Chapter 13
“Doooow!”
“Kray? Kray, where are you? Wahoe!”
“Doooow!”
“Krayyyy!”
We were heading further west this week, calling out for some sign of the missing boys. Our family moved together, safety in numbers. I was leashed to Dahkha while Vulfu moved ahead, desperate for some sign of the two youngsters. We’d found the remains of the pale men’s home sometime ago, ransacked, their bodies left to rot, having been the victims of an attack. Who the hell had done this? Was there another group out there? Had the searchers possibly found them and there had been a scuffle? I doubted it after no signs of gun shells, booted footprints, or any other sign of modern convenience made itself known at the scene. In the end, all I could think was good fucking riddance. Vulfu and Dahkha had found the rockpile they used as a hideout together one night, and brought Krahu, Mowha and I along after discovering the corpses. We took what was left in their cave, a few shaggy furs, my old sleeping bag which had been shoved near the back. To my horror, there had been a collection of skulls stacked on one side, like trophies they’d accumulated over the years.
The Headless Canyon… Jen’s story of the bodies with the missing heads… Had this group been the ones responsible all along? Generations of these Pale Men living in these woods attacking people was incredibly unsettling to me. But hopefully this was the end of it.
We didn’t do any sort of burial, just took whatever weapons had been left on them, though I nearly vomited at the stench, and we moved on, searching for some sign of Kray or Dow.
The boys weren’t amongst the dead, and at least two of the pale men were missing. At first, when I saw the skulls, I had vomited nearby in the bushes, thinking that perhaps two of them might have belonged to the boys, but when I pointed to them in question, Vulfu shook his head and muttered, “Gawar.” Old.
In the end, it meant that they’d been taken by whoever had killed the rest, or they’d managed to flee. Vulfu truly believed they were alive somewhere out here, and went back to the rockpile again and again, searching for new tracks to try to follow, but every trail went cold.
Late at night, when Vulfu and Dahkha were deep in conversation, they often brought up those unfamiliar words over and over… Rull, Kheezee. Though they were mentioned more frequently, I still could not grasp their meaning. I sensed that whatever they stood for, it meant to travel, maybe two different locations, as sometimes they’d point east whenever they said them. So why weren’t we going there?
Simple.
Kray and Dow.
Vulfu was determined to find them, and so we spent our days moving through the forest in one direction, before eventually giving up and going in another. Vulfu called for them again and again, screaming until his throat would tear and he’d lose his voice for a day or two. But he’d only continue his search after a bit of sleep and a feeble meal of roots and leftover meat.
At first, I’d been hopeful that we would find them, that eventually, some sign that they were either dead or alive would end this agonizing period of unknowing, waiting. But as more and more time passed, my spirit died, and any hope of coming across some sign of them had all but vanished. I wondered if this was how the searchers felt while searching for Kate, Jen, and I? Had their confidence wavered as mine was with each passing day giving no clues? My heart felt heavier and heavier, and when I looked at Krahu and Mowha, I could see the same despair in their eyes. Krahu often cried herself to sleep most nights, whispering Kray’s name to herself. Mowha, meanwhile, would scream Dow’s name like a woman in pain, and I would wrap my arms around her, holding her close as she grieved.
We were all hurting, and if I thought that life had been difficult living in the boulder before, it was nothing compared to how we lived now.
Though the threat of the pale men was mostly diminished, there were still those two unaccounted for, and with the herds on the move, Vulfu had us leave our home. We’ve been nomads ever since. We were always on the move, hauling what little we had with us, sleeping under fallen logs, larger dens, or sometimes just under the trees. My old sleeping bag became useful, as it was waterproof, and I always smoothed it over the ground for us to lay on together, keeping us dry. But nothing could protect us from the frost-covered mornings, the chilled nights when it became so cold my entire body trembled violently. I didn’t think I could survive a winter here, but I didn’t want to distract the family from finding the boys.
So I said nothing and continued to search, though at this point, I was certain we were just looking for corpses.
Vulfu was pounding into me with such fierceness, such desperation, I could only lie beneath him and huddle against his chest. His hands were both in my hair, holding my face against his pecs as he continued his rough thrusting, his grunting and moans laced with a hint of growling that sent a shiver up my spine. We’d found a temporary reprieve in a very small outcrop of rocks where we would gather every night to eat or sleep, but right now, Vulfu wanted it for just us. He’d sent the others out to search for food and I was caught off guard when I started to gather my basket to follow that he tugged on the back of my skirt, halting me, shaking his head. I watched in silence and confusion when he didn’t follow the others out, something quite out of character, as he always stayed close to the family so he could watch over them.
