20. Bailey
Bailey
Chloe, Magnolia and I are taking a break from walking around an outdoor mall about an hour away from campus a few hours after I climbed out of bed this morning.
Alpine is a small mountain town that houses the university about twenty minutes outside of Alpine, so there isn’t much shopping that can happen there, especially when you need maternity.
So, Maggy and Chloe opted to drive the hour to get to the mall just down the mountain.
We are sitting in a cute cafe sipping on lattes and enjoying a snack. I’ve got a decaf vanilla latte and a cinnamon roll that the girl behind the counter told me she had just pulled out of the oven in front of me. It’s not as good as Charly’s but it’s still delicious.
“So, how are you and Aiden after last night?” Chloe asks around a bite of her blueberry muffin. A knowing smile covering her face.
I knew this conversation was coming, and because I’m close with the girls, I’m not going to hide anything from them.
“We are good. Last night was a bit overwhelming, but our talk this morning made me feel a lot better. We both want to see what happens now that the truth of our feelings are out in the open.” A goofy smile spreads across my face.
“This morning he said, ‘you’re still my best friend, I just get to kiss you whenever I want now.’ and I literally swooned. ”
“I stand by what I said last night, you guys are so cute I could puke,” Chloe laughs.
“What are you scared about, Bee?” Maggy asks.
“And don’t act like you aren’t scared of something.
It’s written all over your face.” She quirks one eyebrow at me, “You might be my brother’s best friend, but I spent my entire childhood watching you because I wanted to be just like you.
I know you, Bailey. I can tell you’re scared of something. ”
“I’m honestly so scared of what happens if things with me and Aiden don’t work out.
Everything feels so right right now, but what happens if it doesn’t work out.
Do I just lose my best friend and his entire family?
” I run a hand over my ever-growing belly.
“And what about her? Aiden told me last night that he wants her to be his. What happens to her if things don’t work out.
I know I won’t survive the fall out, but breaking her heart would break me beyond repair. ”
“You do realize that my entire family would choose your side in the divorce? We all love you more than Aiden anyway.” Maggy laughs.
“I know we have always joked about it, but we really would. And even if things don’t work out with you and Aiden, Rowan will always have us.
I don’t think you realize how loved that little girl is.
There is nothing you could do that would make us walk away from her. ”
“Fuck,” A sob makes it’s way up my throat.
I don’t think Maggy realizes how good it is to hear those words.
After growing up the way I did, unwanted and unloved, to know my little girl will never experience the same things is a breath of fresh air.
Just hearing that my girl will never be alone in this world fills me with so much hope for her future, for my future.
I am so grateful for the Bakers in all the ways they have loved me throughout the years, and although they say there is nothing to repay, I feel like the debt I have amassed is too great.
“Honestly, Bailey” Chloe chimes in. I give her a disbelieving look, but she’s quick to shut that down, “I don’t think you have anything to worry about.
I’ve only known you guys a couple of years, but even I know that you and Aiden are meant to be together.
I’m gay, and if a man looked at me the way that Aiden looks at you, I would marry him.
Do not let your fear of this ending in disaster, which is never going to happen by the way, stop you from going after that man. ”
“Listen Bee, I know that your parents fucked you up in a big way your whole life," Maggy says, squeezing my hand over the table.
"Fuck your parents for making you feel like you don't deserve love, because this family loves you so much! We love and accept you just the way you are. What more can we do to convince you that we aren’t going anywhere?”
Tears continue to stream down my face, “While I logically know that you guys are never going to ditch me like my parents have, convincing my heart that it’s true isn’t always easy.
” A tear spills over, “Your family, and our friends, have proven over and over again that I’m not alone and never have to be, but I feel unworthy of it.
” I bat a few tears away, “Growing up being constantly told that you’re a mistake has a way of fucking with your head. ”
If looks could kill, Maggy would be doing twenty-five to life for the murder of my parents. Maggy doesn’t get angry very often, but when she does your best bet is to get out of the way. She’s scary when she’s mad. “God, I fucking hate your parents.”
“Honestly, so do I,” I shrug, “Took me a minute to get there, but I am almost grateful they cut me off now. I don’t want Rowan anywhere near them.”
“Me either.” Maggy’s face softens and she reaches out to grab my hand. She gives it a firm squeeze and says, “I hope someday you just accept our love, and realize that it doesn’t come with strings. We aren’t your parents, Bailey.”
“Damn, that got heavy. Back to boys! I have to ask this, and I’m sorry Maggy, but it has to happen, but on a scale from one to ten, how good is Aiden in bed?” Grateful for Chloe changing the subject I laugh and use a napkin to wipe the last of the tears from my eyes.
“Oh gross! I do not want to know about my brother’s sex life!” Magnolia makes a gagging noise.
“We haven’t had sex yet. I mean we kissed for the first time last night, I fell asleep before you all even left last night.
When things started to get a little heavy this morning, Aiden stopped us so we could properly talk.
” My cheeks heat thinking about his rather large erection poking me in the back this morning.
“But if I have to go just based on how good of a kisser he is? I would say he’s going to be a ten out of ten.
” A cheeks heat just thinking about the kisses we shared this morning.
“You said ‘yet’ which means you fully expect there to be sex!” Chloe fist bumps the air like she just won the biggest prize, and Maggy gags again.
After that we gather up all our trash to toss in the bin and continue our shopping.
I end up finding the prettiest pink wrap dress that will be perfect for my baby shower, and a bunch of maternity clothes that will fit for the rest of my pregnancy.
It was a great day hanging out with the girls.
I haven’t had as much of a chance recently to hang out with them as I would like, so I’ve missed them.
The day and the conversations were needed.