Vulfu: The Primal Series

Chapter 12

Ihadn’t been wrong about the change in the season. Only a week later when I woke up with the sun, I could see my breath drifting in the air in a little cloud.

Oh hell no! I thought, and I burrowed under the furs immediately. I don’t know if it was because I was such a tiny person, but the cold affected me in the worst of ways. As much as I loved autumn, with hot chocolate, thick sweaters to hide in, and the beautiful colours of trees, a simple cold wind could knock me on my butt. But the moment I crawled under the furs and latched onto Vulfu’s side, I guess my cold hands had caught him by surprise, because he yelped and jerked away, pushing me back as he stared at my hands like they were bearers of evil.

“No, wait! I’m cold!” I begged and reached for him again.

“Mmuh, Stevvy!” His brows shot up, still watching my hands with apprehension. “Guh! Guh!”

“Are you serious?” I asked, almost laughing at the way he was avoiding my chilled digits. With a little smile curling up on my lips, I lifted a hand, wiggling my fingers in his direction like a threat. To see my big, strong Vulfu look absolutely horrified at the prospect of my tiny hand touching him was hilarious, and I was totally going to take advantage of this situation.

The moment I started reaching for him again, he let out that familiar curse I’d heard him use when Kray or Dow had gotten on his nerves, a growling, “Rup!” and took off like a shot to the corner of his hollow, glaring at my hand. Forgetting all about the cold, I laughed and chased after him, only to have him skirt away, managing to avoid me at every turn. Just when I thought I had him cornered, he bolted, running to the exit in a flash, and I collapsed on our bed laughing my ass off. To see big, leader Vulfu so scared of my cold hands had me rolling, and I promptly forgot about how cold I was. But now that I was alone in our little hollow, I shivered, grabbed a fur, and followed him out into The Dome, where the others were emerging for breakfast.

We all greeted one another with the usual gentle forehead touches while Vulfu did a perimeter check outside, coming back only when he felt all was safe so he could grab some food, too. I was wearing the speckled deer-skin again today, but I gathered a lighter fur to bring outside. The family climbed out together, with Vulfu helping me, and we gathered in our favourite spot by the creek for some sunshine. Out here, I could smell that rich pine scent of fall a little more heavily, and shivered on the moss as I wrapped the fur more tightly around my shoulders. I sat with Mowha, Veshy, and Krahu while Kray and Dow had disappeared into the trees, chasing each other, and Vulfu and Dahkha gathered at the top of the incline, murmuring softly to each other. The words, ug, vahsh, and gwod were the ones I recognized the most. Ug meant food, or eat. Vahsh meant fast, faster, or now. And gwod meant a lot, lots, or plenty. I knew they were thinking of the winter, and honestly, I was, too. Did we have enough to feed all of us?

They obviously have had their whole lives to experience it themselves, while me? I was nervous as hell at the thought of being out here with the cold and snow. How was it possible that they could survive? They were also built differently, tougher, having evolved to become so. But me? I was such a scrawny little thing that I truly worried I wouldn’t be able to keep up. I’d collapse at the first gust of icy cold.

I eyed Vulfu as he kept his eyes on the ground, listening to whatever Dahkha was saying to him in that deep undertone of his. In his hands, he played with that frightening looking deer antler he used as a weapon. There wasn’t a moment when we were outside that he didn’t have it within arms reach. Dahkha also had his weapon of choice… a club he’d made himself. It was a thick, round stone that had been tied to the end of a long, thick branch. The cords that wound about it to keep it in place open in three sections so that the edges of the rock could better batter at his prey. I was glad I hadn’t seen these two in action, but I had witnessed the results of their hunts… as their weapons were soaked in blood and had to be cleaned and refashioned after.

I wondered if they were going to hunt again this evening? They’d been heading out more often lately, taking advantage of the fact that animals were starting to move around with the change of season. Sometimes they brought Kray or Dow with them, but always left one at home with the rest of us as sort of sentries.

That moment from the treetops, I heard a loud clash of shouting from the two youngsters as they threw themselves branch to branch, and I chuckled to myself, rolling my eyes at their tomfoolery.

The others, however, all noticeably cringed, and I glanced to see the other women all suddenly on alert, staring frantically to the bushes and trees to the south. Confused, I glanced back over my shoulder to see Dahkha and Vulfu suddenly up and vigilant, everyone wary and tense.

Uhhh, okay? Where’s the memo? I thought as I looked around helplessly, my vision of no use to me. Mowha suddenly reached out then, firmly but gently taking a hold of my shoulder, and she pulled me back, hiding me behind her figure.

“Mowha?” I asked my adoptive mother, wondering why her fingertips were trembling. From behind, Dahkha and Vulfu approached, moving in front of the girls, while Kray and Dow went suddenly silent in the trees, lost in the leafy canopy, but I knew they must be close, judging by the few leaves that drifted down to the ground.

Only a few seconds passed before, across the creek, the shrubbery parted to reveal the ghostly white faces and black eyes of the pale men. I instantly cowered behind Mowha’s back, holding onto her tightly as my heart hammered at the chilling sight of them. Why the hell were they here? What did they want? Last time they’d raided us, but I thought it was to settle the dispute for the death of their fallen comrade, despite the fact that the fucker had been attacking me and then Vulfu after he explained his claim.

Fearfully, but ever curious, I peeked over Mowha’s shoulder and squinted hard, desperate to see anything.

