16. Bristol
“This can’t be happening,” I sob into my hands as someone comes into the room.
“Everything is going to be okay,” Leia whispers into my ear as she wraps her arms around me, and my knees give out.
It’s as if the weight of everything that has happened hits me all at once. Seth is gone, probably for good, and it’s all my fault.
“You don’t know that,” I sob, burying my nose into her shoulder and letting all my emotions go free. Searing pain flows through my entire body as waves of agony pull me under. I’m just praying that I can hold on for just a little longer until the pain subsides. I yearn for numbness to cut me off from all these feelings that I’m so desperate to forget. I don’t know how long I sit there wrapped in Leia’s arms as she mutters soothing words into my ear, but at some point, my tears slow.
“Do you feel better now?” Leia asks, smoothing my hair back from my face.
“No,” I croak, leaning back and looking around the room, hoping that Seth with reappear at any moment but come up empty. “He really left.”
“He did, honey,” Audrey comes into the room, Selina right on her heels. “But he’ll be back.”
The shrill ring of someone’s phone fills the room for a few moments before it stops and starts right up again. And again. And again.
“Will someone answer that, please?” I ask, not wanting to keep any of them from something important.
Audrey, Selina, and Leia all pull out their phones to check whose it is as Leia’s phone rings in her hand, but she quickly silences it.
“You should answer that.”
“It’s just Riggs, probably calling to annoy me about something.” Leia rolls her eyes as her phone rings again.
“Just answer it.” Audrey smiles, nodding toward her phone. “If someone is calling you multiple times in a row, it’s important.”
“Go on, answer it,” I mumble, moving out of Leia’s arms and pushing to my feet.
“I’ll only be a second.” She kisses me on the cheek before moving towards the other side of the room to answer the phone.
My eyes remain locked on her as I speak to my other two friends. I watch all the color drain out of her face, and her phone goes clattering to the floor. All three of us rush toward her and wrap her in a protective embrace.
“My dad is on his way to the hospital. One of our employees found him passed out in the hallway a few minutes ago. Walker and Riggs are on their way. I need to meet them there.”
“Go.” Audrey kisses her cheek before running toward the kitchen, probably to grab Leia’s things.
“We got this and her.” Selina motions toward me, threading her fingers through mine and squeezing. “Call us when you know more.”
“I love you, guys.” Leia’s voice crackles slightly as she wraps us in her arms.
“We love you, too,” Selina and I reply in unison as Audrey comes around the corner holding Leia’s things. She murmurs something softly to Leia, and she shakes her head no before rushing out the door.
My eyes remain locked on the window facing the front of the house as I watch Leia disappear down the driveway, sending up a silent prayer that everything with her dad is okay.
We stand there for a few moments before I break the silence. “How much of that did you hear?”
“Enough to know he needs time, but he’ll be back,” Selina pulls me out of the room, down the hall, and into the kitchen.
Everything is the same as it was when I left the room with Seth what feels like a million years ago. A nice spread of different appetizers, baked beans, pasta salad, and corn on the cob is placed strategically around the table with white balloons tied on either end, with black question marks written on each one.
“I’m sorry I ruined your party,” I whisper as I run my fingers along the string of one of the balloons before taking a seat at the table.
“Hush now, you didn’t ruin anything,” Selina murmurs, as she takes a seat beside me.
There’s no one else in the room. The boys ran to hide the moment the tears started. My friends talk softly around me as my mind conjures up all the ways I had expected today to go, but this wasn’t one of them. My emotions keep fluctuating between wanting to give in to the soul-crushing pain radiating through my entire body and numbness. Every time I hear something odd, my head snaps toward the door, waiting for Seth to reappear, but he doesn’t.
When I woke up this morning, I truly believed that everything would work out, and I’d finally get the happily ever after I always dreamed of, but that was nothing but a dream. Seth left me standing in the middle of Selina’s studio to pick up the pieces of my broken heart, and I deserved it.
I knew he wouldn’t take finding out about our daughter well. I expected him to be angry, if not furious, at me for keeping this from him, but instead, he was understanding and compassionate. He said I was afraid, and he was right. Rebekah was an excuse that I clung to, a way for my mind to allow me to push him away before he could hurt me, and it worked, but now I’m an empty husk of the person I was before Seth came back into my life. I never really listened when he spoke to me, the promises he made, and how he spent every moment we were together showing me how much he truly loved me. I’ve been hurt before, but the way I felt about them was nothing compared to what I feel for Seth Williams.
