40. Lirion
Lirion watched the horizon, mostly the sun rising, while nursing a cup of coffee.
Hapi had made breakfast this morning, and he made a mean cup of coffee.
Breakfast, on the other hand, had not been great.
Cooking was not his forte and there had been a fair amount of cursing going on when Lirion dared to enter the galley.
But Lirion had kept his mouth shut and eaten what he was given, more afraid he’d be turned into a zombie if he crossed the necromancer.
Today was the last full day on the ship.
Thankfully, they’d sailed through Dead Man’s Curve without even a hint of the beast, which meant they’d arrive at their destination tomorrow morning.
Honestly, he wished for one more day. One more day with his sister.
Lirion felt silly for thinking that, as of course he could see her whenever he wanted after the Lord Mire job, but somehow, he couldn’t shake the feeling.
It was just nice having Aria nearby, where he could turn and speak with her as he wished.
It had been a joy to get to know her as an adult, rather than the child he remembered.
Any older sibling would surely feel the same in his shoes.
Speaking of her, there she came, with a slight sashay to her hips, a cup in her hands.
“Lir,” she greeted with a winsome smile, the ocean breeze swirling her hair around her neck. “Good morning. Gods, I can barely walk this morning. Have you seriously not eaten Rain?”
The way she asked this, he had to scratch his curiosity. “Is he that good?”
“Heavenly. That man’s mouth is a national treasure. So sweet and gentle, too. Damn shame I can’t be his kept woman, but sadly, he doesn’t have the house or finances for it.”
A succubus’s relationships were transactional, so Lirion shrugged in acknowledgment. “Give him five years; he might become something by then.”
“You can bet I’ll look him up, too.” She joined him at the railing, looking out over the ocean. “We’re almost there.”
“Getting very close, yes. Rain said we’ll be in port by morning.”
“Hmm…then this seems the opportune time to ask—what are you doing?”
Lirion glanced at his coffee, then back up, puzzled by her query. “Currently drinking coffee and conversing with my very confusing sister?”
She rolled her pretty green eyes. “No, Lirion, I meant what are you doing with Fenric?”
Oh.
Well, shit, she would ask the hard question.
“This is clearly not just a deal,” Aria continued, eyes narrowed as if she could read every thought off his face. “You’re incredibly friendly with him. There’s not even sex involved half the time, and you two are naturally in each other’s orbit. It’s weird.”
“Er, well, I like him? He’s got a good personality and doesn’t treat me like a dumb bimbo he can use for sex just whenever.”
“Uh-huh.”
“The blatant way you disbelieve me is hurtful.”
“So, it’s just the nice personality?”
“Have you seen the man’s cock? Of course it isn’t just his personality. Also, for the record, Fenric is very much a man who knows what to do with his hands, and I am never, ever left wanting when I’m in bed with him.”
“Lovely, but also concerning because you don’t seem to hear yourself. Don’t get me started with how he switched places with you to yank you out of danger.” Aria’s tone grew more pointed. “What are you doing here? Chasing a fantasy?”
Lirion blew out a breath and stared at the sea because that was easier than looking into her eyes.
The sea wasn’t demanding unreasonable answers.
Internally, he flinched at her words. These were all questions he’d been avoiding for what felt like weeks now.
It was easy to pretend this was just a fun lark with someone he was sexually compatible with who also happened to be equally compatible on a personality level.
But all those facile excuses crumbled to dust when he thought about Fenric trading his life for Lirion’s back at Count Pierres’s.
And not once had it crossed his mind that Fenric had merely done it so Lirion would follow through on his end of the bargain.
That cheeky rogue had done it to save him.
Lirion ate it up. He devoured every smirk, teasing comment, caress, and stolen glance like he was starving.
But it wasn’t Lirion the incubus who was starved.
Fenric kept that part of him well fed. No, it was Lirion the man who secretly longed for companionship.
The man who dared to harbor the tiny flickering hope of someday finding one person to belong to.
The more time he spent with Fenric, the more he desperately wanted Fen to be that one person.
Was he chasing a fantasy?
“Our kind don’t have lasting romantic relationships.
” Lirion sat on his own words for a moment, wrestling with the emotions backing them.
That was the practical voice in his brain.
The part of him keeping him alive and whole when everyone else tried to steal pieces of his soul.
