14. Bristol
My phone chimes from its place beside me in the break room, but I don’t even bother to pick it up. I know it’s Seth asking what’s wrong with me.
I’ve been ignoring him for the better part of the week. I’d love to blame everything on Rebekah being so sick, but that’d be a lie. I need to tell him about our daughter. I just can’t figure out how. I’ve written letters and speeches and even thought about just bringing Rebekah to see him at his place one night. But every time I decide on a specific course of action, I change my mind, allowing my fear to get the better of me for the millionth time. I know the next time I talk to him, there will be no escaping the fact I need to tell him about Rebekah, so I’ve been ignoring him.
“You could have been nicer to him,” Audrey says as she comes into the room, taking a seat beside me at the table and reaching toward the bag of uneaten food.
“Hands off,” I grumble, and grab the bag from her reach and open it. The scent of my favorite sandwich fills the room, making my stomach growl. “I guess I’ve gotten my appetite back.”
“Good. You need to take better care of yourself, Bri. We’re worried about you.”
“I know,” I whisper, reaching into the bag and grabbing a few fries before shoving them into my mouth.
I couldn’t stop the tears from falling when Seth handed me the bag of food with my favorite sandwich, which I only mentioned once a few days ago. He has been asking me anything and everything he can think of, and this tells me he’s been paying attention to my answers.
“Are you still planning to tell him about Rebekah?” Audrey’s voice brings me back to the present.
“I don’t know.” I sigh as I reach into the bag and pull out my sandwich. I unwrap it and moan as I take a huge bite. I didn’t even realize how hungry I was until this moment. “I’ll be surprised if I didn’t already send him running for the hills with my hot and cold behavior. He’ll probably never speak to me again.”
She shakes her head. “Yeah, like your tears could scare that man away. Besides, I consider sleep deprivation a valid reason for any erratic or emotional behavior.”
Rebekah’s awful night a few nights ago was just the beginning. She’s slowly getting better, but between her needing to be held most of the night in order to sleep and my having to run the studio, to say I’ve been in a bad mood is an understatement. I’ve barely slept over three hours a night since then.
“I’ve also been ignoring his calls. Honestly, I’m surprised he showed up here today. Most men would have written me off as a tease and moved on to the next person.”
“You and I know both know Seth isn’t like most men.”
“That we do.” Leia comes strolling into the room, a stern look on her face. “Why else would he come all the way over here to check on you?”
“I thought your dad had a doctor’s appointment in Nashville today?” I mumble, suddenly more interested in my food than looking any of my friends in the eye.
“He does, but Walker called and said Riggs was on his way to pick him up. Apparently, Seth texted and asked him to go out and celebrate.”
“Riggs?” Selina says, as she comes into the room and reaches into my bag, grabbing a handful of fries before winking at me. “Why isn’t Walker coming?”
“Walker has a shift at the station today.” Leia’s cheeks pink slightly as she walks around the table and plops into the only empty seat. “I guess Walker said something to Riggs about Dad’s appointment, and he offered to take him for me.”
Selina rolls her eyes, plopping down into the seat on my other side. “I think Riggs is trying to suck up to a certain someone. What better way to do that than to help take a few things off your plate?”
“There’s nothing going on between Riggs and me.”
“You keep telling yourself that, Leia. Maybe if you say it enough, you’ll believe it, too.” Selina pats her softly on the hand as we break out in fits of laughter at Leia’s expense.
I wrap my arms around my side as I try to control my laughter before I suddenly remember what Leia said. “Wait. Did you say Seth is celebrating something?”
My eyebrows pull down in confusion as I try to figure out what Seth would be celebrating. The last time we spoke, he told me about passing the civil service exam and his plans to become a deputy, but that’s the only thing I know of. I’m sure he’d have celebrated that before now, wouldn’t he? Or are the guys coming to take him out for another reason? A reason I don’t want to know about.
“I can see the wheels turning in your head, Bri.” Leia giggles. “There are no nefarious plans. Walker just said Seth got some good news, and Brady needed an excuse to stalk Emersyn.”
“He didn’t say anything when he was here,” I mumble, rubbing the spot on my chest over my heart.