It was the same group as before, all nine of them, all still pale-skinned like they hated the sun, their hair as black as coal, and all had that same sort of edge about them that was incredibly unnerving. One stepped out from the rest, an older male, with lots of grey in his hair, his face sunken like he’d lost his teeth, but when he opened his mouth to speak with a sharp, raspy, “Crah!” I could make out those yellowing, rotten teeth. Though his face looked old, sick and sunken, his body was still toned, still large in every sense of the word that he had been born and raised in these woods just like Vulfu.

“Crah!” he said again, nodding to Vulfu, who had oriented himself before the rest of us, his back to me. I had no idea what his expression was like, but I could only imagine how displeased he must be to see these others back here. In response, rather than speaking, he simply rose up as tall as he could and crossed his arms over his chest, waiting. He looked every bit a rightful ruler, especially when facing off with that disgusting man across the creek.

At Vulfu’s refusal to respond, the head of the other group glowered heavily, glancing over his shoulder to his stocky, rather beefy looking second-in-command, who’s dark eyes were moving over Krahu, past Veshy, and flickered uninterestedly over Mowha, to which I quickly hid behind her again.

“Vulfu!” their old leader called, his voice reminding me of a snake. “Hum gwukh ug!”

Home/family wants food.

Oh hell no! These bastards were coming to us asking for food? After the last time they robbed us nearly dry? I don’t freaking think so! Apparently Mowha was having the same sentiment as I was, because her body seemed to spasm momentarily before she gained her composure, though a deep growl rumbled in her chest.

“Mmuh… mmuh ug. Wahu guh. Mmuh hum a Vulfu!” Our fearless leader snapped in return, denying the request.

No. No food. Wahu go. No home of Vulfu.

Hell yeah! That’s my man! Don’t take his crap! I bit my lip listening to this conversation, glad I’d picked up so much of their speech. Though I will say, the words that the newcomers, the Wahu or whatever they were called, were entirely new to me. Vulfu’s refusal was met with a series of barks and hissing, the pale men furious with the decision.

Their leader, with his unusually raspy voice, screeched in a fury, snapping and snarling as he yelled at Vulfu, his words coming so fast I could only catch a few I recognized… Vulfu… mmuh aghaal… rrahg… vahsh. I muttered them over and over in my mind, deciphering his demand much slower than usual, but I was so nervous and anxious to see these men again that I felt like my head was spinning.

Vulfu… no leader… fight… now/fast.

Oh no…

My head instantly popped up then, horrified at the idea of Vulfu fighting one-on-one with any of these guys. I knew he was fully capable, but I still didn’t want to see him hurt. I knew these guys fought dirty. I remember that one Vulfu had killed the night I’d tried running away. They were vicious in a way that was more animal-like than anything.

“Guh Wahu! Guh vahsh!” Vulfu raised his voice to be heard, waving an arm to warn them off. Dahkha backed him, moving in a little closer at his side, ready to fight should they spring at his leader.

“Cht! Wahoe gweed hum?” The burly second from the other side suddenly jabbed the older, sickly looking one in his rib and pointed… directly at me.

Oh… holy… shit.

I cowered behind Mowha, completely forgetting that I was supposed to be hiding, and cursed myself for being so senseless. One of Mowha’s arms reached around to hold on to me, keeping me in place. I peeked just barely around her side, trying to see what was going on while trying to remain as inconspicuous as possible.

“Vulfu, wahoe?” The leader called.

“Mmuh. Mmuh! Cht jugra Vulfu! Mmuh Wahu!” Vulfu snarled, lunging forward on his fists as he smacked the ground angrily.

“Wahoe?!”

“Rup! Mmuh!”

I could feel everyone’s gazes moving from where Mowha and I were huddled and back to Vulfu again and again, like they were all assessing the situation. Just move along. Move along and forget about me. Maybe if they saw how skinny and tiny I was, they’d think I was a child still and lose interest? Or maybe they’d think something was wrong with me, like I was heavily malnourished and sick, and the subject would be dropped. I tugged on Mowha’s skin dress, trying to get her attention so I could try to communicate my idea to her, but she just gave my side a little pinch in response.

Nope. I was to remain still and shut up.

The older man across the creek began to laugh then, the sound hissy and chilling. There was no humour behind it at all. He shouted loudly for all of us to hear, “Vulfu gwouy aghaal. Vulfu brahda, mmuh khuhgwo hum. Mmuh garo ug a Wahu? Vulfu guh…”

Vulfu weak leader. Vulfu bad/broken. No protect home. No give food to Wahu? Vulfu go…

The hairs on my neck stood on end at those words and I wished I was bigger, stronger, a fighter. I wanted to attack these pricks and make them howl in pain, so they’d never think of coming here again. I wanted them to know what it was like to be scared. My heart was jackhammering in my chest, my breaths coming fast as my cheeks flushed. I was so enraged at these dicks trying to boss our family around, who come and take, and feel so justified in doing so, all while talking down to the one who protects and provides for us… well, I saw red.

“Wahu tar gweed hum. Vulfu mmuh ug? Cht gweed chomm a Wahu.”

Wahu take little home/family. Vulfu no food? It little comes with Wahu.

Wait… were they talking about me? If we didn’t give them food, then… they were going to take me? Now truly terrified, I clung to my mother tight, who reached around to hold onto me with both arms, crying out as she did so, yelling at the men. Drahkha even began to roar his disapproval and swatted at the air between us and them, a promise of injury should they come closer.