“Am I chasing a fantasy? I don’t know. It’s not like I’m actively pursuing some romantic future with him or trying to manipulate the situation so he’ll keep me by his side.
Like Rain, he’s not wealthy enough to support me, and I’ve refused to put myself in a position where I depend on anyone.
I’d rather work as a bard and eat where I can. ”
Aria’s eyes were boring a hole through the side of his head, but he dared not look at her.
“But you want to stay with him. Don’t you?”
“I honestly like him. More, I’ve come to trust him. I trust him in a way I’ve never trusted anyone before.” Now Lirion turned his head and gave her a rueful smile. “Wouldn’t you want more if you were in my shoes?”
Aria let out a groan. “It’s hard to argue when you put it like that. He does everything possible to reinforce that trust and nothing to betray it, as I saw with my own eyes.”
“You see?”
“A man whom you like, enjoy sex with, and can trust.” Aria shook her head and sipped her coffee. “It’s like finding a mystical being.”
“Ha! I can’t argue.”
“Brother mine, there’s something else I’d like to point out. It’s not just Fenric you’re different with.”
“You’ve lost me. What?”
“It’s the entire group. From what I’ve seen, you’re quite chummy with everyone.
You’ve been training Puppy in ways to protect himself, you do Tub Time with Rain, you’ve even helped Hapi untangle the skelebabies when they got caught up in the rigging.
You’re friendly with everyone in this party.
And relaxed! You don’t have any kind of guard up against them. ”
Lirion felt like part of his brain disengaged for a moment. She wasn’t wrong. The longer he sat with this observation, the more he realized she was very much right. He was quite friendly with them all.
He trusted them all.
When the plan had changed at the villa, Lirion hadn’t even paused.
He’d asked them to change the plan and hadn’t doubted they would support him.
They’d gone the extra mile in order to make it all work.
Everyone had been safely evacuated. The villa had burned to the ground.
And while it had been chaotic, they’d pulled through for Lirion.
Only now did he realize he’d never even stopped to question whether they would.
“Great gods,” he breathed, stunned with the realization. “You’re right; it’s the whole group. I trust the whole group.”
“From what I’ve seen, you have every reason to. But I did wonder if you realized it.”
He had, but hadn’t. The trust had been so instinctive, Lirion had never made a conscious decision.
Well, this was quite the morning. He was being handed one realization after another.
Wanting her perspective, he turned so his hip pressed against the rail, all to see her face better. “Aria, do they look more like a family to you?”
She blinked and then said, “Ah. Yes, that’s it! I kept searching for the word.”
“I’ve thought this before, multiple times. I’ve worked with groups, but they were mercenary bands in attitude. At heart, it was every man for himself. They worked together only to achieve an end. But that’s not how this group acts at all.”
“No, they’re very much brothers. I’ve seen them borrow socks and breeches from each other, for fuck’s sake.”
“Oh, they do that constantly. They argue over whose turn it is to cook or do the dishes. They rib each other and tease, but the second danger comes near, they fall into a defensive stance around each other. Their feelings for each other are very familial. You should have seen Fen’s reaction the first time Puppy used the seduction techniques I taught him. ”
Aria burst out laughing. “Oh gods!”
“It was just a few things to help him barter in the market. Still, Fenric acted like I’d corrupted his youngest brother and bemoaned the loss of innocence for the rest of the night.”
“I can somehow picture that perfectly.” Aria’s expression softened, and she put a hand on his arm, leaning in. “Brother mine, I’m not casting stones here. I simply have to ask, what is it do you want?”
“I…” Lirion faltered, not sure how to answer her question.
Her voice gentled even more, and her expression hinted that she knew something of the turmoil raging through him. “Darling, my choices are not yours. I choose the stability a brothel can offer me. You’re too free in spirit to choose such a life. I’m not trying to guilt you into going with me.”
“I didn’t think you were.”
“Good. I’m glad you didn’t get that impression. All I’m asking is, do you want to stay with this group? If you do, you must be aware Fenric will hope for more from you.”
Would he?
Lirion’s heart skipped at the mere thought of it. To be Fen’s and his alone. It was a fantasy. The sweetest one he could imagine. And he wanted it. All that said, it begged the question: “Is it even my choice? Of whether I stay with them.”
Aria simply looked at him before she huffed out a breath.
“Um, Aria, why are you looking at me like I’m a dumbass?”
“Because you are.”