Just the idea of Seth having something to celebrate and not being included sends my world into another tailspin. I want to know everything about him. I want to be the first person he calls when he has good news, the shoulder to cry on when someone upsets him. I want to be the first person he thinks about in the morning and the last person he sees when he goes to bed at night. It all hits me like a ton of bricks. What a fool I’ve been. I’ve been so worried about protecting my heart that I may have sabotaged my only chance at being happy.
Unimaginable pain shoots through my body at the idea of seeing Seth around town, knowing that I had my chance to be with him, but I let my own fears get in the way. My fear that he wouldn’t want Rebekah, but what I was worried about most was that he wouldn’t want me. The frayed edges of my heart rip open for the second time today.
“I just…” Tears pool in my eyes as all the emotions I’ve been trying desperately to keep in check come bubbling to the surface. “I’m so scared.”
Audrey, Leia, and Selina surround me, their arms wrapping around me in a warm hug as I let all my emotions free. Tears stream down my cheeks as I sob, wishing I could find some way out of this situation. A solution that will allow all three of us to have a happy ending where Seth, Rebekah, and I are a family. The way it all should’ve been from the start.
“I’ve ruined everything and don’t know how to fix it. He’s going to hate me.”
I clutch my friends tightly, biting down on my bottom lip, hoping to quiet the sobs bubbling from my throat. My heart feels as if it’s breaking in two. I want nothing more than to rush out of here and find Seth, to tell him everything, and then it will all be okay, but this is the real world. There’s no way Seth is going to easily forgive me for hiding his daughter from him. I should have told him the first night I saw him. Hell, I’ve had a million chances to tell him the truth, but I chose to keep it a secret. And that secret is going to ruin everything.
I’m just praying that I can hold on for just a little longer until the pain subsides. I yearn for numbness to cut me off from all these feelings that I’m so desperate to forget. “Tell me what to do,” I whine, wrapping my arms around my waist in an attempt to hold myself together.
“I’m going to go turn the closed sign on and call to cancel your classes this afternoon,” Audrey murmurs, pushing to her feet and heading back into the studio.
“Thank you for doing that,” I grumble, grabbing her hand as she walks by and giving it a squeeze.
“We know it kills you to cancel class and let people down.” Leia reaches across the table and grasps both of my hands, squeezing them slightly.
“I’m going to call your mom. We need to come up with a plan, and you need a break,” Selina says as she dials my mom’s number.
My mom showed up on my doorstep this morning, demanding to spend time with her granddaughter. I’m sure she knew how hard the last few days have been with Rebekah being sick, but I never expected her to show up on my doorstep. I figured she could spend the day with Rebekah, and I could get a home-cooked meal and maybe a few hours of sleep after work. However, now I have a feeling her arrival wasn’t such a coincidence.
“You called my mom and told her to come down today, didn’t you?”
“We did no such thing,” Audrey responds as she comes back into the room and retakes her seat.
Her eyes look everywhere but at me. Bingo. Audrey is a terrible liar, and I should be livid with them for interfering, but I’m not. I know these ladies are just looking out for me. “But even if we did, you need the rest, and your mom is the only person you will listen to.”
I open my mouth to protest but slam it shut almost immediately. I know she’s right. I haven’t had a decent night’s sleep in days, and it’s showing.
“Hey, Mrs. Reid.” Selina narrows her eyes at me, daring me to say something, but I raise my hands in surrender. “Would you like to hang out with all of your granddaughters for a few hours? Bristol has been burning the candle at both ends. She needs some rest.”
Granddaughters? As in plural?
“Love and Jade have been wanting to spend some time with your mom. We’re killing two birds with one stone,” Audrey whispers. “I already called Connor to let him know she was coming over with Rebekah.”
“You guys are too good to me.”
Selina listens intently to what my mom has to say before smiling. “You bet. Connor is expecting you and has already ordered pizza, so don’t you dare try to cook.”
My mom grumbles something on the other end of the line, and Selina snickers. “You’re spending time with your granddaughters, not taking care of all of us. Bristol will be there around seven. See you later.”
“Rebekah is taken care of, and so are your classes,” Audrey says with a smile.
“You need to remember you aren’t alone,” Selina insists, which causes tears to well in my eyes.
“I know I’m not alone, but you guys have families to take care of.” I place my hand on her baby bump. “Or babies to grow. I can’t ask you guys to keep helping me as much as I do. It’s not fair.”
