15. Seth
Things with Bristol and I have gone relatively back to normal since our talk last weekend. I guess she really was just having a bad couple of days. I’m glad I could help her feel a little better. We exchanged a few texts and phone calls, but she surprised me out of the blue on Wednesday, coming to the construction site I was working at and bringing lunch.
It’s the little things like that that make me fall even more in love with her. I’ve learned more about Bristol in these last few weeks than I know about people I’ve known for a major chunk of my life, and I’m desperate to discover more. She’s slowly opening her heart to me, and I couldn’t be happier, but I can tell she’s still holding something back.
Shaking the dark thoughts from my mind, I pull on a white T-shirt and some socks, shove my feet into my boots, and slip my wallet into my back pocket before striding toward the front of the house.
“You ready to head out soon?” Brady asks as he pulls a jacket on over his long-sleeved flannel shirt and puts a backward baseball cap on his head.
“Yeah. I just need to text Bristol and let her know we are running a little early.” I pull my phone out of my pocket and unlock the screen, my thumb hovering over her name.
“Did you already tell her we would be there at three? What’s it going to matter if we arrive ten minutes early?”
Vance invited the whole crew to celebrate with him and Selina today. He hasn’t shut up about this party since he came in to work on Monday. I have no idea what a gender reveal party is, but I guess finding out the sex of your child is a big deal. One I can’t wait to have the chance to do with Bristol.
I’d be lying if I said I haven’t been thinking about having children with Bristol since we touched on the subject. Sometimes I catch myself dreaming about what our child would look like. Would they have a complexion closer to mine or Bristol’s? Would they have my brown eyes or her piercing green ones? Would they have midnight black hair like my parents or a more auburn color? A perfect mixture of the two of us, or would they favor one of us more? Not that it matters. If Bristol and I are ever blessed with a child, I’ll love him or her with my whole heart. They’ll become the center of my universe, just like their mother already is.
“Earth to Seth?” Brady waves his hand in front of my face. “Where’d you go? Are you that nervous about tonight?”
I’m nervous about my plans with Bristol for tonight. I had wanted to meet Bristol at her house and ride to the BBQ together, but she said something about needing to help Selina get ready. I was hoping we’d have a chance to be alone, and she’d finally tell me what she’s been hiding from me.
“Not even a little.” I chuckle, shoving my phone back into my pocket. “I wish Bristol would trust me.”
“Bristol trusts you, Seth.”
“How do you know that?”
“I just do,” he responds with conviction, patting me on the back. “Don’t forget my mom is dropping a pie off at your place around dinner time.”
Everything is falling into place. Since I already had a pre-approved VA loan, it only took a few weeks for me to close on the house. The moment I had the keys in hand, I went right to work on getting everything in my new home ready for tonight. The guys and I spent the last few days after work doing some minor repairs, painting, and changing out appliances. There wasn’t much that needed to be done, and since Audrey moved in with Connor, I was able to buy a few pieces of furniture from her to make the place feel a little more like home.
I nod my head, grabbing my keys off the hook beside the door. “Thanks, man. I don’t think I would have been able to pull any of this off without your help.”
“No thanks needed. Just remember, you owe me.” He winks in my direction, then opens the door and heads down the stairs.
As I pull our front door shut and lock it, my mind runs down a list of everything that has changed in the last week. Not only have Bristol and I gotten even closer, but I’m finally ready to tell her how I feel. I’ve been in love with her since I first saw her over a year ago, and my feelings have only grown since having her back in my life. I’ve told her I love her before, but tonight, I’m going to make sure she really hears it.
“Are you sure you want to do this tonight?” Brady questions, opening the passenger side of my truck and climbing in.
I roll my eyes at him as I open my door. “Yes, I’m sure. More time won’t change how I feel about Bristol. I need her to know that I’m here for the long haul. Showing her my place and telling her how I really feel is the first step in that direction.”
I slam my door shut a little more forcefully than intended, then turn my truck on and pull out of the driveway. I rub the spot over my chest at the thought of things not working out between Bristol and me. We’ve had a rocky start and many obstacles in the way of us being together, but buying this house should make things a lot easier. I’m putting down roots, showing her with my actions that I’m not going anywhere. My life in the military is over, and now I can spend the rest of my life making her happy. I’ve told her a million times, but now is my chance to show her. Words can only get me so far. I need to show her with my actions that I am serious about the two of us.
“But you can only do this once, man. You said yourself that she’s been holding something back from you. What happens if it’s something bigger than you can imagine?”