But the moment they left, he pounced on me, dragging me back to the darkest, most secluded corner of the cave, pulled off my clothes in a sort of frenzy, and furiously began licking and suckling on my clit. It all happened so fast that I had no time to think before an orgasm came crashing down on me, only for him to rear up then, spreading my legs wide, so he could thrust hard and fast into my pussy.
In the past, he never cared that the others were around us, but for the past two months of searching and aimlessly wandering the western part of the forest for the missing boys, he’d shown no interest in lovemaking of any sort. He was injured at first, then distracted with worry over Kray and Dow, then we were all starving and homeless, then the weather turned and in late October it had started to snow most nights. It seems, though, that he’d had enough waiting and wanted privacy. But this time, there was no sensuality about it, no tenderness. He was more like a man so broken and lost he was hopelessly seeking comfort and refuge in the most primal way possible. So, I didn’t fight or struggle when it hurt a bit, nor remind him that I was too tired or cold or just straight up not in the mood. He needed this from me, and with all we’ve been through, all he’s been through trying to keep our family together, I was glad I could give him this, at least.
Vulfu’s fucking became even more urgent the longer he went. He pounded away, the smacking of our bodies loud in the little space, the muscles in his neck and shoulders taught and prominent, and beyond him, at the little opening, I could see the flakes of snow lazily drifting past as they fell from the grey sky. His whole demeanor had changed significantly the past two months, ever since we were attacked by the pale men, and I had yet to see the sweet, tender leader I loved. He seemed more like a machine lately, running on autopilot… search, eat, sleep, repeat. Search, eat, sleep, repeat. It was worrying me.
“Vulfu?” I whispered against his skin, but his response was to simply release my hair to then seize my ass, pulling me up into him with each hard pump of his hips. “Vulfu…”
He growled deep in his chest, like he thought I was trying to stop him, and latched his teeth onto the side of my throat, a warning. I didn’t want to stop him; I just wanted him to… take a breath. Breathe. To not think about all the troubles we were facing. I just wanted him to focus on me and be here with me in the moment. But when I managed to get a peek at his face, his eyes were far away, lost elsewhere. Something else was driving him that wasn’t here in this little hole in the mountain with us.
“Vulfu, I–”
“Mmuh, Stevvy!” he snarled, latching onto the side of my throat again. The hands holding my ass up were gripping so tight I knew that marks would be left behind. He was fucking me so hard I was going to be sore for a day or two after.
Just let him be, Stephanie. Let him be.
Smack! Smack! Smack!
He was relentless, his movements never stopping, his body never relaxing for a second. From outside, I could hear the others climbing back up, and when I managed to peek around his broad shoulder, I saw Mowha’s blurred face peering inside, like she was checking to see if the coast was clear. Our eyes met, but I couldn’t make out her expression clearly. Squinting, I thought I saw her disapproving frown before she turned away, her voice soft and words too faint for me to make out as she said something to the others. They stayed away, everyone walking on eggshells around their leader. Even Dahkha. No one wanted to add more stress or upset to our already shitty situation. And following Vulfu’s orders was the easiest way to keep the peace.
Keep the peace, Stevvy.
“That’s it,” I whispered to him and managed to slide my hands up between us, seizing his face and pulling it down to mine. “That’s it, love. Fuck me.” I kissed him then, opening my mouth to snake my tongue between his lips. He moaned at that, and his movements softened just a little, enough that he kissed me back eagerly. “Yeah, keep going. Just like that,” I whispered, turning his head a little so I could lick the shell of his ear. My man needed me right now, and I would help him. In a way, he needed me, and I was going to stand, or lie, rather, here and do it.
Vulfu groaned again, deepening his movements, rolling his hips against me in that way that made my toes curl. That desperate blank stare began to soften, the warmth in his eyes returning. That stony exterior started to break.
“Keep going,” I whispered again. “Come for me…”
“Stevvy…” he growled deep in his chest, now burying his face into my neck as he licked the smooth skin there.