Vulfu, however, roared so loud that the birds in the trees nearby took flight, my ears ringing from the sound. Across the river, the pale-skinned leader pulled out a handmade spear and a blade, his dark gaze focused wholly on our leader, rose up on his feet, his back hunched, keeping him in his sights the entire time.

Mowha gathered me up and bolted up the incline, stopping at the top to watch, followed by the others, though Kray and Dow were still hidden away up in the trees somewhere. Dahkha stood between the women and the others, Vulfu at the forefront, his feet dug into the ground, ready to lurch one way or another. Oh my God… were they actually going to fight? Was this happening? No! No, I-I didn’t get a chance to talk to him, to hold him and kiss him and tell him how much he means to me. What if this crooked bastard manages to get the upper hand? What if he…

Before I could think any further on it, the gaunt opposing leader lunged, the movement so sudden and quick, it surprised me as I hadn’t expected someone who looked like they were so close to death’s door to have any sort of physical finesse. The moment he charged at Vulfu, however, I lost my head completely and screamed, running out from behind Mowha, but she effortlessly caught me round my middle and pulled me back. Crying hysterically, I screamed as I reached for him, wishing I could protect him from these men. Mowha covered my mouth with her hand and rocked me in her lap, hushing me and humming in her chest, trying her best to comfort me.

Vulfu, seeing the savage beast’s upcoming attack, effortlessly dodged to the side, avoiding first the spear, then ducked to avoid the sharp swing of the knife, which breezed just inches above his head. Vulfu whirled, bringing his huge fist up and smashed it against the leader's lower back, right into his kidney, causing his opponent to buckle. Vulfu backed away, his eyes never leaving his attacker for a second, actually giving him a moment to collect himself as he sagged over his knees.

“Mmuh rrahg?” Vulfu said, his voice booming loud enough for all to hear. He was giving them a chance to surrender.

Still weeping, though I’d stopped my hysterics for the time being, I watched as the elder steadily rose, fury evident in his black, soulless eyes, and I knew he wasn’t done.

With a piercing roar, he brought his knife up, rearing his spear back, ready to attack one move after another, but Vulfu was ready, seeing it, too. With a dive as smooth as an Olympian, he rolled to the side again, before lunging out of the way of the spear, turning to face the man once again, hunched over on all fours, his knuckles pressing into the ground, fists ready.

“Mmuh rrahg!” Vulfu yelled at him, like he was scolding the other for continuing the fight.

The pale leader spat onto the ground between them, his face twisted like he’d bitten into a lemon as he glared daggers at my family, finally resting on our alpha. “Mmuh, Vulfu. Rup! A’ rrahg agh morrde.”

Morrde. I didn’t know that word, but the moment he said it, I felt a chill, and everyone in my group became restless, anxious. I peered up at Mowha, tugging on her dress. “Mowha? Cht morrde? Wahoe?” I asked her.

She didn’t answer, but her eyes were watching Vulfu with such distress that my nerves were starting to get the better of me again. My heart was stuttering, it was hard to breathe, and I felt my face redden. Whipping my head back to Vulfu, I stared in horror at the look he was giving me, like he was trying to say something without words. Something so deep and full of meaning but did not know how to convey it. The way his eyes shone, the sad way the corners tightened, the grim set of his mouth… I could feel how much he wanted to speak to me with no barriers, no misunderstanding.

He said something then, his voice just loud enough for me to hear his deep rumble, just before the pale man lunged once more, everything slowing down so painfully, I could barely comprehend all that was happening in that moment, save for the one word he called to me.

“Luvv…”

There was an explosion of activity. I felt Mowha’s arms wrap around me, hauling me backwards as the head of the Wahu then smashed into his body, with Vulfu bracing himself upwards as best he could, his grip tight on the wrists of the elder to keep his weapons at bay. Their bodies were leaning into each other, spinning around, their muscles taught and strained as they fought like two elk with their antlers caught in the others, trying to knock one another off balance. Mowha, Veshy, and Krahu all raced back across the clearing toward home, and at first, I was bewildered as to why, until I managed to peer over my mother’s shoulder to see half of the pale men in pursuit, led by the stocky second-in-command.

Behind them, Vulfu was still locked with his opponent, both snarling and spinning, trying to make the other stumble, while Dahkha roared, his head whipping one way and the other. On one side of him, the women were being chased down, the other? Vulfu was now surrounded by the remaining pale men, all moving in close to cheat in his one-on-one with their leader…

Oh God… no!

“Dahkha!” I screamed, waving my hand high over Mowha’s back as she raced for home. “Vulfu! Save Vulfu! Khuhgwo Vulfu!”

Dahkha didn’t need telling twice. He spun towards the creek and barreled into the four remaining men, distracting them from coming up on our leader’s back.

Ahead of me, Veshy was climbing the boulder, her old hands still as strong as ever as she raced up the crack in the rock. Mowha, Krahu and I were about to follow when suddenly, from the treetops, two figures came flying down, knocking our pursuers down. All four men literally fell like bowling pins, and I cheered at the sight as Kray and Dow set themselves between them and the women.

“Hell yeah! That’s what you get!” I shouted as Krahu began to climb, though I noticed her cast a look of anxious concern at Kray’s back as he determinedly set himself as a shield to protect us. Heart hammering, feeling intensely light-headed, I tried to see Vulfu, to make some sense of the blurred figures by the creek, but it was just a mess of colour and fuzzy shapes flying about. My panic was rising as my mind started to catch up with everything that was happening. We were terribly outnumbered, surrounded by psychotic wild men who didn’t care whether we lived or died, and they wanted everything we had.