“I broke both our hearts.” Tears pour down my face as I lean into Selina’s side, close my eyes, and try to think of anything but the devastated look on Seth’s face. “If I’d have said something sooner, been honest with him from the start, none of this would have happened.” I bury my face in my hands and sob, trying to make sense of the last few hours of my life.
Everything was perfect. I was wrapped in Seth’s arms, feeling safe. Loved. Protected. And in blissful ignorance of the pain I was about to cause the two of us. If I learned one thing from all of this, it’s that I was denying my feelings for Seth. Self-sabotaging the first real love I’ve ever had in my life because I didn’t want to get hurt. If I didn’t love him, I’d have stayed away from him when he came back into town. I don’t think I’d have told him right away about Rebekah, but I damn sure wouldn’t have waited this long because our daughter deserves her father.
I wasn’t truly afraid of her being hurt or him mistreating her in any way. What I was afraid of was the chance that he wouldn’t want me, too. I’ve seen it happen many times before. Co-parenting is possible and is a healthy way for two people to remain in their children’s lives, even if a relationship doesn’t work out between them. But that isn’t what I wanted. My heart knew the moment I laid eyes on him that it had found its other half, and I wouldn’t take the chance of giving that up for anything.
I tried to be careful and protect my heart from Seth, but he broke down all my defenses, worming his way into my heart and becoming a part of me. A part that will remain broken until the day I die. He promised to give me everything I ever wanted, but I was too afraid to take that leap of faith. If I can’t fix things between us, Seth will be there for our daughter. Even before this moment, I knew Seth had always wanted a family, a place to feel like he belonged, and he’d get that with our daughter. I’ll make sure of it, even if it means we can’t be together.
“I was so selfish,” I mumble softly, not expecting anyone to answer me.
“I’m glad you finally figured that part out.” My head snaps toward the door as I glimpse Brady leaning against the doorframe.
“Not helping, Brady.” Audrey scowls at him as the rest of the guys come filing into the room, each one going directly for their partner. “We can’t change the past, but we can change the future.”
I stare at him for a few minutes, waiting for him to say something useful, but he doesn’t say a word. Brady can’t be much taller than me, if at all. His skin is tanned darker than usual, probably because of all the time he spends outside at the construction site. His muscular build is covered in a flannel shirt, rolled to the elbows with a pair of dark-washed jeans. My eyes flick back to his, a soft, reassuring smile plastered on my face, but I don’t get the same in return. Instead, he narrows his forest green eyes as he crosses his arms over his chest, glaring at the four of us.
“What are you even still doing here?” Selina questions as she throws her arm over my shoulder and pulls me into her chest.
“My ride left.” Brady sighs, coming further into the room and dropping into one of the empty chairs at the table. “Why didn’t you tell him sooner? Hell, why didn’t any of you say anything?”
“They didn’t know. At least the guys didn’t,” I respond, looking all my friends in the eyes and begging them to understand. “By the time I found out I was pregnant, enough time had passed that no one put two and two together. Then Audrey moved here, and Selina came home, and well, life happened.
“I told Audrey and Leia because I was scared. Leia was there when I found out I was pregnant, and Audrey was a single mother for fifteen years. I needed someone to talk to.”
Connor plants a kiss on the top of Audrey’s head before he wraps his arms around her waist and pulls her toward him. My heart aches for that. I want more than anything to have someone stand behind me and support me when I feel as if my entire world is falling apart. Too bad the only person I want right now may never want to speak to me again.
“I convinced myself that keeping this a secret was protecting Rebekah from getting hurt. I didn’t know when or if Seth was going to be coming back.”
“I get that, but you could’ve called, written him a letter, anything,” Brady says as he pulls his ball cap off his head before running his hand through his dark blonde hair. “You knew we were in the same unit, and you didn’t even try to get in contact with him.”
“You’re right, but he could’ve contacted me, too. I gave him my phone number the last time I saw him. I waited by the phone for weeks. I answered every unknown number, hoping it was him, but he never called. I didn’t even know he was back in town until we ran into each other on Main Street.”
“I don’t know why Seth didn’t contact you the minute he got back into town, but if I had to make a guess, it’s because he’s a planner. He probably wanted to have everything perfect before approaching you.”
“Look, I can completely understand why Seth is angry, but I would bet he’s more hurt than anything,” Vance chimes in as he takes a seat next to Selina. “Hurt by all of us.”
