Chapter 8
JOHN
“Their love is so beautiful,” Chad whispers to me, clutching his handkerchief to his chest as he stares at our best friends putting on each other’s ties with the photographer buzzing around us all.
I glance at Chad out of the corner of my eye, and he’s still fucking crying.
I get why Wyatt, Liam, and Blake are so misty eyed, but Chad never met Liam’s mom.
He wasn’t there helping Liam with his homework and letting him copy off him during tests when he had more important shit going on while his mom was getting sicker by the day.
He didn’t stop by the farm on his way to school every morning for two years to make sure they didn’t forget to feed the animals when their grief overshadowed everything else in their lives.
Yet here Chad is, tears streaming down his face over the lace they used from her wedding dress for their ties.
It wasn’t even a surprise! He told me about it this morning when I drove him here, something a part of me instantly regretted doing, but the idea of him having his keys wasn’t something I could stomach if he was going to drink like he did in Vegas.
Chad was also a mess when they read the letter from Liam’s mom—again. Wyatt gave it to Liam on what was supposed to be their wedding day on national television for fuck’s sake. Chad’s already read it. I don’t get it.
I’m just glad the emotional shit should be over soon.
I’ve been in a weird mood ever since Chad asked me about Luke the other day. I don’t talk about him. Ever. There’s no reason to—he’s gone, and talking about him won’t change anything or bring him back.
Helping Liam and Blake get ready for their wedding isn’t the distraction I’d hoped for, either. If anything, it made it worse. I’ve had Luke on my mind more than I have in years, my thoughts spiraling back to all the plans we made, and how different my life turned out from what we’d imagined.
I was worried that by moving back here, other people might try to bring him up, but no one has. I’m not sure if it’s because his parents moved away, or because it’s been so long since the accident, but I’m grateful.
It probably also has something to do with the fact that no one knew we were anything more than best friends.
Even my own family has never confirmed what we were to each other, although I’m sure they have their suspicions.
In hindsight, I should have told Liam. But Luke was an even more private person than me, and when he asked me to stay in the closet for him, I didn’t hesitate. We had each other, and that was enough.
Until he was gone. And I was still here, alone.
I shouldn’t be thinking about any of this today. It’s all Chad’s fault with his lack of boundaries and his misplaced desire to support me.
I don’t need his support. I don’t need anyone. I’ve been fine on my own for nearly a decade, so we should just focus on our friends’ wedding and absolutely nothing else today.
“I think I got some really great shots, so I’m going to give you all a minute. I’ll be right outside whenever you’d like to start the pictures with the animals you want,” Chelsea, the photographer, announces before slipping outside.
Would it be rude of me to follow? Is it more awkward that I’m the only one in this room who isn’t crying?
“Wow, we’re going to look so great in these pictures with our puffy red eyes,” Blake jokes, and they all laugh.
“Oh, we should find Kieran!” Chad says suddenly, mentioning their friend from the reality show who’s a popular makeup influencer.
“He has a video about how to make it look like you weren’t crying.
I think it's from a few years ago, but he’s brilliant at makeup so I’m sure he can fix us up in no time. ”
“You’ve watched his videos that are years old? Aren’t they all about makeup?” I can’t help but ask.
Chad nods. “Well, yeah. Obviously I’ve watched them. He’s my friend, and I want to support him.”
I’m pretty sure Kieran has millions of people who watch his makeup tutorial videos online, so I don’t know how much he needs Chad’s support, but I can’t say I’m all that surprised with how insistently he attempts to “support” me.
“I’ll find him,” I offer firmly, hurrying to leave before Chad can volunteer to go with me.
Kieran and his husband Jace, who also ended up together on the show where Liam met Blake, are going to join us for a few posed pictures, so I know they’ll already be here.
It takes a few minutes of wandering the farm, looking into different out-buildings they’ve got set up for the event, but eventually, I find them admiring the garden.
“Hey, guys,” I call out as I approach, regretting the fact that I didn’t send Chad on this mission as I realize I need to be social. Chad is apparently great friends with them, but other than our time in Vegas for the bachelor party, I don’t really know either of them well.
“Hey, John,” Jace says as they turn to me with warm smiles. It does little to ease my discomfort. Why does everyone smile all the damn time? And why are they all so nice? It makes me feel like an asshole if I don’t match that level of niceness.
And I never do, so I guess I’m an asshole.
“Good to see you again,” Kieran greets.
I nod, attempting what I hope is a polite expression. “Kieran, your expertise has been requested to help make the grooms and Chad look less like they’ve been crying in the pictures.”
He stands up a little straighter, his smile shifting to more of a smirk. “Chad?”
“I’ll grab your makeup bag from the car and meet you there,” Jace offers, also sounding amused. He kisses Kieran’s cheek and walks away before I can answer.
“Yeah, Chad’s…” I trail off. I don’t know why it feels like a betrayal to admit Chad’s been crying more than anyone.
I don’t think Chad would give a fuck if Kieran knew.
But, I don’t know, it feels wrong, like it’ll sound like I’m making fun of him or something, so I try to think of a different way to frame it.
“You know Chad; he doesn’t hide his emotions.
” He smiles, and I lead Kieran back to Liam and Blake’s house where they’re getting ready.
He claps as soon as we walk in. “Okay, guys, we’re doing cold water on your faces first, we need to reduce the inflammation, and then I’ll work my magic. Jace should be here in a second with my supplies.”