Mowha started to climb when a pair of thick, hot hands seized my waist and ripped me away from her. I screamed as I was hauled backwards, with Mowha showing her teeth and shrieking, reaching out to scratch at the man who was now dragging me backwards across the clearing. One of their guys was still knocked out cold from being knocked over by the boys, both of whom were locked in combat with two of the Wahu group. From behind me, at the creek, I could hear the sounds of screams, roars, and snarling, like a pack of wolves were going at it.

Vulfu!

“Let me go, you stinking… disgusting… pig!” I shouted as I squirmed in his arms, trying to make it as difficult for him as possible. My adopted mother moved in, her glare fixated on my abductor, rage absolutely searing from her eyes.

“Garo!” she shrieked, “Garo gweebruh cht morrde!”

The man holding me actually let out a strange sort of laugh, sounding more like a wheeze than anything. He wasn’t scared of her in the slightest. I suppose that was his biggest mistake.

Mowha sprinted at him with speed even I had never anticipated from a woman her age. It caught both my attacker and I off-guard and he stumbled back, falling and bringing me with him. We rolled onto the grass and my mother was on him at once, pounding her fists into every part of him she could reach. I did my best to roll out of his stubborn grasp and got my chance when she punched him right in his throat. He gurgled, moaning as he released me to hold his neck, and I scurried out of reach.

“Guh, Stevvy! Guh!” Mowha commanded, pointing to the woods and resumed her attack on him.

I stared at her, then back to the men at the water, my closer proximity now giving me a better view of the situation. Vulfu had his weapon, his sharpened antler in his grasp, and he was swinging it again and again into a pale figure on the ground, sending a spatter of blood every which way. Dahkha was fighting off two of the others at once, spinning one way then the other to get a swing in. One of the missing men was running to our home, climbing effortlessly up the crack to get inside.

Krahu… Veshy!

Kray and Dow were both panting hard as the ones they’d been battling with broke away to follow their companion up the wall and into our home, but the boys chased after, screaming and shouting.

“Guh, Stevvy!” Mowha shouted again as she seized a handful of the man’s hair, lifting it up from the ground before smashing it back into the earth again and again.

Listening to my mother, I did as she said and ran.

I raced as hard and as fast as I could, putting as much distance between me and the danger at my back as possible. But with each step I took, I felt my guilt build and build in my stomach. How could I abandon my family as they fought for their lives?

But what can you do, Stephanie? You’re a scrawny, blind mousy little thing.

I can try to help. I can try to…

You’re weak. You’re a liability to them. You would just put them in more danger. Hide. Go hide.

I stopped running and stared back the way I’d come. The trees shifted in the light breeze, the sun having disappeared behind a cloud cast a cold look about the forest, and beyond my line of sight, I could hear the screaming, roaring, and cries from the fight in the distance.

What can you do?

“I can try to save them…” I whispered, my eyes stinging with tears as my chest twisted in pain at the thought of anything happening to my primitive family.

But what can you do? You’re nothing, Stephanie. Just a blind, helpless victim. Remember before? You couldn’t even save yourself. How can you save them?

I sniffled, furiously wiping my eyes as I deliberated.

Can’t even save yourself…

A little cry escaped my lips then, like a hiccup, and I felt my skin go cold despite the warm air.

Just like with Marcus… my mind flashed to the way his whole face changed as he held me down and moved over me, like he was someone entirely different… just like with Pete… my mouth had been covered by his hand as I lay on the table, with him between my legs… with Harris… cornered again, helpless. You hadn’t been able to save yourself. You can’t save them.

It was then, when a woman’s scream echoed through the trees, my mother’s, that any fear I had suddenly vanished and was quickly replaced with something else. Something I never knew I had. Mowha was in trouble, and fuck if I was going to let anything happen to her!

Without another thought, I acted as though on autopilot. I reached for a thick branch that was dangling from a tree, and ripped it the rest of the way free, and ran back the way I’d come, heading home.

I had no thought in my head as I burst free from the treeline to find my mother on the ground with that stocky, smelly bastard standing over her, a large rock in hand raised high over his head, like he was ready to bring it down on her skull. I saw nothing else as I sprinted towards them, bringing the thick branch way back behind me, and swung it forward, using the momentum of my body to increase its force as I smashed it into his stomach, the highest point of him that I could reach.

Instantly, he dropped the stone, which fell with a heavy thud harmlessly to the ground, and he doubled over like I winded him. I didn’t stop there, though. I took this chance to really put an end to his fight by bringing my knee up and nailing him right in the balls. The fucker fell over on his side, moaning and squealing like the pig he was.

There was so much happening around me as I fell to my knees at Mowha’s side, relieved to find she was still breathing, but unconscious.

Vulfu and Dahkha were chasing off three of the men into the trees, but it was the sight from the large boulder that was our home that made my heart stop.

Two of the pale men had armloads of our belongings, food and furs, baskets, even my sleeping bag, in their grasp and were making a dash for the trees. At the top of the boulder, Veshy was fighting for her life from one of the bulkier men while Krahu was being dragged off into the trees by another. The one I’d knocked over seemed to have had enough, because he rose to his feet, albeit hunched over, and stumbled back the way his group had come. Knowing Mowha was more or less safe for the time being, I got up and started towards Krahu, who was closest. I was about twenty feet away when Kray appeared out of nowhere, flying into the man’s back to knock him over. I stopped, staring as he fought the man tooth and nail, looking less like the happy-go-lucky boy that loved to tease the family and more like a warrior with every passing second.