“Not me. I had no idea about any of this. I only came for the free food.” Brady holds his hands up in surrender. “But Seth called you pretty much every week when we first left, hoping you wouldn’t forget the boy who promised to love you forever. After about a month, he tried to hide it, but he was still calling you occasionally, usually after a mail call when someone got a package or photos from home.”
Tears once again pool in my eyes as I listen to him tell me about how heartbroken Seth was. “How did I not know?”
I cover my face with my hands as my mind goes through all the mistakes I’ve made over the last year. I should have contacted Seth to let him know about Rebekah as soon as I found out I was pregnant. Now, with the thought of not having him in either of our lives as a real possibility, my reasoning seems irrelevant.
“Oh, shit!” Selina shouts, making everyone in the room jump in surprise.
“Sorry,” she says bashfully, before turning her attention toward me. “Do you remember those weird phone calls you were getting?”
“The unknown numbers,” I whisper. “At first, I answered them religiously, hoping he would call, but after a while, I stopped, brushing them off as a wrong number or a telemarketer trying to sell me something. I never imagined that they could have been Seth calling me from overseas.”
“Yeah, the satellite phones they give us come up with a restricted or unknown number. They say it’s for OPSEC purposes, but I think they’re full of shit.” Brady pushes up from the chair and heads for the front door. “I’ll go talk to him.”
He walks out of the room without a second glance. I want to follow him and demand he take me to Seth. I want another chance to explain myself, to make him understand why I did what I did in the first place. But I know now is not the time. Brady’s right. Not only have I betrayed him, but he probably feels like a sizeable group of his friends knew about Rebekah and didn’t tell him, as well.
“We’re coming, too!” Vance shouts as he stands up and jogs after Brady. “We need to apologize, and I’m sure he has questions.”
Connor looks over at Vance and nods as he kisses Audrey on the head before following Vance out of the room.
“How the hell am I going to get out of this mess?” I look at two of my friends, hoping that they have the answer to all my problems.
“I don’t know, Bri.” Audrey grips my hand tightly and squeezes. “But let the guys have a talk with him, and he’ll be back.”
“I’m not too sure.”
“Let’s not forget that the man professed his undying love to you just seconds before everything imploded,” Audrey says as she leans back in the chair and crosses her legs, as if she’s just dropped a major truth bomb on the room.
“I thought you didn’t hear anything.” I shake my head at my friends as Selina places her hand on her belly.
“I said we heard enough. I didn’t clarify how much or little we did hear.” Audrey jokes.
“Vance and I are proof that love can survive anything,” Selina murmurs. “You may have a few things to repair, but if he loves you the way we all know he does, then everything is going to be fine.”
We all nod in agreement. Selina and Vance went years without seeing each other before getting back together and finding their happy ending. Who’s to say that isn’t possible for me and Seth?
With the newfound kernel of hope provided to me by my own friends’ love stories, I try to imagine how life will be once Seth and I find our way back to each other. We can have family dinners and picnics in the park with Rebekah. He’ll be there to rub my feet after a hard day at the studio or bring me lunch when I forget to pack one. We can spend rainy days watching Disney movies with Rebekah tucked tightly between the two of us. He’ll be around to help me with the late-night feeding before wrapping his arms tightly around me to fall asleep at night.
Wait. I can’t get ahead of myself. He may accept that he is a father, but what am I going to do if he wants nothing to do with me? The same feelings of dread I felt every time I tried to tell Seth suffocate me once again. I don’t want to think about spending my life without Seth, not again, but if the only way I can have him is through our daughter, I’ll learn to deal with it. I will always do what’s best for her, even if it breaks my heart in the process.
“I know that look.” Audrey slips out of the chair and kneels in front of me. “We’ll cross that bridge if we come to it. Right now, we need to figure out a way for you to at least get Seth to speak to you again.”
“Food and promises of sex always seem to work for Vance,” Selina chimes in.
I give her a weak smile.
“Sex got her into this mess,” Audrey quips.
I scowl in her direction, and she lifts her hands in surrender, but she clearly doesn’t regret her statement one bit.
“You need to show him how you feel. That you see him as a life partner, not just as Rebekah’s father,” she adds.
I nod my head and look each one of my friends in the eye. We may not all have the same relationship status, but each of them has been to hell and back and found love again.
“Just like women, men want to feel loved and cherished.” Audrey leans in and motions for all of us to lean in closer, as if she is about to impart some major revelation on the male psyche. “But you can’t tell anyone their secret.”
We all giggle, and for the first time since Seth drove away from me, I feel as if things could turn out okay for both of us. I just have to hope that my instincts aren’t leading me in the wrong direction for a second time.