Chapter 9
CHAD
“Okay, now the best men together,” Blake shouts, and I’m ecstatic about the idea of taking photos with John.
“Yes!” I agree as I grab John to pull him in front of the camera.
I don’t know if Blake is picking up on the vibes between John and I, or if he just wants a photo of the two of us for some reason, but I’m not one to question a good thing.
All I’m focused on is how this is just another photo we can frame on the hopefully soon-to-be finished walls of our home.
These photos will be perfect next to the ones of our wedding night.
As we move in front of the camera, I don’t tell John what my plan is, but I trust he’ll react the way I want him to as I take a leap of faith and jump into his arms.
As expected, John catches me easily, one arm behind my back, the other under my knees, holding me in a perfect bridal pose.
He grumbles but doesn’t drop me immediately, looking into my eyes, holding me close while Chelsea snaps away.
For a moment, it’s like I’m really his, and something warm spreads through my chest, a feeling I don’t want to lose.
My cheeks hurt from smiling as Blake yells that he wants Liam to do this pose too, except Blake is a smidge taller than Liam and, not to question his strength, but I don’t know if they can pull it off like John and I. John makes it seem effortless.
I’m soaking up the moment, enjoying this make-believe world where John and I are a regular, happy couple posing for our own sober wedding, until John abruptly drops me back on my feet. But my arms are still looped around his neck, and our faces are so close I can feel his breath on my lips.
I want to kiss him.
I always want to kiss him. But it’s especially hard to hold back when he looks so handsome today, and he’s right there! His mouth so close to mine. John hasn’t kissed me, hasn’t touched me, since I showed up at his house, but fuck, do I want him to. My eyes flick down to his lips as he licks them.
“Chad,” he growls after a tense moment, snapping me out of my John-induced trance.
Right, I’m being obvious, and he doesn’t want that. I peel my arms off him and flash my best innocent grin.
He rolls his eyes and grunts, but there’s that flicker of something else there too. Something warmer than the annoyance he wants everyone else to pick up on as he says, “You’re ridiculous.”
That little glimpse of fondness in his gaze is what gets me every time.
The part that’s just for me, and no one else sees.
I know he doesn’t hand it out freely. John is so reserved and guarded with other people.
And every time his attention is aimed at me, it feels like I’ve earned something precious.
It makes me wildly proud to know that I’m the one adding joy to his life. He deserves so much more of it.
“Hey, guys, I was told to remind you that the ceremony is set to start in ten minutes,” our friend Ash announces to the group as he approaches, pulling me back to the present as I realize I was a little lost in thoughts of my own romance.
Ash is someone Blake and I grew up with, but we didn’t really know him, know him, just that our families were friends and he played football with us.
But it turns out that Ash is bi, just like us, but he’s keeping it very under wraps because his family sucks and are a bunch of shitty homophobes who don’t deserve him.
He’s slowly spreading his rainbow wings, though.
He even got a male lap dance when we were in Vegas.
I was thrilled for him when I found out.
“Thanks, man!” Blake responds, and Ash comes over to where John and I are standing while the photographer talks to the grooms.
“Um, now might not be the best time, but I’ve got to ask, do you know who those two guys sitting with Kieran and Jace are?”
I look into the barn where most of the guests are seated. “Oh, awesome! Those are Jace’s uncles. Joey and Patrick. Hell yeah, I’m so happy they’re here. I can’t wait to say hi.”
“Jace’s uncles?” Ash repeats in a choked, tight tone, looking confused for some reason.
“Yeah, why?”
“No reason,” Ash insists, but he’s blushing, and I’m very curious to know what’s got him so on edge. Before I can ask though, he turns quickly and heads back to the barn.
“That was suspicious, wasn’t it?” I nudge John, wondering what he picked up from that conversation.
“No,” he grumbles, but whatever, now is not the time to speculate. My best friend is about to walk down the aisle to the love of his life, and I couldn’t be happier for him.
