Chapter Fifteen Ren
Xavier loved me.
Xavier thought I was gorgeous.
What the fuck even was my life?
However many days ago, I’d woken up planning another day of avoiding Xavier.
Pretending he wasn’t here, because that was easier than worrying about how to be with him.
Or about not being with him, which had been my real worry.
I’d believed my place in this house, my place by Xavier’s side, hung by a thread, especially with all of the damn memories of my time on the street.
The images of what I’d done out there before I was changed.
I’d done what I had to do to survive, like Xavier had said. It wasn’t like I’d had many options. The fear that had built over the past few days was that other people would think I should be ashamed. That they would be ashamed of me.
That it would give the Anax a reason to kick me out. Give Xavier a reason to decide there was no way in hell he would want me as his mate.
That was why I’d fled. Not out of shame, but out of fear. Because Xavier hadn’t stopped me from leaving the attic, and that had fueled the belief that the truth was more than he could accept.
He had accepted it, though. Accepted me. He’d rescued me from Gregory. Hell, he’d spent days sitting beside me until I healed enough to open my eyes. Even after I woke, Xavier had stayed with me. Today, having had to go back to work, he’d come to me as soon as he was able.
Now here we were, wrapped up in each other, me completely naked except for the binder, him naked from the well-defined abs down. He loved me. I didn’t know what the hell to do with that.
So I didn’t do anything with it. I wasn’t going to think about love when I could follow through on what I’d offered earlier.
“Take off your shirt,” I said with my lips against the spot on his neck that had revved him up so much before.
“Huh?” He moaned softly. “Ren.”
“You’re seeing me.” Most of me. “I want to see you.”
“Sure. Then stop kissing me so I can sit up.”
“That’s no fun.” Grinning, I moved off him.
He almost literally ripped off the shirt and tossed it aside. Messing up my room. I would have to talk to him about that later, when we could talk. In a completely joking way, because I honestly didn’t care where his shirt was as long as it wasn’t on him.
I couldn’t have said why I wanted him so badly now. Not that I needed to say a goddamn thing.
As I watched him toss his shirt, ran my gaze over his pecs, imagined his hands wandering my skin, I wanted him to claim me.
Not that I would have said so for a million bucks.
Even if my life depended on it. Claiming meant forever, and forever was bullshit.
But I wanted to belong to him even if it was for some length of time that didn’t exist.
“Ren.” He lay back, arms open. “Come here.”
Shit. He could hear what I was thinking through that damn bond.
“I’m good.” I lay on him again and started kissing, because using my mouth on his bare skin would fend off any conversation. Conversation wasn’t what was supposed to happen right now.
He didn’t stop me as I once again moved my lips down his neck and torso. I teased him by kissing his thighs and caressing them, getting closer to his dick but not actually touching it despite how much I wanted to feel that thick cock in my hand. And in my mouth.
“Ren.” He ran his hand through my hair and tugged gently. Surprised, I looked up at him across the expanse of his abdomen and chest. I expected him to tell me to quit what I was doing. Instead, he said, “You said I could play with you while you suck my dick.”
“I did, didn’t I.” I planted another kiss just above where the tip of his cock rested on his belly, then maneuvered myself around so my feet were once again beside his head. “Better?”
He rested his hand on my ass, and I shivered at the heat of that touch. “Much better. Stop me if I do anything you don’t want.”
“I already promised I would.” I kissed his thigh again, and he let out another soft moan. “Enough talking, Xavier, all right? Talk only if you need to tell me something important. Otherwise, shut up and enjoy the ride.”
He murmured something that sounded like agreement and caressed my ass cheek as I finally gave him what he wanted.
His cock was more than I could take all the way into my mouth, but I gave it a damn good try, sliding my lips over the wide head poking out of the foreskin, wrapping one hand around the shaft closer to his body.
With a louder moan, he moved his hand along my ass crack, and I parted my legs more to give him better access.
I wasn’t necessarily a fan of someone doing me while I gave head. It distracted me from my task. But Xavier’s thick fingers moved so hesitantly that I had no trouble keeping my mind and mouth on his dick. He moved his fingers along my slit, and I gasped as he circled my asshole.
“Can I touch you here?” he murmured.”
I didn’t want to stop licking and sucking that deliciously thick cock to answer. Then I remembered I didn’t have to. Mates. Anywhere. Fuck me with your fingers. Ass or the other hole, doesn’t matter. Both feel good. At least his fingers couldn’t knock me up if he decided to do that hole.
“Which do you want?” He circled my asshole again, then moved his finger to my vagina.
