14. Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fourteen
Matteo
Things are tense between me and Luciana to say the least.
She was holding on to so much shame that she had me take her virginity the way I did. I should have known better. I should have known she wasn’t thinking straight. But I was caught up in the moment and she was begging me to claim her body.
I’ve wanted Luciana since the moment I first laid eyes on her.
And now, for the first time in my life, I regret having sex with a woman. Taking Luciana’s virginity should not have been that way. And yet it happened.
All because of Alexandra’s death.
I go to Gabriel about what Luciana told me. If Dante is proving to be a problem and is trying to come after my wife, I have to stop it before it can even happen.
“What’s going on?” Gabriel asks as we meet at his nightclub in the back office. Rocco is there too. Of course he is. I just know he’s not going to take this well. “Why did you need to call this emergency meeting?”
“I think Dante Zaneli is trying to go after Luciana.”
Rocco shoots to his feet. “What? Why would you think that?”
“Because of Alexandra Ricci’s death.” I then explain to them what Luciana told me.
“She believes he killed Alexandra because she gave Alexandra’s name to him.
I’m still not sure if that’s fully true and I still don’t know why Dante would want Luciana.
I’m not sure if he wants her dead or alive.
But I think he’s going to be a problem and we need to stop him. ”
“You mean kill him,” Gabriel states with no emotion on his face.
“Or make a deal with him. Something to keep him from attacking. If he goes after Luciana…”
“Then I’m blaming you,” Rocco growls. I stand up straighter, startled. “If my daughter is hurt on your watch, I will hurt you.”
“Enough,” Gabriel warns. “I don’t need you two fighting over this. I’ll look into Dante. I’ll think of something. Offering peace would be better than going to war.”
“Don’t mention Luciana to him,” I say. “I don’t want him to know who she really is if he’s coming for her.”
Gabriel inclines his head. “Of course. I would never want to do something that could put Luciana in danger.”
Rocco scoffs and Gabriel pointedly ignores him.
“I’ll speak to Dante,” Gabriel continues. “I’ll see what he’s aiming for. What he’s trying to achieve and then I’ll offer him a peace deal.”
“Another marriage?” Rocco asks with a sneer.
“If that’s what it takes.”
“How many innocent mafia girls need to be used for peace?”
Gabriel gazes at Rocco calmly. “You are a mafia man, Rocco. You knew the price when you had your daughter. All mafia men know. So let it go. Luciana is safe with Matteo. Has she been hurt? Abused?”
Shame hits me. The way I took Luciana was passionate and hot. But it shouldn’t have happened that way.
“No,” Rocco says through gritted teeth.
“So Luciana is fine. And I’ll make sure the situation with Dante Zaneli is fine too.” Gabriel turns to me. “Thank you for telling me.”
I leave his office but I can feel eyes on my back. With a glance behind, I see Rocco glaring at me. That’s not unusual. But what feels different this time is that I deserve his judgment.
I walk away before I can do anything else I might regret.
Luciana
“I have decided to throw a party,” I announce when Matteo returns home.
He stops in the kitchen, slowly setting his keys on the counter. “A party?”
“A get together. A dinner party. I think it’s a good idea to host something like that.”
“Is this you trying to be a perfect wife again?”
I flinch and turn away from him. “No. I just think…” I sigh.
Honesty. He wants honesty. “I need to do something. I can’t just sit around all day after what happened with Alexandra.
I need to be productive. And I was taught how to throw a dinner party.
How to host. I want to do that – not just because I think it makes me look like a good wife – but because I truly want to. I need this, Matteo.”
He places his hand on my shoulder and I gasp, turning to him. “You mean this?”
“Yes. You told me to be honest with you about my feelings. This is me being honest.”
“Well, I see no harm in a dinner party. If it will help you, then you should do it. Just don’t let it tear you down. I don’t want you to expect it to be perfect and feel like a failure if it doesn’t go how you planned.”
“I’ll try. I promise. Thank you.”
Neither one of us moves away. It’s like we want to fall back into each other’s arms but we’re hesitant. I know Matteo feels bad for what happened. I don’t though. I needed him to take me in that moment. I don’t regret it.
But I also know it can’t happen again. If we are to have sex in the future, it needs to be full of transparency.
I can still remember how he felt between my legs. The power and strength. The pain and pleasure. It makes my stomach tingle just thinking about it.
I want it again.
Yet, I can’t get the words out.
Matteo nods, like he understands, and walks away. A cold, heavy brick hits me in the stomach. This is not what I want my marriage to be and I don’t know how to fix it.
