Chapter Eleven Ren #3
“Does everyone know we’re mates?” Foolish question. He’d just said other people had noticed. I wrinkled my forehead. “They do, don’t they?”
“Probably. It’s something most werewolves can sense.” He held out his hand. Uncertainly, I moved one hand out of the blanket to take it. “You’re worried about what people will think of you for being stuck with me?”
I scoffed. “Not even close. Not everyone’s in favor of someone trans being in a relationship. They might think a few negative things about you.”
“I don’t give a shit.” Stepping back, he gently pulled me with him. “No one else’s opinion of us matters, as far as I’m concerned.”
My heart sped up, not only at his touch but the way he was looking at me.
A prize. A treasure. Something he craved, and that set off all kinds of frigging sparks in me.
To cover the reaction, I waved toward the window.
“Why are we leaving this view? I was enjoying watching the waves.”
A loud roar filled the air, and I shuddered.
“The planes can go the fuck away any time now, though.”
He waited until the noise died down. “The planes are the biggest downside of living here. And we’re leaving the view because I’d like to lie down with you. This room isn’t off-limits, but the bed is the Anax’s. I’m not on duty today or tomorrow. We can…”
He trailed off and became extremely interested in a spot on the wall.
“We can take a nap?” Oh, fuck, yeah, those sparks were igniting like crazy now. “Sure. Let’s do that and see what happens. I take it you accept my apology?”
“Yes, but are you okay? Really?” He turned back to me, studying me with an intensity that both pissed me off and excited the hell out of me. “I can still talk to Laurits about us going to the hunt house. If you want a break from the planes or something.”
And just like that, a bucket of ice water hit the goddamn sparks.
Fucking mood whiplash here, and I didn’t know how to stop it.
I rolled my eyes. “Fuck it. No, I’m not really okay.”
Words poured out of my mouth, and I couldn’t even track what I was saying.
Not that I gave a shit. “I don’t know what my life is going to be in another day, never mind another month. Or year. I’ve never known. That’s what it’s like, Xavier. What it’s been like for me my entire life. You all are acting like I should be able to accept everything when for all I know,
it could be gone tomorrow.”
I thought he was going to yell again, but he spoke even more quietly than before.
“I hate that you’ve had that kind of life, Ren. You deserve to feel safe. To know what you have today, you’ll have tomorrow. I don’t expect you to suddenly believe that, by the way. Shit lives have a way of sticking with you even when you aren’t in that life anymore.”
“I still am, though.” Aggravated, I brushed my forehead with a finger.
“Here. Fuck, Xavier, it’s only been a couple weeks. Two damn weeks ago, I was on the streets. Sleeping wherever I could find a doorway or something that would at least partly hide me. That’s what isn’t going away. The memories. The things I had to do while I was out there. Fuck!”
Dropping the blanket, I ran my hand through my hair.
I wasn’t hiding now. He wanted to know me?
Wanted to know if I was okay? Buckle up, buttercup.
My voice rose as I spewed more words. “We could have just gone to my room. Or yours. Lay down. Slept, maybe. And now all this shit is back in my head, and I can’t fucking shut it off. So give me a goddamn break with your ‘you’re safe now, you deserve to know’…Whatever.”
He was just staring at me, stunned, and I couldn’t take that right now. Maybe he was deciding I wasn’t worth the hassle. Who the fuck knew? I damn sure wouldn’t wait around to find out. I snatched the blanket off the floor and stormed out of the room.
He didn’t follow. Didn’t call after me. Just stood there while I stomped out of the room and finally let the tear dam burst completely.
Barely able to see where I was going, I ran down the back stairs. Thank fuck, no one was in the kitchen. No one to see me falling the hell apart while I ran, because I had to run. I didn’t know where I would go, but it wouldn’t be the first time I took off with no destination in mind.
A loud sob ripped its way out of my throat, and I stopped, my hand on the back doorknob.
Outside. If I could get outside, everything would be fine, but someone might have heard that goddamn sob.
Technically the guards were only guarding the house, and I didn’t have to answer to anyone, but if any of them heard me, they might come to find out what I was doing. They would see me trying to leave.
They would stop me. I couldn’t let anyone stop me. I had to get out of here.
No one came. I heard voices toward the front of the house and braced myself, but no one walked into the kitchen. When the voices stopped, I yanked open the door and ran out into the cool evening air.
The sun was setting. The sunlight I’d seen on the bay upstairs with Xavier had been the day’s last rays.
Now, beyond the city skyline, the sky was brilliant orange, pink, red…
I would have thought it was beautiful if I could have seen it clearly.
Right now, it was a brilliantly colored blur, and the skyline itself was a tall blob.
Which was good. It meant I didn’t have to see it.
I had to go through it, though. Didn’t I? If I was leaving.
I was leaving? I hadn’t thought it clearly before, but of course I was.
What else could I do? The way I’d taken off on Xavier, Now he knew what I was.
Fucked up. Broken. Used. He didn’t have an issue with me being trans, but there was no way in hell he could accept the rest of me.
And if he didn’t accept me, didn’t want me, how could I stay in this house?
The ocean was beautiful, lit by the sunset sky. I could just dive into it. From the back of the house’s yard, it was several feet down to the water, but that wasn’t a bad thing. Werewolves could heal most injuries, but I was pretty sure a broken neck…
What the fuck? My own voice, but a little more gravelly than my human one. This is nothing to die over. Walk. Run. Get away.
Yeah. Maybe my wolf had a point, because I was pretty sure that was who was speaking. I’d survived being thrown out by my so-called family. Survived years of living on the streets. Sleeping in shelters. Letting my body be used because it was the only way to feed myself.
Hell, I’d survived being changed into a werewolf and having the shit beaten out of me by other werewolves because I was transgender. I’d survived running.
I’d survived finding my mate. And now I had to get away from him, because he knew too much about me. All his bullshit talk about forever, about how I was safe, how I deserved to be able to trust…Yeah. Bullshit.