Episode 217
TORN BETWEEN TWO LOVERS
Brett
River walked back toward the house, leaving me standing alone under the sun, with nothing but the scent of jasmine, the sound of waves, and the ghost of a man I never stopped loving.
The same ghost River just resurrected.
Jake.
I whisper his name in my head like a prayer and a curse, like it still has power over me after all these years.
Because it does.
Twenty years, and my heart still folds in on itself at the thought of him.
But he never knew. No one did.
Back then, I was the best friend. The leader of our group. The creator of our mischief.
All while I swallowed my own secret.
Jake was in love with a girl. Marnie. She was beautiful—wild and broken in her own way—and she lit up his world. He never once noticed the way I looked at him. And that was fine. It had to be. Because I couldn’t risk it. Not in that town. Not at that time. Not with Jake.
So I kept it locked up. Every almost-touch. Every late-night conversation where I wanted to say something but didn’t. Every aching moment when I convinced myself that being near him was enough.
And then he was gone.
Gone without a trace, like a chapter torn out of a book. He left us that note—that devastating note—and we assumed he had drowned.
I cried in secret, alone in the dark, because grieving for a friend was acceptable, but grieving for someone you were never supposed to love? That had to be done in silence.
Now he’s back.
And River knew.
All this time.
River, who stood by me through the darkest years. River, who I’ve bled for. Who I would’ve taken a bullet for.
He knew.
He knew Jake was out there breathing, living, hiding…and he didn’t tell me.
I feel like I’m burning from the inside out. Betrayal, guilt, heartbreak—twenty years’ worth crashing down like a damned tidal wave.
And Sienna…
My chest tightens.
Sienna is not a shadow. She’s real. She’s here. And I love her in a way that’s clean and bright, not tangled up in what-ifs and secrets. But right now, I feel like a man split in two, between the life I’ve built and the one I used to dream about in the quiet corners of my heart.
I never asked Jake to love me. Never expected it. But some part of me always hoped.
Maybe if things had been different…
If I’d said something back then…
If he hadn’t died…
Except he didn’t.
He’s alive. And I don’t know what I want from him—answers, closure, a second chance at a first love that never even happened?
The waves crash in the distance like they’re trying to shake me loose from the past. But I’m stuck. Still fifteen. Still in love with a boy who never looked at me that way. Still terrified that if I face him now, I’ll find out he still doesn’t.
I don’t know which would hurt more—that, or the look on Sienna’s face when she realizes I’m not the man she thought I was.
It took me twenty years to move on. Twenty years of burying that one name so deep inside me I could pretend it never meant anything. I drowned it in work, in top-shelf bourbon, in too many women to count. Always women.
Because that’s what I wanted. What I was drawn to. What felt natural. Jake was the exception. He always was.
I never looked at another man like that. Never felt that quiet, devastating pull toward anyone else with a voice like gravel and eyes like the ocean staring back at me.
What I felt for him was singular. And for a long time, I convinced myself it wasn’t even real.
But it was.
And still, I moved on.
Sienna changed everything.
She slipped into my life without pretense, and suddenly I wasn’t sleepwalking anymore. With her, it wasn’t complicated. It was wildfire. The kind that lights you up from the inside, burns away every doubt, and leaves only truth.
I didn’t expect to love her. I created this event, but did I really think I’d find love?
Hell, no. I figured I might find a gorgeous woman who I could see sharing a life with, starting a family with.
But love?
I honestly never thought I’d feel that pull again.
But I do.
Fully.
Fiercely.
For Sienna.
She’s the one I wake up thinking about. She’s the real thing. The future. The obvious choice.
So why the hell am I still standing here, shaking, gutted by the ghost of a man I never even kissed?
I drag my hands down my face and stare out at the waves. They keep coming, relentless, pulling pieces of the shore with them every time. It feels like a metaphor I don’t want to acknowledge.
Jake was a chapter. An unwritten one, a heartbreak that never got its story told.
But Sienna…
She’s the whole damned book.
I just need to close the past. I need to see him alone, without Riv and the others.
Just Jake and me, face to face.
Then I’ll let it go.
No more wondering. No more questions. I’ll look him in the eye, and I’ll remember why it never happened. Why it couldn’t.
And then I’ll go to Sienna, hold her like I mean it—because I do—and tell her everything. No more ghosts. No more silence. She deserves all of me, not just what’s easy to explain.
But before I can move forward, I have to bury the past for good.
I turn away from the blue water and head back to the mansion.
To the woman I love.