“First, you never ask. That’s the problem.” Audrey throws her arm over my shoulder and pulls me into her. “We’re here to help you. Seth is here to help you. Damn, he was more worried about you not eating than the fact that you’ve been ignoring his phone calls and texts. All you have to do is let us help you.”
“You’re not alone, Bristol. You never have been and never will be,” Leia adds.
“Fine. I can take a hint.” I pull away from Audrey and raise my hands in surrender. “Now, how are we going to get me out of this mess?”
I’ve been trying to figure a way out of this on my own, but maybe I need to rely on my friends a little more. Yes, I got myself into this situation by keeping Rebekah a secret for so long, but I don’t have to find a solution on my own.
“There’s no perfect way to let someone know they have a seven-month-old daughter,” Leia huffs. “But what we need is to figure out how to explain it to him. We need to make sure he understands why you kept her a secret.”
What if it’s not a good reason?I think to myself, once again afraid to give voice to my innermost thoughts. At first, I wanted to be sure that Seth was staying in town, that he was going to be a permanent part of Rebekah’s life, but I was afraid doesn’t seem like a good enough explanation, but it’s the only one I have. I was afraid of what his reaction would be to me keeping such a tremendous secret from him. He might understand why I didn’t get in contact with him during deployment, but he’s been in Tyson’s Creek for months.
Honestly, I’m surprised no one has said anything to him about me having a child. We live in a small town where everyone knows everyone. Hell, Mrs. Thomas delivered Rebekah, and there’s no way she doesn’t know that Seth and I have been seeing each other. I know there are some types of laws that don’t allow her to say things about patients, but still.
“You also need a place where you feel safe. This is going to be just as hard for you as it is for him,” Audrey says, stopping my thoughts from spiraling out of control.
“You know,” Selina begins, “we’re having a BBQ to let everyone know the sex of the baby next weekend. Why don’t you invite Seth?”
“Sure, that’s an amazing idea.” I scoff.
“Just think about it, Bri.”
“What’s there to think about? I won’t ruin your gender announcement just so I can have a buffer in case Seth loses his shit when he finds out about Rebekah.”
With every conversation we have, I feel more and more guilty about keeping Rebekah from him. Especially after our conversation about children and the future. After learning more about Seth, I’m convinced he wouldn’t do anything to purposely hurt either of us. If anyone has the power to ruin everything, it’s me. This secret has been eating me alive, and if I want this relationship to go any further, I have to fess up.
“Are you sure he is going to lose it?” Audrey questions, pulling out her phone and typing something before shoving it back into her pocket.
I cock my head to the side and eye her skeptically, trying to make sense of her question. “Of course, he will. I’ve been lying to him ever since he came back into town. I never tried to get a hold of him to tell him he had a daughter.”
“But he didn’t contact you either, Bri,” Leia responds with conviction. “You said you gave him your number the last time you saw each other. He could’ve called you, too.”
“I know. I know, but I’ve had more than enough chances to tell him since he came back, and I didn’t.”
“And he’ll understand that, Bri,” Selina mumbles, pushing to her feet and placing a hand on my shoulder. “I was so afraid to tell Vance what I thought I saw; I spent fourteen years separated from the man that I loved because I was afraid of getting my heart broken.”
I’ve heard Selina and Vance’s story more times than I can count. Although it’s not the same, Selina let her fear of being hurt keep her away from Vance and Tyson’s Creek for years. She assumed Vance had moved on while she was at Juilliard but never once asked him. They could have spent all those years together, but instead, they spent them trying to mend the broken pieces of their hearts. Thankfully, they found their way back to each other and are married with a little one on the way, but can the same happen between Seth and me?
“Just think about it, okay? The BBQ would be the best place to tell him. We will all be there to support both of you.”
I glance at the clock on the wall. My mom has probably already packed up Rebekah and is on the way to Connor and Audrey’s. I may as well head out of here and get some rest. I have a lot to think about before the next time I talk to Seth.
“I’ll think about it.” I push back from the table and stand, turning to my right to grab the broom and basket of cleaning supplies near the door.
“Oh, no, you don’t.” Selina grabs the items from my hands and turns toward Audrey, handing them to her. “Audrey’s got this. It’s what you pay her for.” She grips my shoulder and marches me out of the break room toward the front door, stopping by the desk so I can grab my bag and keys. “You are heading straight home. Get some sleep and relax.”
