23. Nyah
NYAH
Dear Diary,
My parents want me to come home and raise my baby with them. I’d rather raise it with the “dirty thugs,” thanks.
Sitting on the back of Lynx’s bike with a plug inside me was an experience I was sure I would never forget. It had taken some shifting around to get comfortable behind him, and he’d looked over at me once, asking over the roar of the engine if I was okay.
I hadn’t known how to answer him because I had no idea if I was. The persistent feeling of fullness there was uncomfortable at first, until I found a spot where the vibrations of the bike between my legs felt good and the added pressure from the plug only heightened the experience.
By the time we approached the Slayers’ gates, I was breathless from the sensation.
So much so I didn’t even notice the sleek black sedan parked at the gates.
Or my parents standing beside it.
An army of Slayers stood on the other side of the gates, at least ten of them, all with their gazes trained on my father facing off with Luca.
Lynx slowed the bike to a stop, muttering a string of curses loud enough I could hear them over the engine. He slid his hand over mine, pressed against his stomach, and squeezed my fingers reassuringly.
But it did little to quell the churn of unease at seeing my parents there, outside the gates of the one place that felt safe.
Especially on the one day I had dared to leave it.
Any pleasurable feelings I’d had on the way here dissipated at the sight of my old life catching up with my current one.
I was so sick of feeling like this every time I saw them. My father’s face now felt like a harbinger of doom.
I got off the bike, but Lynx moved fast, swinging his leg off and putting himself between me and the people who’d given me life but hadn’t much cared about it ever since.
My mother ran to me like she was out of some historical romance movie, her arms outstretched, hair and dress blowing in the breeze.
She only stopped when Lynx made it clear he wasn’t moving from between us.
Mom stopped and stared at him and then at me. “Nyah?”
I didn’t make a move to push past him to step into her embrace, and she slowly lowered her arms. Her bottom lip trembled, and her eyes filled with tears. She glanced back at my father, desperation in her eyes.
“What do you want?” I asked her coldly, knowing full well that while it might have been my father who’d made the deal with Guerra, and then with MacGregor, she’d done nothing to stop it.
She’d been just as willing to throw me to the wolves once she realized I was pregnant and going to ruin all their plans for me to expand their empire with a marriage to an influential family.
“Nyah,” War called from behind the fences. “Say the word, and they’re gone. They’ve only been permitted to stay here and wait for you because they said they desperately needed to talk and had no other way of contacting you.”
It was a tempting offer. To have the Slayers come storming out of the gates and run my parents off the property. Maybe they’d scare them bad enough they’d never return.
But I couldn’t ask that of them. The Slayers were already too involved in this situation; one they hadn’t asked to be a part of. So I shook my head at War. “No, it’s fine. You all can go. I can handle it.”
War nodded, respecting my decision, which I appreciated. He turned, his boots crunching on the gravel driveway, and the others followed him back down the hill and out of sight.
But Luca made no move to go with them. And neither did Lynx.
His eyes were trained on my father, and he didn’t turn away, not even when I spoke, like he didn’t trust my father not to stab him in the back if Luca got distracted.
I was glad for it.
Because I didn’t trust my father as far as I could throw him either.
A tear dripped down my mother’s cheek. “We heard what happened between you and Carlos in Scotland. We were sorry to hear about that…situation.”
I raised an eyebrow. “It’s a bit late for your apologies. It’s been months.”
Her gaze dropped to my belly. “I can see that. Look how big you’ve gotten.”
I instinctively shielded my belly from her stare. It somehow felt like she could see right through the skin and muscle to the baby who moved about inside me.
I hated how that felt. Like she could see him in there, where he should be safe and protected.
But with them around, I suddenly felt entirely vulnerable all again.
I realized how ridiculous I’d been for complaining about being trapped behind the Slayers’ gates. How selfish I’d been to complain about the fences that kept me and my child safe day and night.
Because this was what happened when I left them. Maybe it was a coincidence they’d turned up here today, of all days.
But my gut said it wasn’t. My gut said something was off and this whole situation wasn’t right.
My father stepped forward hesitantly. “I didn’t know this would happen, Nyah. I’m so sorry.”
I snorted on my laughter. “Didn’t know what would happen, Dad? Didn’t know shit would hit the fan when you tried to sell me off to a Mafia don when I was already pregnant with someone else’s baby?”
He grimaced, then focused on Luca. “I wanted to thank you. For saying the baby is yours. You probably saved my daughter, and my grandchild’s life.”
Luca’s expression changed from one of hate, to one of seething anger. “Lives you put in danger in the first place, you piece of shit. What the fuck do you want?”
Luca’s fingers twitched at his side, and I suddenly remembered the conversation we’d had outside the Slayers’ party. Where I’d promised to kill his father.
And he’d promised to kill mine.
I wasn’t sure I could deal with another dead body outside the Slayers’ gates.
