Chapter 25 Claire #2
“I know,” he repeats with a whimper. “It’s just …
it’s a poor excuse, but you always look so good in the mornings, and it’s even harder not to notice when you’re wearing that robe I got you.
I shouldn’t be thinking of you that way, especially since I’m already in so much trouble.
But I mean it when I say you’re distractingly beautiful.
I actually worked on a speech all night, rehearsed it in my truck and everything, and my heart started racing and my head went blank as soon as I looked at you. ”
I twist my lips to the side, pretending to consider what he’s saying. But the truth is that I enjoy unnerving him more than I should.
“You’re right. That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard … But go on.”
His mouth turns up in a smirk, and I’m annoyed at the way his dimples make my stomach dip.
“I’m sorry. I’ll start over.” He takes a deep breath before he begins again.
“Thank you for being willing to hear me out. I want to offer my sincerest, most contrite apology for failing to be honest with you from the beginning, as well as for not owning up to my actions so far. I’ve been a coward and a hypocrite, and that stops now. ”
“Hmm. You’re getting warmer,” I say with a shrug.
“And I …” He trails off and looks down at his feet for a second.
“I wasn’t lying just now when I said that I lose my head around you, but that’s not the only reason for my stupidity.
I’ve been so absorbed with my own guilt that I let you take some of the blame for tempting me and highlighting my weaknesses.
I’ve been acting like a resentful, self-righteous asshole, while you have been a caring, open-hearted, and compassionate friend in return. ”
He must have really done some deep self-reflection overnight, because that was pretty thorough. Luckily, he still hasn’t poked at my biggest bruise.
But my lips part in a gasp when he surprises me again by kneeling down in front of me.
“I’m truly sorry, Claire, and I promise to do everything I can to make up for all the ways I’ve hurt you and to be a better friend from here on out,” he says, gazing up at me.
He’s in his underwear. This dude is literally on his freaking knees, in his calecons, groveling and begging me for my forgiveness. Even with the dogs scampering around him, it’s the hottest thing I’ve ever seen.
I cannot, under any circumstances, grab him by the face and kiss him …
Can I?
His throat works as he awaits my reply, and I have to remind myself that he didn’t intend for his apology to be so sexy.
“I know you thought you’d seem more sincere by getting down on your knees like this,” I pause to clear my throat when I hear how breathy my voice sounds, “but it’s not exactly eliciting the desired effect, especially since you’re not wearing any pants.”
“It’s not?” he asks, frowning. “I figured it would just up the humility factor.”
“Yeah, well, you’re not the only one who’s easily distracted,” I mumble, and he struggles to hide his smile. “I’m not kidding. You’d better get your adorable ass up off the floor before I give you another reason to resent me.”
He whimpers playfully and rises to his feet, and I take another sip of my coffee and force myself to look away.
“Can I assume you’ve forgiven me now that you think I’m adorable again?” he ventures after a while.
I heave out a loud sigh. “I appreciate all this, I do. But you sort of missed the point.”
“I have?” he asks, his expression falling before he runs a hand over his face. “Of course I have.”
Great. Now I have to hear him apologize again. I should have just left it at that.
“Look, Rowan, I’m not—”
“Wait,” he interrupts me. “Last night, you weren’t just upset because of the way I acted in front of Daisy and Landry. You were hurt because … because I got you to let down your walls, but I hadn’t taken mine down for you.”
Butterflies swirl around inside my belly, but he seems too preoccupied with his remorse to notice he’s hit a nerve this time. He blows out a dejected breath before he continues. “I can’t even get an apology right, even after you told me exactly what I’ve been doing wrong. I’m sorry, Claire.”
I swallow hard. “It’s okay. I forgive you.”
“No, it’s not okay. I shouldn’t have used this as an opportunity to clear my conscience; that’s what the confessional is for. I’m supposed to be putting your feelings first.”
“You’ve said enough, Rowan.” I move to bring my mug to the sink, but he reaches out and grabs my arm. He stares at me, warming my insides, then he silently pulls me in and wraps his arms around me. His chest expands against my cheek, and he kisses the top of my head.
“We probably shouldn’t be hugging while we’re both pants-less,” I say, but I don’t move away, either.
“I’ve hugged you in less, though I suppose that’s what got us into trouble in the first place,” he murmurs, and I barely manage to hide the shiver that runs through me.
“Your breath is terrible,” I lie, and he chuckles as he loosens his hold on me.
“Don’t go anywhere,” he blurts out before darting back into the laundry room and then sprinting over to the hall bathroom with his pants around his ankles.
He emerges a few seconds later, swishing something around in his mouth while he struggles to zip his pants, and stops to spit what looks like mouthwash into the kitchen sink.
“You’re not getting away that easily now,” he says, smiling and fixing his eyes on mine.
I stick out my lip in a pout. “You could probably use a shower, too, if I’m being honest.”
Which I’m not.
But he ignores my complaint and continues staring at me intently. “I’m sorry, Claire. I should have been more honest with you about the whole celibacy thing. You deserved to know exactly what you were getting into and how much that night would mean to me, and I was wrong to mislead you.”
“You’ll never understand what you took from me …”
The memory of his pained expression crosses my mind, and I shake my head, mostly to call off my emotional response to all of this.
“Apology accepted. And I’m sorry if I made you feel like you couldn’t tell me something so important to you from the beginning,” I rasp.
“But it wasn’t your fault. I’ve just been too afraid to tell you the truth.
