Chapter 22
Chapter Twenty-Two
JACK
Willow Harbor at Christmastime was an absolutely magical sight to behold. Regular life stood still. All the stresses of work email and traffic and loneliness—it paused as I stared down the snowy main street at the light up floats that had started their procession.
The one-hour parade had some pretty decent art displays, especially for a small town with limited resources. There was a winner who would get a trophy and everything—decided by how hard the crowd clapped and screamed. The local Willow Harbor firemen always had a float, Anna’s bakery, and so many others. It was hard to pick a favorite.
My ten-year-old self would scream until my throat was raw for my favorite one while my mother just stood next to me grinning ear to ear and laughing. I was staring at the first one now before my gaze went across the street and right to Hannah. She was sitting in a chair beside her boyfriend, Luke Halston.
I’d promised myself I’d stay away from her this Christmas, not interfere with her perfect life. Her mom was cancer-free, she was dating a great guy, and the restaurant was prospering. But then I had seen the ads in town, advertising Christmas dinner to- go at Hannah’s, and I had known I had to order something. I had to try to catch a glimpse of her.
So imagine my surprise when she hand-delivered it. Seeing her confirmed the fact that I still longed for her, for what might have been between us had we been given the chance to get to know each other naturally as we were. But Luke showing up that night instead of me was a sign. It meant that Hannah was better off with a guy like that and not one like me.
I was a criminal. A murderer. I was too broken for her, and I didn’t want her to spend the rest of her life trying to fix me. Because that’s what she would do. I knew it. I didn’t know her that well yet, but I knew enough to know that Hannah Phillips would spend her life trying to make me not feel guilty for what I’d done. “It was an accident,” she’d say, just like Chloe.
Yeah, well, accidents didn’t bring people back from the dead.
Her eyes caught mine from across the street and my lungs felt like they froze in my chest. We locked gazes, and it was like the entire parade melted away. I wondered then what she smelled like, what it would feel like to hold her, hug her, kiss her. I wanted to hear her laugh, to learn everything about her for all the years I’d missed knowing her.
Yet I wasn’t sure I wanted any of that at all. I wanted my alone time. I didn’t want to drag anyone into the depths of despair with me. Least of all Hannah.
No, I wouldn’t do that.
The crowd roared and my gaze snapped to the float that had just entered the street. I couldn’t help but smile. It was a giant twelve-foot tree with huge plate ornaments that held various pasta dishes. There was even a life-size Hannah with a blinking sign that matched the front of her restaurant.
It was officially my new favorite float.
What wasn’t my favorite was the cardboard cutout of Luke standing on the end, bending on one knee, and holding a sign that said, “ Marry me, Hannah ?”
The float stopped right in front of Hannah and Luke as he stood and fished something out of his pocket, falling to one knee. A hush fell over the crowd as my heart seized in my chest.
No.
I staggered backward as Hannah looked at her boyfriend and her mouth opened in surprise. The float parade stopped, and then all eyes were on Hannah. Luke stayed there, bent on one knee, and began to speak softly to her. I wasn’t close enough to hear it all, but I heard enough.
Couldn’t imagine life without you. Loved you for years. Marry me.
A darkness fell over me then, a heavy all-consuming depression. I turned, giving the scene my back, and started to walk away.
Hannah was marrying Luke.
That was good. That was what I wanted. I wanted her to be happy. I wanted the best for her.
Except, in my heart of hearts, I wanted her for myself.
I wanted to run over there, step between them, and beg her to say no. The snow began to fall in clumps, and I broke into a run.
Why did I continue to come here every year? My mother was gone, and now, with Hannah being here, things were complicated. This place didn’t hold happiness for me anymore. It was like a town full of skeletons. Everywhere I looked, I saw my dead mother and now the woman I could never have.
All the memories of this place swirled inside me like a storm. Peaches Café, where my mom had placed a dollop of whip cream on my ten-year-old nose. Fifth Street, where we’d had an epic snowball fight at age twelve. Willow Lake, where my mom and I had ice skated all day when I was fourteen. This entire town was filled with memories that just caused pain, and I’d just added another one to the mix.
When I got to my truck, I pulled out my phone with a shaky hand and blocked Hannah with two N’s number. I couldn’t do it anymore. I couldn’t torture myself with what could have been. I’d asked for this. I’d let Luke have her. I wasn’t even sure if, given a chance, Hannah and I would have worked out anyway. She didn’t know my past. The idea of her and me was something I’d built up way too much in my head.
I put the truck in drive and fled the scene of carnage. I just hoped that in the end Hannah was happy. That’s all I’d wanted from the day I saw her sad face burst through the kitchen doors at Vinnie’s. I just wanted that woman to smile.