“That’s it, love. That’s it…”
He grunted hard, his movements jostling me.
“Yes,” I breathed, wrapping my arms around him.
“Yessss,” he hissed, his whole body trembling above me, his hold now feeling more like a cradle than a clutch, and his lips touched my neck, drifting over my collarbone, his breath hot against my skin.
Finally, I felt it, that rise that made my entire body tighten and my breath catch. It was building, and sensing it, Vulfu kept his steady rhythm, knowing not to fuck around with it. My body continued to squeeze around him like a spring ready to snap, my eyes squeezed shut as I focused on him and only him. My protector, my fierce wild man. Panting hard, he touched his forehead to mine and I opened my eyes to find myself staring into his green-grey ones, the colour so bright and beautiful it took my breath away. I gasped as that quivering pulse suddenly exploded, sending wave after wave through my system that literally left me breathless. I cried out, the heat in my cheeks turning them pink as I felt tears sting my eyes.
Vulfu groaned and gave several final pumps before he slammed into me hard, grunting and moaning loudly as he came, but he never took his eyes from mine. He stared at me, taking in the flush on my cheeks, the tears in my eyes, his fingers reaching up to gently wipe a lock of hair from my forehead as if it was obscuring his view of my face. He shuddered a little, holding himself within me, a light sheen of sweat covering his muscles, as he drank me in.
I relaxed, closing my eyes as he settled himself between my legs, resting his head over my heart, turning it to the side before wrapping his arms around my waist. I lay on my back, my fingers running through his dark, greying hair. He gave me a gentle squeeze but was silent for some time while our hearts began to slow, and a cool breeze drifted through the opening. I listened for the others, but it was silent outside, and I got the feeling they wandered away to give us privacy. I felt horrid that they had been kicked out, but Vulfu’s temper and moodiness had been at an all-time high. Everyone was afraid to upset him.
When I felt him tremble, I thought perhaps he was getting cold, but when I glanced down, I could make out the tears falling from his eyes and along his jaw and chin. He was crying.
“Vulfu?” I asked, horrified. I tried to get up, but he held me firmly in place, refusing to move at all. “Vulfu, wahoe? What’s wrong? Oh my God, please tell me?” I reached down and carefully wiped his tears away, wondering what on earth was making my brave, fearless, wild man cry.
He said nothing for a few minutes, his eyes unfocused as he stared at the stone wall beside us, before finally, he whispered, “Dow… Kray…”
My heart broke hearing their names on his lips. My voice caught in my throat, and I had to clear it and take a breath to compose myself before I could respond. “I know… Stevvy gwukh hum. Gwuhk Kray and Dow.” I just want our family together again.
“Guh…” His voice was barely a whisper.
Gone.
I wiped my eyes as I stared at the ceiling. “We can keep searching. Um, what’s the word… logo. Logo Kray and Dow,” I said, using the word for search/hunt.
Vulfu didn’t say anything to that. He instead spent a few more minutes in silence with me, allowing himself a brief moment of vulnerability, before he finally rose, helping me clean myself up, and headed out into the cold, the mask of a leader back in place. A minute passed before the others came inside, revealing what little they’d found for food and shared with me in silence. Vulfu was gone for a long time that night, searching for hours, it seemed. It was nearly completely dark when the fading call of, “Dooooow! Kraaaaay!” was no longer heard over the wind.
I wanted to go out and be with him, but Mowha, along with Dahkha, stopped me, shaking their heads. Vulfu needed to be alone, his search becoming his own mission and, in a way, an obsession… searching for the lost boys.
“Let me out! Let me out! Let me out!” I chanted over and over again, hissing softly as another dizzy spell hit me out of the blue and hard.
We were back in our home, having moved back in at the beginning of December, and I desperately needed to be carried outside to throw up again. Mowha hurried over and hoisted me up, crawling fast upward and out just as I spewed my meager breakfast over the edge of the rock. I coughed hard, choking and gasping, tears and drool falling soon after. God, I hated throwing up. What made it worse was that I had no toothpaste to use after. I just had water to rinse my mouth out with.
But Mowha was there, rubbing my back in soothing circles, holding me around my middle so I wouldn’t slip and fall off the edge. However, I wasn’t dressed to be out here. It was snowing heavily, and I shivered in my simple skin dress.
The last month and a bit had been a little better for our family in some ways.
