18. Bristol
Ipull out my phone for the millionth time today, open my messages, and sigh. Still nothing from Seth. Wanting to let him know I’m thinking about him, I open up a new message and type.
Bristol
Hope you’re doing okay. Did you start work at the station yet? Maybe we can grab coffee or something. No pressure.
“Desperate much?” I mumble to myself as I set my phone down on the counter.
It”s been almost a week since Seth found out about Rebekah, and I haven’t heard a peep from him. I understand he needs some time to cool off and wrap his head around being a father. I just thought that after a few days, he would calm down and at least contact me, but he hasn’t. I gave in two days ago and sent him a text message just asking how he was doing, but he never replied. Every time my phone chimes, signaling a new message, I jump, but it’s never him. I wonder if it will ever be him again.
“Still nothing from Seth?” Audrey says from behind me as she wraps her arm around my shoulder, her eyes motioning toward my phone on the counter.
“Nothing. It shows that he read my text, but he hasn’t bothered to respond.” I grab it and shove it into my bag underneath the counter, crossing my arms. “He could’ve at least messaged me and told me to fuck off or something. The silence is killing me.”
“I’m sure he’s just trying to work through his feelings. It’s a big deal finding out that you have a daughter you knew nothing about,” Audrey answers with a knowing smile.
Not wanting to have the same conversation we’ve been having for almost a week, I change the subject. “I need a coffee. Want anything?”
“Nah. Seli and I are having lunch when I get out of here.”
“Mind if I tag along?” I ask as I reach under the counter and grab my bag.
“Sure. We’re meeting Vance and Connor,” she responds brightly, and I cringe.
My heart aches at the thought of being around my friends and their significant others. I never used to be jealous of my friends, but now that I’ve had a taste of how things could be between Seth and me, I miss it. My heart yearns to have someone stand behind me and support me when I feel as if my entire world is falling apart. Too bad that person may never want to speak to me again.
“Suit yourself.” Audrey twirls her hair around her finger, deep in thought. “Maybe we can grab dinner later this week. Give Leia a call. I’m sure she could use a break from everything going on with her dad.”
“That’s an understatement,” I grumble, reaching for my phone, but I stop myself.
Mr. Armstrong isn’t doing well. Leia hasn’t shared all the details about what happened when he fell, but what she has shared with us isn’t good. By some miracle, her father has agreed to turn over Tranquility Retreat to her, but only if she finds a husband.
“She has the solution to her problem, but she doesn’t want to take it.” Audrey jokes as I shake my head.
“If only it were that simple,” I reply as my phone vibrates across the counter.
I dive toward it, almost knocking it off the counter. My shoulders tighten as I flip the phone over but immediately release when I see a text from my mom.
Mom
Hey, baby. Rebekah and I were out for a walk and stopped at Just the Drip for a snack. Want to join us?
Bristol
Let me check with Audrey, but I think I can make it happen.
I smile at the phone before turning to Audrey. “My mom brought Rebekah for a visit.”
“Go. I’ll text Seli and let her know I’ll be running late for lunch.”
“Love you.” I smile at her over my shoulder before heading out the door. Thankfully, most of the classes for the day are finished, and I can run and hide for a little while.
Normally, I’d stop by the dance studio and shoot the shit with Selina for a little while, but since she’s going to lunch with Audrey, I doubt she’s there. With her belly growing every day, it”s getting harder and harder for her to keep up with her students, let alone dance. Thankfully, Emersyn has stepped up and started teaching a lot of the classes, so Selina only has to worry about the more advanced ones.
The bell over the door chimes loudly as I stride into the coffee shop. I catch sight of Mom and Rebekah sitting in a corner. I wave at them before making a beeline for the counter.
“What’s up, Bristol?” Katie says with a smile.
“Don’t you ever take a day off?” I laugh as I drop my bag on a table near the counter.
“I work almost every day during the week, but you won’t catch me in this place after dinner or on a weekend, unless it’s as a customer.”
“Can I get a caramel macchiato with extra caramel and whipped cream, please?”
“Coming right up,” she says with a smile before turning to make my drink. “Here you go. I also added a butter croissant for the little one.”
“You’re too good to us,” I reply before heading over to where my mom is sitting.
She’s spending more time here this week than usual, more than likely because she heard what happened between Seth and me. I don’t know how she found out, but I have a feeling that one of the girls gave her a call. And I’m glad they did, because right now, I need my momma.
“Hey, little one,” I say, dropping to my knees so I can give Rebekah a kiss. She giggles softly, placing both her hands on my cheeks and squeezing them together. “Did you miss Mommy?”
“Of course, she did,” my mom replies for her as Rebekah leans forward and plants a sloppy kiss on the end of my nose.
“Hi, Mom.” I smile up at her before taking the seat right next to Rebekah. “Thanks for bringing her to visit. I needed a pick-me-up today.”
“I know.”