“I hear you’re throwing a dinner party,” Joan says at the following tea function.
“Yes. I was handing out invitations.” I show her the card invitations I made.
It seemed more personal than a digital invite.
Decorated in white with black lettering, there’s a classy way about them.
I don’t want my life to be full of pink like the little, sheltered girl I once was. I want to be elegant. Womanly.
A true married mafia woman.
“Do you want one?” I ask Joan. My heart is beating. Joan was Alexandra’s best friend and she doesn’t even know that she’s dead. I know Matteo covered up her death to avoid drawing any sort of scandal or attention of the police.
She sniffs. “Why would I want to go to your party? You were rude to my friend. You know, Alexandra left town. It was probably because of you.”
My chest squeezes but I keep my composure. “Maybe. But Alexandra was the type of woman who always liked attention. I doubt she just… left.”
“Then where is she? She emailed me, telling me she was getting out of town. I know it was because you humiliated her. So no, I am not going to attend your little dinner party. You should be ashamed of yourself.”
I flinch. So much for my composure.
Joan flips her hair over her shoulder and walks away with a smirk. I deserve that. I am the reason Alexandra is dead.
No, I tell myself. I had no way of knowing what Dante was going to do. I can’t blame myself for that. I’m trying to let go like Matteo wants for me. It’s so hard though. Almost impossible.
I finish handing out my invitations. At least some of the other mafia women agree to be there. Aurora and Sienna promise they’ll attend.
It’s time to focus on something new and not the past. Thinking of the past has only hurt me. I have to move forward.
I have to let go.
The night of the dinner party. I dress in a simple, black evening gown. Hugs my body. Shows a tiny bit of cleavage but not too much. I am a woman now and I need to start acting like it.
Matteo is in a white button down and navy slacks.
I can’t deny how good he looks. It makes my stomach squeeze at the thought of him touching me again.
Now that I’ve experienced it, I want it again.
And again. What does that say about me? I’m not sure but I am starting to feel tired of the shame inside of me.
I want another release just to push aside all my fears and worries.
“You look beautiful,” he murmurs.
“Thank you. You look very handsome.” The compliment makes my cheeks red.
He runs the back of his hand down my face. “Still so innocent. There’s so many other ways I can show you pleasure. We haven’t even begun to scratch the surface.”
“I want that,” I whisper.
His eyes widen for a second before lust fills them. “I want that too.”
I take a step closer to him, ready to tell him how much I need him, when the doorbell rings.
Our guests have arrived.
I invited around twenty people, which turns into forty people. All the mafia women I invited arrive with their husbands in tow.
Gabriel and Aurora approach us. “Thank you for this,” Aurora says. “Your house looks beautiful. I can’t wait to eat. I’m so hungry.” She places her hands over her stomach. “I’m eating for two now.”
I gasp and give Aurora a huge hug. “I’m so happy for you.”
Matteo shakes Gabriel’s hand. “Congratulations.”
“You’ll make a great mom,” I say into Aurora’s ear. A better mom than me. I always dreamed of being a mother one day but if I snap like I did when I became a wife, I’m not sure if I should have kids. I’m not sure I’ll be ready any time soon.
After they walk away, more of our guests come to greet us. I did offer the invitation to Emma in case she and Leo wanted to come but they declined. It’s better this way. No drama.
That is until Joan enters with her husband Gregory. The sight of her makes my spine stiffen. Matteo notices and places his hand on my low back.
“What’s wrong?” he asks.
“Joan. I didn’t know she’d be here. She said she didn’t want to come. She’s… best friends with Alexandra.”
Matteo nods. “I can tell her to leave.”
“No,” I say quickly. “I’m trying to be a good hostess. We have enough food and space. I’ll be fine. I can make it through tonight.”
“Remember: don’t put so much pressure on yourself.”
“I won’t. I promise.” But I can sense that my promise is a lie and I hate myself for it.
Neither Joan nor her husband come to greet us. Instead, they immediately walk over to some other guests and join the conversation. Joan is trying to embarrass me, I realize. Punishment for when I slapped Alexandra.
Let it go, I remind myself. Let it go.
I converse with other guests about life and business and the weather. All mundane boring things but it’s sort of nice. I need mundane after everything that has happened.
My father arrives and latches himself to my side. “How are you doing?”
“I’m doing fine. I’m throwing a party as you can see.”
“I can see.” He gazes around the room before looking at me. “You look so… grown up right now.”