My grip on the steering wheel tightens as his words play over in my head. Brady has a point. I’ve always known that Bristol was hiding something from me, and I hope that once I tell her how I feel, she will know that nothing could scare me away from her. That she no longer has to hold herself back from me because I’m someone she can depend on.
“I know, man, but I need to do this. For both our sakes,” I say with conviction.
No matter what she’s keeping from me, I know I love Bristol with my entire being. Everything else is just background noise. If we can find our way back to each other with everything life has put in our way since our first meeting, we can overcome anything. Even Bristol’s secret.
“All right, man. Whatever you need, I’m here for you,” he replies, before turning his attention toward the window. “I didn’t mean to let my shit rain on your parade.”
Ever since our run-in with Emersyn at Crawdaddy’s when I first got back into town, Brady has been more like me than himself, which says a lot about what is going on in his head, but he has yet to tell me what’s going on.
“I’ve been so wrapped up in my own shit, I haven’t been there for you,” I say as I turn onto Vance and Selina’s street.
Their house is a little further out from town, being closer to the river, but it’s worth the drive. Most people are knocking these older houses down to make room for cookie-cutter housing developments, but these two had a different idea. Vance and Connor renovated this entire house, turning it into the home of Selina’s dreams.
“I wish I had it all figured out like you.” Brady sighs. “Everything has changed since I came home. Everyone moved on with their lives, like my being gone meant nothing. Everyone except her.”
I remain silent, giving him the time to sort through his thoughts.
“It seems like Emersyn has spent the last year of her life waiting for me to come back, but everything is different. I’m different.”
Brady hasn’t told me much about his relationship with Emersyn since I met her for the first time at Crawdaddy’s, but I know enough. Beckett is one of Brady’s oldest friends, but he happens to also be Emersyn’s half-brother and her biggest protector. At some point during their friendship, Brady began to see her as something more than his best friend’s baby sister. And Emersyn felt the same way about him. It all came to a head at his going away party for deployment when Beckett saw them kissing in the backyard and threatened to beat Brady’s ass if he came near his sister again. Whatever he said convinced Brady to stay away from her, no matter how much she wrote to him. He had hoped she’d move on to someone else, but that wasn’t the case.
At first, I was hurt that he didn’t share any of this with me, but after thinking about it, I wouldn’t have been any help. I was so wrapped up in what was or wasn’t going on between Bristol and me that I didn’t have the capacity to help with his problems. Now I can be there for my friend, the same way he was for me when we were deployed.
“You’re still the same person you were before we went over to the sandbox. The same person she fell in love with. But something’s holding you back.”
Brady scoffs. “I never said she was in love with me.”
“A girl doesn’t look at a man the way she did that night if they aren’t in love with them.”
Brady chuckles humorously. “She’s barely lived life yet. She’s not old enough to know about anything, especially love.”
“Any woman who’s still waiting around for your ass after this long is in love with you,” I respond sternly. “Besides, her age has nothing to do with this, and you know it.”
I pull into Vance and Selina’s driveway, shut off my truck, and turn toward my friend. Brady’s shoulders slump forward in defeat, as if his dream has been shattered into a million pieces.
He says nothing as he opens the door and climbs out. I watch him as he walks around the front of the truck, his shoulders rolled forward as if he’s carrying the weight of the world. I hate seeing my friend like this, but he isn’t ready yet.
I throw my door open and step out, and Brady smiles and wraps his arm around my shoulder.
“What is it you said to me about Bristol?” I tap my chin, pretending to think. “Everyone knows that girl loves you. Now you just need to prove to her you’re worthy of her love.”
Brady’s eyes widen in surprise, a plethora of emotions rolling across his face as he processes what I just said to him. I could keep poking at him, trying to convince him to fight for whatever this is between him and Emersyn, but I won’t. Brady has his own demons to fight—just like I did—before he’s able to be the man Emersyn deserves, and he knows that. Hopefully, our conversation gives him the courage to do so.
“Enough about me. It’s time for you to go claim your girl.”
I smile back at him as we both head toward the front door. I don’t know what the future holds for me, but as long as Bristol is in it, I’m content.
Brady knocks hard on the door, and we wait patiently for someone to answer. It only takes a moment before Vance opens the door.
“Come on in, guys. We just started the grill.”
Brady and I walk through the door.
“Through there is the kitchen, where the ladies have congregated.” Vance points to the right and then turns in the opposite direction. “This way to the beer.”
“Lead the way, man,” Brady grumbles before turning and following Vance.
