Episode 215
BEHIND BLUE EYES
Misty
Before I can put anything into words, someone knocks on the bedroom door.
“Is it okay for someone to come in?” Darby asks.
I nod.
“Come in,” Darby says.
The door opens.
I expect it to be Alex or Sebastian.
Or Evangeline.
But it’s not any of them.
It’s Jake.
My heart drops, the beat erratic.
I can’t help staring.
He really does look so much like me. How is it possible? We only share one parent. We might look similar, but he’s like the male version of me.
His blond hair, his blue eyes, his tall build. He’s more muscular, of course, but…
“Just wanted to see how you were doing,” he says.
His voice is low and rich, and it seems so familiar, as if we’ve known each other our whole lives.
I open my mouth to speak but can’t find the words. Can’t find anything in this moment of connection and disconnect that can possibly span the gulf between us.
“She’ll be fine,” Darby says. “She needs to drink a lot, and she needs to rest. Then maybe some fresh fruit. She’ll be right as rain for the wedding tomorrow.”
Jake nods. “Right. I can’t believe Al is marrying someone he just met a week ago. Then again, do I even know him anymore? Do I know any of them?” He sighs. “I hear she’s a gorgeous little thing. A Southerner.”
“Ariel, yeah,” I say. “She’s okay.”
Darby gathers her things and closes her medical bag. “I’ll be back to check on you in an hour or so. Call before then if you need anything. Take some time.” She lowers her voice. “Talk to him.”
I nod as she leaves the bedroom. A moment later, I hear her leave the suite, closing the door behind her.
I wish I knew what to say. Does Jake even know believe that he’s my brother?
“Do you mind?” Jake gestures to a chair next to my bed.
“Sure, go ahead.”
He sits and then runs a hand over his unruly blond hair. “Riv told me. About you. About us.”
I gulp.
Jake sighs. “I didn’t believe him. I didn’t think my mom would keep something like that from me, but then I saw you…”
“It’s uncanny,” I agree.
“I’m not who you think I am, Misty.”
“Nothing matters. All I know is that you’re my brother. I never had a brother or sister. I used to wish for one. I never even knew I was adopted until recently. I guess that explains why I don’t have siblings. My parents couldn’t have kids.”
“I didn’t have any either,” he says. “I never even knew who my dad was.”
“Makes two of us.”
“You have parents.”
“I mean biologically. We both know who our mom is. How is she? Can I meet her?”
“Damn.” Jake rises and paces back and forth at the foot of my bed. “I haven’t seen her in… Fuck. In twenty years.”
“I don’t understand any of this.” I take a sip of water. Still feels like sand going down. “Why did you let your friends think you were dead? And how did River know all this time?”
“It’s a long fucking story,” he says. “I only agreed to come here because River told me about you. I had a life. Or I made one. I did what I had to do. It was the only way. I hated leaving, but some shit went down…”
Does he realize he’s talking in non sequiturs? Did River tell Jake about me before they got here? Or just now? My mind is full of sand. And Jake…
He stops pacing. His eyes meet mine, and they’re stormy now, like whatever he’s holding back might snap loose if I breathe wrong.
“I didn’t want to fake my death, if that’s what you’re wondering. It wasn’t some grand plan. It was survival.”
I blink. “Survival?”
Jake exhales hard, scrubbing a hand down his face. “I lost something so special to me, and it was all my own damned fault. So I did something. Something I could never take back. I can’t tell you what it was.”
“I didn’t ask.”
But I want to know. I want to know more than I’ve ever wanted anything. It’s kind of terrifying.
“Good. Don’t. Because I’ll take it with me to my grave.” He sits back down. “I don’t know where our mother is, Misty. She and I… We weren’t close. She was…”
“What? She was what?”
“She did the best she could, I guess. She was out of work a lot, and she… Well…we had to eat, so…”
“Oh my God…” I swallow against the lump in my throat. “My parents paid her. For me.”
He says nothing.
“You don’t have any reaction to that?”
“Do you think that surprises me? She sold her body. Of course she’d sell a baby. I’m surprised she didn’t sell me too.”
I stare at him, horrified—not just by the words, but by the way he says them. Flat. Numb. Like he’s had a lifetime to make peace with that kind of betrayal, and all it did was leave scar tissue.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper.
He lifts his gaze. “Don’t be. You got out. You got a real life. That’s all that matters.”
“No, it’s not.” My voice shakes. “I grew up in a mansion with a silver spoon shoved down my throat, but I never felt like I belonged. My mother showed love with things, and my father…”
Was a psychopath.
Is a psychopath.
His abuse wasn’t loud, not always. It was the slow, surgical kind.
Cutting me down with a smile. Tearing me apart, piece by piece, and calling it discipline.
Telling me I was lucky. That no one else would ever love me the way he did.
Twisting the meaning of love until it became indistinguishable from abusive control.
It made me strong. No one can hold their breath like I can. I can survive. Adapt. But it also ruined me.
I don’t trust people. I test them. Push them.
Hurt them before they get the chance to hurt me.
I keep everyone at arm’s length and then hate them for not reaching farther.
I always want to be the center of attention because when the spotlight is on me, no one’s looking close enough to see the cracks.
I’m beautiful, sure. Brilliant, sometimes. But I am so broken underneath.
And the worst part? I kind of like it. The edge. The mess. The danger. Tormenting people.
It keeps me alive.
Jake leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees, hands clasped so tightly they turn white.
“I didn’t come here to dredge up the past. I can’t dredge up the past, Misty.
It’ll eat me alive. But when River told me about you, I had to come.
I had to know my only sister. I needed you to know that our mother wasn’t evil.
Just misguided. That if she gave you away—”
“Sold me,” I correct him.
“Yeah,” he says. “Sorry. She probably did it so I could eat. So I guess I owe you one.”
“I wonder if I’d be better off if I’d grown up with you.” I sigh.
“Are you kidding? You grew up in luxury. Things I could only dream about.”
“Yet all four of your friends are now better off than my parents ever were.”
“That’s Brett’s doing. Damn, he was always a fucking genius. I knew he’d make it to the top one day.”
“They’re all doing well.”
“Sure they are. But they—” He stops abruptly.
“They what?”
“I can’t say anymore, I just wanted to see how you were. I won’t be staying long, Misty. But I’m glad we got to meet.”
“No!” I jump off the bed…and crumple to the floor.
Jake rushes toward me and helps me to my feet. “Jesus, you heard the doc. Get some rest.”
“Please, you can’t leave. Not yet. I need to—”
Another knock at the door.
“For the love of God!”
“It’s probably Seb and Alex,” Jake says. “They left when I got here but said they’d come right back.”
I simply nod. “Whatever.”
“I’ll get it. Okay if they come in?”
“Why not? The more the merrier,” I say dryly.
Jake leaves the bedroom. I hear the door to the suite open.
“There you are, gorgeous. Do you have your answer yet?”
God. June’s voice.
What the hell is she doing here? And what’s she talking about?
“It’s not happening.” From Jake.
An instant later, June is in my bedroom, clinging to Jake’s bicep. “Misty, love. I need you to help me talk our special guest into being the entertainment at Ariel’s bachelorette party tonight.”