I’ve never really been embarrassed to own that part of myself before, but the news hasn’t always gone over so well in the past. And I couldn’t risk giving my conscience any reinforcement that first night, because I wanted you …
so badly.” He pauses, and I can tell he’s being sincere by the way his throat works.
“I was too scared you’d see me as broken and feel pressured to fix me, and I needed to know you really wanted me, too, that you felt the same connection, and that you weren’t just going through with it out of pity. ”
I huff out a laugh at the irony of his confession. “And I was worried you were only stalling because you felt sorry for me,” I say, lifting my shoulder. “That you were trying to talk yourself into doing a good deed and throwing the sad, divorced lady a bone.”
He smiles and shakes his head. “Me, feel sorry for you, especially after you came out in those sexy pajamas?”
I snort in an attempt to hide the way his compliment makes me simper. “Weren’t you betting on me being too desperate to notice or care that you didn’t know what you were doing?”
He chuckles. “I have been studying the female anatomy in depth for the past decade or so. I mean, I mostly look at ultrasounds these days, but I’m still a gynecologist. I know where everything is.”
“I suppose that’s half the battle,” I concede.
“My experience may be limited, but I’m probably not as sheltered as you’d think. Even my parents were pretty open and honest about that stuff when we were growing up. My family’s not exactly ... shy,” he says, smiling.
“Oh. Have you talked to any of them about us and our situation?” I venture. “Besides Daisy, I mean.”
He opens and closes his mouth awkwardly.
“Well, I hadn’t exactly planned on it. Not unless we’d have, you know …
” I shake my head as he gestures with his hand.
“I guess if we were actually dating, and they found out I’ve been staying over at your place, they might make some assumptions I’d want to correct.
Especially since you’ve been married before. ”
I frown, thinking about how much I enjoyed meeting his mom and sisters at Daisy’s wedding. But I imagine they’d be disappointed if their sweet angel brought home a tattooed jezebel like me.
“You claim you don’t care what anyone thinks, but it sounds like their opinion of you is pretty important,” I say after some hesitation.
“They’re my family.” He shrugs, as if he can’t imagine the alternative.
“I guess that’s another reason you usually date women with the same beliefs as you,” I remark.
He smiles ruefully. “It makes it easier when we already share the same values and all, yeah.”
I nod, reading between the lines. He’s sorry he hurt me, but he’s not willing to risk everything he holds dear for a chance to be with me. Not that I’d even want that, anyway.
“But I imagine it’s going to be impossible for Daisy to keep all this to herself, at least among our siblings,” he adds after a while. “So I should probably prepare myself for the worst.”
“The worst,” I repeat, looking away.
He groans. “Only because they’ll tease me for being a hypocrite. But not because of you.” Then he clicks his tongue before he starts again. “Okay, my brothers will probably make fun of me for going after someone so far out of my league, but that’s not exactly your fault.”
I roll my eyes. “Nice save.”
He lifts his hands in surrender. “It wasn’t a line. I’m being honest.”
“Mm-hmm.” I regard him skeptically.
“Claire?” he begins, smiling warmly at me.
“Yes?”
He straightens his posture and holds my gaze. “Thank you.”
“For what?” I ask quietly.
“For everything—for holding me accountable and being patient with me when I wasn’t my best self, for being so understanding and making me feel like I can trust you with anything, even when I hadn’t extended the same courtesy. You really are a good friend.”
It’s the third time he’s called me his friend in this conversation, though I’m not sure who the reminder is directed toward.
I nod and gulp down the emotion in my throat. “Yeah. You’re welcome, I guess.”
“Maybe we found one another at this point in our lives for a reason, you know?”
And even with my list of objections ready, the fact that he’s the one who feels the need to keep clarifying that boundary stings just a little.
“You’re sure it’s not because we’re destined to be friends with benefits?” I pose, pushing forward before I can dwell on those inconvenient feelings. “I bet there are a few more things I could teach you.”
His eyes widen and he blinks away his shock, while I barely contain my laughter. “You’re just messing with me again, aren’t you?” he asks when my nostrils flare.
“Am I?” I shrug and look up at him from beneath my lashes, though I’m not sure what I hope to accomplish. Maybe I’m testing his reaction, and maybe I just want some reassurance.
He puffs up his cheeks and blows out a breath. “I think Landry was right before. You and I are not even in the same ballpark.”
“I don’t know. You were pretty convincing for a rookie,” I say coyly, and he grins.
Then he catches me off guard by stepping in closer and backing me up against the counter.
“Thanks for the offer, but I’m not interested in being a designated hitter.
And I’m not just some pinch runner looking to steal home.
” He drops his gaze to my mouth, making my heart beat faster before he leans in to whisper beside my ear, “I’m holding out for a contract, a guaranteed spot in the starting lineup. ”
I choke back a whimper when he backs away. I’ve got to quit teasing the man when I know damned good and well he can back it up. Because despite his lack of experience and unassuming demeanor, Rowan LaFleur is easily the sexiest man I’ve ever had the pleasure of fraternizing with.
“Says the kid who got caught padding his stats,” I manage to get out, and he snorts as he backs away.
“I guess I should let you get ready for work,” he says, shyness seeping into his tone now that he’s reeled his dangerous side back in.
“Yeah. You’ll probably be needing your shirt, too,” I remind him.
“Figured you collect additional souvenirs from your favorite victims,” he replies smoothly on his way to the laundry room, and I heave out a sigh when I hear him coughing again.
If anyone’s helpless around here, it’s certainly me.