“Okay, you win,” I groan as Leia hands me my keys and bag and shoves me toward the door.
“Get some rest. I’ll see you at the house later,” Audrey says from the break room doorway. “Love you!”
“I love you guys, and thank you,” I say, pushing the door open and walking toward my car.
If there’s one thing I know, it’s that my three best friends won’t let me slide on getting some rest. If I dare show my face at Audrey’s house before seven and interrupt my mom’s granddaughter time, she’ll have my head. And so will the three of them.
My eyes droop as I pull into my driveway. “I guess I was tireder than I thought. Wait. Is that even a word?”
I shut off my car and head for the door. It takes a few tries, but I unlock my front door and stumble to the couch before falling into a deep sleep. “What the heck!” I shout as I tumble off the couch onto the floor.
I look around in confusion as I hear the doorbell echoing through the room. I push to my feet and stumble toward the door and open it. My mom is standing on the other side, holding Rebecca’s car seat in one hand and a larger bag thrown over her shoulder.
“Hey, Mom,” I say groggily as I rub my eyes. “I thought I was meeting you at Audrey’s at seven.”
“You were, but it’s almost nine,” she responds, handing over the car seat and coming inside. “We didn’t want to call and wake you, so I gave Rebekah a bath at Audrey’s before bringing her home. I also cooked a few things to stock your fridge.”
“I thought you were under a no-cooking restriction.” I snicker as I shut the door behind her.
“I spent time with my granddaughters, as promised. They just helped me cook.”
“And Rebekah. How was my baby girl?”
“A perfect angel, as always.” She places the bag down on the table before coming back to the couch and taking a seat. “I think she’s feeling better, too. She was a little fussy when I gave her a bath, but other than that, there weren’t any problems.”
No one would know that Jade and Love aren’t really my mother’s granddaughters. I have a feeling she’ll feel the same about Selina and Vance’s baby when they’re born, as well. My mom always wanted grandbabies and doesn’t care that they aren’t hers by blood. Audrey, Leia, and Selina are just as much of my sisters as Melissa is. And by extension, she has adopted their significant others, as well.
“Her mood changed for the better after we talked to your sister on FaceTime after dinner.”
“How is Mel doing, anyway?”
Melissa moved to Tennessee a few months ago, and we haven’t spoken since Seth got back to town. Although we aren’t close in age, she chose to come live here for a few months after college to help me take care of the studio and Rebekah, but I knew her heart wasn’t here. Every day, she was going on and on about her best friend from college and her family. It took some doing, but my mom and I finally convinced her to move there with them, since she missed them so much. Now, she’s the happiest I’ve ever seen her.
“She’s great. Although she seems to have her panties in a twist about some guy she met. Apparently, he’s the bane of her existence at the moment.” My mom giggles.
“Sounds a lot like Leia and Riggs.”
“Oh, dear. When is that girl going to stop putting Riggs through the ringer? We all know he’s crazy about her.”
“I know, Momma. I know,” I grumble, remembering my conversation with Seth earlier.
“You just have to find the right one. That’s probably why she’s having such a hard time. Melissa is all about doing things in order and wants to have her business up and running before she thinks about love,” she gripes.
Melissa has always had a written plan for her life that must be followed to the letter. If this guy is getting her this worked up, he must mean more to her than she is letting on.
“Sometimes the best surprises in life are the ones we least expect,” I whisper. I never planned on getting pregnant with Rebekah, but I wouldn’t change having her for the world.
“I’m glad Rebekah was there to see Mel. Those two were thick as thieves before she left. It doesn’t hurt that she and I look exactly alike. I bet if Mel hadn’t left, Rebekah would call her ‘Mama’, too.”
“I highly doubt that. There’s only one other person in this world she could love more than her mother…” My mom’s voice trails off.
“Mom,” I grumble as I reach for my cell to check the time, noticing the text from Seth that I ignored earlier.
Seth
I’m sorry if I ruined your day. I just wanted to let you know I was thinking about you. Hope you enjoyed your sandwich.
“Fuck,” I murmur
As if I needed another reason to feel like a shitty human being. Not only have I been keeping this enormous secret, but then he felt the need to apologize to me because I was too tired to act like a decent person.