Instead of following my friends, I turn to the right and head directly into the kitchen, eager to see Bristol for the first time in almost a week. I can hear muffled voices float out of the kitchen; each voice becomes clearer as I get closer.
“How’s my girl feeling today? Any better?” Leia says. I notice her walking across the room and sitting down at what seems to be a large island in the middle of the kitchen. “I hate it when my baby is sick.”
Baby? I didn’t know Leia had a baby. Not that there’s anything wrong with being a single mother, but she never struck me as the maternal type.
As I get closer to the kitchen entrance, I catch a glimpse of Bristol. Her bright red hair shines in the light as it filters through the large windows lining the wall behind her. A bright smile covers her face as she takes a sip of her drink. Every time I look at her, she takes my breath away, and it’s like seeing her for the first time all over again.
“Yes, thankfully. My mom is watching Rebekah tonight so I can have some time alone with Seth.”
Her words make me freeze.
I must have heard her wrong.
Bristol has a daughter.
A swirl of emotion fills my body, the most prominent emotion being anger. Anger at myself for not being here for her. Anger that I couldn’t protect her from all the pain and heartache she must have felt being left alone when she brought a life into the world. Despair at the thought that she was once again made to feel like she wasn’t good enough to stick around for, that whatever life the baby’s father had planned for himself was more important than their child together. Anger at whatever asshole walked away from her when she needed him the most.
My heart aches for Bristol, knowing that she has always wanted children, but the family she yearned for doesn’t exist. Bristol has told me several times she wanted a family, a husband, someone to help her raise her children and share her life. But now she has me.
I stop just outside the kitchen entrance and out of sight of all the ladies, waiting for the perfect time to make my presence known. Bristol has been keeping this secret for weeks, and it seems to have taken its toll on her. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t hurt that she couldn’t trust me with this, but in a way, I understand. We’ve only just begun getting to know each other again, and although I know my love for her will never change, she had to be sure of my feelings before letting me into her daughter’s life.
“You’re going to tell him tonight?” Selina questions as she places a plate of fruit on the island directly in front of Bristol.
My future with Bristol rests on how I react to this news. No matter what, I need to ensure that Bristol knows how much I love her and that this changes nothing. I will be there for her and Rebekah if they’ll have me. My only desire in life is to make sure that Bristol is happy, and by extension, that includes Rebekah, too.
“Yes, it’s about time he knows the truth,” Bristol says with conviction.
“Truth about what?” I ask, not wanting to let anyone in the room know I’ve been standing there eavesdropping on them.
“You’re early,” she gasps softly. Her eyes widen in horror as I step into the room. “How long have you been standing there?”
I’m sure this isn’t easy for her, finding the perfect time and way to tell me about her daughter, but I need her to know that it’s okay. That I’ll still be here for her and her daughter, no matter what.
I don’t hesitate as I stride toward her, pulling her tightly into my chest. “Long enough to know you have something to tell me.” I kiss the top of her head and notice the ladies inching toward the doorway, hovering just out of sight, but not leaving the room. “I love you, Bristol. I’ve loved you since the first day I laid eyes on you, and it has grown every day since then.”
“You don’t understand, Seth.” Bristol hiccups as she threads her fingers through mine. “Let’s go into the other room and talk.”
I allow her to pull me down the hallway toward what looks like a small office in the front of the house. The moment we step into the room, I notice it’s not an office, but a dance studio. Vance said something about building a custom dance studio for Selina in their home, but I assumed he was exaggerating.
Bristol’s eyes fill with tears as looks around the room, looking anywhere but at me. I reach up, cupping her cheek in my hand. Her eyes drift shut as a single tear trickles down her cheek. “I understand how hard this is for you to share with me, but it changes nothing. I will love you both with all my heart if you let me.”
“No, Seth. You. Don’t. Understand,” she insists, taking a step back and putting space between us.
“What is it, Bristol?” I ask as I try to sort through everything I’ve heard in the last few minutes.
“It’s not that simple,” she croaks, her entire body trembling.
“I understand you not wanting to tell me immediately.” I take a step closer to her, but she continues inching away from me. Bristol wraps her arms around her waist as if trying to hold herself together. She opens her mouth to answer but closes it again. “You were scared that I’d leave you again, weren’t you?”
Bristol freezes the moment those words leave my mouth, allowing me to get closer to her. I wrap my arms tightly around her waist. “Have you been raising her on your own?” I press, running the tips of my fingers along her spine.
“Yes, but it’s not what you think,” she croaks, trying to wiggle out of my grasp, but I tighten my hold.
