34. Maggie
THIRTY-FOUR
MAGGIE
“I’m so excited you’re going to be home for Christmas!” Mom exclaimed from the phone. I was glad I put it on speaker and set it a comfortable three feet away from the crockpot of chili moments ago or I’d need a beat to recover my hearing.
“I come home for Christmas, Mom.”
“Not as much as you think,” she said. “But this is different. We can make a whole event out of it. Shopping, baking, decorating, caroling. Oh! I’m going to host an ugly Christmas sweater party. You’ll help me, right? You used to love those!”
“Sure, but can we just enjoy fall for a minute? Halloween’s still more than a month away.”
When Violet was in Bluebell Springs, I said I was thinking about staying in Lansing through Christmas.
I hadn’t committed to it, but apparently my mentioning the possibility out loud counted.
It would give me plenty of time to spend with the littles, appease our mother, and figure out what came next.
With free room and board at both my sister’s house and then my parents’, I had enough savings to be picky about my next adventure.
But what I hadn’t considered was that my sister’s ability to keep a secret was defective due to pregnancy brain.
“Oh, the boys are so excited you’ll be home to take them trick-or-treating. Did you know Ollie wants to be Luke Skywalker?”
“Really?”
“Apparently, your man friend made quite the impression on him with his LEGO collection.”
“I’m not surprised,” I said, laughing.
That Luke had a Star Wars LEGO collection was news to me.
But of course he did. I might’ve already known that if we spent time at his place instead of mine.
I glanced at the clock on the stove. Six thirty.
He’d be home from working on the parade float within the hour.
And then, I’d tease him relentlessly until he showed it to me.
“Ollie’s been begging to watch all the movies now,” Mom added. “I’m surprised your sister hasn’t told you about his new obsession. It’s literally the only thing he’s been talking about in the car. Needless to say, Violet’s ready to be home.”
I was behind on my video messages again.
I’d intended to catch up last night, but instead I spent the evening on the couch watching the next episode with Luke.
We hadn’t intentionally positioned Ellie between us, considering we crossed that whole just friends line the moment I slid my hand onto his bulge yesterday and begged him to give me an orgasm.
But my pup had taken it upon herself to sprawl across our laps and pass out cold.
She’d been sixty-five pounds of dead weight since Yoda showed up in the first part of the movie.
There’d been no additional canoodling, but the night was so blissfully . . . normal. And after three months of walking on eggshells in Jason’s house, I forgot how nice normal could feel.
Would thorough, toe-curling orgasms also be a part of normal if . . . if what, Maggie?
Right. I wasn’t staying.
But ten years from now, I’d remember the animalistic way Luke looked at me from between my legs.
I’d still feel the soft scratching of his beard against my skin.
He had more talent in the tip of his tongue than any other man had in his whole being.
I squeezed my thighs together to ward off the tingling this realization caused, but it was no use. I wanted more.
We could skip the movie tonight. Get right to the naked part . . .
“Maggie? Are you there?” Mom’s voice called. “Maggie?”
Shit. Focus, Maggie.
“Just checking the chili.” I lifted the lid to make good on my excuse, gave the pot a good stir, and took a tentative taste. It was better, closer to Grandpa’s recipe. But it was still missing something. “What ingredient do you think we’re forgetting?”
“You know your grandpa. He probably snuck it in when no one was looking. The secret likely died with him.”
“That sounds like Grandpa. Hey, did I tell you my neighbor served in the same unit with Grandpa? In Korea?”
“You’re kidding.”
“Nope. One Seventy-Ninth Medical Company, Forty-Fifth Infantry Division. Walter worked in the mail room. Saw Grandpa like once a week because Grandma wrote him so many letters.”
“How astonishing. And this Walter lives right across the street, you said?”
“I think it’s Grandpa’s way of saying I landed in the right place at the right time. Like this whole trip was meant to be. But that’s silly, right?”
“It’s an interesting coincidence,” Mom said, hesitating a beat before adding, “You are actually coming home, right?”
“Of course I am,” I said at the shift in Mom’s tone.
Gone was her cheeriness, replaced with fear that I’d do what I always did and plant temporary roots in some strange place and skip another holiday.
The truth was, though, I was tired of constantly pulling up those roots for the next adventure.
I craved stability in a way I never had before.
For once, the thought of spending time at home didn’t make me instantly antsy.
“You have a tendency to change your mind, sweetie.”
“I promised Vi and Ethan I’d handle the littles for at least a month.”
“I thought you were staying through Christmas?”
“Remind me not to share secrets with Violet until her hormones are back to normal,” I muttered.
“I’m just worried about you.”
“I’m doing great, Mom.” I left out the part about having a full-on breakdown yesterday.
Or lighting my wedding dress on fire. No need to make her worry any more than she already would on her own.
Or cause her to increase her coddling. “Really. I needed this breath of fresh air. I’m helping veterans in my spare time, and I even have friends here. ”
“Like your man friend.”
“His name is Luke.”
“Right. Just be careful. You called off your wedding two weeks ago. Getting involved with a man so fast—”
“That’s not what’s happening here, Mom.”
“Good. Because if you tell me you’re changing your plans for a man again, I’ll be concerned.”
“Trust me. I’m not making that mistake again.”
“Good. But even just sex can get complicated.”
“Ugh. Can we not talk about my sex life?”
“I don’t want you to get hurt. Or knocked up with some stranger’s baby.”
The doorbell rang, and I was so relieved, I did a silent happy dance. Ellie let out an excited bark, first at me, and then another as she raced toward the front door.
“Mom, I got to go. Someone’s here.”
“Use protection. Do you need me to mail you condoms?”
“Love you, Mom. Bye!”