“Language, young lady.” She clicks her tongue. “Now, what’s gotten you so upset?”
“I’ve been a mess for the last few days, and I made someone feel bad because of my mood. They didn’t deserve it,” I mumble as I lean back on the couch.
“Okay, nothing out of the ordinary.”
“Mom,” I gripe as I pull my right leg up, resting my heel on the edge of the couch. “What am I going to do now?”
“Well, the tried-and-true response of apologizing always seems to do the trick.”
“Can you be serious for a minute?” I shake my head. Here I am, trying to get advice from my mother, and she has jokes.
“I am! If this person is worth your time, apologizing will fix everything,” she insists.
“Thanks for coming all this way so I could get some sleep. I’m sure you had other plans for the evening.” I push up from the couch and head toward my bedroom, quickly glancing at the clock in the kitchen before I pass by. “Are you staying or heading home tonight?”
“I’m staying. I want to be here to help take the load off you for a few days.”
“Thanks, Mom.” I reach over and wrap her in a tight hug. “I don’t know how I’d survive without you and the girls to help me.”
“If you told Seth…” my mom says, her voice trailing off without ending the sentence.
My parents have been nothing but supportive of me since I let them know I was pregnant. They never once pushed me to tell them who her father was, but I finally broke down and told them after she was born. We don’t see eye to eye on the issue of Seth, but they respect my decision to not tell him… mostly. But it’s at times like this she tries to push the subject.
“I heard from Mrs. Thomas that he was living in the apartment above their garage,” she huffs as she unbuckles Rebekah from her seat, her annoyance at my reluctance to tell him about our daughter clear in her voice.
Another negative of living in a small town: everyone knows everyone. My parents and the Thomases became fast friends when I moved to Tyson’s Creek, meaning my mom now has someone who will check in on me and tell her everything she wants to know. I don’t doubt for a second that Mrs. Thomas has probably been pumping my mom for information, as well. Maybe her friendship with my mom is why she hasn’t said anything to Seth about our daughter.
“Mom…” My voice trails off, trying to find the words to explain what’s going on between Seth and me.
“He came back from war, and of all the places he could go, he moved to the same town you lived in.”
“It’s complicated.” I try to keep my voice calm as I head into the bathroom. I need time to think, to get some space from my mom and all her questions, so I turn on the water and push the stopper in on the tub. A relaxing bath sounds like just what I need right now.
This isn’t the first time I’ve had this conversation with my mom, and I doubt it’ll be my last, especially now that Seth is back in town. I’ve told my mom all my reservations about even thinking about starting a relationship with Seth while he was in the military. I’ve watched what my mother went through and refuse to have that kind of life, for myself or Rebekah.
“Your father loves you, Bristol,” she mutters as she comes into the bathroom, knowing how hurt I still am about all the events my father missed because he was off fighting a war or protecting the world from evil.
“But he always loved the military more,” I argue.
I know she means well, but there’s a part of me that resents my father’s service to the country. Choosing to serve your country is a noble decision, one that no one should take lightly. A part of me knows that, but there’s another part of me that resents all the important dates my father missed and promises he made and knew he’d never be able to keep. I don’t know how to rectify those two parts of my father.
She sighs and places a soft hand on my shoulder. “Okay. I understand what you’re saying, but Seth’s retired now. And from what I hear, he’s not planning on going anywhere. You should at least give him a chance to get to know his daughter.”
“That’s the plan, Mom, but I’m scared.”
“If you weren’t afraid, I would call you a liar. This is a big secret that you’ve kept from him, but if everything you told me about this young man is true, he’ll forgive you for it.”
“And how long might that take?” I ask her as I bend down and shut off the water.
“That depends on how much longer you wait, sweetie.”
I hate to admit it, but my mother is right. The longer I wait to tell Seth about Rebekah, the more hurt and confused he will be. I need to put on my big girl panties and get it over with, but that’s easier said than done.
After a few moments of silence, I sigh and turn around. “I love you, Mom.”
“I love you, too, Bristol. Go enjoy your bath. I’ll make sure Rebekah gets her bottle, and I’ll heat up some dinner for us.”
“Thanks, Mom.” I smile, reaching over and giving her hand a squeeze. “For everything.”