“It doesn’t matter, Bristol. None of it does.” I lean back, cupping her cheeks in my palms. “I plan on spending the rest of my life loving the both of you.” I kiss the tip of her nose. “She will be as much mine as she is yours.”
“I’ve wanted to hear you say that for so long.” She nuzzles her cheek against my palm, clenching her eyes shut. “But you don’t know everything yet, Seth.”
Bristol covers her mouth with both hands, attempting to stop the sob from ripping out of her throat as she backs away from me.
“I don’t understand.” My eyes lock on her as I search her face for any answer, any sign of what I’m missing, but the only thing I see is fear.
“She’s yours.”
I stumble backward as if she punched me right in the chest. The walls of the room feel as if they are closing in around me as my mind attempts to process what she’s telling me. “We have a daughter?”
Bristol nods her head yes as she reaches toward me, tears streaming down her face. I want nothing more than to run to her, scoop her into my arms, and promise never to make her feel this type of pain again, but I can’t. I need to know what she was thinking. Why she kept our daughter’s existence from me for months.
The room goes completely silent as my mind reels, trying to search for the perfect explanation for her keeping my daughter away from me. On the one hand, I can understand her need to protect her—I mean our daughter—from the pain of losing a father. I was on the other side of the world, and we didn’t have any communication with each other. She had no way of knowing when I was coming back or if I even wanted a family of my own.
Bristol swipes angrily at her cheeks before she inches toward me. “Our daughter’s name is Rebekah. She’s eight months old. She has curly red hair and the most gorgeous hazel-green eyes with a golden-brown circle in the center. It always feels as if she’s looking right into my soul, the same feeling I get whenever you look at me. I always look into her eyes and imagine what it would be like for us to be together as a family. But I had no idea when or if you were coming back, and then you showed up out of the blue. What was I supposed to do?”
Bristol grips my shirt tightly in her hand, her eyes filled with pain and regret. “I never meant to hurt you, Seth. Please understand that I love our daughter more than life itself. I needed to protect her from getting hurt by all of this. To make sure that you wanted to be a part of her life as much as I wanted you to be, but you need to decide if that’s enough.”
“Please make this make sense to me, Bri. I understand wanting to protect the two of you from being hurt, but I’ve been in town for over a month. You’ve had plenty of chances to tell me about her, and you’ve said nothing.” I bite my lip to hold back a cry of pain as my heart shatters.
“I know.” Bristol hiccups as she buries her face into my chest, trying to regain her composure. She doesn’t touch me or wrap her arms around my waist. She’s giving me some space to process what’s happening. “It was unfair of me to keep her from you, but you weren’t here.”
“That’s bullshit Bristol, and you know it.” My hand clenches tightly into a fist at my side as I tilt my head back, searching for the words to explain what I’m feeling. “You were scared. Scared that someone might love you the way you’ve always wanted. That you couldn’t keep your heart locked behind a wall so no one could hurt you.”
“That wasn’t it at all,” Bristol says as she spins on her heels, trying to escape the truth of my words, but I grab her hand.
“No. You know the real reason you’re scared? It’s because you love me just as much as I love you. Not some superficial love, but the soul-deep, burning love that consumes you. The kind of love that will rip you to shreds when and if you lose it. The type of love your soul will never recover from. The same way I know you love our daughter.”
“You’re wrong, Seth.”
“Then tell me why. Why have I been in town for weeks, fucking weeks, and you haven’t said a goddamn thing?”
“I didn’t know how to tell you. I hadn’t seen or talked to you in over a year! You never once called me or even sent me a text. Heck, I would’ve settled for a smoke signal. I didn’t know if you were coming back. If you even wanted to be with me, and then you show up one day, ready to pick up where things left off.”
“You are all I ever wanted from the moment I laid eyes on you, Bristol Reid,” I bite out, emotions clogging my throat. “I called you every fucking chance I got. All I did the entire time I was over in the sandbox was think about finding a way back to you and dream about starting my life with you when I came back.”
“You called me?”
I nod my head and move toward her, unable to resist the pull I feel in case this is the last time I set eyes on her. “I’ll love you always.”
“Please, don’t go, Seth,” she sobs, her entire body trembling.
I plant a kiss on the top of her head before turning on my heels and leaving the room. I can vaguely hear someone shouting my name, but I don’t stop as I fling the front door open and stride through it.
I don’t know where I can go to escape the pain that radiates through my body. I should’ve stayed, given her more time to explain to me why she did this. But I can’t. Not right now. I don’t look back as I climb into my truck and pull out of the driveway, leaving my heart right there, shattered into a million pieces.