From above, there was a shout, and I looked up to see Dow clawing at the back of the man who held Veshy, trying to get him to release his hold around her throat.

Cupping my hands around my mouth, I turned in the direction Vulfu and Dahkha had run to and screamed, “Bip! Bip!” before I turned and ran for Krahu who lay on the ground in a shivering heap. I wrapped my arms around her as Kray took the fight away into the trees and checked her for injuries. Her scalp was bloody, like she’d been beaten over the head before she had been dragged. But to my relief, she was alive. Her breathing was raspy, her eyes squeezed shut as she huddled in a ball. The moment I wrapped my arms around her, she jolted, like she was afraid I was someone else. But upon seeing my face, she just wrapped her arms around my neck and held me, looking like she was relieved to see that I was alright.

Suddenly, from above, there was a wild scream, and we both broke our hug to look up just as Veshy’s body went flying through the air, falling to the ground. Though my entire body had gone cold at the sight, I still lurched to my feet, about to run over to… to…

I don’t know what I thought I would have done to stop it. Even if I had been able to make it in time, would I have been able to catch her? To break her fall?

In the end, it didn’t matter at all, as she hit the ground so hard, I could hear her bones crack from where I stood in shock, like I’d been encased in ice.

“Mmuh… mmuh!” Krahu moaned, her voice cracking as she began to wail, crawling in Veshy’s direction. “Mmuh! Veshy, mmuh!”

“Krahu! Stevvy! Guh!”

We both looked up to see Dow still grappling with the man who had thrown her, only now he was caught in his grasp, being held up like he was about to be tossed off the side, too.

“Dow, no!” I screamed.

“Dow!”

I spun to see Kray being dragged away into the trees by his hair, kicking and fighting just as his friend was. The man carrying him off shouted something to the one holding Dow. Whatever he’d said, his companion seemed to agree, because he climbed down the rock with Dow in his arms and followed.

“No… no!” I shouted and ran after them. “No, put them down! Don’t you dare! Mmuh!”

“Stevvy!” Krahu cried behind me. “Stevvy mmuh!”

Tears stung my eyes again as I tried to race after the men. I watched as the one punched Dow so hard in the face, his head rolled backwards, lolling sideways like he’d been knocked out. Kray was shouting hysterically, kicking and still trying to rip his curls free from the grasp of the bastard who dragged him. Upon seeing me running after, the rage and fight in Kray’s face changed so fast it caught me off guard, to one of horror.

“Mmuh, Stevvy!” he snarled. “Mmuh! Stevvy jugra Vulfu! Jugra!”

No, Stephanie. No. You stay/belong with Vulfu. Stay!

I could feel the tears rolling down my cheeks, falling to the grass like a waterfall. I slowed to a jog, watching helplessly as the two boys were carried off.

“Jugra, Stevvy!” Kray demanded again, pointing back the way I’d run from. “Guh!”

The two boys… the two I looked at like little brothers, were sacrificing themselves for the women. Krahu would be safe. I would be safe, and they would be taken in our stead. My feet gave out beneath me, and I fell to my hands and knees to the ground, now wailing like Krahu as I watched the boys disappear into the foliage.

“No, Kray! No! Dow, please!”

“Guh, Stevvy…” the voice was faint, and soon it would be lost.

“We’ll come for you!” I screamed, hoping they’d hear, that they’d understand. “Kray! Dow! We will come for you!”

But I was met with silence. Nothing but my own blubbering, Krahu’s tears, and the breeze ruffling the yellow tinged leaves in the trees. I felt sick, to the point where I did heave up everything I’d eaten that morning, unable to bear the thought of the boys putting themselves in a position like this. I rolled to the side and bawled, screaming and crying my heart out, harder than either time I’d been attacked. Harder than after a teacher found me tied to the flagpole and I’d been brought in to the nurse’s station at school, or even after I made it home and hid in my room, where I stayed for a week in isolation because I was so damned broken after everything all I could do was sit there in the dark and cut…

And cut…

And cut.

I held onto one of my forearms then, my fingers squeezing around it as the pain I felt at this moment was fast becoming unbearable. I felt so out of control, so helpless I started to panic. Breathing hard, I got to my hands and knees and started crawling after the boys, uncaring when a stone or stick stabbed at my palms or legs.

“...evvy…”

Find them. Save them. Don’t let them go through what you did.

“Ste–evy!”

Save them, like they tried to save us…

“Stevvy!”

Vulfu’s voice loomed over me and his hands grasped my shoulders, stopping me before he spun me around to face him. He was covered in blood, some of it his own, some not, his chest heaving like he’d sprinted a marathon, and for once, that beautiful tan on his face was gone, his skin sheet white like those ghostly pale men. But he was alright. He was in one piece, safe, and I reached for him, needing to feel him in my arms. The moment my trembling hands sought the comfort of his body, he obliged, reaching down to scoop me up into his arms and squeezed me tight.

“Stevvy?” he murmured in question against my skin, his voice strained like he’d lost it from all the shouting he’d done.

“Kray… Dow…” I pointed off into the trees where they’d disappeared.

His grey-green eyes snapped up, staring in that direction, and whistled sharply. A moment later, Dahkha was beside us, and with a hurried rumble exchanged between the men, Vulfu’s second-in-command raced off down the trail in pursuit.

