Chapter 28 #2
Each casual brush of his fingers, each steadying squeeze at my hip when Elska landed hard, felt like its own quiet question: Will you let me in again? I’ve ignored every single one, but my body has catalogued them all the same.
Enjoyed every one, too.
‘Els says there’s a pack of feral wolves deeper in,’ Kyor says. ‘But we’re out of their territory here.’
I’m grateful for that reassurance, the attack of the unbonded pack still fresh in my mind.
‘Quiet ones,’ Loch says feverishly, wringing his hands, his volume just audible. ‘The Quiet Ones will keep it safe. They’re close. The Quiet Ones are close.’ He’s rocking back and forth, and I exchange a concerned glance with Benny.
As we tether the horses and gather our things, I seek out Caz.
‘Sounds like you had some fun conversations today.’ She smirks at me as she unclasps the top button of her cloak then proceeds to tie her hair into a loose bun.
‘Yeah, you could say that. I just wish they would stop riling each other.’
‘I actually think it’s a good thing. It feels like banter now. Kyor hasn’t threatened to slit Ruben’s throat in hours.’
I baulk. ‘He threatened to slit his throat?’
Caz nods. ‘While he was sleeping.’
I pinch the bridge of my nose.
‘I mean … he didn’t follow through,’ she continues hastily as she takes her cloak off entirely and rolls her shoulders.
Clearly mine aren’t the only muscles that are aching from all the hours on horseback.
‘I really think Ruben is growing on him, now that he’s seeing you’re not interested in him like that. Not anymore.’
Needing to shift the conversation away from my disastrous love life, I let out a slight sigh before gesturing to Loch.
‘What do you think?’ I ask Caz. ‘Are you able to get anything from him?’
She shakes her head. ‘His only intention is survival. That’s all. No duplicity though.’
I think about what Ruben said about the ring and how maybe it wasn’t what I was supposed to find.
I suppose that someone with Loch’s hearing would be far more useful on this trip than a piece of metal, but that’s assuming Loch can actually communicate what he’s hearing, and right now, that’s not happening.
Other than the dick comment, none of his ramblings have made any sense. Not to me anyway.
There’s little chatter from him or anyone else as we eat our food around the fire, though it’s Benny’s quiet that unnerves me the most. His wisecracks and constant flirting with Ruben have been one of the few things to lighten the mood on the trip; without them, the sense of despondency is hard to ignore.
I think Ruben has enjoyed the flirting too, Benny has given him something to think on, other than the loss of his mother.
‘Come on, buddy,’ he says to Loch as Caz and I start making our beds. ‘Time to get to sleep.’
For a second it looks like Loch’s about to agree, when without warning he suddenly cries out.
‘Quiet Ones!’ he shouts, spinning in a circle. ‘The Quiet Ones, they are near! We should go! We should go!’
I look at Kyor, but Elska is already on her feet, starting to scout around the perimeter.
‘She’s on it,’ he reassures me.
‘The Quiet Ones! Why would they come?’ Loch continues. ‘Not for me. No, not for me. They’re all coming. Silent.’
‘It’s all right, buddy,’ Benny tries to soothe him. ‘No one’s coming for you. We’re here now.’
‘We’ve got you,’ Ruben helps with the reassurances. ‘No one’s getting past us.’
He flicks his hand to produce a flame ten times the size of the one he made earlier, but Loch only continues to shake his head. ‘Fire won’t stop them. They know where they are. The Quiet Ones know.’
Are the Quiet Ones protectors or enemies? I can’t tell. But my heart drums against my ribs as a tingle of magic floods through me. Before I decide what to do with it, a hand grabs mine and gives it a reassuring squeeze.
‘It’s fine.’ Kyor turns me around to face him. ‘It’s fine. There’s nothing to fear. There’s nothing but animals out there. I promise.’
I want to believe him, but it’s hard with Loch pacing crazily only a few feet away.
‘Els has checked,’ Kyor insists. ‘She would know. She wouldn’t let us stay here.’
‘She wouldn’t let you stay here,’ I correct. ‘She’d happily let the rest of us be eaten by one of these quiet things.’
‘Well, in that case, you should definitely curl up with me. Just for safety’s sake, you know.’ He says the words so drily and matter-of-factly that I can’t help but let out a slight laugh. Kyor’s eyes lock on mine. ‘I’d never let anything happen to you, Rose. You know that.’
There’s no humour in his eyes now, no teasing lilt to his voice – just raw, unvarnished truth. He looks at me as if the world could burn and he’d still be standing between me and the flames, but we both know it isn’t true. He won’t even stand between his father and me.
But … do I believe he’ll keep me safe tonight, even from a Myrkr?
Godsdamn it. ‘I do,’ I whisper.
He reaches out and strokes my cheek, and it’s hard not to lean into his warmth. ‘I miss you,’ he murmurs softly, his voice heavy with longing. ‘I miss my best friend. My only friend.’
His words slice through me, sharper than any blade. I don’t want him to feel alone.
I love the stupid idiot. Though perhaps I am the stupid idiot for thinking that, still.
Kyor’s calloused thumb traces a slow line along my cheekbone, and a shiver chases down my spine. My traitorous body tilts almost imperceptibly towards his touch, starving for this caress even while my mind screams at me to pull away.
A lump forms in my throat and tears threaten. Gods, I miss him too. Miss his unquestioning support. Miss the one person who made me feel like I could achieve anything. Miss the feel of his lips on mine.
But would it even feel the same, being with a man I know would never choose me in the end? Would a second chance be the thing it took for him to put me first, or would it be the final nail in our coffin?
Kyor’s so close I can smell his scent all around me, intoxicating and heady. All it would take is moving forward a couple of inches, and I could taste his lips again.
Like I’ve been dreaming of.
His gaze drops to my mouth, his breath hitching, and for one suspended heartbeat the world narrows to that tiny stretch of air between us. If he leans in, I don’t know whether I’ll stop him. I don’t know if I can.
Caz calls out, ‘Rose, there’s a comfy bed over here. I’ve got your stuff sorted.’
I turn to find the scribe standing a short distance away, with the blankets strewn on the ground near a moss-covered tree. She holds my gaze with a knowing look before I glance back to Kyor.
I don’t know whether to be grateful for her timely interruption or whether I should strangle her.
I blow out a breath. I should join her.
I take a step away from Kyor, and that’s enough to break the spell between us.
‘No practice tonight?’ he says, his tone businesslike.
‘Maybe tomorrow. I’m tired.’
He scans my face, seeing the shadows there, and for once, he nods and lets me slink away.
When I reach Caz, she spins me gently around so that our backs are facing Kyor. ‘Looked like you were getting quite close to doing something you might regret,’ she says. ‘Thought I’d give you an out if you wanted one.’
‘What happened to the bone mending stronger than before?’
‘Is that what you were doing?’ she asks.
‘Maybe …’ It definitely felt honest, if nothing else. ‘Maybe.’
I pick up one of the blankets she placed down and move it a little. The bottom of the tree trunk might be mossy, but it’s too sloped for my liking.
As I lie down, my eyes drift up to the canopy above and the dense sea of dark leaves that blocks our view of the sky. My thoughts drift to Kyor, as they so often do.
What’s the point of wanting a man, loving a man, with whom there’s no future?
With my head still whirring, I think of Llin. I’m sure her advice would have been terrible, but I find myself craving it nonetheless. She probably would have told me to fuck him out of my system.
I turn towards Caz to share that thought, the words forming on my tongue, but when I look at her, a gasp catches in my throat.
‘Caz!’ I scream.