Chapter 34
Chapter Thirty-Four
Seth
Today was the anniversary of Scarlett’s and our unborn child’s deaths. It was a depressing day for me, even though I’d made peace with what had happened. The date always jumped out of the calendar and made a pit form in my stomach.
I was in the upper portion of our grazing pasture as I herded some cattle with Russel and awaited a text from Ella to tell me the sex of her baby.
Her mom and her best friend were in town, and I’d given her a couple days off so that she could visit with them.
She seemed happier when they were here, and that made me happy.
Since the night she’d come over to thank Maggie and me for leading her back to God, there had been a change in her.
There was a pep in her step. I wasn’t worried about her anymore.
When my phone binged with the group text, I nearly fell off my horse.
Ella: So… it’s a girl and a boy. TWINS!
I hadn’t been expecting that. Twins? How could that be? Wouldn’t they have seen it at the first ultrasound? I guessed not.
Maggie: Oh, Praise God! What amazing little blessings.
Of course it was a blessing, but I also worried about Ella taking care of twins alone.
I wanted to ask her to move in with me and live in the guest room so I could help her with the night feedings, but I knew that was crazy.
I felt like Ella was mine, but she wasn’t.
Would God let me fall in love with a woman I couldn’t have? I hoped not.
I shot off a reply.
Seth: Congrats! What an amazing surprise. I’ll have to start paying you in diapers.
She laughed at my response, but I still felt unsettled.
I bid Russel goodbye and led my work gelding named Comet over to the nearby creek that ran through the north end of my property.
When I got there, I tied Comet up in the shade and then sat at the edge of the creek, listening to the running water.
Twins. I grinned.
Ella was going to be an amazing mom, and I was happy for her, but I wrestled with my feelings for her and my desire to have a family of my own.
I was lonely. I was ready for love again. Scarlett had wanted that for me, and so did I. I wanted a family. I wanted laughter on this farm and to teach my little ones to ride a horse, to be called Papa, and all of it.
Lord, please don’t make me suffer through watching someone else swoop in and love Ella and her children, I begged.
Because if I was being honest with myself, I didn’t just want any woman or any children on this farm making memories with me.
I wanted her. I wanted those twins. I wanted to do right by James, a man I hadn’t known and yet respected, by raising them to know him and love him.
But I knew that Ella wasn’t ready for all that and might never be.
She might only see me as a dear friend, which would kill me, but I would accept whatever made her happy.