“Vulfu…” I croaked, still sniffling, my own voice broken from all the screaming and crying. “Veshy…”

“Husha, Stevvy,” he said, turning to head back to the clearing. “Husha.”

“But Veshy–”

“Tch!” he snapped, silencing me. Beneath the blood spatter on his face, I could make out the wrinkles by his eyes, strained as his brow was pulled low over his gaze, and I couldn’t imagine all he was thinking and feeling in this moment.

Near the creek, the body of the Wahu leader lay motionless, torn to ribbons from Vulfu’s attack. Good. I wanted to spit on it and if I had matches, I’d burn him, too. He had been the one who made the call to come here, to attack us. His men cheated by not respecting the one-on-one fight between the leaders. At least, that’s what it felt like. I was certain that had been the deal, but then it had all gone haywire in a matter of seconds. Like the moment his men realized Vulfu was unmatched, they took matters into their own hands.

I wrapped my arms around his neck, holding him tight, remembering the way he’d looked at me and whispered that one word… luvv. Vulfu was strong, yes. A warrior, no doubt. But he also knew he wasn’t invincible. There was a chance he could have died back there, due to a slip, a misstep or lapse in judgement in his opponent. But he had taken the challenge, believing the others would be honourable to their word. They lied.

And because of it, we lost Kray, Dow… and Veshy.

Mowha was sitting up by this point, with Krahu at her side. Both women looked terrible, like they were in immense pain while comforting each other at the same time. Nearby, the still figure of the old woman who was like the grandmother of the group, lay amongst the grass and flowers, almost like she was sleeping. But as we neared, I could make out the signs of blood pooling at the back of her head, the twisted way her arms and legs were arranged. She was gone.

The sight of her had Vulfu waver his step, and he quickly put me safely to my feet. Silently, he crept towards the old woman, moving on all fours as he shifted closer. Behind us, the soft cries of Mowha and Krahu filled the silence in the space, and all three of us watched as Vulfu placed his curled fingers into Veshy’s open palm.

Unable to bear seeing her that way for another second, I turned and went to Mowha’s side. The look of relief on her face at the sight of me tugged at my heart. What if I hadn’t come back? What if I’d continued running? Remembering the sight of that asshole with that stone in his hand, ready to swing it down upon my mother’s skull was very clear in my mind, and I knew I wouldn’t have her here now if I’d stayed away.

I hugged Mowha tight, holding her like I was the mother, and she clung to me as she sobbed and mourned the loss of Veshy, of the boys…

But Dahkha was on their trail, wasn’t he? He was going to get them back, right? I squinted off in the direction they’d disappeared to again, wishing I could see their faces reemerge from the bushes, all smiles, all happy and ready for fun. Surely he’d save them?

It wasn’t until later that night that Dahkha returned. Vulfu had gathered us into the home while he had tended to Veshy’s body, and then brought us her herbal mixtures to apply to our wounds. Because I was the least injured, save for a few cuts and scrapes, I made it my job to run to and fro with water, collecting any wrappings I could find, and whatever was left of Veshy’s medicinal supplies. The assholes had robbed us nearly blind again, and there was very little left. A few furs, some water skins, a few bowls, and hardly any food. But I gathered what was there and made a stockpile of each item, noting what we had and what we didn’t. I helped clean everyone’s gashes, cuts, and did my best at wrapping them. We were all seriously hurting, feeling defeated, and all in mourning.

So when Dahkha returned without the boys, it was just another blow we had to suffer through. I tended to Dahkha’s wounds and gave him a water pouch as he and Vulfu murmured softly to each other, the names Kray and Dow spoken often between them. I wanted so desperately to know what the plan was. Were we going to fight back? When? Did Dahkha see them? Were they still alive?

But I had to sit in the dark as they talked, unable to communicate all my questions. The boys had been the ones who had picked up the most English, and they were gone. I tried to sign to the men, repeating the boys names and pointed south, my brows raised in question. Vulfu just shook his head at me each time.

We were hurting from our losses, our injuries, and now at a serious disadvantage with our supplies having been raided again. We needed food, and fast. We needed to recover so we could fight once more. But even then, we were seriously outnumbered. However, I wasn’t ready to just give up on the boys now, and I knew Vulfu wasn’t either, but he had all of us to think about. Not just those two. And he always spoiled me most over the others, despite how I assured him over and over again I was more than alright. But he insisted on giving me the cosiest of the remaining furs to sit on, coming over to check me again and again like he worried some unknown injury would bare itself to him.

As night descended, he sat in a corner of the home, looking very much lost in thought as the rest of us gathered all of our furs together. We were going to sleep in the main room, sharing what little we could. As we lay down, I searched for Vulfu, but he remained where he was, looking anxious, eyes staring off at nothing.

“Vulfu? Shusha,” I said to him, patting the empty space beside me.

He glanced my way and shook his head.

“Shusha, Vulfu!” I snapped. “You need to rest!”

He rose then, and I thought he was coming over to join me, but instead, he just wrapped a fur over my body like he was tucking me in, cupped my face in his hands, and gave me a long, hard kiss.

“Shusha, Stevvy. Vulfu khuhgwo,” and he went back to his post, standing guard.

For a long time I lay there, watching him in the dark. Even though I felt like I could pass out, my heart would race every time I heard something outside of our home. I worried the pale men would return and kill us all. I wondered what they were doing to Kray and Dow? Were they alright? Were they hurting them? I didn’t want to think of them not being alive any longer. Seeing Veshy lying the way she was, so still and turning cold, had been so disturbing and horrific that I sort of went into shock over it. Veshy was like the grandmother of our group, the one who was all knowing, knew the best places for her medicinal herbs, her fabric work the best of everyone’s from years of experience.

