyle, because the guy was such a wiseass it was impossible not to joke around with him.
But the entire time, I felt Ren nearby, and the fact that I couldn’t talk to him, that he wasn’t asking me to lie in bed with him at night, felt like a spike through my heart.
This had to be what people talked about when they said being away from your mate was painful.
The agony was nothing I’d felt before, but Ren was here.
In the same house. I could see him. Hear him sometimes, if I happened to be near the den when he and Kyle were working—and damn, my wolf was pissed that Ren was spending time with Kyle and not with me.
Ren was in the same house, but we might have been a million miles apart. I missed him. Even when we were in the dining room together, I missed him. And every time he walked away from me, every time I went to bed alone, a piece of me was torn away.