“We should probably head to the altar in a minute,” I suggest to John just before a girl approaches him.
“Oh my God, John!” she calls out excitedly.
As I take her in, I realize she’s not just any girl.
Nope. She’s covered in tattoos with a septum piercing, and long, black hair pulled back in a tight ponytail.
She looks fucking flawless, and the longer I stare at her and her edgy vibe, the more I realize that she looks like the kind of girl who belongs next to him.
The perfect fit; a couple who turns heads with how cool and confident they are.
My stomach tightens as I wonder if anyone might ever see John and I that way.
I feel like I’m going to be sick.
“Faith, hey,” John says casually, and my stomach sinks further. He clearly knows her; that welcome was warmer than any welcome he’s ever given me.
Seriously, who is this horrible mystery woman?
“How are you?” she asks, stepping closer without hesitation, even going so far as to wrap her arms around his neck.
The air feels like it’s completely stomped out of my lungs as she continues talking.
“It’s been so long since I’ve seen you. I heard you were back in town; I’ve been meaning to reach out. ”
She lets her arms fall, and I take a step closer to John, because even if he might not be ready to tell everyone, John is mine.
Except, now my brain is spinning out of control. Did he hook up with her? Is she an ex? Does she know more about John than I do?
“Yeah, been around for a few months now,” he replies easily. At least he didn’t tell her he was back when he first arrived. That’s a good thing, right? It’s got to be. She can’t be that important then.
“Are you still doing custom work?” she asks. “Because I’ve got an idea I never finished.”
I have no idea what she’s talking about, but I hate her. I don’t want John doing any “custom work” for her.
“Sometimes,” he says with a shrug. “More focused on the electrician thing now.”
My jaw tightens, and I must let out a grunt because she finally glances at me like she just noticed I exist. “Sorry, I’m being so rude,” she says with a short laugh. “I’m Faith, and you are?”
“Chad. Blake’s best man. But you should find your seat, we’re about to head up to the altar. So great to meet you, bye for now,” I answer dismissively, pulling John away with me.
John comes willingly when I yank his arm away from her. She looks a bit taken aback, but I don’t care. I don’t want her claws anywhere near my man.
“What was that?” I question John when she’s out of ear shot.
“What was what? You’re the one acting strange, like a possessive boyfriend or something,” John says like I did something wrong. Does he not understand that he’s mine?
“Wrong. I acted like a possessive husband because that’s what I am, John. I am your husband.”
“Jesus, Chad. You know I’m gay, right? She’s just an old neighbor.”
Oh yeah… that detail might’ve slipped my mind when I saw how happy she was to see him. “Uh, yeah, of course. Duh. Ready, Hubby? Our second time at the altar together, isn’t it romantic?” I waggle my eyebrows at him, playing off my completely unfounded jealousy.
“Chad,” he scolds, but no one is around to have possibly heard me call him my favorite nickname.
“You can go to the right side, and I’ll go to the left. I think those are the sides we were on last time. Just try to keep your hands to yourself.” I wink. “Or don’t.”
“Fucking hell,” John mutters as he starts walking to the front of the ceremony.
A few heads turn—as they should—and I love that everyone’s eyes are on him. You can look, people, but you can’t touch. He’s taken. I grin to myself knowing my man is such a heartthrob and I’ll be the one in our bed with him tonight.
Not stupid Faith.
Me.
Calm down, I remind myself. I’ve never been the possessive or jealous type, but I feel like I barely have John, and anything could snap this fragile relationship I’m trying to build.
Who knows, maybe all this love in the air will make him extra horny tonight, and he’ll finally give in and let me show him just how much I want him.
I made sure I spent extra long in the shower this morning, shaving my pubes and trying to clean myself out like Blake told me to do.
If anything happens, I want to be perfect for him.
I really hope something happens.
My heart is pounding erratically in my chest as I stand way too far away from John on the altar.
