Episode 216
GUILTY
Emily
Being in River’s arms is heaven.
But I don’t deserve heaven.
He wraps his warmth around me, steady and sure, like he still believes I’m worth holding.
But my chest is tight with the weight of guilt, every breath catching on the truth I haven’t told him.
I close my eyes, bury my face against his chest, and for a second, I pretend.
Pretend I’m the woman he thinks I am. Pretend I haven’t betrayed the one person I love more than I ever imagined I could love anyone.
But I did. And it’s only a matter of time before he finds out. It’s best that it comes from me.
I wish I could stay here, safe and untouched by consequences. But shame burns hot beneath my skin, and I hate myself for lying by omission.
What if he looks at me differently once he knows? What if he doesn’t look at me at all?
What if he bloody hates me?
There’s a thin line between love and hate, which means he’ll truly hate me. If only he could have said those three damned words before he left. Then I’d never have…
“River,” I whisper.
“I said not now, Emily.” He sighs. “Please.”
“But I—”
“For God’s sake!” He pulls away from me and rises from the bed, pacing.
I can’t help but stare at him. He’s naked and oh, so bloody beautiful, his tanned skin, nearly black hair, dark eyes full of torment. My heart aches as I watch him—the man who loves me. The man I’ve deceived.
“God, Emily.” He runs a hand through his hair, his voice strained. “There’s so much going on inside my head. Just let me have this.”
He moves to the window, stares outside.
“River…” I start again, tentatively.
He whips around to face me, fear flickering in his eyes before he quickly masks it with frustration.
“What is it, Em? What is it that you can’t wait to say?”
Silence stretches between us. It presses down on my chest like lead weights, threatening to crush the very breath from my lungs.
“I…” My voice shakes.
His brows furrow as he awaits my confession.
I’ve reached the point of no return. If I tell him—
A pounding on the door.
Thank God.
“Fuck it all.” River clambers into his jeans and leaves the bedroom.
I pull the covers tight around me. Who’s at the door? And why am I so grateful for a few more moments of River adoring me?
Easy answer to that one. I love him, and I don’t want to lose him.
If you truly loved me, Emily, I hear him saying inside my head, you wouldn’t have slept with Sebastian.
I didn’t think you loved me, I say back. You left without saying it.
And that excuses you fucking Sebastian? His face is red and angry, his eyes dark and terrifying.
Bloody hell… I may as well get it over with. Imagining what could happen is driving me slowly mad.
I draw in a breath and get out of bed, scurry back into my clothing.
Without bothering to look in a mirror, I pad through the bedroom door and into the living area.
And I gasp.
Standing there, still in the doorway, is none other than Sebastian Tate himself.
His presence fills the room, a tangible darkness that threatens to swallow me whole. His long hair is back in a tie, and his hazel eyes are wide when he sees me. It’s Sebastian in all his glory, the man I would have fucked against a wall the first night if we hadn’t been interrupted.
The man I became entangled with in my moment of weakness.
“If it isn’t my gorgeous English rose,” he says in his smooth and confident voice.
River is standing stiffly by the door, his face hard as stone. He shifts his gaze between me and Sebastian, tension radiating from him.
Does he know? Did Sebastian say something to him about us?
Quick as lightning my own words come back to me—the words I said to Sebastian after we finished what I wish with all my heart I could take back.
I’m in love with someone else, Sebastian.
I’ve fallen hard. I never meant to. I came here for.
.. Oh, that’s not even important right now.
But I’ve fallen in love. And I’m afraid my feelings aren’t returned.
I thought I could drown in you, at least for a bit.
But it didn’t work. You were wonderful, and it was lovely, but now all I feel is bloody guilt.
“Sebastian,” I say calmly. “This isn’t a good time.”
Sebastian rakes his gaze over both of us. “I know a ‘just-fucked’ look when I see one,” he says. “And the two of you are wearing it like a second skin. I hope he was good, Emily.” He gazes at River. “So you’re the lucky bastard.”
My heart thuds painfully. I glance at River, but his stoic expression gives nothing away. Is he putting together the pieces? Does he see what’s before him?
Does he care?
I step forward. “Sebastian, you need to leave.”
“It’s my suite,” River says. “Maybe I want him to stay.”
I drop my jaw. “Damn you!” I lunge at Sebastian. “How could you?”
Sebastian wiggles out of my grasp easily. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I didn’t say anything.”
“Then leave.” I push him out the door. “Please.”
“Fine, fine.” He looks to River. “You and I need to parlay as soon as possible. It’s about Alex’s bachelor party tonight. Among other things...”
Once he’s gone and the door is closed, I turn back to River.
He doesn’t look happy.
His jaw is tight, eyes dark and unreadable, like he’s holding back rage or disappointment, maybe both. Whatever it is, it’s not forgiveness.
Not even close.