Chapter 28
JOHN
“Well, I think it’s time we say goodnight!” Blake announces as the last of the kindling collapses into the glowing embers of what was once our fire.
Honestly, I’m shocked it took them this long to excuse themselves; Blake and Liam aren’t exactly known for their subtlety. I’m already regretting how close together Liam and I set our tents up before we knew about Blake and Chad’s plans to join us.
“Goodnight!” Chad waves as they stand.
“I got the fire,” I tell Liam, and he nods his thanks. “You can go to my tent if you want to get away from the bugs while I clean everything up, Princess.”
Chad aims a flirty smile my way before quietly answering, “Thank you, Sir.”
“Not here,” I warn firmly, glaring at him, but he laughs the whole way back to the tent, and when he can no longer see me, I snort a laugh too. I hurry to pack everything up, make sure the fire is out, and I try not to focus on how quickly it became our tent when he showed up uninvited.
I want to share my bed with him, so I should. No need to dwell on it.
Telling Chad and even Liam about Luke felt good. It didn’t erase any of the pain of my past, but it did help me feel better today. I want to try to learn from Chad, follow his example and focus on chasing what makes me happy.
So I do my best to ignore the doubt in my mind about what Chad and I are doing and join him in our tent… where he’s completely naked, kneeling on my air mattress in a submissive position.
“Jesus fucking Christ, Chad!” I hiss, hurrying to close the tent behind me. “I said not here.”
He looks up and tilts his head in that adorably confused puppy way of his as he asks, “Wait, why? I thought you meant not out there in the open?”
I quickly strip to my boxers. “I meant,” I mutter slowly as I climb onto the makeshift bed and pull Chad so we’re both lying down with him tucked up against me. “Not while we’re camping with our friends. Just because we have the illusion of privacy in the tent doesn’t mean they can’t hear us.”
“As if that’ll stop them,” he comments with a short laugh before he attempts a more serious expression, promising, “I can be quiet.” But he snuggles in closer to me, eyes already drooping with how tired he is.
As much as I love the idea of trying to force him to remain silent while I drive him wild, now doesn’t feel like the night for that. It’s been a long day.
A long emotional day.
I still can’t believe I told Liam I was with Luke after all this time. Talking about him felt impossible before I met Chad, but he continues to prove to me that change isn’t always a bad thing. The world didn’t end when I opened up to him and Liam; they didn’t judge me or think any less of me.
Chad continues to treat me like I’m enough exactly as I am, no matter how much of my true self I show him. I keep waiting for something to scare him away, to remind him that I’m not the perfect husband he’s been building up in his head for months, that I’m just… me, nothing special.
But so far, he’s embraced every part of me in a way I don’t feel like I deserve.
I’ve been trying to push Chad away, so convinced I’m not good enough for him, but maybe that’s the wrong way to look at things.
Maybe I should be working on myself so that one day I can actually be good enough for Chad.
Maybe one day I’ll feel like I deserve his endless support and kindness.
Obviously, I know it won’t happen overnight, but I’m not ready to let him go.
I have no idea how he knew all those months ago in Vegas, but my life really is better with him in it.
Full of more joy and laughter, more support and hope than I ever thought possible.
I like this version of myself I’m slowly becoming around him.
So, if Chad isn’t running, I need to stop trying to push him away.
Which reminds me of something he said when he showed up today that has been bothering me, and I was too upset earlier to properly address it.
I place a quick kiss on the top of his head, pull him in a little closer, and tuck the thin blanket I brought around us both.
“I meant what I said earlier. I do like spending time with you for more than sex, more than you submitting to me or me helping you figure out what kinks you’re into.
We don’t always need to be so focused on all that. ”
For a moment, I wonder if I hesitated for too long. With his head resting on my chest I can’t tell if his eyes are even open anymore, but then he sniffs and tilts his face up to meet my gaze, his blue eyes shining with tears. “Thank you.”
Fuck. I know they’re happy tears, but they make me feel like an even bigger fool than I already did.
He shouldn’t be surprised to hear that, or relieved, or whatever other emotions I’ve inspired because I haven’t been appreciating Chad for the gift that he is.
I can’t believe I’ve wasted so much time trying to push this perfect man away.
I wipe the tears from his eyes with my thumb, but it isn’t enough.
“Come here,” I mutter, pulling him up so I can kiss him properly.
And that’s all we do—kiss.
I might not be sixteen anymore, but in the dark, cuddling Chad in our tent, it feels like we’re in our own little world where nothing bad could happen.
It obviously isn’t our first kiss, but it does feel like a new beginning.
When we finally break apart, Chad snuggles back into my chest and whispers, “I like spending time with you too, John.” Something swells in my chest. Then even quieter, he adds, “Do I remind you of him?”
I’m so surprised by the question, I can’t help but let out a short laugh. “Luke? Absolutely not.”
“Really?” Chad sounds shocked. “Will you tell me about him?”
I let out a long breath and remind myself that talking about him today was good. “He was pretty much the opposite of you. Kept to himself, didn’t like to open up to most people.”
“So similar to you?” he teases, and it makes me smile.
“Yeah. We had similar hobbies and interests, we agreed about pretty much everything, we never fought…”
“He does sound perfect for you,” Chad whispers.
I squeeze him closer and remind him, “No one is perfect.” Except for maybe you, I think to myself. He nods but doesn’t seem convinced, so I continue. “He did encourage me to have fun, tease me a bit when it was just the two of us. He made me happy, and that part does remind me of you, Princess.”
I kiss his hair again, and he kisses my chest where his head is resting before whispering, “You make me happy, too.”
Even though a part of me wants to dismiss his comment, I try to let it sink in, to believe him. I remind myself of my new goal to work toward deserving his trust and affection, and I feel more at peace than I have in a long time.
I’m really glad Chad decided to surprise me and come camping.