Vulfu and Dahka had managed to make a few more kills, taking down a buck, and several doe’s. As hard as it had been to see, the skin and furs were extremely appreciated, and because of it, we didn’t go hungry. We stopped our wanderings through the hills and made our way back to the boulder that we’d called home for so long, though seeing the spot where Veshy had fallen would forever taint this place.
The ways in which things weren’t better?
Kray and Dow were still gone.
Though some nights Vulfu would still go out and wander into the darkness, his search was always in vain. The boys had disappeared without a trace, no sign of them having been anywhere we looked, nor their bodies. It was like the hills had swallowed them up, forever lost in the wilderness. With two of The Pale Men unaccounted for, I had a horrible notion that somehow, they were the reason behind the boys’ disappearance. But I couldn’t allow myself to think of it for too long, as it always ended with me in hysterics, unable to explain the sick thoughts in my head to the others.
As for me being sick now, well, I’d just been resting with Mowha and Krahu, lying together for warmth as we trembled in our home from the cold.
We were all alive, but we weren’t doing so well.
The loss of our best furs, our food, our equipment, and how our family had been torn apart, had destroyed what hope we had facing the harshness of winter. We just spent our days moving little, eating little, and barely talking. All of us were lost in the sad mire of our thoughts, all coping with our loss in a sort of silent vigil.
Now, I was getting sick, and I feared facing some sort of illness out here, with no doctors or treatment available. I’d been sleeping a lot more, light-headed, and yesterday I’d started throwing up nearly everything I ate. I did my best to conceal it from the others, not wanting to give them yet another hardship, but Mowha, as always, noticed my affliction and became my partner in crime. She helped me outside whenever a wave of nausea hit me and got me fresh water after. When I became light-headed and stumbled, she made me lie down. I could see the worry in her dark, caramel eyes, and I tried to smile through it, reassuring her all was well, but it was hard to hide.
I gave a final spit and let out a heavy sigh, running my shaking hands through my hair to get it out of my face, and she took that as a sign to pull me back from the edge. She said not a word as she helped me back down into the home where the others were sleeping.
With the light of the moon reflecting off the white snow outside, it gave more light to the cold nights, the gleams through the cracks making it a little easier to find our way amongst the others. We all slept together in the main room now, sharing body heat and blankets for warmth. I found Vulfu at once, his soft breathing an immediate comfort to me. I slid into the empty space between his arms, and he immediately sought me out, wrapping me up in his hold, though he flinched in his sleep from the chill on my skin, he did his best to warm me. Mowha settled behind me, reaching over to run her fingers through my hair a few times, which had me closing my eyes and humming under my breath in comfort.
Whatever was wrong with me, I hoped it would pass quickly.
“Vulfu no, I-I can’t!” I begged, straining my nose as far from the raw meat as possible. He’d been out again, searching for the missing boys, and stumbled across an elk that had died of its injuries from a fight. He dragged the bounty back to our home, the smallest of smiles on his face, though he still looked broken, even with this good luck. The others, however, were ecstatic, and immediately set about stripping the fur, the horns, the meat… all of it. At first, I’d been as gung-ho as the others, but the moment the smell of the dead flesh hit my nose, I started gagging uncontrollably. Vulfu, noticing my resistance to the meat, made an irritable sound under his breath, tore a handful of it away, and ran after me.
“Dear God, please stop. Stop!” I ran around the boulder, trying to get away from the smell, my stomach twisting uncomfortably, but he just tore after me, easily tracking my path through the snow. Mowha had made me something to wear on my feet for the cold season, the animal skin protected by a layer of fur, and though it was bulky and felt like I had two bags on my feet instead of shoes, they kept them warm and dry. But damn, they were horrible to run in! I slipped and slid, unfamiliar with the strange footwear, meanwhile Vulfu moved with that same elegance and skill he had in everything, and easily caught up.
He took my wrist in his hand, tugging me back, while I flailed helplessly, still averting my face to keep breathing in the cold, fresh air.
“Vulfu, no!”
“Yahv, Stevvy! Ug! Ug!” He scolded me, dragging me toward himself. He lifted my arm way up high so that I was standing on the tips of my toes, and with the hand of raw, fleshy meat, he poked my side with a finger, jabbing hard and frowning in disapproval. “Stevvy gwouy. Stevvy ug!”
