Chapter 22
JOHN
“How the fuck did you even manage this?” I mutter as I attempt to untangle Chad from the mess of knots he and Blake got him into.
“I blame Jack,” he answers lightly, but that only makes me more upset because Blake never should have let the damn donkey near him when he was so vulnerable.
Rationally, I know Chad isn’t into Blake, and he didn’t plan today as some elaborate way to get closer to him. Still, I’m having a hard time calming down as I imagine them doing this alone. Thank fuck he still has all his clothes on.
He did it to surprise me, I remind myself.
But that’s confusing in a whole other way.
Because as much as we might pretend like we’re following the rules—no sleepovers, days between sex, no feelings—nothing about my time with Chad has felt like the arrangements I’ve had in the past. I’ve never been this irrationally jealous and possessive about anyone I was sleeping with.
And I’ve never been a violent person, but I was about two seconds away from punching Blake when I realized what he’d done with Chad today.
The worst of the knots are gone, he can breathe fine, his circulation isn’t compromised, but I need a second.
“I’m getting scissors. I'll be right back,” I grunt before heading to his kitchen.
I pause at the sink and splash some water in my face in an attempt to cool down.
If my brothers show up and I’m still like this, they’ll immediately know something is up.
Blake and Liam knowing I’m sleeping with Chad is one thing, but I don’t need my brothers knowing that much about my personal life.
I grip the edge of the counter, leaning over the sink as I close my eyes and take a deep breath.
I was an idiot to ever think things with Chad could be casual after what he got me to agree to after only a few hours in Vegas.
I’ve always had a soft spot for him, struggled to say no to anything he wanted, even from the very beginning.
The most frustrating part of all is that I have no idea what to do about any of the things I’m feeling toward Chad.
I was the one who turned him down the morning after our night in Vegas.
I was the one who pushed him away and protested when he showed up on my doorstep ready to move in.
I was the one who said we couldn’t be more, that I could never offer him anything other than sex.
But these… reactions I keep having toward him…
the possession and jealousy, the anxiety that something bad is going to happen to him when I’m not there, the way I check my phone way more than I ever have to see if he’s messaged me, how I plan my day around seeing him, and the way pride fills my chest every time he aims a smile my way…
it’s getting more and more difficult to pretend like this isn’t the more I was so sure I was incapable of.
It’s been ten fucking years, and in all that time, I’ve never wanted more with anyone else. I already had love. Luke was my person. He was fucking everything to me.
And then he was gone.
And the future I had planned for us no longer appealed to me if he wasn’t in it.
And it still doesn’t. I just… fuck, I have no idea what’s happening to me.
I grab the scissors from his drawer and rush back into the living room to free Chad from the final ties. “Is that everything?” I double-check.
He spins in a circle, looking for loose bits of rope I’m sure, but he sort of looks like a dog chasing its tail. The visual finally forces a genuine smile on my face because Chad really is the embodiment of a golden retriever most days, and I can’t help but laugh.
“Yup! I’m free,” he confirms with a huge smile before gathering everything back into a black box. “I’ll go put the rope upstairs so we can save it for another time.”
I grunt an acknowledgment and try not to focus on the idea of that time because I don’t need my brothers showing up while I’m hard. Sure enough, the doorbell rings before Chad gets back downstairs, so I let them in and lead them into the living room.
“Chad should be down in a minute,” I explain, and the three of them sit side by side on the couch, so I sit awkwardly across from them in the recliner.
“This house is awesome,” Drew comments, looking around.
“Yeah, I’ve always wanted to see the inside,” Mark adds. “I can’t believe Phil was so quick to sell.”
James laughs. “Why? Were you going to buy it?”
“No,” Mark scoffs. “I could never afford this place. You know my salary. Plus what the hell would I do with all this space by myself?”
“Oh my God, is that a donkey?” Drew interrupts as Jack and Jenny enter the room.
Mark burst out laughing. “Would you expect anything less from Blake’s best friend?”
“Holy shit! Hey, guys, what are you doing here?” Chad asks as he finally joins us. “John! Look, it’s my friends from the sports bar!”
“Hey, man! Good to see you again.” James stands to offer his hand out for a handshake. Mark and Drew do the same, and I’m honestly surprised when Chad doesn’t turn it into a hugging situation.