I look over at him, and all I can think about is how wrong the distance between us feels.
Can John feel that too? It’s almost like we’re getting a do-over.
Like we should be standing inches apart and confessing our commitments toward each other once again, but sober this time. But we’re not saying anything.
Not yet, anyway.
We need to focus on Blake and Liam getting married now, but after, I have one mission and one mission only: make John realize how much he wants me.
Their ceremony is beautiful, as expected.
Blake spent months obsessing over every detail and it paid off big time.
I wipe the tears from the corners of my eyes because something about watching your best friend marry the love of his life does weird things to your emotions.
I’m so happy for them. I wish I could focus on just that.
“You may now kiss your husband,” the officiant says. Liam and Blake lean in to lock lips, and for them, it’s a modest kiss. Blake looks happier than I’ve ever seen him, and Liam is staring at Blake like he’s the center of his universe.
For a moment, I feel like a horrible friend. Ever since Liam and Blake walked down the aisle together, I’ve been burning up with something that feels suspiciously like envy even though I really am so happy for him.
I also can’t help but want that.
I want that level of passion and commitment.
Damn it, I just want John to officially choose me.
Except John looks completely detached from the ceremony, and I can’t help but wonder what’s changed since earlier.
Was it Faith? Did seeing me get jealous over her upset him?
Or is it Luke? Do weddings still make him think about the person he lost instead of the person standing right next to him?
If that’s the case, I can’t fault him for it.
I don’t know the pain associated with losing the person you’d planned to spend your life with, but I’d imagine he’s still working through it if he hasn’t even dated in ten years.
All these emotions today have me reconsidering how I’ve been approaching our relationship, and I think I might have gotten it wrong.
For the first time in my life, I have something worth fighting for, and I’ve been kind of joking my way through it.
Teasing John. Flirting with him. Acting like we’re inevitable because we signed a marriage certificate and drunkenly said vows in front of an Elvis impersonator.
That’s not the way to win John over.
I realize that now.
To me, it’s never been about having a husband. It’s never been about not being alone. It’s not that he’s hot, and I’m excited to be with a man for the first time, or any of the other excuses he keeps trying to use for why we shouldn’t be together.
It’s because he’s him, and somehow the more I get to know John, the more I like him. I also love the way he makes me feel when he lets his protective side shine through, or when I earn a smile or a laugh from my usually grumpy man.
And I actually think I love that he’s making me work for this. Making me fight for us.
Growing up, I never really had to work for anything. I have a very supportive family, lots of money, lots of friends. My path was laid out for me, and I knew I’d get a job doing something in my family’s company, so I didn’t exactly have to try there either.
John’s the only person I’ve tried to date who isn’t asking for more and more of me.
In New York, I felt like the women I dated were impressed by my family’s money or connections.
They liked my sense of humor, but that also meant they wanted me to be the life of the party all the time.
If I expressed any other emotion, they’d turn their nose up and tell me I was overreacting.
They’d never admit it, but they wanted me to be a shell of a person, performing exactly as they expected at all times.
It was exhausting, especially because I’m not that person.
Not really. Even if I am the happy-go-lucky guy most of the time, I still have feelings.
Now I have someone who claims he doesn’t like romance, but he’s romantic all the time.
He takes care of me in so many little ways.
The first night I showed up here, he shared his dinner with me, obviously eating less than he intended so I wouldn’t go without.
All week, he’s insisted on cooking for me; he’s made me iced coffee every morning even though he drinks his black; he drives me everywhere, and he even ordered for me.
He’s never once asked me about money despite the fact that I’m living with him and he definitely could.
All of it has been him being romantic. At least, in my mind.
I’ve tried to tell him I can be there for whatever he needs, that I’m so happy we’re married, but I think I need a new approach.
I need to prove to him I don’t just want a husband.
I want him.
The blindfold and dinner might not’ve worked, but maybe the reason he keeps pushing back is because I’ve never actually said that out loud.