I ended the call and hurried to the door as the visitor rang a second time. I was out of breath when I pulled open the door. “Hey, sorry—”
Alyssa stood on the front porch in a worn hoodie, hair pulled into a simple ponytail, and a please forgive me expression on her makeup-free face. She held out a pink bakery box with a Frosted Peaks logo.
“I brought apology cupcakes to make up for being a shitty friend.”
Ellie pushed past my knees, shoving a sock at Alyssa.
When I hesitated, she added, “Even if you don’t like sweets, Aspen’s cupcakes will turn you. They’re almost better than sex.”
To say I was surprised to find Alyssa on my doorstep was an understatement.
When female friendships fizzled, I seldom heard from the other woman again unless she needed something.
But rarely did those unsolicited favors include a peace offering.
As tempted as I was to shut the door in her face, I decided to at least hear her out.
Maybe she had a good reason for lying, or maybe she was just a shitty friend who was here to ask me a favor.
Either way, there were cupcakes. At least one good thing could come from her being here.
“Come on in,” I relented, holding the door wider.
“Did I interrupt dinner?” she asked, kicking off her shoes.
“Just experimenting with some chili.”
“For the cookoff?”
She followed me into the kitchen, placing the pink box on the counter.
“Yeah, Luke and I decided to enter.”
I lifted the lid of the box, discovering half a dozen gourmet cupcakes. Dammit, these looked good.
“You and Luke?”
The familiarity I felt when I first met Alyssa lingered again, and it took practiced effort not to immediately tell her everything.
I still didn’t understand the weird impulse.
I closed the lid slowly and leaned back against the counter, folding my arms over my chest and giving her a firm look that demanded more before I fessed up to a single personal detail.
“Okay, okay.” She held up her hands, as though in surrender. “I’ll go first.”
I waited as Alyssa pulled out a chair from the kitchen table and sat facing me.
“I lied.”
I said nothing.
“About my grandma calling me the other day. I know you know I lied, but I wanted to get that out in the open first.” Ellie sat between her knees, and Alyssa ran her fingers through the pup’s furry neck.
“It was my friend Aspen, and she had some news I wasn’t prepared to receive.
So, I did what I always do, and pretended everything was fine.
I’m frighteningly good at it, you know.”
“Not as good as you think,” I said.
“Well, not around you apparently.”
I nodded at my dog. “Ellie knew. That’s why she brought you the sock.”
“You are just the sweetest girl, aren’t you, baby?”
Ellie licked her wrist, which is why I didn’t press. But if Alyssa wanted me to accept her apology, it would take more than vague details.
“The truth?”
“That would be a good start,” I agreed.
“I fell in love with a boy when I was nine years old, and no matter how hard I’ve tried to get over him, I just . . . can’t.”
She looked up at me, her eyes shiny with unshed tears. But it was the weak smile that got to me. The one that said she was trying so hard to be okay, but she wasn’t. I knew it well because I’d worn it often enough.
“The news was about him?”
“It’s stupid, really.” Ellie sat back on her back legs, lifting her front paws onto Alyssa’s soft pink leggings.
They’d be covered in fur before long, but she didn’t seem to mind.
“He’s been in the military for over ten years.
He was the first to announce he was joining after his brother was killed in action. ”
“I’m sorry to hear that.”
“Luke and Connor enlisted with him. But they came home. Thoren—”
“He’s a lifer?”
“I forget you were Army, too.”
Ellie managed to climb into Alyssa’s lap and now had both paws on her shoulders. She didn’t offer hugs to just anyone, which only made me certain the two of us had a connection beyond meeting a couple of weeks ago. Damned if I knew what it was, though.
“Did something happen?” I asked carefully. “Is he okay?”
“He’s pissed off, but he’s fine. The military is forcing him to medically retire. Aspen—those are her cupcakes by the way—is his sister. She called to tell me because, well, she knew I’d feel some type of way.”
I didn’t follow why this news might be upsetting. It sounded like Thoren would be coming home. And for a woman who’d been in love with him since she was nine, that sounded like good news. Unless . . .
“Is he with someone else?”
Alyssa let out a soft laugh as Ellie crawled out of her lap.
“You know, if he was, I think this whole thing would be easier.” She looked back at me.
“I finally accepted our fate. The last time he was back, just a couple of months ago. I accepted we didn’t have a future.
It was the hardest damn thing I’ve ever had to do.
And now, when I’m stuck in Bluebell Springs, he’s coming home against his will. ”
“Maybe you’re getting a second chance?” I offered.
“Ha! We’ve had twenty second chances. We’ve run our course. This is just going to be rubbing salt in the wound.”
“I know we said no pity—”
“I’ll make an exception this time.” Alyssa’s grim expression brightened a little. “Now that I’ve spilled my guts, tell me, how long have you been sleeping with Luke?”
I was glad I decided not to retrieve a couple of beverages from the fridge or I’d be choking on mine.
“I’m not—we haven’t—” I let out a defeated sigh. “But something happened. Multiple somethings. Are you sure this isn’t weird for you? This your best friend’s brother, right?”
“You’re right. Luke is like a brother to me. But I can disassociate for a good cause. You clearly need someone to talk to who won’t try to talk you out of bad decisions.” Alyssa stood from her chair. “How set are you on chili for dinner?”
“Honestly, I’ve been eating chili for almost a week straight.”
“Kat’s Place has a dog-friendly patio. It’s a little drizzly out, but part of it’s covered.”
“What about the cupcakes?”
“Save them for later. You can have dessert after dessert.” She wriggled her eyebrows suggestively.
“I’m not sleeping with Luke.”
“But you want to.”
Because she wasn’t wrong—and I really did want a girlfriend to share every sordid detail with—I flipped the crockpot to warm, shot Luke a text letting him know my change of plans and encouraging him to help himself to the chili, and grabbed my keys.
“I’ll drive.”