James turns to me. “You didn’t tell him we’re your brothers?”
Chad gasps loudly. “Oh my God! John, why didn’t you say anything? We could have been hanging out with your brothers this whole time!”
I shrug. “I see them plenty at work.”
Drew snorts. “God, you’re such an asshole.” But he sounds amused, not upset. My family is used to me keeping to myself.
“Well, I already wanted to be friends when we met at that bar, but now I really want to be friends!” Chad announces as though it’s a totally normal thing to declare friendship intents with practical strangers.
“This is amazing. What are you doing here anyway? I thought you couldn’t start for a few more days? ”
James nods. “We finished up our last project this morning, so we decided to stop by and check things out in person so that when we do start, we have a better idea of what you’re looking for.”
“I already told you,” I grumble, but they all ignore me.
“Well, other than the fact that this house is really old and big and creepy at night when I’m all alone, it’s still cool.
I can tell it used to be really pretty. So I think just updating everything so it has the charm of the old house, but still feels like I’m living in the modern world, if that makes sense? ”
Drew is nodding along, looking really excited. He’s the one who focuses more on the design for their projects. “For sure, man. Keep the character but restore it to look as new as possible? Maybe update the appliances, cabinets, those sorts of things?”
“Yes! Exactly.”
James clears his throat. “John said that the budget wasn’t a big concern for you, but this is a huge house.
Those upgrades are going to add up quickly.
Potentially tens of thousands of dollars for each thing.
I know he gave you a rough estimate on some of the things we anticipated you wanting, but I’d really feel more comfortable hearing what your thoughts are as far as prioritizing your spending. ”
Chad is unfazed by the mention of spending a fortune on a house he already over-paid for. “Oh, yeah, John was right. I know it’ll cost a lot of money, but I want everything to be done right. I don’t care what order you do stuff in, I’ll pay for it.”
My brothers exchange a confused look while I cross my arms. I don’t know why they didn’t just take my word for it.
“Do you mind if we look around?” Mark asks.
“Sure! You can look wherever you’d like. I’m so excited that you guys are the ones who’ll be doing this.”
Drew matches Chad’s smile. “Me too.”
“Sorry we dropped in on you like this,” James adds. “If you’re busy, we can come back another time, or if you don’t mind us being here without you, don’t feel like you need to stay if you have places to be.”
“Chad and I are going to leave you all to it,” I answer for him before Chad has a chance to.
James raises a brow in my direction, but Chad’s smile grows. “Awesome. Well, I can’t wait to hear more about what you guys think this place needs! It was so nice seeing you all again.” Chad waves and immediately leaves out the front door. Eager as ever.
“You guys could have stayed,” Mark points out.
I shrug. “Text me if you need anything from me.”
They all agree, so I follow Chad outside, heading for his Range Rover, but I freeze as soon as my bike comes into view.
Because Chad is on my motorcycle.
“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?
” I yell, forcing my feet to remember how to move so I can run to him.
“Get off that!” I practically drag him off the bike, and despite the fact that I wasn’t actually supporting his weight, I’m panting as he spins to face me with wide eyes and a furrowed brow.
Or maybe I’m hyperventilating. My breathing is definitely too fast.
He’s okay, he’s off the bike. He’s off the bike, he’s okay.
“Sorry! Sorry,” Chad apologizes. “I didn’t know you’d care. I thought maybe I could ride with you back to your place. I’ve never ridden on a motorcycle—”
“And you never will,” I growl before I can stop myself.
God, I’m such a fucking hypocrite.
“What? But you love your motorcycle,” he points out with a confused laugh. “I thought maybe you could teach me how to—”
“Absolutely not,” I cut him off.
He stares at me for a long moment, searching for something in my gaze.
Finally, he nods. “Okay. No motorcycles.” He walks closer.
Close enough to take my hand in his, and as he takes it, I realize my hand is trembling.
Then he continues softly. “I’d really appreciate it if you’d tell me why, John. Can we talk about it?”
I swallow, my eyes still locked on our joined hands. Fuck. I’m not ready to have this conversation with him. I was already too emotional earlier after walking in on his and Blake’s Shibari attempt.
But I also know there’s no way in hell I’m letting him ride a motorcycle. So if I need to explain why to get him to stay far away from them, I guess I’m going to have to talk about it.