“You’re welcome.” My mom smiles at me before placing my cell phone on the edge of the sink. I wait for her to close the door behind her before I strip out of my clothes and climb into the tub. I sink down into the warm water and groan as I let it loosen the muscles in my body.
I know everyone is right. I need to come clean with Seth before it’s too late. Things between us have seemed like they’re moving at warp speed, which to the outsider would seem impossible, but after spending all this time pining for each other, now is finally our time. The last thing I want to do is ruin everything by continuing to keep secrets from him. If this relationship, or whatever this is between us, is going to last long term, I can’t let it all start on a lie.
“First, apologize,” I say, giving myself a mini pep talk as I lift slightly out of the water and lean over toward the counter.
It takes me a few tries, but I knock my cell phone onto the floor without breaking it and slide it closer to the tub. I quickly unlock it and dial Seth’s number, stopping before I hit call. A text would probably be better. Less confrontational.
Bristol
Sorry I was such a mess earlier. I’ve been dealing with some stuff the last few days and haven’t been sleeping much. Forgive me.
I hit send, but then remember I forgot something.
Bristol
P.S. Thanks for the sandwich. It was delicious. Unfortunately, I had to sacrifice some of my fries to Selina. Apparently, the baby was hungry. Lol.
My phone immediately chimes with an incoming text.
Seth
No problem. Everyone is allowed to have a bad day occasionally. I’m glad you enjoyed your sandwich, but I’m sorry about your fries. We can’t let Selina get too hungry. I’ve heard Vance’s stories. It’s not a good thing.
I laugh slightly at memories of a very hangry Selina ordering Vance to get her Chick-fil-A on a Sunday. It was not a good day to be Vance. I set the phone on the floor beside the tub, feeling better for apologizing, and sink back down into the water.
After a few minutes, my phone vibrates across the floor, and I freeze. I reach over and grab my phone, turning it over to see Seth’s name flashing across my screen.
“Shit,” I whisper as I unlock it. “Hello?”
I phrase that more like a question than a statement, but I’m nervous. I figured after I sent that text, that would be the end of it, but it looks like I was wrong.
“Hello, beautiful.”
I can’t help but smile at being able to hear his voice.
“I didn’t disturb you, did I?”
“Not exactly. The girls ordered me home shortly after you left. I just woke up from a nap and am now taking a bath before having a late dinner.”
A guttural groan comes through the phone. “You can’t say things like that, Bri. I’m trying to be a gentleman.”
“Sorry,” I squeak as images of the dirty things I would rather have him doing to me right now flood my mind. If only I wasn’t keeping the fact that we have a daughter together from him… Wait. This could be the perfect chance. My mom is here to watch Rebekah for me while I make plans to meet with Seth. Leia said something about meeting up with the guys for drinks, but I’m sure I could talk him into meeting at Just the Drip for a cup of coffee so we can talk.
“Anyway, I’m glad you could get some rest.”
“Thanks. I needed it for sure.”
An awkward silence stretches between us. Neither of us knows exactly what to say at this moment, and for good reason. Seth isn’t blind. He has to know there’s something going on with me, but he has no idea what it is. I need to come clean before it’s too late. Just as I’m about to say something, Seth beats me to it.
“All right, I don’t want to keep you. Enjoy your bath.” He pauses for a few moments. “I miss you.”
“Do you want to come to Vance and Selina’s with me next weekend?” I blurt out, startling us both.
I’ve missed my chance to suggest we meet up and talk tonight, but Selina offered her party. The last thing I want to do is take the focus off their news, but I need my friends. We’ll both need our friends after I drop the news of our daughter into Seth’s lap. There was probably a better way of going about asking Seth to hang out with me, but if I hadn’t said it right now, I know I would have chickened out.
“I would love to.”
“Great. Awesome. I’ll talk to you later. Bye, Seth.” I trip over my words, getting them out in one breath. I quickly hang up the phone, not even bothering to give him a chance to say goodbye.
“Could you be any more of a spaz, Bristol?” I groan as I drop the phone onto the floor and sink back down into the water.
If I’m going to tell Seth the biggest secret of my life, I think I need a little more practice. If the awkwardness of this conversation is any sign of how it’s going to go, it won’t be easy.