“Who called you?” I ask, taking a sip from my coffee.
“Audrey,” my mom grabs the croissant off the plate and breaking it into pieces for Rebekah.
“Can I ask you a question?”
“Shoot.”
“Have you ever messed up?”
Mom stills, probably trying to figure out where my question came from. “Um, you need to give me more information, Bristol. Everyone messes up, but it’s never as bad as we think it is.”
“I don’t know if there’s any way for me to fix things with Seth.” I take another sip of coffee, trying to get my thoughts in order. “He won’t respond to my texts or answer my calls, and it’s been a week.”
“I’m sure Seth understands you were protecting your daughter,” she says matter-of-factly. “Anyone who spends ten minutes with you and Rebekah knows how much you love her.”
I down the last bit of my coffee before shoving back from the table and heading toward the trashcan a few feet away.
“Does he know how you feel about him?”
I pause, my hand hovering over the trash as I think about her question. I open and close my mouth a few times before I spin around, my eyes wide in shock.
“No.” I drop the cup on the floor and cover my mouth with both hands.
I never told Seth how I felt about him. Yeah, we have a daughter together, and I’ve been desperately in love with him for the last year or so, but he doesn’t know that. Well, unless he’s a mind-reader.
I’ve spent so much time guarding my heart and worrying about what he would say if he found out about Rebekah, but I’ve never let him know how much I love him. How my heart has yearned for its other half since the day I walked away from him before deployment.
Mom giggles softly before pushing back from the table and coming toward me. She bends down to pick up the cup and tosses it into the trash before speaking.
“There’s your problem. That man moved heaven and earth to come home to you, but he doesn’t know how you feel. Put that on top of finding out he has a daughter he never knew about? Any man would have doubts.”
“I didn’t plan on keeping her from him forever.” Tears stream down my face as the weight of everything crashes down on my shoulders.
“I know, sweet girl.” Mom wraps her arms around me and pulls me in for a hug. “We can’t dwell on the past, but we should always keep our eyes on the future. You never know how things are going to work out.”
“How do I do that?” I wrap my arms around her waist and squeeze her tightly.
“Do you love him?”
“Yes,” I say with conviction as I pull back from her embrace.
“Then tell him. Men are simple creatures. Once he knows how you feel, if he feels the same way, everything will work out as it should.” Mom runs her thumbs under my eyes, wiping away the tears, and cups my face.
Seth told me he loved me that day, but I need him to know that I see him as so much more than the father of my child. He is one of the most important people in my life.
“Thanks, Mom,” I say with a smile, stepping around her and heading back to the table to grab my bag. I drop a kiss on the top of Rebekah’s head before turning back toward her. “I have to teach a class, but thanks for the visit and the pep talk.”
“That’s what moms are for, Bristol.” She kisses my cheek softly before patting it with her hand. “After you patch things up, you should bring Seth to have dinner with your father and me. We’d love to meet him and give him the once-over.”
Mom and I both snicker as I reach for her hand and squeeze it tightly. There are no words to explain how much these past ten minutes have rearranged my outlook on my relationship with Seth.
“Now, git. I’ll take Rebekah back to your place and put her down for her nap,” she teases.
I give her hand one last squeeze before striding out the door with a little more pep in my step than when I entered. I make my way back to the studio and get ready for my next class. I need to get Seth to at least talk to me. Although I don’t want to lay my heart out to him via text message, I may not have a choice.
I drop my bag onto the counter and fish around for my phone, grabbing it quickly.
“They say the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach,” I mumble into the empty lobby before typing out a text to Seth.
Bristol
I’m making enchiladas for dinner. Aren’t those your favorite? You can stop by if you aren’t busy. Just text me and I’ll shoot you the address.
I hit send on the phone, and then I hesitate. Mom said I need to let him know how I feel. Easier said than done, but putting it in a text is a good start.
Bristol
I miss you.
I send that message and shove the phone into my bag before I change my mind. Now it’s up to him to make a move. Hopefully, I haven’t lost him.
I make it through my last class, close the studio, and head right home to relieve my mother. After shooing her out the door with promises to visit my parents next weekend, I make a quick trip to the grocery store and get back to my house in record time. It took some Herculean effort, but I only checked my phone twice to see if Seth texted back. Nothing. I shouldn’t be surprised that he hasn’t said anything, but now that I’ve accepted my feelings for him, it hurts so much more.
“What do you think, baby girl?” I say to Rebekah as I pull her out of the car seat. “Should we cook Daddy dinner?”
She coos softly at me before trapping my face between her two tiny hands.
“I’ll take that as a yes.”
I smile, leaning forward and brushing a kiss on her forehead before putting her on the floor with a few toys and getting to work on dinner. I absentmindedly begin assembling the enchiladas. Lucky for me, I know this recipe by heart, or I would be in trouble.
