Chapter 52
After a dreamless sleep, I wake to minimal sunlight flitting into the room through slightly parted curtains.
I rub my hand across my cheek where saliva has crusted over—embarrassing—and glance around with bleary eyes.
It seems my blankets are the only ones remaining in the seating area, but Alys is fast asleep in the threadbare armchair and Osheen is barely awake on the couch.
Even Isobel looks half asleep as she polishes the sword resting across her lap.
As her gaze connects with mine, she grins. She makes sure her weapon is balanced before signing, “Good morning.”
It tugs a genuine smile from me. “Good morning.”
A dull ache persists between my eyes and at my temples, but it’s nothing I cannot handle. My body is sore and heavy, but I feel somewhat refreshed, and sleeping on a carpet is far more comfortable than sleeping on the ground, open to the elements.
Chiyo steps in, her hair loose, her feet bare, and a dressing gown tied around her waist. She holds a cup of steaming tea and a saucer in her hands. With a soft smile, she says, “Oh, thank Rhianu. I felt awful that I was going to have to wake you.”
I rub sleep from my puffy eyes, then I slide my hand over my hair. It feels simultaneously dry and oily, and I don’t even want to think about the tangles that exist within the messy braid. I’d only sponged off with a wet cloth last night before going to sleep—I crave a proper bath.
Thanking Chiyo, I sip the hot tea as others file in and out of the room, doing various things.
It’s impossible for me to keep my mind off Tiernan; I keep expecting him to walk out of the bathing chamber as he did the last time we were here.
The sinking reminder that he’s not with us makes the tea churn in my stomach.
When I get the chance, I bathe and wash my hair, remembering how he twined my curls around his finger back at the hot spring, how he revered my body. I didn’t reciprocate. I told him I didn’t want to go further. My gut clenches with regret—what if those were our last moments together?
It takes me a while to regain my composure, and by the time I return to the sitting room, my chest aches from holding back tears.
The house soon fills with the aroma of breakfast. Haruka lays out rice, eggs, potatoes, and soft steamed buns.
I remember this breakfast from the last time we stayed here, and it feels oddly comforting even though it’s so different from what I’m used to.
It seems my stomach has grown accustomed to not eating much, but I take my fill.
As everyone clears the table, Haruka looks at me and signs, “May I speak with you, alone?”
My breath catches slightly. Does she blame me for her son’s abduction? It is my fault that he’s gone, but—
“Stop that,” she says into my mind. I jump so hard that my knee hits under the table, the dishes shaking atop it. She gives me an apologetic smile, and I watch the next words form on her lips. “My son wasn’t wrong when he said your thoughts were loud.”
Laughter escapes me and I nod, tears prickling at the back of my eyes. “He constantly reminds me.”
I stand and follow her out of the kitchen, into a small room with a simple bed. The room is immaculate, the bed perfectly made. A few crude weapons hang on the walls, and there’s a beautiful view through the window of the rolling black hills.
Haruka stands in front of me. She’s the same height as Chiyo, and I look down very slightly at her, but gods she is intimidating. I’m certain that her eyes could slice me in half. They remind me even more of Tiernan’s than Chiyo’s do.
“I wanted to apologize for putting pressure on you to join the rebellion when I first met you,” she says.
I blink. That was not what I was expecting. “It’s alright.”
“It’s not alright. It was unfair of me. As you know by now, there are a lot of powers at play, and to know that there was a Dreamwalker in our midst—it is an incredibly strong gift. But that doesn’t excuse me for trying to take away your choice.”
I nod. “It’s fine.”
“You … are so sweet.” My brows furrow as she chuckles and adds, “Just don’t let people walk all over you. Especially when you can give them nightmares.” She winks before grinning at me in a way that makes it impossible for me to keep from giggling.
“I’ve not fully figured out the extent of my dreamwalking.”
“It takes time. When my mind whispering manifested, I couldn’t turn off anyone’s thoughts.
It was torture constantly hearing what everyone was thinking.
Tiernan is a little different—he couldn’t turn off the emotions he felt from others.
I made sure he learned from a young age how to shield his mind.
And clearly … you’ve also learned that very well. ”
“I’ve gotten a lot of chances to practice.”
She smiles, but it slowly fades away. She picks at her cuticles for a moment before sadness fills her angular eyes.
“My son has always been one to follow rules. It’s ironic, being the son of rebels.
Yet he never took much of an interest in joining the rebellion in any aspect.
Elviera—Alys—told me he’d been speaking with her about it every now and then.
But more as a way of keeping in touch with what was happening on the outside rather than joining.
I don’t think he ever intended to leave Paramount.
I’m certain he would’ve remained there for his lifetime and gladly died for the Crown. Then he met you.”
My heart skips a beat. I’m not sure how to feel about that.
“He cares for you in a way I never thought possible. And I have to thank you for that.”
My throat swells with tears. “It’s because of me that he’s been captured.”
“No.” Haruka shakes her head. “He made that decision. You didn’t hold a knife to his throat. Your guilt is misplaced.”
I swallow around the rock in my throat and take a few steadying breaths.
He broke rules for me. For the first time in his life.
It hits me that I would gladly break every rule for him.
I cannot let his sacrifices be in vain. I cannot go to Siad Nahar without him.
He’s as much a part of this journey as I am.
As much a part of the journey as Winnie, who thinks she isn’t.
Breaking the rules is terrifying, but I’m beginning to learn that sometimes it has to be done. Even if it seems wrong or too risky.
Was that how Osheen felt when he lied to me and put Taig’s life at risk? He was trying to protect his family.
But he should’ve told me the truth.
At least this time it seems he’s been honest about everything. He’s given us valuable information about the Purists—their plans, the Cleanse, their vanishing rings … Wait! Their vanishing rings!
I forget to breathe for a few heartbeats as my thoughts trip over themselves repeatedly.
Haruka’s presence weighs heavily in my mind before I remember to pull my shields up from the emotion wearing on it.
When I focus on Haruka’s face again, there’s a knowing smile on her lips. “You have an idea,” she says.
Nausea roils in my stomach. “It’s not a good one.”
Haruka smiles. “Sometimes a bad idea is just what you need to get the job done. I would love to hear it.”