Mowha lay at my side, quiet and still, but I knew she was still awake because every sound seemed to cause her distress, too. Veshy’s death hit her hard and I’ll never forget the look on her face when she saw her body lying there in the grass. It was like any sort of life that existed in her eyes disappeared in that moment, and since then, she’d been stone. I reached for her and ran my fingers through her hair, hoping to soothe her. For a minute, she just lay there, and I could picture her dark eyes staring up at the rock overhead, before she reached up to give my wrist an affectionate, little squeeze. I snuggled into her side, holding her, hoping I could give her some comfort. She accepted it, but I could sense the loss in the quiet and almost wooden way she moved.

“I’m sorry, Mowha,” I whispered in her ear.

She sniffled once, nodded, and went back to her silent reprieve.

Eventually, everyone fell asleep but Vulfu and I. I could hear their breathing level out, deepening in slumber, and I was happy that for a few hours, at least, they weren’t living in the nightmare we currently found ourselves in.

Vulfu stood guard all night, listening, watching, ever the leader. I tried to persuade him to rest a bit, but he refused, insisting I sleep instead. It wasn’t until the light shifted to a pale grey in the early morning hours, when the first birds began to sing, that Dahkha finally awoke and relieved him of duty. Vulfu stumbled over to my side and collapsed heavily into the furs, falling asleep in an instant. The moment he did, I wrapped my arms around him and passed out, having stayed awake with him through the night. I hadn’t been able to rest, knowing he was still up, injured, trying to protect us. Only now as I held him, was I able to let my worried, fearful mind sleep.

Dahkha and I moved quietly, carefully, through the trees together. He went first, hunched over as he slipped through the underbrush and branches, guiding us into the forest. I held onto a length of cord tied to his waist, which at first made me pause, as it felt like a dog tied to a leash, but he’d made it so that I could easily follow him and not get lost or sidetracked by my blindness. It was just the two of us, sticking to shadows as the sun began to set in the distance. Every so often, he’d stop and gesture to a clump of mushrooms, a bush of ripe berries, and I’d quickly get to work harvesting them while he kept a lookout. To say I was unafraid would be a lie. I felt like I was going to pee myself when I realized what he wanted us to do.

I’d awoken to his hand covering my mouth and while I had panicked at first, seeing him leaning over me with his ever-serious face, I felt a rush of relief. I wasn’t being attacked. Around us, the family was sleeping, with Vulfu amongst them, having finally given in to exhaustion, unable to stand guard any longer. I got up, taking the hint to be quiet and stealthy as he motioned for me to follow him. He’d found two remaining skin bags and slipped them over my head to wear around my neck, tied me to himself, and carried me outside.

We’d been moving ever since, trying to find some food for the family.

Out of the remaining members, he and I had managed to escape serious injury, and the fact that he trusted me to help gave me strength to force one foot in front of the other and enter the darkening forest. We moved until we came across a shallow stream where we both crouched over and cupped the water in our hands, taking a quick drink break.

Pausing to catch our breath, I peeked at Dahkha. He and I never really bonded. He was so serious, much older than Vulfu, and I wondered why he wasn’t the leader. He was certainly capable, but he always respected Vulfu’s decision over things, choosing to remain his silent, but biggest supporter. Even after the attack, he was silent and thoughtful. I didn’t see his reaction to Veshy, but while we had all cried in our home after, he’d returned from his pursuit of the others for the boys and went straight to Vulfu for a whispered conversation, his face a little red, but otherwise seemingly unmoved.

I straightened my throat as he washed his face, wondering if I would be able to get something, anything out of him now.

“Dahkha?” I whispered, still very aware of the fact we were out alone in the forest, trying to be as covert as possible.

He lifted his dark gaze to me, brows slightly raised in question.

I straightened my throat a little, wondering if I’d be able to get my words out without crying. “Kray… Dow?” I asked, voice cracking on their names.

Dahkha’s face didn’t change, however, I did notice how his throat bobbed, like he was trying to swallow but found it difficult. His shoulders tensed just a bit, subtle, but it was there. Dahkha was a master of hiding his emotions, and I realized it was to keep those around him from panicking. If he held a stony mask in the face of difficult times, then it worried others less. But he felt it. I saw it in those little movements, those tiny signs that he was affected, too. It was like my father back home… burying how he felt about the stuff we saw on the news about Vietnam or sounds of airplanes overhead that reminded him of the wars he faced. He didn’t talk about any of it. Ever.

Dahkha was the same.

I wanted so badly to hug him, to give him permission to let it out so that he wouldn’t have to suffer alone, but he and Vulfu were from a different time, a different place. This is all they knew, and at their age, I didn’t think I’d be able to change that.

Dahkha said nothing in regards to the boys, but bowed his head over the stream and splashed more water onto his face. This conversation, if you could call it one, was over.

He tugged on the rope after, indicating that it was time to move again, and we continued our trek through the woods.

By the time we had found a sufficient amount of food, and filled up water pouches, too, it was nearly pitch black out. But Dahkha knew these woods like I knew my childhood neighborhood. He crept easily along, silently guiding me so that, even though I was literally completely blind at this point in the dark, I didn’t stumble or fall into anything. He was careful, making sure I didn’t hurt myself, and by the time we made it back, I was surprised to find I hadn’t tripped once.