My mind is occupied with thoughts of Seth and how to make things right between us. I need to let him know how I feel about him. Not because we have a beautiful daughter together, but because he is the other half of me. There is no way I can convey my feelings in a text message, so I need to figure out some way to get him to talk to me.
“Maybe I can text one of the guys,” I mumble to myself as I pour the enchilada sauce into the casserole pan and shove it into the oven.
If anyone would know the way to get back into his good graces, it would be them. Men are pretty much all the same, and at this point, I’m desperate, especially since my two best friends are preoccupied with Lord knows what. I’m not bitter. Nope, not even a little bit. I just wish I knew what was going on.
I quickly set the timer on the oven, wash my hands in the sink, and head back into the living room to grab Rebekah.
“How about we get you fed, little one?” I pick her up and head back into the kitchen, strapping her into the highchair before opening the cabinet beside me in search of something to give her. Not wanting anything too complicated, I grab a jar of sweet potatoes and some rice cereal, dump some of each into the bowl, and stir them together.
“Not the most appetizing dinner, but it’s something, right?” I say as I plop down into the chair and begin feeding her.
We finish just as the timer goes off on the stove. Wanting to ensure she is occupied while I have the oven open, I pour some sweet potato puffs onto her tray. I turn off the timer as I open the oven door, and the smell of baked cheese and seasoning wafts through the room just as I hear a knock at the door.
“Coming!” I shout over my shoulder as I place the dish on the top of the stove and head for the door, wrenching it open.
My eyes widen in shock when I take in Seth standing before me.
“H-hi,” I stammer, unable to say anything else. I assumed, based on his lack of response, that he had no intention of coming here for dinner, but here he is. “How did you know where I lived?”
“It took some convincing, but Audrey told me.” He flashes me a crooked smile before stepping forward and kissing my forehead gently.
My eyes slip closed as I savor the feeling of his lips on my skin for the first time in what seems like forever.
“Is the offer for dinner still available?” he asks.
“Of course! Come on in,” I respond overenthusiastically.
I step back, leaving enough space for him to come in, then close the door behind him and watch as he looks around, taking in all the pictures of my friends, family, and Rebekah that cover my walls. He comes to a complete stop in the center of my living room, his eyes focused on our little girl sitting in her highchair directly in front of him.
I open my mouth to speak, but nothing comes out. I had hoped that she would be dressed in her best outfit when she met her father for the first time, but her clothes are covered in parts of her dinner.
Seth quickly strides toward her.
“Hey, beautiful,” he whispers as he grips her tiny hand in his.
My eyes fill with tears as she grasps one of his fingers tightly. I have tried to picture this moment since I saw Seth outside the coffee shop all those weeks ago, but this is so much more than I could ever have imagined. The two of them just stare at each other in awe, as if they recognize each other.
“Although she’s never met you, I’ve told her everything I could about you. Even more since you came back into our lives.” I sniffle, not wanting to lose control just yet. “I’m sorr?—”
“Bri,” Seth’s gravelly voice, full of emotion, cuts me off.
“No, I need to get this all out. I’m sorry for not trying to find you sooner. I’m sorry that you missed so much of our daughter’s life because you were fighting for our country. You were right. I was scared. Scared of how much you meant to me and how heartbreaking it would have been if I lost you.”
A loud sob bubbles out of my throat as two strong arms wrap around my waist. Seth pulls me into his chest as I grip the front of his shirt.
“Shhhh,” he mutters as he kisses the top of my head.
I try to wrangle my emotions, but everything is too much.
He’s here.
With me. With us.
He didn’t run away.
Everything has led to this moment. Rebekah, Seth, and I are finally together as a family.
“Feel better?” His voice rumbles in his chest as I lean back, tipping my head up toward him.
I expected to see judgment in his eyes, but all I see is love. I want to tell him how I feel, that I love him in the deepest part of my soul. But as I open my mouth, he takes a step back and smiles at me softly, releasing me from his protective hold.
“Dinner is ready. The plates are next to the stove, and the silverware is here.” I point at the drawer to my right as I step around him toward Rebekah. “Let me just give this little one a bath and get her into her pajamas really quick, and I’ll join you.” I pick her up and attempt to make my escape.
“Can I help?” He brushes his hand down my arm before pulling it back and lowering it to his side.
“Of course,” I whisper as I turn and head down the hall toward the bathroom.
The thud of his work boots on the floor signals that he’s following me.
Seth told me he loved me before everything hit the fan last week, but my lies have caught up with me. I knew things wouldn’t go back to how they were immediately, but I hoped I still had a place in his heart. But judging by the way he shut me down just now, I have a lot of work to do before he will let me in again.
Not wanting to ruin this family bonding moment, I put a cap on my emotions. Rebekah needs to be my focus. Although I’m desperately in love with her father, she needs to be my priority. I’m the reason she’s spent the last eight and a half months without a relationship with her father, and I won’t do that any longer.