I couldn’t risk bringing down any more heat on the heads of people who’d done nothing but care for me. Those gates I’d been so desperate to leave this morning now felt like the only place I wanted to be.
My father cleared his throat. “Carlos is going to kill me.”
“Not if I kill you first,” Luca said idly. “You’ve got a fucking nerve, coming here, knowing what you did.”
My father nodded, dropping his gaze. “I know. I came to apologize. To make things right.” He looked over at me. “Your mother cries every night, knowing you’re out here, pregnant and unsupported. Unsafe. We want you to come back with us. To raise the baby in our home.”
I snorted. “You’re deluded.”
Lynx vibrated with anger. “How dare you say she’s out here unsupported. She has a family here she never had with you. One who won’t fucking sell her to the highest bidder.”
My father hung his head at the venom-laced words Lynx hurled in his direction.
But I wasn’t letting him off the hook that easily. I pushed past Lynx and moved past my mother, not caring about her whimpers. I stood face-to-face with my father, forcing him to lift his head and look me in the eye. “I don’t want anything to do with you. Ever. For the rest of my life.”
He wrung his hands. “You’re having our grandchild.”
Anger exploded inside me. “I’m having my baby. Mine. He isn’t yours. He won’t even have your last name.”
He swallowed thickly. “No. It’ll have the Guerra name, if the rumors I heard are true.” He spoke to Luca. “You claimed the baby as yours. But we know it’s not.”
Luca’s jaw ticked, and he stalked forward into my father’s space, until they were practically nose to nose. “That baby is mine, you hear me? I won’t have anyone question it. That baby is Guerra blood because I say it is.”
My stomach flipped at the tone in his voice. At the fierce protection in it I’d only ever heard him use when he talked about his sister.
Now it was being extended to my child. And maybe to me too.
But my father didn’t get the hint. Or maybe he was just that determined to say what he needed to.
“We’ll never breathe a word of the baby’s true paternity.
As long as Carlos thinks that baby is of his blood, the baby and my daughter are safe.
But what about the other people who know?
” His gaze flickered to Lynx. “Him. Dax. Who else knows? Every person you tell, you put yourself, your baby, and them in danger.”
I shook my head. “You think I don’t know that? You think I’m just going around telling everyone? Nobody else knows, Dad. Just us and Dax. It’s nobody else’s business.”
He eventually nodded. “Good. That’s smart. Because, Nyah, I’m scared for what he’ll do to you if he finds out otherwise. You don’t want to back a man like Carlos into a corner.”
I stared at him, and suddenly I saw the truth.
“You aren’t scared for me. You’re scared for yourself.
And that’s not my problem.” I shook my head in disgust at him.
“You really have no idea what it means to have a family, do you? Or to actually love someone more than you love power? Go away, Dad. My baby and I are just fine without you.”
My mother sobbed dramatically, and I just rolled my eyes, the sounds of her cries as fake as the breasts my father had bought her when hers had started to droop.
“You’ll need help raising this baby,” she insisted. “What are you going to do? Raise it here? In a dirty motorcycle clubhouse surrounded by thugs?”
“I happen to love one of those men you call a thug,” I spat back at her.
Lynx snapped his head in my direction and stared at me in surprise. The shock of my words hit me too. Guilt sank in quickly, because despite the fact we were now something more than friends, I wasn’t sure I loved him as more.
At least not yet. But this “dirty thug” was the man who’d taken me to the hospital when I’d thought I was losing the baby.
He was the man who’d found out what pregnant women needed and had snuck me baby books and vitamins when I’d been locked away.
He was the man who’d protected Dax’s life and Luca’s and mine.
He wasn’t the loser my mother tried to reduce him to. He wasn’t the serial killer the papers were still reporting on either. He was good and kind and sweet and protective.
And shit.
Maybe I did love him as more than a friend.
My mother shook her head. “You don’t know what you’re talking about, Nyah. You know nothing about babies. You can’t do this here; with these men you barely know.”
“I know them better than I know you,” I snarled at her.
“And isn’t that sad? These men I’ve known for a matter of months, I know better than the people I was raised with.
So forgive me if I turn down your most gracious offer.
” My voice dripped with thick sarcasm. “Because I am going to raise this baby here. With them.”
My mother shook her head. “You’ll see, Nyah. You’ll see you need us.”
“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” Luca asked, his voice cold as steel.
My mother just shook her head sadly. “We should go now, Jeremiah. We came here to say what we had to say. She’ll return when she realizes we’re right.
” She took one last lingering look at me.
“Carlos is having a party in two weeks’ time.
At the Swarsguard Ballroom in the city. We were invited before all of this blew up, and we plan to attend and try to make amends with Carlos. I think you should do the same.”
I ground my molars, watching the two of them get back in their car and drive away.
“Good riddance,” Luca muttered.
“Fuck them,” Lynx added.
I said nothing. I let the anger and rage build up inside me.
Because it was a fire that wiped away the nagging worry that maybe they were right.