Chapter Thirty-Four
Emelyn
I hovered at Kade's bedside. Three days had ticked by, and each second just made the pit in my stomach grow wider. He was motionless save for the shallow rise and fall of his chest—his breaths were the only proof he was still alive. I’d checked him over and over again but couldn’t find anything wrong.
It seemed like me giving him some of my strength wasn’t doing anything because he was still asleep, or maybe it was helping and I just couldn’t tell.
Fuck, I was so in my head about everything.
Kade was a Celestial Fae. Powerful, yes, but not some vessel brimming with latent energy like the Peacebringer sleeping in my chest. We fae had our limits, and when we reached them, we could burn out.
I shifted uneasily, my hand brushing against the cool sheets as I contemplated the battle.
The Peacebringer was a slumbering power in my body.
I dared not disturb it unless I absolutely had too.
But doubt gnawed at me. Maybe I should have used it on the field, let it overtake me and destroy anything that stood in its way—my way.
Maybe this was my fault for not letting it out.
Maybe I should have summoned the Kappa. I knew his true name.
He’d given it to me and told me to use it responsibly, and stopping a war seemed responsible enough.
Everything had just happened so fast, and I’d taken action without thinking about other options at my disposal. I wouldn’t do that again.
How many people would that have saved? Would Kade still have Hollowed the entire camp if I had been able to take down the soldiers quicker?
The rustle of the tent flap pulled me out of my spiraling thoughts.
I turned away from Kade's still form, my heart hitching at the sight of Ace stepping through the threshold. Ace had been a godsend the past few days. He’d bring food and water and do regular check-ins with me throughout the day.
He knew I was struggling and that the rest of the rebellion didn’t know the truth about who Kade actually was.
"How's he doing?" he signed, glancing from me to Kade, concern etching his brow.
I swallowed hard, my throat tight, and shook my head. "No change," I managed to sign back, not trusting my voice.
"Anything you need?"
I need Kade to move. I need his eyes to open. I need him to grip my hand. I need him.
"Nothing," I lied. What I needed was for Kade to return from the brink of wherever he was teetering. But that was beyond what Ace could offer, beyond what anyone could give. "How are things around camp?"
Since Kade had found me, I'd been anchored to his side, afraid to venture too far in case something happened to him without me here. Ace had all but dragged me out to bathe yesterday—the water had been absolutely divine, and I had desperately needed it. Ace had joked I might’ve been keeping him asleep from my stench alone, and that earned him a good boot to the chest. Yet, even though I’d left, I’d rushed back, afraid of what I might miss.
"Everyone is good—well, as good as they can be.
" Ace's hands moved in the dim lighting.
“They're all adjusting to the losses and healing.
" His eyes flickered with a shadow of concern.
"Atreya still hasn't shown her face, but Shay gathered everyone yesterday and told us she was resting.
" He paused. "We just need to get our bearings before figuring out what to do next.
It seems like everything is at a standstill for now. "
I nodded, understanding the fragility of the respite that had settled over us. It was the calm of the wounded, of those who had seen too much and now waited for the next storm to break. Everyone was on edge.
"I am worried about Cyran, though," Ace added, his expression tightening. "He's getting restless." So Ace knew about their relationship. Cyran must’ve told him after Rhet had told me.
"Still no word from Rhet then?" Ace shook his head. "Well, maybe you can talk to him; you've been through something similar before."
I could almost hear the grinding of gears in Ace's mind as he pondered the thought.
"Yeah, I'll talk to him, but I don't know if he'll listen to me though—fuck, I feel like a hypocrite."
"Why?"
"Because he showed up at my tent after we found out you were taken, and instead of talking me out of coming for you, he came with me." His hands clenched into fists. “He showed up for me despite the consequences, and now I'm supposed to talk him off the same ledge he willingly jumped off for me."
"I understand, brother," I whispered, “but this is different.
That day, you both jumped and hopefully learned from your mistake.
" My fingers traced the edge of Kade's blanket, the fabric rough under my touch.
"We can't take risks like that right now, especially knowing Ember has been keeping tabs on our plans somehow. "
Ace nodded, his expression grave. “I know."
I yawned then, fatigue clawing at my eyes, making them burn.
"You should get some rest, Emelyn," Ace continued. "You can't stay awake all hours of the day." His gaze softened, and for a fleeting second, I saw the protective streak of my brother. "He wouldn't want you to."
"You’re right," I murmured. "I just want to be awake when he wakes up."
Ace reached out, his hand encompassing mine. "I understand, but he also needs you at your best," he signed and then released me. "Try to get some sleep tonight." He walked back to the entrance before signing, "Goodnight, Emelyn," over his shoulder.
"Goodnight," I whispered just as the flap of the tent snapped shut.