Chapter 17 #2
Paige snuggles in closer, as if to punctuate her grandmother’s words.
“Here I was thinking I’m nothing but a sad sack of a woman.”
“I’ve known you all of a week, and I see why you’ve had such a successful career. There’s an unseen gravitational pull to you,” she says. “Try stepping back and letting yourself see it.”
How does one step back from themselves? I’m not sure.
Self-awareness has to be one of the more difficult things in life, surely.
As a child, I kept my cards close to my chest. I was a caged up little thing, never wanting anyone close enough to see the cracks in my life.
Believing all the words my mother repeated to me day in and day out.
It wasn’t until I moved to New York that I let myself live a little. I let myself be seen.
Then, I lost that again. I lost it in lieu of letting Pierre take the spotlight. Take my light. Take my personality. I gave him everything.
“I let myself fade out,” I say. “I won’t let it happen again.”
“The right people won’t try to steal it.”
“I’d never steal anyone else’s either,” I promise.
“I can see that about you,” she says, then grows quiet for a long moment.
Nothing but the waves reminding us of their presence can be heard.
“A mother’s worry never ceases. Until the day I die, I’ll want the best for my son and granddaughter.
You might be what’s best for them, Louisa.
They light up at your name alone. All I ask is that, before you make any promises to them, you make them to yourself, first.”
She scoots closer and wraps an arm around my shoulder, letting me know this isn’t a warning to stay away from her son. Not exactly. She doesn’t want to see another woman walk away from Grady completely and Paige partially.
Grady will never want to live in New York or any other large, bustling city. His life is here. If I want to be in his world, I have to be certain that I won’t tire of small-town life.
The question is, am I certain? What happens when I get back to my real life? Will I want more of it?
“I promise.”
Grady knocks on my door shortly after eleven. He’d texted me earlier to ask if I was still up for an adult play date. Despite my conversation with Maggie weighing on the back of my mind, my response was a resounding yes.
I might die if I don’t get to see what he looks like full-frontal. All his hard edges on display for me to study and learn. Our first time in the back of the truck was a too quick release of built-up sexual tension. I want more.
I want all of him, as terrifying as that sounds to me. Forever can seem like a nightmare when you thought you were facing it with a monster. Grady isn’t Pierre, though. I’m more certain of that with each passing day. With every way he shows up for the people in his life.
While forever is still steeped with daunting doom, tonight is easy. Tonight is an early birthday gift I’m giving to myself. On the actual day, I’ll be gone and alone. Not this night, though. Tonight, I’ll give myself Grady’s arms wrapped around me and his cock deep inside.
Wearing nothing but a loosely tied silk robe, I answer the door.
He doesn’t immediately enter, though. Instead, he leans against the jamb, a sly smirk dancing on his lips. Gripping the top of the jamb, he leans forward, pressing a kiss to the tip of my nose. “Hi.”
“Hi back,” I say, rubbing my body against his as I reciprocate with a kiss to the underside of his chin. His hand rests on the small of my back, pulling me closer, allowing me to feel as he grows hard. “Mmm, that was easy.”
“You want easy, Lou?” He grips the ends of my hair and pulls my face up to his.
“No. Not right now,” I clarify. Easy is what I want in the daylight, in a crowd, everywhere in life except naked with him. “I want hard.”
He lifts me to him easily with one arm, and I register just how strong he is when he walks us into the house.
The door slams shut with his foot behind him.
Setting me down, he backs away a step, grabbing my hand as he does.
Then, he shoves our entwined fingers into the front of his loose-fitting dark sweatpants. He’s bare underneath, stiff and slick.
“You’ve got that,” he says. “What else do you want? You let me know and I’ll see if I can provide.”
“Anything?” We started the conversation that night in the truck, when I gave him a hint of what I like. It’s shameful, the things I’ve come to enjoy. The things that have gotten me off.
“Within reason,” he says as I wrap my fingers around his girth. “Tell me what you want, Lou.”
“I want to see you, Grady,” I say. “All of you. Bare, and at my pleasure.”
“Now, who is being easy,” he teases, reaching behind his head to pull his tee over it. He toes his shoes off, next, causing his length to jerk. Desire pools in my mouth, little ponds of neediness.
I swallow hard when he pushes his sweatpants down over his hips, stepping out of them, all the while I hold on to him.
I dimmed the lights before he arrived. Not much.
I wanted to see, after all. Now, the soft glow highlights his shape perfectly.
It shines on his firm abs and casts shadows into the ditches defining them.
His hair, longer now than the first time I saw him when he dropped me a lifeline in the form of food on my front stoop, curls at the ends.
It frames his intense eyes, his strong jaw with a hint of stubble.
When I look back down, I take my time, following the trail, the hair on his abdomen, then lower.
His legs are strong, stable, in a wide stance.
What I would do to sleep every night with one wrapped over me in protection, chasing my nightmares away.
A flutter works from my belly to my heart. A dream. A fantasy.
Hope.
“Grady.”
“Lou,” he says, raising an eyebrow expectantly.
“What do you need?” I ask, not wanting this to be all about me.
“My fingers in your mouth.” He brushes them over my lips. I chase them with my tongue, making him smile. “My face in your cunt, and my cock in your ass.”
Jesus.
The wetness his words elicit slides down my inner thighs. I am easy.
“I want you in my mouth, first,” I say, untying my robe. It slides off my body as I kneel on the soft carpet. “Don’t go easy on me, Grady.”
His eyes narrow, but the heat in them intensifies. I know he’s not comfortable with my requests, with my appetite. I appreciate that he doesn’t outright deny me. I’ll show him how much as I guide his dick to my mouth. He’s already salty when I swirl my tongue over his tip.
Grady’s hand rests on my cheek, a ragged burst of air releasing from him as he stares at my mouth sliding over him.
I wish I could see what he sees. I wish I could see how he fills me.
The way I take him fully, cupping him on the curl of my tongue.
Does the sight turn him on as much as my conjured image does?
The way he grows impossibly larger tells me the answer is yes.
I hum and squirm, pleased with myself. He thrusts. I gag, peering through my eyelashes at him, smiling around him. He does it again, and again, holding my head in the best position to fuck my mouth.
“Touch yourself, Lou,” he says, low and dark. “Don’t neglect yourself, but don’t get off either.”