If you touch my ass first, don’t put your finger in the other hole.
I’d learned that the hard way, including a course of antibiotics followed by antifungals.
Not something I wanted to repeat, though if I’d understood right, I couldn’t get infections anymore.
Werewolves didn’t get sick or carry diseases.
I assumed that extended to bacterial and fungal infections, but I didn’t want to test the theory.
“Which do you want?” he asked again.
I grazed his cock head with my teeth, very, very lightly but enough to get my point across. Stop talking. Do what you want.
Sure, boss. He chuckled, and the laugh turned into an even louder moan as I really went to town on his dick.
Licking, sucking, moaning and whimpering against the shaft as he finally quit asking questions and started finger-fucking me.
Both goddamn holes, because his hand was big enough to do that, with one finger in my vagina and his thumb in my ass.
I was going to fucking explode. The heat, the hunger, the desperation rose in me, and I started forgetting that I was supposed to be getting him off, not the other way around.
Just when I thought I was going to lose my goddamn mind, his cock spasmed in my mouth, and he moaned my name as the first burst of cum touched my tongue.
And then my orgasm hit, shoving me over a cliff into total oblivion for a few seconds. Nothing had ever felt this incredible, the pleasure, the contractions in my pelvis. The thick silver threads wrapping around us, joining us…
Mine, Xavier’s voice said in my mind, and my own voice echoed it.
Wait, what? As awareness returned, I pulled back to stare up at Xavier’s wide eyes. His hand was still between my legs, not moving now, just warm, and his mouth moved without a sound.
Until finally one word emerged. “Mine. Fuck, Ren, you’re mine.”
“Did you just…” No. He couldn’t have claimed me. That wasn’t supposed to happen yet.
But it had. Those silver threads. Knowing without any question that I was his. He was mine. Nothing could pull us apart again. His words reinforced it, but the words weren’t what had done it.
I squirmed around so my head was next to his, and then remembered where his hand had just been. “Go wash your hands. Please.”
“Huh?” He held up one hand. “Oh. Be right back.”
He moved off the bed way more gracefully than I would have anticipated, between his size and the fact that he probably still couldn’t think clearly.
“Do you, um, want some water or something? I can go down to the kitchen for bottled water. Or juice, soda, whatever. It’d just be a minute or two.”
I’d lost contact with my body over the past few minutes, especially when I came, but now my mouth was suddenly so dry it hurt. “Yeah. Water’s good.”
“A couple minutes.” He yanked his shorts back on and left the room, closing the door behind him.
I rolled onto my back and clasped my hands behind my head. Staring at the ceiling, I tried to make sense of what had just happened. Did I feel different?
Yeah. Yeah, I did. Satisfied in a way I never had been before, for one thing. The physical wasn’t the biggest change, though.
I belonged. The fucking rambling in my head that being in this house was tenuous, that “home” could be yanked out from under me at any time, was gone. For the first time I could remember, my mind was quiet. Certain.
I belonged to Xavier. Belonged with him. He wasn’t going to kick me to the curb. No one was going to force me away from him. My eyes were wet, and after a couple of seconds, so were the sides of my face as tears ran down.
I belonged.
The door opened, and Xavier walked in carrying two bottles of water. He came to the side of the bed and looked down at me, his gaze filled with concern. “Are you all right? Did I hurt you?”
“God, no.” I took a shaky breath and sat up a little as he held out one of the bottles. “I…You claimed me.”
“I think we claimed each other?” He wrinkled his forehead. “I’m sorry. We said—”
“God, no, please!” A sudden wave of emotion smacked me upside the head, and I had to cover my eyes for a second. “Don’t say you’re sorry. Say you meant it. Not meant to do it, but that you meant…I’m yours.”
“I meant it,” he said firmly. He lowered himself to the edge of the bed and opened his water. “Ren, I don’t know how it happened, but if you aren’t sorry about it, neither am I. I want you to be with me. I told you, I love you.”
“I…” Shit. The words still weren’t there, though I was pretty sure the emotion was. “I can’t say it yet, still. I want to.”
“When you’re ready.” With a gentle hand, he caressed my cheek. “The words don’t matter as much as the feeling. You’re okay, though?”
“I wanted it,” I admitted, and suddenly I couldn’t look at him. “I didn’t, but then I did. So much. I just wanted to be yours, and it didn’t make sense, so I tried to ignore it.”
“Maybe that’s why it happened. We both wanted it.” He leaned over me. “Hey. It’s okay. It’s going to be okay.”