He easily carried me up the rockface, though I noted he avoided the spot where Veshy had fallen by side stepping it, giving a much larger berth than necessary, before he picked me up and called, “Bip! Bip!” into the tunnel.

The moment we slid down the entry and into the room, there was an explosion of shouting and activity. I found myself grabbed from his arms and nearly squeezed to death as Vulfu howled and held me tight like he thought he’d lost me forever. He pulled back only briefly so he could inspect my face before moving his hands over my body to check for some injury. At my back, Mowha was fussing, trying to turn my face into the moonlight that shone through the cracks so she could get a better look at me, like she thought I might be injured. Krahu was at Dahkha’s side, talking so fast I couldn’t catch a single word she said. I was so confused and overwhelmed by this greeting I just froze, confused by the reception.

It wasn’t until Vulfu passed me off to Mowha and spun around to Dahkha, snarling in his face as he hissed at him that I wondered if they thought I’d been taken, too?

As our leader roared in his second’s face, Mowha was blubbering, rocking back and forth in her seat as she clung to me like she thought I’d died. I held her, trying to reassure her and reached for the bags of food, but I was so ensnared I could barely breathe.

“Vulfu! Mowha! Ug! Ug!” I raised my voice to be heard over the chaos, but I was like a mouse in a den of angry, feral cats, all fighting with each other. It wasn’t until I saw Vulfu lift his fist, as if he was about to strike Dahkha, that I managed to shriek loud enough to be heard. “Enough!”

All heads turned to me, all wide-eyed as though in shock, like they hadn’t expected something so loud to come from something so tiny. Mowha even reared her head back in surprise, and I took this opportunity to wiggle free from her arms and rush over to Dahkha to stand before him, arms spread wide.

“Vulfu! Dahkha and I went to get food. Ug! Ug!” I removed the bags from around my neck and held them out to him as an offering, making sure to bow my head respectfully to him. As much as I loved him, even though he’s been so tender and gentle to me, I’ve never once forgotten that he is the head of our family and that his position demands obeisance. Behind me, I could hear Dahkha shuffle, and I glanced back to see him crouched low, head bowed, showing submission.

Vulfu took the bags from me and peered inside, seeing all we managed to collect, and wordlessly handed it off to Krahu. But his stony expression didn’t change. He was furious.

“I-I’m sorry, Vulfu. We were getting food for everyone. Ug! I can’t imagine what you thought had happened to us. I’m sorry!” Bowing my head, too, I cursed my limited vocabulary, but I hoped he could sense the remorse in my voice. I didn’t regret going out to help, but I did acknowledge that perhaps we should have said something. I got the sense that Dahkha just wanted the family to rest, and we would go and be back before they awoke. But since when do things go according to plan? I thought of the whole reason why I was here in the first place… because Jen had planned a whole trip for Kate, Lisa, and I. Look how that turned out.

When I felt that familiar, gentle touch on the back of my head, I breathed a sigh of relief. Once more I found myself gathered in his hold, and his face buried in my hair, breathing me in like he missed my scent.

“Stevvy…” he whispered, his voice cracking. “Mmuh guh. Mmuh!”

“I’m sorry,” my voice was hushed as I wrapped my arms around his neck, holding him as tightly as he held me. “I promise. I won’t go again. Mmuh guh.”

He shuddered, breaking down at my words and sat back down, cradling me close like he thought he’d lost me before. The moment he relaxed, so did the others, and Dahkha moved around to greet Mowha and Krahu with gentle head bumps before they began to go through all we’d collected. Vulfu took my face in his hands then, wiping my hair back from my face so he could see my features clearer in the moonlight. His cheeks were tear-stained, his mouth down-turned, the despair and hurt as clear as day. Everything that had happened to our family in the last twenty-four hours was finally catching up to everyone.

“Shhhh,” I whispered to him and pulled close, hugging him tightly. “Shhhh, it’s okay.”

He wept. Krahu and Mowha wept. Silent tears slid down my face as everything took a toll in my mind. Dahkha was stony and silent in the corner, not eating, but not doing anything else, either. Our family had been torn apart and we were hurting.

I hoped there was still a chance that Kray and Dow were alive, and if they were, we would save them. But we needed Vulfu to recover from his injuries, and to be honest, we needed more people. But the only others I’d seen in these woods were the pale men. Was it just our two groups? Surely there were more?

In the days that followed we stayed close to home, and no one was allowed to go off by themselves. Even to go to the washroom, or, the poop-pit, as I called it.

There wasn’t enough food to go round, the nights were getting colder, but the herds were starting to migrate. Dahkha and Vulfu needed to follow the wildlife in order to get more meat and furs, but Vulfu was more injured than I’d initially realized. One of his arms had evidently been pulled from its socket, and it was with Dahkha’s help mid-fight that he was able to pop it back in, but it caused a lot of pain when he lifted anything, including myself. He also had deep gashes from that asshole's spear and knife, to which Mowha had cleaned up as best she could, but they needed to heal.

We sat together each night, and while sometimes I could follow the conversation, I was mostly left in the dark. Words were thrown around that I didn’t know… like Rull and Kheezee. Mowha often piped up at the mention of these two words, citing, Rowe! Rowe! over and over again, and once Rowha. But then there was the mention of Kray and Dow, and everyone immediately went silent. Vulfu especially seemed to get quiet at the mention of the boys and I could see the turmoil on his face whenever they were brought up.

What were we going to do?