In very little time, Kieran has everyone looking refreshed and ready for pictures.
Chelsea perks up as we all join her outside.
“Alright, Blake, I know you wanted the animals involved, so I think I’ll have you tell us what animal you want when, and then maybe the best men can help with getting and returning them, if that works? ”
“Of course!” Chad answers for us immediately. Great.
“I want to start with my babies, but there are so many chickens that it probably makes sense to go to them?” Blake suggests.
Thank God he doesn’t expect me to carry a ton of chickens over here.
We all follow him to the coop. Our suits are going to be a mess by the time the ceremony starts, but I know Liam doesn’t give a shit; he just wants Blake to be happy. He’s almost as spoiled as Chad.
Not that I’m spoiling Chad.
We get group shots all holding Blake’s “babies,” which is pretty entertaining considering Kieran and Jace haven’t held chickens before. Kieran holds his as far away from his body as possible while Jace looks like he’s afraid he might crush the thing.
I’m completely thrown when Chad gives his chicken the most stern look I’ve ever seen from him and whispers loud enough for me to hear, “I’m watching you.
Behave.” The downturned curve of his mouth as he scolds the bird only accentuates his stunning features, but I find myself missing his usual smile, wondering why it’s gone in the first place. Maybe he doesn’t like the chickens.
Blake is thriving though. Wyatt brought his dog out and their little family gets a lot of pictures of just them. Next we go to the goats, and Chad suggests we all climb on something like the goats do, but the harsh look I give him has him laughing and taking back the idea quickly.
After that, the photographer instructs us to get a few photos in front of the large, freshly painted red barn where the ceremony will take place.
When the farm is open for the fall season, this building is full of picnic tables for families to eat at and enjoy the pumpkin-flavored doughnuts, apple fritters, and whatever else Blake insists their baker makes.
Now though, they’ve cleared it out to create a traditional ceremony space. Everything is decorated with flowers and string lights, and I have to admit, it looks pretty cool. They did a great job.
Liam and Blake are posed in front of it with their arms wrapped around each other, holding eye contact and looking insanely in love. “Oh, we need the donkeys!” Blake says suddenly.
Chad straightens immediately. “We’re on it!”
“I don’t think you need my help,” I attempt, but Chad has already hooked his arm around mine and is dragging me away from the group. I don’t want to cause a scene so I reluctantly follow. “Do you know where the donkeys are? I didn’t even know they had donkeys.”
Chad nods. “Of course. I love them, and we have a special connection. I always know where they are.”
I open my mouth to ask what the fuck that even means but stop myself and shake my head when Chad leads me right to a stable with two donkeys.
He stops without opening it though, and turns to face me, taking a moment to give me an obnoxious once-over.
“I’ve never seen you in a suit. You look fucking delicious. ”
I look down at the classic black suit Liam told me to wear. It’s the same suit Chad’s wearing. I would have never picked this for myself, but it’s better than the ugly light blue suit my brother made me wear for his wedding, so I’ll take it. “Don’t get used to it. I’m not a suit person.”
He shrugs, smiling at me adoringly. I wish he wouldn’t do that.
It makes it so much harder to convince myself that I should keep my distance.
But I know I need to. I can’t offer him anything real, and sex has to stay off the table.
Fantasizing about his perfect body and the eager way he does whatever I tell him to is one thing, but confirming it would be something else entirely.
“You look really hot, but don’t worry, I miss your normal look,” he says with a wink, and I’m so surprised by the gesture that I let out a short laugh.
“The donkeys, Chad,” I remind him, and he immediately jumps into action.
He’s perfectly capable of leading them back by himself, there was no need for me to accompany him.
The donkeys are both dressed up with custom saddles on their backs, and I know Blake does weird shit like this all the time, but I can’t help but ask, “What am I looking at here?”
“Oh, they’re beer burros for the wedding!
Someone is coming to help with it, but they’re going to be the stars of the night, carrying beer around in their saddles.
It’ll be so cute. You’re so cute, yes you are, everyone’s going to love you so much.
” Chad has very quickly gone from answering me to talking to the donkeys, and I just ignore him, turning on my heels to head back to the group.
They quickly run through the donkey shots, and Wyatt offers to return them when Chelsea asks to get shots of the grooms with their best man. Liam and I go first and take normal pictures standing next to each other and another where he throws his arm over my shoulder.
Blake and Chad have other ideas, obviously. They’re immediately all over each other.
I think some of their poses might be football related, but at one point, Chad climbs onto Blake so he can hold him in a fucking piggyback, and then when he drops down, he hikes his leg up over Blake’s hip while Blake holds it there.
I have to dig my fingernails into my palm to stop the angry, possessive noise threatening to escape my chest as I watch another man touch him.
The pose isn’t the same, but it reminds me of that night in Vegas. Of our kiss and how enthusiastic Chad was, like he is with everything.
Fuck, I shouldn’t be thinking about that night today.
My reaction to him and Blake together is stupid.
I know it’s unfounded. I stupidly asked Liam about it in Vegas because I couldn’t get past how close the two of them seem, and he confirmed that’s just how they are—as did one of their friends from high school, Ash.
Liam said he isn’t bothered by it, so there’s no reason for me to be either.
Chad has been throwing himself at me all week, not Blake.
Besides, it’s Blake’s fucking wedding day; he isn’t into Chad.
But as the pair of them laugh and smile at each other while holding strangely intimate positions, I can’t stop one word from chanting over and over again in my mind.
Mine.