Stephanie weak/skinny. Stephanie eat!
“My ribs may be showing but I still have some layers to me. I’m fine!” I insisted, struggling on my tippy-toes. “Look! My stomach has plenty of girth! You satisfied?” I snarled, opening the fur cloak I’d been wearing and pointing to the little curve on my stomach. “See? I’m getting plenty! If anything, I've gained weight. So relax, Mr. Grumpy!”
But the sight of the barely there pooch in my middle, despite how small it actually was, had Vulfu freeze altogether, the meat falling from his hand, leaving a sick, bloody trail on his palm, and his eyes nearly bugged out of his skull. He was completely fixated on the little curve of my belly which was starting to make me self-conscious. I mean, it wasn’t that much. I know I’ve always been scrawny and tiny, but I hadn’t been pigging out. There was hardly any food anyway. If anything, I should have been losing weight. That fact made me wonder if he thought I was sneaking extras, and he was about to lose his absolute shit on me.
“Wait, wait!” I said quickly, now starting to panic as he lowered his hold, so my feet planted themselves firmly on the ground. “I swear, I haven’t been stealing food. Stevvy, uh… Stevvy mmuh gwod ug! Stephanie no take lots of food! You got that? Hello?” I lifted my other hand and tentatively waved it in front of his face, snapping him out of his weird trance. He blinked and flicked his gaze up to meet mine, still looking shocked. “Hey, did you hear me? I said I didn’t take–”
But my explanation was suddenly cut off when Vulfu scooped me up in his arms and pressed kiss after kiss to my face. My forehead, my cheeks, my nose, lips, and chin. Any part he could reach.
I started laughing at the sudden change in his attitude. “Well, I love you, too. Even if you are a Grumpy Gus sometimes.”
But instead of responding, he carried me, bridal style, back to the others.
“Bip! Bip!” he called, demanding their attention. Dahkha, Mowha, and Krahu all stopped, staring at us curiously, and I tried to ignore the sight of meat, bones, and skin dangling in their hands. “Stevvy jugra gweebruh!” he announced.
Gweebruh. That was what they used to call me back when I joined their family so many months ago. We weren’t going back to that, were we? I’d been babied incessantly and had really, really grown tired of it by the time Vulfu had called an end to it. I was a grown-ass woman, for crying out loud.
Only…
The moment Vulfu announced it, the other’s mouths all dropped, but it was Mowha who barrelled over to us first, tears falling from the corners of her wrinkled, happy eyes as she reached out and pulled me from his arms. Krahu joined her, and to my surprise, even old Dahkha. All of them were crowing with delight, all pulling me in for an embrace like this was something to be celebrated. When they all started patting my stomach, I suddenly felt like I was having an out-of-body experience, and my mind whirled as flashes suddenly clicked together over the past few months.
Mowha finding me, fighting with Vulfu, her first calling me gweebruh. The constant babying, the way she treated me like a child. That had all changed when Vulfu discovered my period and…
All of that had ended then.
Now, with the additional weight only in my stomach, the sickness and dizziness I’d been feeling, the confusion I felt when I’d first arrived being treated like a child… it all made sense.
Not only did I feel like a complete idiot, but…
I was pregnant. Pregnant! I was carrying a baby. Vulfu’s. And I was in the wild with no doctors, no hospital, no modern medicine…
Oh my fucking God!
I stumbled back, feeling the blood drain from my face as everything came together, only to find Vulfu’s hard stomach blocking my way. His arms came around and he pulled me in tight, burying his face in my hair, humming deep within his chest to make that gentle sort of purr that I found so comforting. Only this time, I felt suffocated. I couldn’t be pregnant! I was nineteen for crying out loud! I was in the mountains, the woods, with no help but a group of primitive people, all of whom were looking at me with the biggest of smiles, the happiest expressions I’d seen on any of them since I arrived.
“Stevvy shusha,” Vulfu murmured, one of the arms that had wrapped around my stomach moved upward, and he placed his hand over my heart, feeling it race, the other lovingly cradled my belly. “Shusha…”
Rest. Calm. He could feel my heart hammer against his palm, but I still felt that odd numbness spread through me, tingling from the tips of my fingers and toes, and up my arms and legs. My face felt cold and fuzzy, and then, all I could feel was like a heaviness suddenly fell upon my shoulders, and then nothing.